9 1 


ONE    MAN 


ONE   MAN 


A      NOVEL 


BY 


ROBERT    STEELE 
I* 


NEW  YORK 

MITCHELL  KENNERLEY 
MCMXV 


Copyright  ip/S   by 
Mitchell   Kennerley 


ONE  MAN 

CHAPTER  I 

ON  that  September  morning  when  I  enterr  ito 
the  world,  both  my  mother  and  I  were  very 
near  death.  She  has  often  told  me  of  it  since, 
how  the  family  doctor  could  not  be  found  and  they  had 
to  send  for  a  young  doctor  who  had  recently  moved  into 
the  neighborhood.  Father  has  never  forgiven  him  for 
the  way  he  handled  the  case  and  to  this  day  curses  him 
when  his  name  is  mentioned. 

When  I  look  back  over  these  thirty-odd  years  I  won 
der  sometimes  why  God  let  me  live  that  morning.  I 
have  brought  nothing  but  sorrow  and  trouble  to  them. 

My  earliest  memory  of  my  parents  is  an  incident  that 
happened  when  I  was  two  and  one-half  years  old.  My 
father  and  mother  were  standing  on  the  brow  of  a  hill 
back  of  our  home  watching  the  dirty  waters  of  the 
spring  flood.  Father  was  holding  me  in  his  arms  and, 
stepping  to  the  edge  of  the  water,  he  swung  me  out 
over  it  as  if  to  throw  me  in.  The  fright  that  his  action 
gave  me  caused  this  scene  to  remain  always  in  my  mem 
ory.  I  think  that  my  great  fear  of  him  during  the 
next  fifteen  years  began  that  day. 

Father  was  a  big,  powerful,  dark-haired  man  with 
dark  brown  eyes  and  a  stern  face.  I  cannot  look  back 
and  remember  his  ever  having  given  me  any  loving  pats 

856447 


6  O  N  E     M  A  N 

,    ,    >  i    i  * .  i  >     »   •   *  •        « 

lei*  haling  talked 'gently  with  me.  He  was  a  so-called 
self-made  man,  having  worked  his  way  through  the  Uni 
versity  at  Chicago  and  afterward  moving  West  to  teach 
school  in  a  small,  country  town. 

There  among  his  more  advanced  pupils  he  met  the 
girl  who  was  to  be  my  mother.  She  was  a  slender,  lit 
tle  thing  with  light  hair  and  blue  eyes.  Mother  as  a 
girl  was  fond  of  music  and  dancing.  Father  became, 
superintendent  of  schools  in  the  small  town  where 
Mother  lived  and  at  the  age  of  thirty  he  married  her. 
She  was  then  seventeen.  They  moved  farther  West 
where  my  father  taught  school  for  the  first  year.  He 
then  experted  for  one  of  the  machine  companies  for  a 
season  and  again  went  back  to  teaching  school. 

During  the  second  year  of  their  marriage  I  was  born. 
They  built  a  home  of  their  own  that  year  and  Father 
was  made  superintendent  of  schools. 

Two  years  later  my  oldest  sister,  Mary,  was  born. 
I  cannot  remember  much  about  her  until  she  was  five 
years  old. 

In  my  own  life,  one  of  the  earliest  things  I  can  re 
member  is  a  Christmas  tree  and  receiving  a  drum  and 
a  little  train  of  red  cars.  One  of  the  little  cars  and 
the  drum  hang  up  in  the  attic  at  Mother's  home  to 
day. 

Church  and  Sunday  School  are  also  early  memories 
with  me.  It  seemed  as  if  Sunday  was  the  longest  day 
in  the  week  and  I  grew  to  despise  it.  The  folks  were 
great  church  goers  and  my  little  sister  and  myself  had 
to  go  with  them  to  each  service. 


O  N  E    M  A  N  7 

Father  and  Mother  sang  in  the  church  choir  and  also 
taught  classes  in  the  Sunday  School.  During  church 
services  Mary  and  I  sat  in  the  front  pew  with  an  old 
man  who  was  deaf.  I  can  remember  so  well  that  he 
was  there  every  Sunday  and  I  grew  to  like  him  because 
he  used  to  put  his  arm  around  me  and  let  me  rest  my 
head  on  his  shoulder  during  the  long  sermons. 

Somehow  I  was  always  afraid  of  my  father  and  I 
can  remember  sitting  there  in  the  high-backed  pew  and 
looking  up  to  where  he  sat  in  the  choir  loft  and  wishing 
I  was  somewhere  where  he  could  not  look  at  me. 

Mother  had  a  beautiful  voice  and  on  those  Sundays 
in  my  early  childhood  when  she  sang  the  solos,  it  seemed 
to  me  that  she  was  the  most  beautiful  woman  on  earth. 
I  can  remember  as  if  it  was  only  yesterday  the  musty 
little  room  with  its  little  red  chairs  where  we  had  to  sit 
during  Sunday  School  while  some  old  lady  told  us 
about  Jesus.  We  received  a  little  card  for  every  time 
we  attended  and  I  did  not  miss  getting  one  for  many 
years.  The  first  money  I  can  remember  is  the  pennies 
my  parents  gave  me  for  Sunday  School. 

I  never  liked  Mary,  she  was  always  mean  and  I  can 
not  remember  ever  having  been  proud  that  she  was  my 
sister.  She  tattled  on  me  for  every  little  thing  that  I 
did  wrong  and  seemed  to  think  she  was  my  guardian. 

As  a  child  I  was  an  angel-faced  big  baby  with  long 
yellow  curls.  When  the  boys  got  to  scuffling  in  Sun 
day  School  I  would  shrink  out  of  the  way  in  deathly  fear 
of  getting  hurt.  I  was  very  fond  of  sweets. 

Father  commenced  teaching  me  the  letters  from  a  big 


8  O  N  E     M  A  N 

chart  when  I  was  five  years  old.  He  would  make  me 
stand  up  straight  in  front  of  the  thing  and  with  a  long 
pointer  in  his  hands  would  designate  a  certain  letter 
and  holler  at  me  to  tell  him  what  it  was.  Failure  on 
my  part  meant  a  rap  over  the  head  with  the  pointer. 
With  these  methods  it  did  not  take  me  long  to  learn. 

Sunday  afternoons  Mary  and  I  were  given  a  little 
candy  with  the  warning  not  to  get  it  on  our  clothes. 

Two  things  I  hated  particularly  at  this  age,  baths 
and  those  stiffly  starched,  wide,  white  collars  that  I  had 
to  wear  on  Sundays.  I  was  not  allowed  to  play  out-of- 
doors  very  much  and  it  was  considered  a  terrible  thing 
in  our  home  if  either  Mary  or  myself  attempted  to  play 
with  the  neighbors'  children.  We  had  a  big  lawn 
around  the  house,  cut  off  from  the  street  and  neigh 
bors  by  a  brown,  picket  fence.  We  were  not  allowed 
to  play  in  the  grass  for  fear  of  our  catching  cold  or 
spoiling  our  clothes.  Never  until  I  was  ten  years  old 
did  I  have  any  clothes  that  I  dared  to  roll  around  in. 

When  I  was  about  five  years  old,  my  mother  began 
to  scold  a  little  and  it  used  to  hurt  me  terribly  when  she 
would  speak  crossly  to  me.  She  would  lose  her  temper 
once  in  a  while  and  slap  me.  I  can  remember  so  well 
a  little  switch  she  kept  in  the  hall  that  opened  off  the 
dining-room.  Many  and  many  a  time  has  my  heart 
jumped  into  my  throat  when  she  started  for  the  hall 
threatening  to  get  the  switch. 

I  believe  to  this  day  that  my  first  thoughts  of  not 
being  loved  by  my  parents  were  caused  by  seeing 
either  her  or  Father  stand  in  front  of  me  and 


ONE     MAN  9 

deliberately  strike  me  with  that  switch.  It  didn't  seem 
to  me  even  then,  although  I  was  only  a  child,  that  any 
one  could  hurt  anything  they  loved. 

Only  two  or  three  times  can  I  remember  of  her  hav 
ing  taken  me  in  her  lap  or  having  put  her  arms  around 
me. 

Just  before  I  was  sent  to  school  Mother  decided 
to  have  my  curls  cut  off  and  I  can  remember  so  well 
the  morning  Father  took  me  down  to  Jones's  barber 
shop  and  told  Mr.  Jones  to  cut  my  curls  off.  Mr. 
Jones  put  a  board  across  the  arms  of  the  big  chair  and 
lifted  me  up  on  to  it.  Then  he  took  a  pair  of  shears 
and  asked  Father  if  he  should  take  off  my  ears  too.. 
This  scared  me  so  that  I  cried  and  they  had  a  lot  of 
trouble  getting  me  to  let  him  cut  off  the  curls.  Father 
took  home  three  of  the  curls  and  a  few  years  ago  while 
at  home  I  happened  to  see  Mother  pinning  up  a  little 
package.  She  was  crying  and  when  I  asked  her  what 
was  the  matter  she  silently  opened  the  package  and 
showed  me  the  one  curl  that  was  left. 

At  seven  I  was  sent  to  the  public  school  and  Father 
and  Mother  both  accompanied  me  on  that  memorable 
day.  Father  had  given  up  his  teaching  and  was  work 
ing  in  a  bank  and  at  the  same  time  studying  law. 

That  first  day  at  school  was  a  terrible  one  for  me. 
I  began  to  cry  shortly  after  my  parents  left  and  the 
teacher  took  me  up  in  her  lap  and  talked  to  me  about 
being  a  brave  little  man. 

The  lonely  feeling  wore  off  in  a  few  days  and  I  be 
gan  to  take  an  interest  in  the  things  going  on  around 


10  O  N  E     M  A  N 

me.  It  seems  that  my  home  training  had  been  very 
thorough  and  I  made  rapid  progress  that  first  year. 
I  formed  likes  and  dislikes  regarding  my  studies  which 
stuck  to  me  until  the  day  I  left  school.  There  was  al 
ways  a  desire  to  have  absolutely  correct  everything  I 
did.  I  hated  arithmetic,  but  liked  reading,  music,  writ 
ing  and  drawing. 

Along  about  my  third  year  in  school  I  began  to  have 
spells  of  dreaming  while  supposed  to  be  studying  and 
many  times  the  teacher  would  tell  me  not  to  stare  out 
of  the  window  but  to  go  on  with  my  studying. 

I  liked  the  Fall  of  the  year  best  of  all  the  seasons 
and  this  liking  is  as  strong  to-day  as  then.  The  days 
when  the  sun  shone  dimly  through  a  haze  were  my  great 
delight  and  when  a  day  like  this  dawned,  my  spirits 
were  at  their  best  and  my  studies  seemed  easier.  The 
Indian  Summer  days  were  to  me  the  best  of  all  the 
year. 

Once  in  a  while  I  would  get  spells  of  not  wanting  to 
go  to  school.  There  was  nothing  wrong  with  my  ap 
petite  but  it  just  seemed  as  if  I  could  not  study.  At 
first  Mother  petted  me  a  little  and  let  me  stay  home 
on  one  or  two  occasions,  but  after  Father  spoke  to  her 
about  it,  she  made  me  go  to  school  whether  I  felt  like 
it  or  not. 

I  can  remember  my  sister,  Mary,  as  she  was  at  this 
time.  She  was  dark  like  my  father  and  was  always 
healthy.  She  would  run  to  Mother  every  time  I  did 
anything  which  she  thought  was  naughty  and  I  grew 
to  dislike  her  very  much.  Mother  made  me  walk  to 


ONE     MAN  11 

school  with  her  and  I  certainly  hated  to  do  it.  The 
boys  called  me  "  sissy  "  and  "  baby  tender  "  and  made 
life  miserable  for  me  on  account  of  her.  She  was  des 
tined  to  make  me  a  world  of  trouble  in  later  years. 

While  it  is  not  uncommon  in  a  great  many  families 
for  one  child  to  believe  that  the  other  is  better  beloved, 
yet  it  was  true  in  our  family.  Mary  was  the  pride  of 
the  family  and  as  early  as  I  can  remember  she  was 
brought  out  in  front  of  assembled  guests  and  made  to 
sing  "  Poor  Bumpy  is  dead  and  laid  in  his  grave."  I 
used  to  wonder  if  some  of  the  men  present  liked  it  as 
well  as  they  seemed  to.  Mary  had  a  way  of  tilting  her 
head  and  flirting  her  little  pink  skirts  around  her  as 
if  to  say,  "  See  me.  Ain't  I  great?  "  Since  those  days 
I  have  heard  her  sing  before  audiences  of  thousands 
and  end  her  songs  with  something  of  that  same  little 
peacock  strut,  but  people  were  usually  more  intent  on 
applauding  the  voice  than  in  noticing  any  little  man 
nerism.  But  of  all  the  things  she  ever  wore  or  did  or 
said,  I  hated  worst  of  all  that  dinky  little  string  of  im 
itation  beads  she  always  wore  around  her  neck.  I  used 
to  want  to  tear  them  off  and  stamp  on  them.  The 
folks  petted  her  a  great  deal,  saying  she  was  born  with 
a  wonderful  voice.  They  spent  considerable  money 
on  her  in  later  years  and  she  became  a  very  successful 
singer. 

Both  of  my  parents  were  very  musical.  Mother 
often  said  that  she  never  should  have  married  but  in 
stead  should  have  been  a  great  artist.  Father  would 
look  at  her  when  she  said  this  in  such  a  strange  way 


12  ONE     MAN 

that  I  used  to  wonder  if  he  liked  to  hear  her  say  it. 

Mother  could  sing  beautifully,  yet  she  stayed  at 
home  and  brought  us  children  up.  To  me  her  singing 
always  has  been  and  alwa3Ts  will  be  the  sweetest  on 
earth.  They  used  to  send  me  to  bed  early  and  I  would 
lie  awake  up  in  my  little  room  and  listen  to  her  and 
Father  singing  "  The  Little  German  Home  Across  the 
Sea."  Even  when  I  was  only  a  child  that  song  would 
go  straight  to  my  heart.  The  blending  of  their  voices 
was  something  way  above  and  beyond  all  earthly  things 
to  me  and  in  the  days  when  I  came  to  believe  that  I 
was  despised  and  hated  by  them,  this  old  song  coming 
up  through  the  long  dark  hall  at  night  would  many 
times  cause  me  to  say  to  myself,  "  I  guess  they  do  love 
me  some  to-night  or  else  they  couldn't  sing  like  that.'* 

Up  to  my  tenth  year  I  was  a  fairly  well-behaved 
child,  though  very  self-conscious  and  bashful.  Father 
did  not  make  very  much  money  up  until  this  time.  He 
would  give  me  a  penny  for  spending  money  once  in  a 
while  although  I  had  no  chance  to  spend  it  until  Mother 
would  take  me  down  town  with  her,  but  I  always  had  to 
ask  for  it  and  I  hated  to  do  it.  I  was  always  afraid  of 
Dad  and  never  dared  to  call  him  anything  but  "  Papa." 
When  I  wanted  to  ask  him  anything  I  would  sort  of 
slink  up  to  him  and  ask  him  in  a  very  timid  voice.  He 
never  reached  out  and  pulled  me  into  his  lap  and  ex 
plained  things.  I  can  remember  his  taking  me  for  walks 
into  the  woods  on  an  occasional  Sunday,  and  on  one  of 
these  trips  he  made  me  a  willow  whistle  that  I  kept  for 
years  afterwards,  long  after  it  ceased  to  work. 


ONE     MAN  13 

I  can  look  back  to  those  days  and  I  wonder  some 
times  what  I  would  have  turned  out  to  be  had  my  dad 
made  me  a  pal  of  his  and  had  my  mother  been  gentle 
and  sweet  tempered  with  me.  God,  but  it  makes  my 
heart  ache  to  think  of  it  even  now.  After  all  these 
years  of  sorrow  and  deviltry  I  have  learned  to  be 
strong  in  my  own  right  and  I  can  hew  my  own  way 
with  God's  help,  but  oh,  how  different  it  would  all  have 
been !  They  did  the  best  they  knew  how  but  how  lit 
tle  they  knew.  And  the  thousands  and  the  hundreds 
of  thousands  of  parents  to-day  who  bring  the  little 
ones  forth  and  who  know  so  little  and  who  think  so  lit 
tle  of  the  child's  first  years !  This  story  is  of  only 
one,  just  one  of  these  little  ones,  and  it  only  shows  how 
one  man  child  can  bring  either  sorrow  or  joy  to  many 
men  and  women  in  his  later  years  and  so  much  of  this 
a  direct  result  of  his  early  bringing-up. 

Thank  God  for  one  thing,  that  through  the  crucial 
years  of  my  life,  between  twenty  and  thirty,  I  was 
strong  enough  to  imagine  at  least  that  I,  and  I  alone, 
was  responsible  for  my  life,  its  success  or  its  failure, 
but  these  last  few  years  have  shown  me  that  after  all 
some  one  else  was  responsible  to  a  certain  degree. 


CHAPTER  II 

IN  the  Spring  of  my  tenth  year,  while  a  few  of  the 
neighbors'  boys  were  building  a  dam  in  a  little 
stream    that    flowed    under    a    bridge    near    our 
house,  they  found  a  few  old  coins  in  the  mud.     The 
news  spread  through  the  neighborhood  and  excited  me 
so  that  I  sneaked  out  of  the  house  the  following  day, 
which  was  Saturday,  and  went  down  to  "  dig  up  the 
treasure." 

The  other  boys  had  already  thoroughly  dug  up  the 
place  where  the  first  coins  were  found,  so  Bill,  the  boy 
from  across  the  street,  and  I  started  our  digging  fur 
ther  up  stream.  We  finally  found  about  two  dozen 
coins.  We  divided  them  up  according  to  number  and 
while  we  were  engaged  in  this  a  man  came  along  and 
saw  us.  He  was  particularly  interested  in  a  big  yel 
low  coin  I  had  among  my  dozen  and  offered  me  a  dollar 
for  it.  I  gave  him  the  yellow  one  and,  putting  the  dol 
lar  in  my  pocket,  ran  home  with  the  rest  of  my  share 
of  the  coins.  Something  prompted  me  not  to  say  any 
thing  there  about  the  dollar  which  I  had  received,  so 
I  hung  on  to  it  and  hid  it  in  the  woodshed,  waiting  for 
a  chance  to  get  it  changed.  The  rest  of  the  coins  I 
gave  to  Father  and  he  sold  the  lot  for  fifteen  dollars, 

putting  the  money  in  my  bank. 

14 


ONE     MAN  15 

No  one  could  ever  explain  how  the  coins  came  to  be 
buried  in  the  stream.  An  old  kettle  containing  a  few 
more  pieces  was  found  near  the  same  spot  a  few  days 
later. 

This,  I  think,  is  the  first  bad  thing  I  can  remember 
having  done.  The  feeling  of  unholy  joy  and  fear  in 
having  in  my  possession  secretly  that  first  big  dollar 
was  to  be  repeated  later  on  in  life,  time  after  time, 
when  hundreds  of  dollars  came  to  me  unlawfully. 

One  morning  I  got  the  grocery  driver  to  change  the 
dollar.  Then  Bill,  whose  folks  let  him  "run  wild," 
would  buy  candy  for  me  and  sneak  it  through  the  back 
fence  to  me,  when  Mother  wasn't  looking.  He  usually 
took  his  share  before  giving  me  the  bag.  I  had  no 
chance  to  buy  anything  on  the  way  to  and  from  school, 
as  Mary  was  always  tagging  along. 

While  I  yet  had  part  of  this  dollar,  Father  took  me 
down  town  with  him  one  Saturday  morning  and  let  me 
come  home  alone.  On  the  way  home  I  bought  candy 
and  gum.  After  this  trip  I  was  frequently  sent  to  town 
alone  on  errands  and  had  a  chance  to  spend  money. 

Soon  my  dollar  was  gone  and  wanting  money  to 
spend  secretly  I  began  to  fish  coins  out  of  my  bank 
and  spend  them.  Mother  caught  me  fooling  with  the 
bank  one  day  and  locked  it  up.  I  can  remember  even 
now  how  she  looked  at  me,  so  hurt  and  surprised,  and 
how  she  took  me  in  her  lap  and  cried  for  a  long  time. 
That  night  when  I  kneeled  at  her  knee  to  say  my  pray 
ers,  she  told  me  to  ask  God  to  help  me  always  to  be 
honest.  Usually  all  the  prayer  I  said  was  the  simple 


16  O  N  E    M  A  N 

little  "  Now  I  lay  me  down  to  sleep."  This  incident 
affected  me  considerably  and  I  went  without  candy  for 
several  days. 

Finally  during  that  year  the  craving  for  buying 
things  became  so  strong  that  I  looked  around  the  house 
for  money.  On  a  little  tray  on  Mother's  dressing  table 
was  a  little  gold  dollar  with  a  hole  punched  in  it.  She 
had  formerly  worn  this  coin  on  a  little  gold  chain 
around  her  neck,  but  for  some  reason  had  laid  it  to  one 
side.  I  was  several  days  getting  up  nerve  enough  to 
take  it  and  I  have  never  forgotten  the  feeling  of  fear 
and  also  exultation  that  came  over  me  when  I  finally 
grabbed  it.  It  was  my  first  real  theft,  the  first  of  a 
chain  of  thousands  of  similar  actions,  extending  through 
nearly  my  whole  life,  each  one  to  exact  its  toll  of  regret 
and  sorrow  in  later  years. 

It  was  on  a  Saturday  morning  that  I  stole  this  keep 
sake  of  Mother's  and  I  took  it  down  town  and  sold  it 
for  seventy-five  cents  to  a  man  who  kept  a  candy  store. 
I  spent  a  few  cents  of  the  money  and  took  the  rest 
home  and  hid  it  in  the  usual  hiding  place  in  the  wood 
shed,  where  I  had  kept  the  change  from  the  dollar  I 
had  obtained  for  the  yellow  buried  coin. 

It  being  vacation  time,  I  went  down  town  on  Monday 
afternoon  and  bought  a  dozen  bananas.  I  could  not 
eat  them  all  so  I  took  what  was  left  home,  telling  Mother 
that  a  man  had  given  them  to  me.  She  became  sus 
picious  and  asked  me  where  I  got  the  money  to  buy 
them.  She  kept  at  me  and  finally  I  confessed.  She 
pried  terribly  about  it  and  after  having  dressed  me  up 


ONE     MAN  17 

in  my  Sunday  clothes,  took  me  down  to  Father's  of 
fice. 

I  can  remember  now  how  he  looked  as  he  sat  at  the 
big,  flat-topped  desk,  which  was  littered  with  legal 
papers,  his  big  notarial  seal  standing  on  a  big  law 
book.  I  hid  behind  Mother's  skirts  while  she  told  him 
the  whole  story.  He  got  up  out  of  his  chair  and  com 
ing  over  to  me,  pulled  me  up  to  his  desk.  He  stood 
there  with  his  hand  grasping  my  shoulder,  looking  at 
me  for  what  seemed  to  be  hours.  Then  he  started  to 
talk  to  me  and  question  me  and  I  could  see  he  was  grow 
ing  angrier  every  minute. 

There  is  only  one  thing  he  said  that  I  can  remember, 
but  that  sentence  rang  in  my  ears  for  years  afterwards. 
He  had  grasped  me  by  both  shoulders  and  shaken  me 
considerably  when  he  said,  "  You  dog !  You  would 
steal  the  pennies  from  off  your  dead  mother's  eyes." 
Then  he  threw  me  away  from  him  into  the  corner.  I 
lay  there  on  the  floor  screaming  until  Mother  picked 
me  up  and  quieted  me. 

At  last  Father  put  on  his  hat  and  took  me  down  to 
the  candy  store,  where  he  gave  the  man  a  dollar  and 
got  back  the  keepsake.  After  supper  that  nightjfwas 
soundly  whipped  and  sent  to  bed. 

I  lay  there  a  long  time  brooding  over  what  had  hap-A 
pened  that  day.  It  was  not  the  whipping  that  hurt,1 
it  was  what  Father  had  said.  I  could  see  my  mother, 
laid  out  in  her  coffin  with  the  pennies  on  her  eyeslto] 
keep  them  shut,  but  in  no  way  could  I  imagine  how; any! 
one,  no  matter  how  bad,  could  steal  those  pennies^  \It 


18  O  N  E     M  A  N 

seemed  to  me  that  he  had  put  me  witlTail  the  other 
wholly  bad  things  to  stay  there  forever;  that  he  would 
not  forgive  me.  He  treated  me  in  such  a  way  that  it 
did  not  seem  possible  that  he  could  ever  forgive  me  or 
even  give  me  the  measure  of  notice  —  slight  though  it 
was  —  which  he  had  accorded  me  up  to  that  time. 

In  this  hour  began  my  journey  downward  into  the 
depths  of  hell.  I  felt  that  all  hope  was  lost  and  that 
no  one  cared  for  me. 

I  had  never  looked  up  to  Father  as  a  model,  for  I 
was  afraid  of  him.  I  had  no  pattern  to  go  by,  no  one 
to  imitate  or  follow,  for  somehow  I  did  not  want  to  be 
busy  and  cross  like  he  was. 

I  could  not  see  how  my  own  father  could  say  such  a 
thing  to  me.  It  made  me  believe  that  he  did  not  love 
me  and  from  that  day  and  until  I  was  past  twenty- 
five,  I  never  looked  for  any  love  from  him.  That  re 
mark  of  his  killed  something  in  me;  something  which 
never  came  back  to  me  in  all  these  years.  Of  course, 
he  was  shocked  and  angry  to  think  that  his  own  flesh 
and  blood  would  do  such  a  thing  as  steal.  Yet  if  he 
had  taken  me  that  day  and  talked  to  me  and  appealed 
to  my  childish  sense  of  manliness  which  existed  even 
then  to  a  small  degree,  the  results  would  have  been  so 
different.  If  he  had  made  a  pal  of  me  in  those  next 
few  years  and  had  put  me  on  my  own  honor  to  do  right 
and  to  be  manly,  my  life  would  have  been  different. 

But  never  in  my  later  years  did  I  ever  take  refuge 
in  any  such  thoughts  as  an  excuse  for  my  devilishness. 

From  the  day  Mother  discovered  this,  my  first  real 


ONE     MAN  19 

theft,  until  the  penitentiary  doors  opened  to  receive 
me,  I  felt  that  my  parents  did  not  love  me  and  did  not 
have  any  faith  in  me. 


CHAPTER  III 

IN  the  beginning  of  my  thirteenth  year,  a  friend  of 
the  family  gave  me  a  little  camera.     Learning  to 
operate  it  and  finish  my   own  work   gave   me   a 
great   deal   of  pleasure.     It   took   up   my   spare   time 
after  school  and  my  early  evenings.     In  the  Fall  Fa 
ther  gave  me  permission  to  carry  papers  and  earn  a 
little  spending  money,  but  when  the  snow  got  deep  he 
made  me  quit. 

The  lesson  learned  from  stealing  the  gold  dollar  had 
sort  of  worn  away  by  this  time  and  I  took  to  stealing 
small  sums  from  Mother's  pocketbook.  I  would  sneak 
up  into  her  bedroom  and  look  for  the  pocketbook. 
Never  will  I  forget  how  my  heart  would  beat  and  my 
hands  tremble  when  I  grabbed  it  and  opened  it  quietly 
so  that  the  coins  would  not  rattle.  To  see  a  dozen 
coins  in  there  would  make  me  feel  safe  in  taking  one. 
In  my  childish  ignorance  I  did  not  think  any  one  would 
remember  just  how  much  they  had  when  there  were  so 
many  coins.  Mother  never  caught  me  at  this  trick, 
but  she  became  very  suspicious  and  hid  her  pocketbook 
so  I  quit  it. 

Next  door  to  us  lived  a  married  couple  who  were 
quite  wealthy  and  their  only  son  had  a  big  glass  bank 

nearly  full  of  coins.     He  used  to  invite  me  over  to  his 

20 


O  N  E     M  A  N  21 

house  Saturdays  and  nights  after  school.  One  day  I 
asked  him  if  he  had  ever  counted  his  money  and  he  said 
"  No."  So  he  asked  his  mother  if  we  could  count  it 
and  she  gave  him  the  key  to  the  bank  and  told  us  we 
could.  It  had  over  sixty  dollars  in  it  and  when  we  had 
finished  counting  it,  I  had  over  a  dollar  in  my  pocket. 
This  was  a  new  way  for  me  to  get  money.  So  I  helped 
him  count  it  frequently  during  the  Winter,  always  get 
ting  something  out  of  it. 

One  day  while  I  was  alone  in  their  sitting-room,  I 
noticed  a  pocketbook  on  a  shelf.  I  opened  it  and 
found  three  five-dollar  bills.  I  took  one  of  them  and 
put  the  purse  back  on  the  shelf.  This  was  in  the  morn 
ing  and  right  after  lunch  Mrs.  T came  over  and 

told  Mother  she  had  lost  five  dollars  and  Mother  asked 
me  if  I  knew  anything  about  it.  I  denied  it  and  she 
went  home. 

She  was  one  of  Mother's  best  friends  and  after  she 
had  gone  Mother  sat  there  looking  at  me.  Suddenly 
she  reached  out  and  grabbed  me,  holding  me  with  one 
hand  she  went  through  my  pockets  with  the  other  and 
found  the  five-dollar  bill.  I  had  kept  it  in  my  pocket 
instead  of  hiding  it.  She  began  to  cry  and  after  lock 
ing  me  in  a  room  went  over  to  Mrs.  T 's  and  told 

her  I  had  taken  the  money.  Then  she  came  home  and 

made  me  take  the  five-dollar  bill  back  to  Mrs.  T 's 

and  tell  her  I  was  sorry.  That  night  Father  whipped 
me  so  hard  that  I  had  to  stay  in  bed  for  two  days. 

About  this  time  I  began  to  read  dime  novels.  I  kept 
them  hid  in  the  woodshed  and  carried  them  back  and 


22  ONE     MAN 

forth  inside  of  my  shirt.  We  boys  used  to  go  over  to 
Bill's  barn  and  sneak  up  into  the  hay  mow  where  we 
could  read  in  safety.  We  traded  novels  with  each  other 
and  kept  a  good  supply  on  hand. 

During  this  year  I  had  to  return  to  the  schoolhouse 
one  night  after  school  with  a  note  from  Mother  to  the 
music  teacher  who  was  a  member  of  Mother's  musical 
club.  While  going  through  the  empty  hall,  I  noticed 
several  of  the  teachers'  cloaks  hanging  in  one  of  the 
ward  rooms.  It  seems  that  the  teachers  were  attend 
ing  some  meeting  in  the  assembly  room  upstairs.  I 
took  a  look  around  and  then  went  through  the  pockets 
of  the  cloaks.  I  got  eleven  dollars  out  of  the  pocket- 
books,  in  each  case  taking  only  a  part  of  the  contents. 
Then  I  skipped  out  without  delivering  the  note,  telling 

Mother  that  Miss  A was  not  at  the  schoolhouse. 

Somehow  I  was  sly  enough  to  figure  that  if  I  had  not 
been  seen  around  there,  they  could  not  suspect  me. 

I  was  getting  careless  about  what  I  did  these  days. 
It  seemed  that  I  naturally  turned  to  thieving  as  I  sin 
cerely  believed  I  was  of  no  account  to  my  folks  and  that 
they  were  disgusted  with  me  and  actually  hated  me. 
Was  I  predestined  to  be  a  thief?  No.  I  don't  believe 
it.  I  naturally  turned  to  something  abnormal,  be 
lieving  as  I  did  that  I  was  to  be  denied  the  usual  and 
normal  things  in  life. 

At  this  time  Mother  began  to  prophesy  terrible 
things  for  me  and  among  them,  the  Reform  School. 
But  the  worst  of  all  came  one  bright,  spring  morning. 
She  was  ironing  out  in  the  kitchen  and  I  can  see  her 


O  N  E     M  A  N  2S 

now  as  she  stood  there  at  the  ironing-board,  the  sun 
streaming  in  through  the  open  window  at  her  side. 
She  had  been  scolding  me  about  what  I  had  been  doing 
and  suddenly  she  looked  up  and  said,  "  Robert,  you 
will  end  up  on  the  gallows  yet  —  I  know  you  will." 
I  was  only  a  boy  and  it  seemed  when  I  heard  those 
words  as  if  I  had  lost  my  mother.  I  couldn't  see  how 
she  could  say  anything  like  that  to  me.  Those  words 
of  hers  have  followed  me  down  through  all  these  years 
and  many  a  night  I  have  wakened  covered  with  a  cold 
sweat,  in  the  midst  of  a  dream  where  the  hangman  had 
placed  around  my  neck  the  heavy  rope  with  the  big 
knot  under  my  ear  and  the  black  cap  over  my  head. 
Once  or  twice  during  these  years  I  have  come  near  to 
this  same  end. 

I  was  a  sensitive  lad  in  many  ways.  Sad  music  in 
church  made  me  want  to  cry  and  going  to  a  funeral 
was  more  than  I  could  stand.  Yet  with  that  constant 
hunger  for  home  love  and  care  unsatisfied  I  got  deeper 
into  deviltry  every  day.  My  school  work  was  not  hard 
for  me  and  I  stood  well  in  my  classes. 

In  the  Spring  of  this  year,  together  with  some  of  the 
neighbors'  kids  I  formed  a  "  gang."  One  of  our  first 
jobs  was  a  neighbor's  barn.  The  people  had  left  town 
for  the  Summer  and  we  found  their  barn  full  of  the 
sort  of  plunder  that  delights  young  thieves.  There 
were  guns  and  ammunition  galore  and  stationery  of 
all  kinds.  The  man  who  owned  the  place  had  been  the 
head  of  some  bankrupt  insurance  company  and  the  sur 
plus  supplies  of  the  company  had  been  stored  in  his 


24  ONE     MAN 

barn.  He  was  also  an  official  in  some  gun  club  and  a 
great  sportsman.  We  sold  about  a  hundred  boxes  of 
shotgun  shells  and  hid  the  shotguns  and  rifles  in  Bill's 
barn  for  use  later.  The  gang  had  many  a  laugh  over 
the  inability  of  the  local  police  force  to  find  out  who 
had  stolen  the  stuff. 

It  was  in  the  Fall  of  that  year  that  I  first  learned  of 
there  being  any  such  thing  as  jealousy.  Father  had 
been  down  town  in  the  evening  and  Mary  and  I  had 
been  sent  to  bed,  when  Mr.  G ,  one  of  the  neigh 
bors,  came  over  to  see  Father.  Mother  told  him  that 
Father  was  down  town  and  asked  him  to  come  in  and 
wait.  He  stayed  about  a  half  hour  and  then  left. 
Mary  and  I  could  hear  them  talking  downstairs.  When 

Father  came  home  Mother  told  him  about  Mr.  G 

having  been  there.  Father  got  angry  and  commenced 
to  swear.  He  made  so  much  noise  that  I  jumped  out 
of  bed  and  knelt  down  at  the  stovepipe  hole  that  was 
in  the  floor.  He  was  swearing  at  her  and  telling  her 
she  was  a  flirt  and  threatening  to  throw  her  out.  She 
was  crying  and  denying  everything  he  accused  her  of 
being.  When  they  quit  talking  Mother  came  upstairs 
to  bed  and  Father  slept  all  night  on  the  lounge  down 
in  the  library.  When  we  got  up  in  the  morning,  he  had 
already  gone  down  town  without  any  breakfast.  Some 
how  after  this  I  never  respected  him  quite  so  much.  I 
knew  my  mother  was  good. 


CHAPTER  IV 

FOR  some  time  past  I  had  been  brooding  over 
being  spied  on  at  home  and  over  being  con 
demned  as  an  utterly  worthless  boy.  In  Jan 
uary  of  that  next  year  I  made  up  my  mind  to  run  away. 
I  thought  that  my  grandmother,  who  lived  three  hun 
dred  miles  away  and  who  had  visited  us  once  or  twice, 
would  be  good  to  me,  so  I  planned  on  the  trip  for  sev 
eral  days.  One  evening,  after  quietly  breaking  open 
my  bank  and  taking  the  contents,  about  thirty  dollars, 
I  told  the  folks  I  was  going  to  Bill's  house  for  a  min 
ute,  and  instead  hiked  for  the  depot.  I  bought  a 

ticket  to  K and  got  on  the  train.     Being  lonesome 

and  scared  at  the  last  moment,  I  told  the  conductor 
who  I  was  and  he,  knowing  my  father,  kept  an  eye  on 
me  during  the  night. 

In  the  morning   I   reached   B ,  where  I  had  to 

change   cars.     It  was    Sunday  morning,   and  I   found 

there  was  no  train  to  K until  Monday.     I  stayed 

around  the  big  depot  all  day  Sunday  and  there  met  a 
young  fellow  who  also  had  run  away  from  home.  We 
ate  our  meals  at  the  lunch  counter  in  the  depot  and  I 
paid  for  everything. 

Along  about  ten  o'clock  Sunday  night  a  big  police 
man  asked  me  where  I  was  going.     I  became  scared  and 

25 


26  O  N  E    M  A  N 

told  him  I  was  waiting  for  my  father.  At  eleven 
thirty  I  was  pretty  sleepy  and  had  curled  up  on  a 
bench  to  sleep,  when  this  same  policeman  came  up  again 
and  said,  "  Robert,  where  are  you  going  to  sleep  to 
night  ?  "  I  asked  him  how  he  knew  my  name  and  he 
laughed.  Then  he  said  for  me  to  come  with  him  and 
he  would  give  me  a  nice  place  to  sleep  and  that  my  fa 
ther  would  come  and  get  me  the  next  day.  I  cried  all 
the  way  to  the  police  station. 

The  big  policeman  took  me  up  into  the  operators' 
room  where  the  patrolmen's  and  fire  calls  came  in  on 
a  big  switchboard.  I  was  in  deathly  fear  of  being 
locked  up  and  I  can  remember  begging  the  man  at  the 
desk  downstairs  not  to  put  me  into  jail.  They  told 
me  to  stay  in  the  room  with  the  operator  and  that  I 
could  sleep  on  a  couch  there. 

After  the  policeman  had  gone,  I  asked  the  operator* 
who  was  a  young  man,  if  I  could  look  out  of  the  win 
dow,  and  he  said,  "  Sure,  kid."  I  can  remember  so 
well  how  I  looked  out  across  the  big  river  to  the  rows 
and  rows  of  lights  burning  over  there.  There  was  a 
big  moon  that  night  and  its  light  flooded  the  snowy 
banks  of  the  river  and  the  hills  over  beyond.  From  the 
part  of  the  city  across  the  river  came  the  clang  of  street 
car  gongs  and  the  whistle  and  roar  of  many  trains. 
Then  and  there  I  made  up  my  mind  that  some  day  I 
would  lose  myself  in  a  big  city  and  get  a  new  start. 
I  was  only  fourteen  years  old  and  already  wanting  to 
lose  my  identity.  That  night  I  slept  on  the  couch  for 
a  few  hours  and  in  the  morning  Father  came  and  took 


ONE     MAN  27 

me  back  home.  He  talked  to  me  for  hours  on  the  train 
that  day,  but  it  was  all  along  the  lines  of  my  being  no 
good  and  that  if  I  did  not  mend  my  ways  I'd  sure  land 
in  jail,  and  he  ended  up  by  saying  that  when  I  did,  I 
could  rot  there  before  he  would  lift  a  hand  to  get  me 
out. 

My  trip  made  me  quite  a  hero  among  the  boys  and 
I  began  immediately  to  plan  another  one.  I  had  had 
my  first  taste  of  the  city.  But  while  I  enjoyed  in  a 
way  the  notoriety  my  escapade  brought  me,  still  I 
didn't  want  any  one  to  know  that  I  had  been  in  the  po 
lice  station. 

The  boys  in  the  neighborhood  commenced  collect 
ing  stamps  about  this  time  and  I  was  soon  busy  at  the 
same  thing  in  my  spare  moments.  We  would  send 
away  for  stamps  0*1  approval  and  sell  them  to  each 
other,  making  a  small  commission.  I  made  consider 
able  money  this  way.  Then  Bill  found  among  his  fa 
ther's  old  papers  a  lot  of  unused  Department  stamps. 
I  managed  to  get  most  of  these  and  sell  them  at  a  good 
price.  Then  I  sent  away  for  a  lot  of  stamps  on  ap 
proval  under  an  assumed  name  and  had  them  sent 
care  of  General  Delivery.  They  came  all  right  and  I 
sold  part  of  them,  sending  the  money  and  balance  of 
stamps  back  to  the  company.  Then  under  the  same 
name  I  sent  for  a  large  quantity  and  on  the  strength 
of  my  former  return,  the  company  sent  them.  I  kept 
the  whole  lot  and  never  heard  anything  more  from  the 
senders.  I  stayed  away  from  the  postoffice  altogether 
and  did  not  seek  for  any  mail  under  the  assumed  name. 


28  ONE     MAN 

The  money  from  this  source  was  used  to  buy  a  small 
revolver,  ammunition,  dime  novels,  belts  and  other  plun 
der  for  a  robber's  outfit. 

Many  of  the  boys  in  our  end  of  town  hung  out 
around  the  candy  store  owned  by  a  man  named  Tommy. 
He  would  buy  any  small  article  of  jewelry  which  the 
boys  might  bring  to  him  and  he  would  not  ask  where 
it  was  obtained.  He  had  slot  machines  of  all  kinds 
and  we  boys  spent  a  lot  of  money  with  him.  On  one 
of  these  machines  we  could  play  with  pennies  and  on 
another  one  we  could  use  nickels.  My  first  gambling 
on  these  machines  brought  me  a  queer  sensation.  It 
made  my  heart  beat  fast  to  watch  the  wheel  spin  around 
and  slowly  draw  near  a  winning  number.  Here  was 
where  I  first  learned  to  believe  in  luck.  I  stole  many  a 
dollar  just  to  feed  into  those  machines.  Tommy  had 
bent  the  pins  behind  the  winning  numbers  and  we  used 
to  tilt  the  machine  to  beat  him  when  we  found  he  was 
trying  to  cheat  us. 

Two  or  three  of  the  boys  used  to  go  with  me  on  ex 
cursions  to  the  woods  on  Saturday.  We  always  car 
ried  our  revolvers  and  lots  of  shells  and  it  is  a  wonder 
that  some  of  us  were  not  killed.  I  loved  to  shoot,  to 
feel  that  I  had  and  controlled,  in  my  own  hands,  the 
power  of  destruction. 

At  this  time  Mother  had  a  servant  by  the  name  of 
Benga  and  she  had  been  saving  her  money  for  years, 
most  of  it  being  in  five-dollar  gold-pieces  which  she  kept 
in  an  old  stocking  in  her  trunk.  She  used  to  leave  the 
key  in  her  trunk.  One  day  I  saw  her  putting  some 


O  N  E     M  A  N  29 

money  into  the  stocking  and  I  made  up  my  mind  to  get 
something  out  of  it.  I  waited  for  a  chance  and  took 
five  dollars.  This  was  not  noticed,  so  I  kept  "  touch 
ing  it  up  "  until  I  had  taken  fifty-five  dollars  and  I  did 
not  dare  to  take  any  more.  Most  of  this  I  "  planted," 
waiting  for  a  chance  to  run  away  again. 

In  the  Spring  of  this  year  I  took  what  money  I  had 

planted  and  ran  away  to  B ,  to  which  city  my 

grandmother  had  moved.  This  time  I  didn't  tell  any 
one  where  I  was  going  and  I  managed  to  reach  her 
house  safely.  She  immediately  notified  Father  and  in 
a  few  days  he  came  after  me.  In  the  meantime,  Grand 
mother  bought  me  a  lot  of  new  clothes  and  took  me 
around  the  big  city,  showing  me  the  points  of  interest. 
It  was  on  this  trip  that  I  had  my  first  street  car  ride. 
When  Father  arrived,  he  gave  me  a  beating  the  minute 
he  got  hold  of  me  and  I  carried  the  marks  for  many 
days. 

When  Father  got  home  with  me  from  this  trip,  he 
paid  Benga  the  fifty-five  dollars  I  had  stolen  and  made 
a  rule  that  I  was  to  stay  in  the  house  every  evening. 
Many  and  many  are  the  nights  that  I  have  gone  up  to 
my  room  and  kneeled  down  by  the  window  looking  out 
at  the  moonlit  lawn  and  shrubbery  and  hearing  the 
other  boys  playing  and  calling  to  each  other.  On 
nights  like  these  when  I  could  feel  the  cool  evening 
breeze  laden  with  the  scent  of  the  flowerbeds  and  lawn 
blowing  through  the  screens  on  to  my  hot  little  head,  I 
would  cry  and  cry  and  swear  to  myself  that  I  would 
run  away  for  good  and  never  come  back.  I  was  en- 


30  O  N  E     M  A  N 

tirely  sincere  in  my  belief  that  I  was  useless  to  my  folks 
and  really  not  wanted.  And  yet,  while  these  thoughts 
made  me  sad,  there  was  somewhere  within  me  an  un 
named  pleasure  of  some  kind  that  made  me  glad  that  I 
was  an  outcast.  I  was  also  glad  in  a  way  that  I  was 
foxy  enough  to  get  away  with  some  of  my  deviltry.  I 
took  a  certain  pride  in  the  many  little  deals  I  pulled  off 
without  getting  caught. 

During  the  fall  of  the  year,  when  school  opened,  I 
found  a  new  source  of  income ;  stealing  school  books 
and  selling  them  to  the  second-hand  bookstores  and  to 
Tommy.  I  would  erase  names  or  tear  out  flyleaves  and 
sell  the  books  for  what  I  could  get.  I  was  never  caught 
at  this  trick. 

Father  never  refused  me  spending  money  when  I 
asked  for  it  but  I  always  had  to  ask.  During  all  these 
days  Mary  looked  upon  me  with  a  sort  of  horror  and 
would  not  have  anything  to  do  with  me  except  to  watch 
me  and  tattle  to  Father  and  Mother. 

One  queer  thing  about  me  through  all  my  hell-raising 
was  that  I  never  let  a  night  go  by  without  getting  down 
on  my  knees  beside  my  bed  and  saying  the  prayers  that 
my  mother  had  taught  me.  And  while  the  form  of  these 
prayers  has  changed,  yet  I  have  seldom  missed  a  night 
during  all  my  life  when  alone,  that  I  did  not  kneel  down 
and  ask  God  to  forgive  my  sins  and  help  me  to  be  bet 
ter.  During  the  first  years  of  my  stealing  and  devil 
try,  I  had  a  conscience,  but  by  the  time  I  was  fifteen 
years  old,  it  was  dead,  as  far  as  stealing  was  concerned, 


O  N  E     M  A  N  31 

and  it  died  as  far  as  about  everything  else  was  con 
cerned  as  I  grew  older. 

In  all  these  days  the  thought  never  came  to  me  that 
I  couldn't  help  doing  as  I  did.  I  simply  did  these 
things  because  I  felt  bitter  towards  the  world.  I  had 
heard  somewhere  about  society  owing  some  one  a  living 
and  I  figured  that  it  applied  to  me.  I  had  been  doing 
a  great  deal  of  reading;  in  fact,  much  more  than  the 
average  boy  of  my  age.  This  reading  was  a  queer  mix 
ture  and  ran  the  gamut  from  the  Decameron  to  the 
Golden  Bottle,  but  my  favorite  reading  was  stories 
of  hidden  treasure. 

The  Fourth  of  July  was  always  a  great  time  for  me. 
I  loved  to  handle  explosives  and  to  watch  the  effect  of 
some  of  my  home-made  bombs.  Christmas  was  another 
red-letter  day  for  me,  not  for  the  presents  I  received, 
but  for  the  presents  I  could  give. 

Winter  of  that  year  saw  me  busily  engaged  in  ex 
perimenting  with  electricity  and  putting  up  electric 
door-bells.  This  work,  together  with  my  photography, 
brought  me  in  a  little  money.  Together  with  Bill  I 
used  to  go  down  town  on  Saturdays  and  steal  small  ar 
ticles  from  the  stores.  Once  in  a  while  we  would  get 
a  little  cash,  but  usually  it  was  pens,  perfume,  drug 
sundries  and  such  stuff  as  usually  is  displayed  on  the 
counters.  I  worked  a  few  Saturdays  and  nights  after 
school  in  a  drug  store  and  stole  all  kinds  of  small  things. 
Tommy  bought  much  of  this  stuff,  giving  me  about  half 
what  it  was  worth. 


CHAPTER  V 

WHEN  Spring  came,  I  began  to  feel  a 
longing  to  run  away  again,  but  Father 
forestalled  the  action  by  promising 
that  I  should  spend  the  Summer  at  a  lake  near  by. 
Some  friends  who  owned  a  cottage  there  had  invited 
Mary  and  me  to  spend  the  Summer  with  their  children. 

I  had  the  time  of  my  life  that  Summer  and  did  not 
steal  anything  for  the  simple  reason  there  was  nothing 
to  steal.  Father  sent  me  considerable  spending  money, 
but  I  did  not  have  much  of  a  chance  to  buy  anything. 
Being  out  in  the  open  air  so  much  did  me  a  world  of 
good.  I  was  getting  to  be  a  good-sized  lad  by  this 
time  but  still  retained  that  blue-eyed  look  of  innocence. 

Upon  my  return  home  in  the  Fall  I  started  in  to 
school  as  usual.  I  commenced  stealing  school  books 
again  and  came  near  getting  caught ;  so  near,  in  fact, 
that  I  dropped  this  source  of  income. 

The  gang  got  together  again  and  we  had  a  lot  of  what 
seemed  to  be  fun  for  us,  in  stealing  the  refreshments 
from  parties  and  sociables.  We  would  steal  ice  cream, 
cake,  candy,  oysters  and  such  things  right  out  of 
church  basements  and  gorge  ourselves  until  we  were 
sick.  We  were  fortunate  in  not  getting  caught,  al 
though  we  had  several  narrow  escapes. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  33 

During  this  Winter  I  formed  -a  habit  that  has  been  a 
curse  to  me  for  over  fifteen  years.  Some  of  the  gang 
smoked  and  finally  they  persuaded  me  to  smoke  a  cig 
arette  and  taught  me  how  to  inhale  it.  I  was  as 
anxious  to  learn  as  they  were  to  teach  me  and  I  shall 
never  forget  how  sick  I  was  the  first  evening  I  tried  it. 
Father  had  gone  down  town  after  supper  and  I  sneaked 
out  of  the  house  to  meet  the  gang.  I  smoked  one 
cigarette  and  then  began  to  get  dizzy.  When  I  stood 
up  to  go  home  the  sidewalk  rose  up  towards  me  and  I 
sat  down  hard.  Then  I  wanted  to  get  home  as  quick 
as  I  could  and  although  I  tried  to  run  it  seemed  as  if 
I  never  would  get  there.  I  tried  to  sneak  up  to  bed, 
but  Mother  caught  me  in  the  hall  and  seeing  I  was  sick, 
she  got  the  story  out  of  me  and  then  beat  me  with  a 
cane.  But  my  getting  sick  did  not  stop  my  smoking 
and  I  was  soon  smoking  five  or  six  cigarettes  a  day. 

Of  all  the  bad  influences  that  have  in  any  way  affected 
my  life,  I  know  beyond  all  doubt  that  the  inhaling  of 
cigarette  smoke  from  the  time  I  smoked  only  five  or  six 
a  day  until  I  was  smoking  forty  has  been  the  most  ter 
rible.  It  saps  the  mental  strength  and  weakens  a 
boy's  or  a  man's  morals,  it  creates  in  the  average  man  a 
taste  for  liquor  and  the  craving  for  liquor  tends  to  de 
velop  sensuality  and  the  combination  of  cigarettes  and 
liquor,  while  it  may  stimulate  at  first,  will  in  time  de 
crease  a  man's  earning  power  and  take  away  the  joy 
of  living  just  as  surely  as  the  night  follows  the  day. 

Up  to  this  time  I  had  not  had  much  to  do  with  girls. 
I  was  always  bashful  and  kept  out  of  their  way.  Tha 


34  O  N  E     M  A  N 

boys  in  the  gang  were  getting  old  enough  to  learn 
things  about  the  world  and  when  the  gang  would  as 
semble  at  the  camp  down  in  the  weeds  and  light  up  their 
cigarettes,  the  talk  would  run  to  girls.  The  collecting 
of  cigarette  pictures  became  very  popular  and  it  was 
not  long  until  a  picture  showing  a  woman  dressed  in 
tights  was  called  a  "  peach  "  and  in  trading  was  worth 
any  two  of  the  common  kind  such  as  flags,  or  women's 
heads. 

There  were  a  few  tough  girls  among  our  schoolmates 
and  some  of  the  older  boys  in  our  gang  ran  around  with 
them.  The  stories  these  boys  told  us  filled  our  heads 
with  a  lot  of  curiosity  and  new  thoughts. 

I  spent  considerable  time  around  Tommy's  new  pool 
room  that  year  and  if  there  is  anything  on  earth  that 
can  be  likened  unto  the  Vestibule  of  Hell,  it's  the  pool 
room  where  young  boys  are  allowed  to  congregate.  I 
believe  this  applies  to  men  as  well. 

I  have  never  yet  had  the  pleasure  of  knowing  a  con 
stant  frequenter  of  pool  halls  who  amounted  to  a  damn 
in  a  business  way. 

Along  in  the  Spring  the  Wanderlust  overtook  me 
again  and  one  evening  in  May,  with  nine  dollars  in  my 
pocket,  and  in  company  with  Pete,  one  of  the  "  gang," 
I  dug  out  for  the  East. 

We  climbed  into  an  empty  car  of  an  east-bound 
through  freight  and  left  the  town,  as  we  supposed,  for 
good.  Along  about  four  o'clock  we  woke  up  chilled 
to  the  bone.  If  there  were  ever  two  homesick  lads  who 


O  N  E     M  A  N  35 

wished  they  were  home  in  their  own  warm  beds,  we  were 
the  two. 

We  shivered  and  shook  until  the  train  reached  a 
small  junction  where  we  crawled  out.  A  few  tramps 
got  off  the  train  at  the  same  time  and  built  a  fire  down 
under  the  railway  bridge.  We  went  over  to  the  fire 
to  get  warm  and  the  tramps  began  to  ask  us  questions. 
We  told  them  some  yarn  about  being  bell  hops  out  of  a 
job  and  they  let  us  sit  down  with  them. 

Along  about  seven  o'clock  two  of  the  hobos  started 
over  to  the  one  little  store  at  the  junction  saying  they 
would  get  some  "  punk  "  and  other  grub.  I  offered  to 
pay  for  part  and  right  then  and  there  the  hobos  fell  on 
me  in  a  bunch.  They  took  every  cent  Pete  and  I  had 
and  almost  tore  our  clothes  off.  Then  they  told  us  to 
shut  up  or  they  would  kill  us. 

They  got  an  old  can,  filled  it  full  of  water  and  put 
it  over  the  fire  to  boil.  The  hobos  who  had  gone  to 
the  store  came  back  with  some  bread,  meat  and  onions. 
They  put  the  meat  and  onions  in  the  can  of  water  and 
made  up  a  mess  which  they  called  "  Mulligan."  They 
gave  Pete  and  me  a  chunk  of  meat  and  some  bread  and 
told  us  they  would  give  us  back  our  money  later.  A 
little  later  another  east-bound  freight  came  along  and 
the  bunch  made  a  run  for  it  and  caught  it.  Pete  and  I 
held  back  and  the  hobos  and  our  money  were  soon  out 
of  sight. 

We  were  pretty  well  discouraged  by  this  time  and  I 
went  over  to  a  little  house  near  the  depot  and  asked 


36  O  N  E     M  A  N 

the  old  hag  who  came  to  the  door  for  something  to  eat. 
She  said  she  would  give  me  something  if  I  would  cut 
some  wood.  I  sawed  and  split  three  big  sticks  and 
when  I  was  through  she  gave  me  three  slices  of  bread 
spread  with  bacon  grease.  I  was  so  tired  and  disap 
pointed  that  I  cried,  but  Pete  and  I  ate  that  mess. 
During  the  afternoon  another  long  freight  pulled  in  and 
off  dropped  another  gang  of  tramps. 

About  seven  o'clock  in  the  evening  I  went  over  to 
the  dinky  little  hotel  and  told  the  girl  at  the  kitchen 
door  that  I  was  a  bell  hop  "  on  the  bum  "  and  that  I'd 
had  nothing  to  eat  all  day.  For  a  wonder  she  took  pity 
on  me  and  asked  me  to  come  in.  Making  up  a  half- 
dozen  cold  meat  sandwiches  and  putting  them  into  a 
paper  bag  together  with  some  cake  and  a  piece  of  pie, 
she  led  me  to  the  door  again  with  a  caution  to  keep 
away  from  the  tramps  over  at  the  depot  as  they  would 
take  my  "  hand-out  "  away  from  me. 

Sure  enough,  the  moment  that  I  came  out  of  the  back 
door  of  the  hotel,  over  they  came  with  a  rush.  I 
jammed  the  pie,  cake  and  one  sandwich  inside  my  shirt, 
and  with  a  sandwich  in  one  hand  and  the  bag  in  the 
other  ran  as  fast  as  I  could  toward  the  open  country. 
But  it  was  of  no  use;  they  were  gaining  on  me  so  rap 
idly  that  I  dropped  the  bag  and  kept  on  running. 

The  hobos  stopped  when  they  reached  the  bag  and 
fought  over  it  while  I  put  a  good  distance  between  us. 
Pete  watched  the  performance  and  took  a  run  down 
the  railway  tracks,  so  I  cut  across  country  to  meet 
him.  I  gave  him  his  share  of  the  grub  I  had  hidden 


O  N  E    M  A  N  37 

inside  my  shirt.  We  built  a  little  fire  beside  the  track 
and  when  a  west-bound  freight  came  along,  we  climbed 
into  a  car  loaded  with  wood  and  about  five  in  the  morn 
ing  reached  our  home  town. 

I  sneaked  up  home  by  the  back  way  and  lay  in  the 
old  weeds  back  of  the  house.  When  I  saw  Father  go 
down  town,  I  climbed  over  the  back*  fence  and  went 
into  the  house.  Mother  looked  at  me  and  said,  "  You 
poor  boy,"  and  fussed  over  me  a  great  deal.  She  was 
baking  fresh  biscuits  and  I  ate  about  a  dozen.  Then 
I  went  into  the  sitting-room  and  laid  down  on  a  couch 
after  asking  her  to  wait  until  evening  before  telling  Fa 
ther  I  was  back.  The  next  thing  I  knew  I  was  being 
picked  up  and  thrown  half-way  across  the  room  and 
there  stood  Father  ready  to  grab  me  when  I  got  to  my 
feet.  After  waiting  till  I  was  sound  asleep  Mother 
had  called  him  up  and  he  had  come  home  in  a  hurry. 
AVhen  he  got  through  beating  me  I  was  a  sight  to  be 
hold.  Mother  washed  the  blood  from  my  face  and  put 
me  to  bed.  That  licking  took  the  "  run  away  "  idea 
out  of  my  head  for  a  few  weeks. 

After  school  closed  that  Summer,  the  folks  sent  me 
down  to  the  lake  on  a  camping  trip  with  a  bunch  of 
boys  from  the  Sunday  School.  I  was  not  very  much  at 
home  with  that  crowd,  but  I  stuck  it  out  because  it 
gave  me  a  chance  to  be  on  the  water. 

After  I  returned  home,  a  friend  of  Father's  who  had 
charge  of  a  general  store  out  in  a  small  nearby  town 
suggested  that  it  would  be  a  good  idea  for  me  to  go 
out  on  a  farm  near  there  and  pull  mustard  for  a  farmer. 


38  O  N  E     M  A  N 

I  was  to  get  seventy-five  cents  a  day  and  my  board,  so 
Father  shipped  me  out  to  this  friend. 

I  got  into  the  little  town  in  the  evening  and  had  to 
stay  all  night  with  Father's  friend.  The  next  morn 
ing  I  had  to  wait  around  the  store  until  the  farmer 
showed  up.  So  I  put  in  my  time  in  "  annexing "  a 
few  articles  for  my  own  use.  I  got  five  dollars  in  cash, 
a  perfectly  new  Smith  &  Wesson  revolver  and  two  boxes 
of  shells.  I  sneaked  the  gun  and  shells  over  to  the 
friend's  room  at  the  hotel  and  put  them  into  my  little 
telescope.  The  farmer  drove  into  town  about  twelve 
o'clock  and  after  we  had  dinner,  I  started  with  him 
for  the  farm.  We  arrived  there  about  two  o'clock  and 
drove  up  to  the  barn. 

The  farmer  told  me  to  take  my  telescope  into  the  lit 
tle  room  in  the  front  part  of  the  barn,  so  I  did.  When 
I  looked  in  the  door  of  that  room  my  heart  sank. 
There  was  only  one  piece  of  furniture,  an  old  wooden 
bed  with  a  dirty  mattress  and  an  old  quilt  thrown  over 
it.  On  the  footboard  of  the  bed  sat  a  big  hen.  There 
were  two  or  three  more  of  them  in  the  room.  I  asked 
the  farmer  if  I  was  to  sleep  there  and  he  said,  "  Sure, 
but  you  want  to  keep  that  door  shut  or  those  damned 
hens  will  be  in  there  all  the  time." 

I  made  up  my  mind  then  and  there  that  I  simply 
would  not  stay.  But  first  I  had  to  find  some  way  to 
get  away.  The  farmer  told  me  to  come  with  him  and 
we  walked  down  into  a  field  where  some  boys  and  men 
were  pulling  mustard  out  of  the  wheat.  I  noticed 
that  the  front  of  the  barn  and  the  road  to  town  were 


O  N  E     M  A  N  39 

out  of  sight  of  where  the  men  were  working,  so  I  worked 
a  little  while  and  then  said  I  was  going  to  the  barn  to 
get  my  gloves.  When  I  reached  the  barn  I  grabbed 
my  telescope  and  hiked  out  for  town,  six  miles  away. 
I  didn't  get  there  until  after  dark  and  I  slept  in  a  little 
room  over  a  restaurant.  In  the  morning  I  got  on  the 
train  without  seeing  Father's  friend.  When  I  reached 
home  I  was  scolded  good  but  Mother  said  she  did  not 
blame  me  for  not  wanting  to  sleep  in  a  hen  roost. 

Shortly  after  reaching  home,  Grandmother  sent  me 
money  to  buy  a  bicycle.  This  kept  me  busy  and  I  cut 
out  the  stealing  for  a  few  days. 


CHAPTER  VI 

FINALLY  there  came  a  temptation  too  big  to 
resist.  A  big  wholesale  house  burned  out  and 
the  owners  stored  thousands  of  cigars  in  an 
empty  barn  near  our  house.  The  doors  had  the  reg 
ular  old-fashioned  locks  and  by  hunting  around  I  found 
a  key  that  fitted  one  of  them.  I  took  Bill  and  Pete 
into  the  deal  and  for  several  nights  we  carried  away 
boxes  of  cigars  until  our  arms  ached.  The  owners 
finally  noticed  that  something  was  missing  and  while 
they  did  not  know  how  much  had  been  stolen,  they  be 
gan  investigating.  All  they  ever  found  was  a  few 
boxes  of  cigars  hidden  in  a  pigeon  house. 

We  sold  our  loot  to  a  junk  dealer  and  made  a  lot  of 
money  out  of  it. 

Then  I  decided  to  run  away  on  my  wheel.  I  started 
early  one  morning  with  most  of  the  proceeds  of  my 
share  of  the  cigars  in  my  pocket,  and  about  six  o'clock 
that  evening  I  reached  the  lake  where  I  had  camped 
earlier  in  the  Summer.  Here  I  found  some  of  the  older 
boys  from  my  home  town  camping  out.  They  let  me 
sleep  in  their  tent  and  I  stayed  several  days  with 
them. 

It  was  here  that  I  took  my  first  drink  of  beer.     The 

boys  used  to  send  to  town  and  get  a  keg  and  have  a 

40 


O  N  E     M  A  N  41 

regular  blow-out  about  twice  a  week.  I  was  present 
at  one  of  these  performances  and  was  awful  sick  that 
night.  When  I  got  up  in  the  morning,  they  made  me 
drink  some  of  the  stale  beer  left  in  the  keg,  telling  me 
it  would  stop  my  sickness.  It  did. 

My  father  found  out  where  I  was  and  had  the  Town 
Marshal  at  the  lake  put  me  on  the  train  and  send  me 
home.  I  received  the  usual  beating  and  a  few  days 
later  school  opened. 

I  was  sixteen  years  old  at  this  time  and  getting  old 
for  any  more  petty  thievery.  That  Fall  I  got  five  bi 
cycles  when  their  owners  were  not  riding  them.  I  had 
some  trouble  selling  them,  but  managed  to  get  away 
with  it.  My  father  was  City  Attorney  at  this  time 
and  I  felt  that  I  could  bluff  out  any  suspicion. 

During  the  late  Fall  I  went  to  work  nights  after 
school  and  Saturdays  in  a  photo  gallery  helping  with 
the  finishing  and  other  work.  I  had  been  trading 
around  for  several  years  among  the  boys  and  had  ob 
tained  a  fine  kodak.  Working  with  this  had  given  me 
considerable  experience  and  the  photographer  paid  me 
four  dollars  a  week  for  helping  him.  After  I  had 
worked  there  some  time  one  of  the  older  boys  who  had  a 
large  camera  asked  me  to  get  him  some  plates  at  whole 
sale.  So  I  helped  myself  to  two  dozen  and  sold  them 
to  him. 

This  started  me  and  soon  I  was  doing  a  good  busi 
ness  in  photographers'  supplies.  The  man  who  owned 
the  place  was  a  poor  business  man  but  a  genuine  artist 
and  he  had  more  business  than  he  could  take  care  of. 


42  O  N  E     M  A  N 

He  never  knew  how  much  he  bought  or  what  stock  he  had 
on  hand. 

In  his  dark  room,  he  had  a  little  tin  bank,  one  of 
these  affairs  that  open  with  a  two-number  combination. 
The  bank  had  a  slot  in  the  top  of  it  and  the  old  man 
was  always  dropping  in  the  silver  money  which  he  re 
ceived  in  payment  of  bills.  Once  in  a  great  while  he 
would  empty  it  and  deposit  the  money  or  pay  bills  with 
it.  I  made  up  my  mind  to  get  that  thing  open  and  I 
started  out  to  try  every  combination  commencing  with 
one  or  both  dials.  After  considerable  experimenting  I 
got  the  combination  and  thereafter  I  had  three  or  four 
dollars  a  week  out  of  that  bank.  Finally  after  a  par 
ticularly  bold  steal  of  printing  paper,  he  became  sus 
picious  and  I  quit  the  job. 

In  the  Spring  of  1897  the  "  gang  "  got  busy  build 
ing  a  shack.  We  dug  out  a  space  eight  feet  square  in 
the  side  of  the  hill  back  of  my  house  and  at  night  we 
would  forage  around  new  residences  in  course  of  con 
struction,  and  steal  lumber,  tools  and  nails.  We  soon 
had  a  comfortable  den  fitted  with  a  stove,  hanging  lamp, 
ventilator  pipes  and  everything  we  needed.  When  the 
younger  members  of  the  "  gang "  stole  refreshments 
they  brought  them  to  the  "  shack,"  as  we  called  it,  and 
we  would  have  a  feast.  I  was  smoking  a  good  many 
cigarettes  these  days  and  they  were  already  beginning 
to  have  an  effect  upon  me. 

In  this  neighborhood  was  a  young  boy  whose  folks 
were  very  well-to-do.  They  bought  him  a  fine  kodak 


O  N  E     M  A  N  43 

and  complete  outfit  and  engaged  me  to  teach  him  how 
to  use  it. 

For  two  weeks  I  went  to  his  house  nearly  every  night 
and  helped  him  finish  his  work.  I  received  fifty  cents 
each  trip,  and  the  first  day  I  was  there  I  noticed  that 
the  boy  took  the  money  out  of  a  big  glass  dish  on  a 
shelf  in  the  kitchen.  This  shelf  was  right  over  the 
kitchen  sink  where  we  used  the  running  water  most  of 
the  time.  So  on  my  second  trip  I  left  the  brush  in 
our  dark  room  and  made  him  go  and  get  it.  While  he 
was  gone  I  investigated  and  found  this  dish  to  be  half 
full  of  small  change.  I  stole  a  couple  of  dollars  this 
first  time  and  touched  it  up  regularly  during  those  two 
weeks.  It  seems  that  the  boy's  father  put  whatever 
silver  he  had  in  his  pockets  each  night  into  this  dish. 
The  boy's  mother  paid  for  vegetables  and  groceries  and 
such  things  out  of  this  fund.  The  last  time  I  was 
there  I  lifted  over  six  dollars  out  of  it. 


CHAPTER  VII 

ALL  this  Spring  Mother  had  been  feeling  poorly 
and  one  day  she  told  me  that  some  day  soon 
there  would  be  another  child  in  the  house.     I 
was   dumbfounded   at  first   and   could  scarcely  believe 
it.     I  did  not  know  much  about  such  things,  only  what 
the  older  boys  had  told  around  the  gang  camp  fires 
and  what  little  I  had  read  in  books  and  magazines. 

I  noticed  that  Mother  read  a  good  many  boy  stories 
and  around  the  house  appeared  a  lot  of  new  pictures 
of  children,  mostly  boys,  and  I  heard  Father  and  her 
discussing  something  which  they  called  "  Prenatal  In 
fluences."  I  remember  so  well  looking  up  the  words 
and  then  how  the  thought  came  to  me  like  a  blow  that 
they  wanted  another  boy  because  the  first  one  had 
turned  out  no  good.  I  think  in  that  hour  I  became 
suddenly  a  great  deal  older.  I  know  that  I  had  hope, 
just  a  little,  now  that  there  was  a  substitute  for  me  on 
the  way.  I  felt  that  I  could  get  away  out  of  their 
sight  and  hoe  my  own  row.  I  somehow  felt  confident 
that  once  I  was  away  from  there  I  could  grow  into  a 
good  business  man  at  least.  I  looked  forward  to  that 
baby's  coming  with  a  great  deal  of  boyish  anxiety. 
I  can  remember  so  well  asking  God  in  my  prayers 

each  night  to  have  the  baby  be  a  boy.     On  several  oc- 

44 


O  N  E     M  A  N  45 

casions  I  forgot  to  ask  God  about  the  baby  and  I  can 
remember  crawling  out  of  bed  and  getting  down  on  my 
knees  again  to  ask  him  for  the  boy. 

One  morning  in  July  Father  called  me  in  a  hurry 
and  I  had  to  take  my  wheel  and  ride  to  the  livery  barn, 
get  a  hack  and  go  after  the  nurse.  When  I  reached 
home,  Father  told  me  there  would  be  a  little  baby  up 
stairs  soon.  It  was  the  first  time  he  had  mentioned 
the  subject  to  me. 

I  went  out  on  the  porch  and  sat  down  on  the  front 
steps.  I  could  hear  my  mother  moan  and  cry  out  once 
in  a  while  and  my  heart  ached.  I  thought  she  was  go 
ing  through  all  that  pain  on  account  of  me,  because  if 
I  had  been  a  good  boy,  they  would  not  have  needed 
another  baby.  And  if  ever  a  child's  prayer  was  earnest 
it  was  mine  that  bright  summer  morning  as  I  sat 
there  in  the  sunshine,  thinking  a  man's  thoughts  and 
praying  for  a  brother  —  not  a  brother  that  I  could 
play  with,  but  a  brother  who  would  be  The  Boy  of  the 
family  and  an  honor  to  my  father  and  mother.  I  can 
remember  a  few  pangs  of  jealousy  over  how  he  would 
be  loved  and  trusted  and  I  would  be  roaming  around  the 
world  alone.  Somehow  as  I  had  grown  older  I  had 
come  to  think  it  would  be  desertion  on  my  part  to  run 
away  and  leave  them  without  a  boy,  even  though  I  was 
only  a  bad  one.  I  felt  somehow  that  if  the  baby  was 
a  boy  they  would  be  good  to  him  and  he  would  grow  up 
nice. 

When  the  doctor  came  downstairs  at  last,  I  was 
afraid  to  ask  him  what  the  baby  was  and  he  smiled  at 


£6  ONE    MAN 

me  as  he  drew  on  his  gloves  and  said,  "  Bob,  you  have 
another  sister  upstairs." 

I  didn't  answer  him  but  I  ran  into  the  house  and 
threw  myself  face  down  on  the  couch  where  my  mother 
had  lain  so  many  afternoons  and  I  cried  and  sobbed  for 
what  seemed  hours.  Father  came  into  the  room  about 
noon  and,  pulling  me  up  from  the  couch,  asked  me  what 
I  was  crying  about.  I  shrank  away  from  him  and 
could  not  answer,  but  as  I  looked  at  him  the  queerest 
expression  came  over  his  face  and  he  said  something 
about  "  being  damned."  I  wonder  sometimes  if  he  read 
my  disappointment. 

From  the  moment  I  saw  that  baby  I  loved  her.  She 
is  sixteen  now  and  I  have  almost  worshipped  her  since 
that  morning. 

That  Summer  I  got  a  job  in  a  wholesale  grocery 
house  and  worked  hard  and  behaved  myself. 

When  school  opened  in  the  Fall,  I  settled  down  to 
hard  work  and  began  to  take  an  interest  in  my  studies. 
I  also  joined  the  Y.  M.  C.  A.  and  attended  all  their 
meetings.  At  one  of  the  Sunday  afternoon  meetings 
I  became  greatly  repentant  and  when  the  evangelist 
asked  the  ones  who  wished  to  go  on  the  Lord's  side  to 
step  forward,  I  stood  up  and  walked  forward.  This 
action  on  my  part  greatly  pleased  my  folks  and  the 
friends  of  the  family.  Even  my  school  teacher  spoke 
to  me  about  it  one  afternoon  after  school.  They 
crowded  and  jammed  religion  down  my  throat  until  I 
was  dazed,  and  finally  I  became  disgusted  with  the 
whole  thing. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  47 

I  started  to  work  evenings  and  Saturdays  on  the 
stage  at  the  Opera  House.  Sundays  I  was  singing  in 
the  Episcopal  Church  choir.  This  soon  became  tire 
some  and  I  spent  my  Sunday  mornings  back  of  the  big 
pipe  organ  with  the  minister's  son,  Percy. 

Percy  was  an  adept  at  "  touching  up  "  the  collection 
baskets  just  as  the  services  were  over.  After  he  put 
me  wise  to  this,  we  both  had  spending  money. 

It  was  during  this  Winter  that  my  father  came  very 
near  killing  me.  My  mother  interfered  just  in  time  to 
save  me. 

One  evening  when  Father  had  particularly  cautioned 
me  against  going  out,  Percy  and  his  sister  came  along 
and  urged  me  to  go  over  on  the  other  side  of  town  with 
them  for  an  hour.  Father  was  suffering  with  rheuma 
tism  but  had  gone  down  town  to  Lodge.  I  figured  that 
I  could  get  back  before  he  did  and  so  I  sneaked  out 
without  asking  Mother.  We  went  over  to  a  friend's 
house  and  I  got  to  scuffling  with  one  of  the  girls  out  in 
the  hall  and  pushed  her  through  the  glass  panel 
in  the  front  door.  Her  mother  was  very  angry  and 
sent  us  all  home,  and  shortly  after  we  left  she  called 
up  my  home  on  the  'phone. 

Father  had  returned  and  he  answered  the  call.  The 
woman  told  him  about  my  pushing  her  daughter 
through  the  glass  door  and  Father  got  crazy  mad.  He 
put  on  his  hat  and  coat  and  started  out  to  hunt  me. 

I  passed  him  on  the  way  and  had  sneaked  into  the 
house  and  hung  up  my  hat  and  coat  when  he  came  in. 
He  let  out  a  roar  and  made  a  dive  for  me,  but  slipped 


48  O  N  E     M  A  N 

on  the  polished  floor  and  fell  against  a  little  stove, 
which  was  standing  in  the  corner.  He  knocked  this 
stove  over  and  parts  of  it  rolled  across  the  room. 
Luckily  there  was  no  fire  in  it.  He  grabbed  one  of  the 
stove  legs  with  one  hand  and  me  with  the  other  and 
jammed  me  up  into  a  corner.  His  hand  was  around  my 
throat  and  his  knee  in  my  stomach  when  he  struck  at 
me  with  the  stove  leg.  The  piece  of  iron  caught  on  the 
edge  of  the  shelf,  glanced  down  onto  my  shoulder  and 
slipped  out  of  Father's  hand.  He  did  not  let  go  of 
me  but  smashed  me  in  the  face  with  his  fist  and  then 
Mother  pulled  him  backwards  to  the  floor  and  I  got 
away.  She  quieted  him  and  then  patched  me  up  but  it 
was  a  week  before  I  could  go  out  anywhere. 

This  brutality  made  me  worse  than  ever  and  the 
next  thing  I  started  was  stealing  overcoats.  I  stole 
two  from  church  sociables  and  three  from  a  denomina 
tional  college  which  was  located  near  our  house.  I  had 
to  go  there  twice  a  week  to  take  music  lessons.  I  did 
not  want  to  study  music  but  Mother  paid  me  to  take 
lessons  and  practise.  The  overcoat  thefts  were  dan 
gerous  and  when  the  police  began  to  investigate,  I  laid 
low  for  a  while. 

During  this  Spring  Mother  decided  to  have  me  bap 
tized.  She  had  often  spoken  of  it  and  finally  one 
Wednesday  night  I  went  to  prayer  meeting  with  her 
and  had  it  done.  I  cried  during  the  service  and  so  did 
Mother.  She  sat  there  looking  at  me  so  strangely  just 
as  if  she  had  faith  that  the  placing  of  God's  seal  upon 
my  head  would  save  me  from  damnation. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  49 

That  Spring  I  had  to  work  hard  to  pass  in  my 
studies  on  account  of  the  poor  attention  paid  to  them 
during  the  late  Winter. 


CHAPTER  VIII 

IN  the  early  Summer  Mother  and  the  baby,  together 
with  Mary  and  myself,  went  to  visit  my  grand 
mother  who  had  moved  back  to  her  old  home,  the 
town  I  had  tried  to  reach  on  my  first  run-away  trip. 

After  we  had  been  there  a  few  days  I  started  to  work 
for  the  telephone  company  doing  local  repair  work  and 
putting  in  instruments.  I  had  fooled  around  with 
electricity  considerable  during  the  preceding  three 
years  and  it  was  not  difficult  for  me  to  do  this  kind  of 
wdrk.  After  a  month  of  it,  the  General  Store  people, 
who  were  friends  of  my  grandmother's,  offered  me  a  job 
at  five  dollars  a  week  in  the  store. 

This  store  carried  a  stock  of  groceries,  tobacco,  jew 
elry,  drugs,  and  had  a  large  patent  medicine  manufac 
turing  business  which  was  operated  under  the  same 
management  as  the  store. 

This  sort  of  a  position  was  a  snap  for  my  thieving 
hands  and  I  got  busy  right  away.  One  of  the  first 
things  I  stole  was  a  small  keg  of  port  wine  and  in  com 
pany  with  several  of  the  telephone  men  went  to  the 
cemetery  one  evening  where  the  "  gang  "  proceeded  to 
get  drunk.  I  was  so  sick  afterwards  that  from  that 
day  to  this  I  have  never  touched  port  wine. 

While  working  in  the  store,  I  had  a  chance  to  meet 

50 


ONE     MAN  51 

many  of  the  girls  living  in  the  town.  Some  of  them 
were  terrors  and  while  I  was  ignorant  regarding  many 
things,  yet  I  found  a  great  fascination  in  going  with 
them  and  letting  them  make  love  to  me.  They  must 
have  sized  me  up  right  for  they  certainly  teased  the  life 
out  of  me. 

One  of  the  girls  in  particular  was  very  beautiful  and 
seemed  to  take  a  liking  to  me.  Finally  I  commenced 
giving  her  things  out  of  the  store  —  a  ring  or  two,  per 
fumery,  candy  and  such  things. 

The  patent  medicine  business  was  booming  at  this 
time  and  the  firm  bought  thousands  of  revenue  stamps 
to  put  on  the  packages.  These  stamps,  of  all  denomi 
nations,  were  kept  in  a  big  cabinet  in  a  side  room.  I 
commenced  grabbing  off  a  sheet  or  two  a  day  and  hid 
ing  them  in  a  tin  box  out  in  the  warehouse. 

When  this  girl  whose  name  was  Mabel  decided  to  go 

to  R ,  a  nearby  town,  and  visit  her  aunt,  I  decided 

I  would  go  and  see  her  later  on  and  at  the  same  time 

go  around  by  W ,  which  was  a  good-sized  town,  and 

dispose  of  the  revenue  stamps. 

This  I  did,  receiving  about  fifty  dollars  for  the  bunch 
worth  over  a  hundred.  Also  I  had  grabbed  off  a  couple 
of  watches,  a  few  league  base  balls,  fountain  pens,  some 

gold  rings  and  such  stuff.  I  sold  all  of  this  in  W 

and  had  nearly  a  hundred  dollars  in  cash  when  I  started 

for  R .  I  arrived  there  in  the  morning  and  went 

to  the  hotel.  After  breakfast  I  went  to  see  Mabel. 
She  was  glad  to  see  me  and  told  me  she  would  meet  me 
that  evening. 


52  O  N  E     M  A  N 

I  went  back  to  the  hotel  and  as  I  was  sitting  at  din 
ner  I  heard  some  loud  talking  out  in  the  little  office. 
The  queerest  faint  feeling  came  over  me  and  a  moment 
later  the  hotel  clerk  came  into  the  dining-room  and 
walked  over  to  me.  His  face  was  red  and  he  looked 
angry.  He  told  me  to  go  out  in  the  office  as  a  man 
wanted  to  see  me.  I  knew  something  was  wrong  and 
the  moment  I  stepped  into  the  office  and  saw  the  heavy, 
thick-set  man  with  a  star  on  his  coat,  I  knew  I  was 
going  to  be  arrested.  I  did  not  know  just  what  for  as 
there  were  so  many  things  back  of  me  and  I  can  re 
member  going  over  a  lot  of  them  mentally  in  a  very 
few  seconds. 

The  village  marshal,  for  such  he  proved  to  be,  asked 
me  my  name  and  I  told  him.  Then  he  said  I  was  under 
arrest  for  the  authorities  at  grandmother's  home.  I 
knew  then  that  it  was  for  the  stamps  and  things  I  had 
taken  out  of  the  store. 

The  marshal  made  me  pay  my  hotel  bill  and  then  get 
my  little  satchel  and  go  to  the  jail  with  him. 

There  were  no  other  prisoners  in  the  jail,  which  was 
a  small,  ramshackle,  wooden  affair.  The  big  man  led 
me  through  a  sort  of  office  into  a  room  containing  three 
little  cells,  or  cages,  made  out  of  iron  bars.  Opening 
the  door  of  the  first  one,  he  pushed  me  in  and  shut  it ; 
then  reaching  up  on  the  wall  he  took  down  a  big  key 
and  locked  me  in.  After  getting  me  a  tin  pail  of  water, 
he  left  the  cell  room  and  a  little  later  I  heard  the  jail 
door  slam  shut  and  I  knew  I  was  alone. 

I  looked  around  the  cell  I  was  in  and  found  a  narrow 


O  N  E     M  A  N  53 

iron  cot  fastened  to  the  wall  and  covered  with  a  dirty 
grey  blanket.  I  can  remember  the  awful  feeling  that 
came  over  me  as  I  realized  that  at  last  I  was  in  jail. 

I  stood  at  the  cell  door  and  looked  out  of  the  grated 
window  across  the  narrow  corridor.  The  sun  was  shin 
ing  brightly  and  I  could  hear  a  wagon  going  by.  The 
birds  sang  outside  in  the  trees  and  I  couldn't  see  how 
they  could.  Then  the  realization  of  where  I  was  came 
to  me  all  of  a  sudden  and  I  grabbed  the  cold,  iron  bars 
in  the  door  and  shook  them  and  rattled  them,  for  I  was 
fearfully  alone  and  afraid  in  that  moment.  Then  I 
began  to  cry  and  to  grow  more  afraid  and  I  called  and 
screamed  but  there  wasn't  any  snswer.  Then  the 
thought  came  to  me,  "  Suppose  the  jail  gets  on  fire?  " 
That  made  me  yet  more  afraid  and  I  screamed  and 
kicked  at  the  bars  until  I  wore  myself  out  and  sank  to 
the  floor. 

About  four  thirty  the  marshal  came  back  and  with 
him  came  the  county  attorney  and  Grandmother's  old 
family  doctor,  who  had  an  interest  in  the  store. 

I  can  remember  how,  after  the  marshal  had  unlocked 
my  cell  door,  the  old  doctor  came  into  the  cell  and 
leading  me  out  into  the  sunlit  corridor  said,  "  Bobbie, 
why  did  you  do  it?  "  I  put  my  head  on  the  old  man's 
shoulder  and  cried  like  a  baby. 

After  a  few  moments,  the  doctor  pushed  me  away 
from  him  and  said  to  the  others,  "  I  guess  you  can  leave 
us  alone  for  a  few  minutes."  Then  he  hesitated  and 
said,  "  Wait  a  minute,"  and  ran  his  hands  all  over  my 
body,  feeling  to  see  if  I  had  a  weapon  hidden  in  my 


54  0  N  £     M  A  N 

clothes.  I  have  often  wondered  where  the  old  doctor 
learned  that  trick. 

He  then  told  the  marshal  and  the  attorney  to  go, 
saying  at  the  same  time  that  he  guessed  I  would  not 
try  to  hurt  him.  After  they  left  the  cell  room,  the 
doctor  got  at  me  and  made  me  tell  him  the  whole  story. 
Finally  he  called  in  the  county  attorney  and  told  him 
to  make  out  a  list  of  all  the  things  I  had  stolen  and  to 
also  take  down  the  names  of  the  people  to  whom  I 
had  sold  them. 

It  was  late  when  we  got  through  with  this  and  the 
old  doctor,  after  taking  every  cent  I  had,  gave  me  five 

dollars  and  told  me  to  go  to  C and  stop  at  a 

certain  hotel,  giving  me  at  the  same  time  a  note  to  the 
hotel  people,  stating  that  my  mother  would  call  for 
me  in  two  days  and  would  pay  my  board  bill. 

I  got  on  the  train  that  night  with  a  thankful  heart, 
swearing  I  would  never  steal  again.  Mother  came  a 
few  days  later  and  took  me  home.  She  had  written  to 
father  about  the  trouble  and  he  seemed  heartbroken 
when  he  met  us  at  the  train.  That  night  I  heard  him 
talking  to  Mother  for  hours  after  I  had  gone  to  bed. 
He  did  not  beat  me  this  time.  My  grandmother  later 
paid  the  store  in  full  for  everything  I  had  stolen. 
When  she  died  a  few  years  afterward  her  entire  estate 
went  to  my  mother  and  Mary. 


CHAPTER  IX 

WEN  school  opened  that  Fall,  I  took  up  my 
pork  in  a  half  hearted  way  and  nights 
Lfter  school  and  Saturdays  worked  in  a 
bookstore.  After  a  few  days  in  the  store  I  commenced 
to  hold  out  money  from  my  sales  and  in  this  way  soon 
had  a  few  dollars  ahead. 

About  this  time,  I  began  to  drink  considerable  for  a 
boy  of  my  age.  I  was  somewhat  ignorant  regarding 
women.  Despite  my  companions  and  their  stories  I 
was  absolutely  innocent  regarding  sex  relationship. 

On  the  night  of  my  eighteenth  birthday  I  went  down 
town  with  Bill,  one  of  the  other  boys  belonging  to  our 
old  gang.  We  had  several  drinks  and  finally  wandered 
into  a  gambling  room  connected  with  the  saloon.  This 
was  the  first  time  I  had  seen  such  a  lay-out  and  I 
became  excited  immediately.  I  only  had  fourteen  cents 
in  my  pocket  and  obtaining  another  cent  from  Bill  I 
started  to  play  a  dice  game.  This  game  consisted  of 
a  big  single  dice  with  a  picture  and  name  of  some 
famous  horse  painted  on  each  face  and  a  strip  of  oil 
cloth  fastened  to  a  table  and  marked  off  into  six  divi 
sions  in  each  one  of  which  was  painted  a  horse  and 
name  to  correspond  with  one  of  the  faces  of  the  dice. 

I  laid  my  fifteen  cents  on  the  oil  cloth  space  marked 

55 


56  O  N  E     M  A  N 

"  Saxon,  "  the  man  running  the  lay-out  spun  the  dice 
around  on  a  little  wooden  platform  and  when  it  stopped, 
the  side  of  the  dice  which  turned  up  read  "  Saxon  " 
and  I  had  won.  I  kept  this  up  for  half  an  hour  and 
then  had  something  over  six  dollars. 

Then  we  went  to  the  roulette  wheel  and  I  quit  there 
with  a  little  over  ten  dollars.  After  this  I  shot  craps 
and  lost  all  but  three  dollars.  Then  we  went  across 
the  street  to  a  saloon  which  catered  to  the  wine  room 
trade. 

After  a  couple  of  drinks  in  the  bar  we  went  down 
stairs  to  the  wine  rooms  to  "  see  what  we  could  see." 
I  cannot  forget  even  the  walk  down  those  heavily 
carpeted  stairs,  the  scent  of  the  cigarettes  being 
smoked  behind  the  closed  doors  of  those  little  rooms  and 
I  wondered  at  the  time  if  I  would  see  a  woman  smoking 
a  cigarette.  I  had  heard  of  their  doing  it  but  had 
never  quite  believed  it.  I  know  I  was  trembling  a 
little  when  I  went  down  there  and  I  guess  most  men 
when  they  approach  the  turning  of  the  way  in  life  do 
so  with  some  fear.  It  seems  to  be  but  natural.  Why 
I  should  choose  the  night  of  my  eighteenth  birthday 
for  such  an  action  I  don't  know  but  I  suppose  it  had 
to  come  then  as  well  as  any  other  time. 

Bill  and  I  went  into  the  little  room  which  was  open 
a»d  I  pushed  the  button  for  the  waiter.  We  ordered 
a  drink  and  I  paid  for  it  and  ordered  another  immedi 
ately.  I  felt  reckless  and  for  the  first  time  in  my 
life,  a  little  vicious.  I  was  beginning  to  feel  the  effects 
of  what  I  had  imbibed  and  was  ready  for  any  deviltry 


O  N  E     M  A  N  57 

that  might  develop,  but  I  can  remember  being  glad 
that  Bill  was  there. 

While  we  were  sitting  there  drinking  our  second  round 
a  pretty  dark-eyed  girl  looked  into  the  room  and  said, 
«  Hello,  kids."  Bill  and  I  both  said,  "  Hello." 

She  stood  there  in  the  door  a  moment  looking  at  us 
and  finally  came  in  and  asked  us  if  we  would  buy  a 
drink.  I  jumped  up  quick  and  after  pushing  the  button 
for  the  waiter,  pulled  out  a  chair  for  her  to  sit  on.  She 
looked  at  me  kind  of  funny  when  I  did  it. 

I  sized  her  up  while  the  waiter  was  bringing  in  the 
drinks.  She  did  not  have  on  any  paint  or  powder. 
Her  hands  and  hair  were  well  cared  for  and  she  was 
dressed  very  simply  in  a  dark  skirt  and  clean  white, 
tailored  shirt  waist.  Her  hat  was  small  and  very  be 
coming.  She  was  the  first  woman  of  her  kind  that  I 
had  ever  met  and  somehow  I  couldn't  believe  she  was 
"  one  of  them."  I  was  all  eyes  and  ears  and,  in  fact, 
could  not  take  my  eyes  from  hers  for  very  long.  She 
seemed  to  look  at  me  in  such  a  queer  way.  She  didn't 
pay  much  attention  to  Bill. 

Her  big  brown  eyes  were  clear  and  her  cheeks  had 
plenty  of  color.  I  could  not  believe  that  any  man  could 
have  her  until  I  saw  her  swallow  that  big  drink  of 
whiskey.  Then  my  natural  boyish  respect  for  her  as 
a  woman  sort  of  faded  a  little. 

Then  she  came  over  and  asked  if  she  could  sit  on  my 
knee.  I  let  her  sit  there  and  she  put  one  arm  around 
my  neck  and  kissed  me.  At  that  something  flared  up 
within  me.  I  turned  to  Bill  but  he  began  to  get  red  in 


58  O  N  E     M  A  N 

the  face  and  getting  on  to  his  feet  said,  "  Bob,  I'm  going 
out  of  doors  for  some  fresh  air."  After  Bill  left,  the 
girl  jumped  up  from  my  knee  and  went  over  and  locked 
the  door. 

She  came  back  to  me  and  sat  down  on  my  knee  again 
and  putting  her  arm  around  me  began  telling  me  the 
story  of  her  life.  She  talked  particularly  about  her 
splendid  education.  Then  she  asked  me  all  about  my 
self  and  I  was  just  drunk  enough  to  tell  her  who  I  was 
and  to  answer  all  her  questions.  My  answers  to  one  or 
two  of  her  questions  seemed  to  tickle  her  immensely  and 
she  laughed  and  kissed  me  several  times.  She  told  me 
she  liked  me  and  wanted  to  know  if  I  liked  her  and  I 
said  "  Yes  "  in  a  strong  voice  although  I  was  trembling 
from  head  to  foot. 

When  I  left  that  room  a  half  hour  later  I  was  per 
fectly  sober  yet  dazed.  My  childhood  and  my  inno 
cence  were  a  part  of  the  past  and  I  shall  never  as  long 
as  I  live  cease  to  remember  my  feelings  as  she  unlocked 
the  door.  I  was  oddly  happy  over  what  had  taken 
place  and  somehow  considered  myself  at  last  to  be  a 
man.  I  knew  that  on  the  morrow  I  should  look  at 
women  in  a  different  light.  I  did  not  feel. that  I  had 
done  any  wrong  but  that  I  had  only  taken  from  life 
something  which  belonged  to  me. 

I  looked  around  for  Bill  and  found  him  upstairs 
eating  free  lunch.  I  asked  him  to  buy  me  a  drink 
as  I  had  given  the  girl  downstairs  what  money  I  had, 
a  dollar  and  twenty  cents.  She  had  not  wanted  to 
take  it  at  first,  especially  as  I  had  counted  out  the 


O  N  E     M  A  N  59 

nickels  and  dimes  on  to  the  table.  I  can  remember  how 
her  face  flushed  as  I  put  the  last  nickel  down  but  I 
had  insisted  on  her  taking  it  and  told  her  I  wished  I 
had  more  to  give  her.  I  can  remember  even  now  how 
ashamed  I  was  that  I  did  not  have  more  money  with  me. 

I  was  pretty  quiet  walking  home  with  Bill  and  he 
wanted  to  know  all  about  what  had  taken  place  but  I 
would  not  tell  him.  I  wanted  to  get  away  from  him 
to  think  over  this  new  thing  which  had  come  into  my 
life. 

I  lay  awake  a  long  time  that  night  trying  to  peer 
into  the  future  and  wondering  what  it  held  for  me. 

A  few  days  after  this  I  quit  school  and  told  Father 
I  was  going  to  business  college  and  learn  to  earn  my 
own  living.  He  told  me  he  would  not  pay  any  tuition 
for  me  but  that  I  could  have  my  board  as  long  as  I  be 
haved  myself. 

I  went  down  town  to  the  business  college  and  asked 
them  if  there  was  any  way  I  could  earn  my  tuition. 
The  principal  laughed  at  me  at  first.  My  father  was 
then  one  of  the  city  officials  and  it  probably  did  sound 
queer  to  hear  his  son  asking  for  a  chance  to  work  his 
way  through  school.  But  I  persisted  in  my  efforts  to 
convince  the  principal,  telling  him  that  my  father  had 
worked  his  way  through  college  and  that  I  was  not  too 
proud  to  do  the  same  thing. 

Finally  he  told  me  he  would  give  me  my  tuition  and 
books  and  two  dollars  and  a  half  a  week  if  I  would  see 
that  the  fires  in  the  four  big  stoves  were  built  each 
morning  and  kept  up  through  the  day,  the  rooms  swept 


60  O  N  E     M  A  N 

every  morning  and  the  desks  dusted.  I  was  to  have  a 
Swede  boy  to  help  me  at  this  work.  The  wood  for  the 
stoves  was  kept  in  a  big  shed  on  the  ground  floor  and 
had  to  be  carried  up  two  flights  of  stairs. 

I  took  the  job  and  started  to  work  the  next  Mon 
day  morning.  Our  whole  neighborhood  talked  about  it 
and  several  men  patted  me  on  the  back  and  said,  "  Good 
boy,  stick  to  it." 

It  was  hard  work  and  it  took  all  my  nerve  and  grit 
to  stick  it  out.  My  former  school  mates  kidded  me 
continually  and  called  me,  "  Janitor  Bob."  Yet  I 
learned  more  in  those  few  months  than  in  any  two  years 
I  attended  public  school.  Also  I  had  more  of  an  excuse 
to  go  out  evenings  and  that  meant  a  great  deal  to  me. 

Before  I  had  been  very  long  at  the  janitor  work  I 
saw  an  opportunity  to  do  a  little  stealing  and  I  made 
the  most  of  it.  The  school  sent  out  many  letters 
and  booklets  to  prospective  students  and  this  neces 
sitated  their  using  a  great  many  postage  stamps  in  the 
office.  I  managed  to  get  a  key  to  the  stamp  drawer 
and  in  this  way  kept  myself  in  spending  money. 

The  students  hung  their  coats  and  hats  in  a  big 
room  which  opened  onto  the  hall.  A  person  standing 
in  this  room  could  easily  hear  any  one  coming  down  the 
hall  and  one  morning  after  school  was  opened  I  made 
a  tour  of  investigation  through  the  room  and  gathered 
in  a  few  dollars. 

I  had  noticed  that  some  of  the  students  who  came 
from  the  country  districts  received  money  from  home 
every  Monday  so  I  decided  that  Monday  afternoons 


O  N  E     M  A  N  61 

ought    to    be    a    good    time    to    make    a    "  clean-up." 

One  girl  in  particular  always  had  plenty  of  money 
and  the  principal  always  cashed  a  check  for  her  Monday 
mornings.  So  I  awaited  my  chance  and  the  next  Mon 
day  afternoon  I  went  through  her  coat  and  found  a 
pocket  book  containing  about  thirty  dollars  in  bills. 
I  took  a  twenty  dollar  bill  and  left  the  rest.  She 
never  made  any  holler  about  it  but  I  was  nearly  caught 
during  the  following  week  so  I  decided  to  find  another 
source  of  income. 

About  this  time  I  became  acquainted  with  a  boy 
named  Fred  who  worked  for  the  phone  company.  He 
had  recently  moved  into  our  neighborhood  and  we  soon 
came  to  be  good  friends.  He  gave  me  a  lot  of  wire  and 
stuff  from  the  telephone  warehouse  and  I  used  to  go 
to  the  warehouse  with  him  on  Sunday  mornings.  On 
my  first  visit  there  I  noticed  thousands  of  dollars  worth 
of  copper  lying  around  and  it  looked  to  me  as  if  it 
might  be  a  "  source  of  income." 

I  laid  for  Fred's  keys  and  one  Sunday  morning 
while  he  was  up  in  the  warehouse  office  I  "  lifted  "  the 
bunch  which  he  had  left  hanging  in  the  padlock.  This 
was  not  an  unusual  thing  for  him  to  do  and  when  he 
was  ready  to  go  home,  he  pulled  the  door  shut  and 
snapped  the  padlock,  never  missing  his  keys.  Early 
the  next  morning  I  took  the  warehouse  key  to  a  lock 
smith  and  had  a  duplicate  made.  The  following  Sun 
day  I  dropped  Fred's  bunch  in  an  open  keg  of  insulators 
where  it  was  found  a  few  days  later. 

The  question  now  was  how  to  get  the  wire  out.     Sat- 


62  O  N  E     M  A  N 

urday  night  was  the  best  time  as  Jack  usually  went 
to  see  his  girl  and  the  crew  foreman,  the  only  other 
man  who  had  a  key,  always  went  on  a  drunk  that  even 
ing. 

I  took  Bill  into  my  confidence  and  on  our  first  trip 
we  took  nothing  but  spools  of  insulated  copper  wire. 
This  netted  about  twenty  dollars  for  the  evening's 
work.  The  next  Saturday  night  we  took  Bill's  horse 
and  buggy  and  drove  down  near  the  warehouse.  We 
tied  the  horse  and  walked  to  the  place,  opened  the  door 
and  rolled  out  two  of  the  big  coils.  We  then  shut  and 
locked  the  door  and  hurried  back  after  the  horse  and 
buggy  which  we  drove  into  the  alley  and,  lifting  the 
coils  into  the  buggy,  we  threw  a  robe  over  them  and 
drove  back  to  Bill's  barn  where  wTe  hid  the  wire. 

For  two  months  we  seldom  missed  a  Saturday  night's 
trip  and  we  had  about  a  dozen  coils  of  wire  hid  around 
Bill's  home,  some  in  the  barn  and  some  in  the  lumber 
pile. 

One  Sunday  morning  Fred  told  me  that  some  one 
was  stealing  copper  from  the  company  and  they  were 
going  to  station  a  man  in  the  warehouse  to  watch. 
This  warning  was  lucky  for  us  and  I  threw  my  key 
away  that  same  day. 

Bill  and  I  were  afraid  to  dispose  of  the  wire  in  the 
coils  so  we  decided  to  cut  it  up  in  short  lengths.  We 
borrowed  from  a  neighbor  an  old  strap  iron  cutter  and 
sharpened  it.  We  rigged  the  affair  up  in  Bill's  hay 
loft  and  started  in  to  cut  up  the  lot.  After  we  had  cut 
up  two  rolls,  we  loaded  the  short  pieces  into  the  spring 


O  N  E     M  A  N  63 

wagon  and  drove  out  to  a  junk  man's  place.  This  old 
man  was  a  thorough  crook  and  we  had  no  trouble  in 
selling  our  load. 

We  finally  became  tired  of  the  work  involved  in  cut 
ting  up  the  wire  and  made  a  dicker  with  the  old  crook 
to  buy  the  remaining  rolls.  He  drove  up  back  of  Bill's 
barn  one  night  and  we  sold  him  the  whole  lot.  We 
received  a  good-sized  bunch  of  money  for  this  work  but 
when  I  look  back  at  the  risk  we  ran  I  cannot  see  how 
we  ever  got  away  with  it. 

I  was  getting  tired  of  the  janitor  work  and  had  fal 
len  into  the  habit  of  chasing  around  with  one  of  the 
girls  who  went  to  the  business  college.  She  was  a  ter 
ror  and  led  me  a  merry  chase. 

One  night  when  I  had  a  date  with  her,  Father  cau 
tioned  me  to  be  home  by  eleven  o'clock  and  I  did  not  get 
back  until  twelve.  I  rang  the  bell  and  hammered  on 
the  door  and  finally  Father  opened  the  window  upstairs 
and  hollered,  "  You  can't  get  in  here,  young  man.  Go 
and  sleep  with  the  other  night  owls." 

For  a  few  moments  I  stood  there  in  the  moonlight 
looking  up  at  the  house,  half  expecting  that  Mother 
would  open  the  door  for  me  but  she  did  not.  I  walked 
to  the  gate  under  the  tree  and  turned  again  and  looked 
up  to  her  window,  hoping  she  would  at  least  tell  me 
where  to  go,  but  she  did  not  speak. 

When  I  realized  that  I  was  locked  out  I  opened  the 
gate  and  walked  away.  I  have  never  since  felt  so  ut 
terly  God  forsaken  and  alone  as  on  that  night  when  I 
was  refused  entrance  to  my  own  home.  That  home 


64  ONE     MAN 

was  never  the  same  after  that  evening.  The  closing 
of  the  door  against  me  seemed  like  a  still  small  voice 
saying,  "  See,  Bob,  they  don't  care  a  damn  for  you ;  go 
on  your  way."  And  while  I  was  hurt  and  heartbroken 
yet  I  was  glad  in  a  way,  for  it  seemed  to  be  a  sign  that 
I  should  shake  the  dust  of  the  place  from  my  feet. 

That  night  I  went  to  a  hotel  and  slept.  I  had  the 
bill  charged  to  Father,  who  paid  it  the  next  day  with 
out  a  word.  That  night  I  was  home  early. 

Several  times  during  that  Fall  I  hesitated  over  con 
tinuing  my  way  downward.  Many  an  evening  at  home 
when  the  family  would  be  sifting  around  the  big  library 
table,  I  have  wanted  to  get  up  and  go  around  to  Father 
and  tell  him  how  sorry  I  was  for  what  I  had  done  and 
that  I  wanted  to  make  a  clean  start.  But  when  he 
would  look  over  at  me  it  would  be  with  such  a  hopeless 
look  and  with  such  disgust  that  my  pride  and  anger 
would  get  the  best  of  me  and  my  good  resolutions  go 
a-glimmering. 

During  that  Winter  it  seemed  that  anything  pe 
culiarly  or  unusually  sinful  appealed  to  me  as  I  had 
grown  hopeless  of  ever  being  anything,  and  if  I  was  to 
be  a  crook  and  a  bum,  I  wanted  to  be  a  good  one. 

Up  to  this  time  I  had  never  been  in  any  of  the  re 
sorts  in  the  town  and  one  night  in  company  with  Bill 
and  some  of  the  other  boys  I  went  on  a  tour  of  inspec 
tion  through  the  houses. 

In  one  of  the  places  I  met  a  girl  named  Agnes,  with 
whom  I  "  fell  in  love."  She  took  a  fancy  to  me  and  I 
became  a  frequent  visitor  at  the  resort.  Agnes  finally 


O  N  E     M  A  N  65 

gave  me  a  key  to  the  front  door  so  that  when  I  reached 
the  house  on  my  frequent  visits,  I  could  open  the  door 
and  walk  right  into  the  hall.  The  old  nigger  maid 
used  to  come  running  into  the  hall  and  holler  up  the 
stairs,  "  Miss  Agnes,  youah  lovah  hab  done  come," 
and  Agnes  would  yell,  "  Come  on  up,  Sweet."  I  was 
very  proud  of  my  "  stand-in  "  at  the  place  but  it  be 
came  noised  around  town  before  long  and  Father  heard 
of  it. 

One  Saturday  night  I  stayed  there  all  night  and 
when  I  went  home  Sunday  noon  I  told  the  folks  that  I 
had  stayed  at  a  boy  friend's  all  night.  Father  did  not 
say  very  much  but  looked  at  me  rather  queerly. 

The  next  Saturday  night  I  planned  to  stay  down 
there  all  night  again.  Early  in  the  evening  when  I 
was  coming  up  the  stairs  from  the  barber  shop  I  met 
Father  and  he  said,  "  If  you  go  down  to  that  Hell  hole 
again  to-night,  I'll  come  down  there  and  beat  you  to 
death."  Nevertheless,  I  went  but  I  did  not  stay  all 
night.  Father  did  not  say  anything  when  I  came  home 
about  eleven  o'clock. 

The  Swede  had  been  doing  most  of  the  work  at 
school  and  I  had  been  giving  him  the  two  dollars  and  a 
half  per  week  for  some  time,  when  I  decided  to  quit  the 
janitor  work.  Agnes  had  told  me  several  times  to 
quit  and  that  she  would  give  me  spending  money  if  I 
would  come  to  see  her  regularly.  I  never  spent  much 
in  the  place  and  God  only  knows  how  it  would  have 
turned  out  if  it  had  not  been  for  a  row  in  the  place 
one  night. 


66  O  N  E     M  A  N 

I  was  trying  to  dance  with  Agnes  when  I  stepped 
on  the  foot  of  a  big  Norwegian  who  worked  in  one  of 
the  local  clothing  stores.  He  was  half  drunk  and  when 
I  stepped  on  him  he  picked  me  up  and  threw  me  through 
the  window  into  a  snow  bank,  cutting  my  hands  and 
limbs  badly  on  the  edges  of  the  broken  window  pane. 
Agnes  hit  the  Norwegian  on  the  head  with  a  piano 
stool  and  laid  him  out  cold.  They  dug  me  out  of  the 
snow  bank,  patched  me  up  and  put  me  to  bed.  I  went 
home  the  next  afternoon  and  that  night  Father  ordered 
the  place  closed.  I  never  saw  Agnes  again. 


CHAPTER  X 

ABOUT  this  time  I  met  a  young  man  named 
Daniels  who  had  come  up  from  the  South  and 
started  a  small  manufacturing  plant.  He 
asked  me  one  day  if  I  would  like  to  learn  the  business 
and  I  took  the  job  at  nine  dollars  a  week.  I  learned 
to  run  the  machines  and  also  had  to  pack  and  help  de 
liver  goods. 

Jack  was  a  hustler  in  every  way  but  he  would  get 
drunk.  He  worked  up  a  big  business  and  managed  to 
get  out  in  society  a  little.  He  was  a  great  ladies'  man 
and  they  took  an  immediate  liking  to  his  Southern 
ways. 

One  girl  in  particular  he  wanted  to  meet  and  one 
day  he  said  to  me,  "  Bob,  can't  you  get  Florence  to 
come  in  here  sometime?"  I  told  him,  "Sure,"  and 
next  time  I  saw  her  I  asked  her  to  come  in  to  the  office 
some  day.  She  belonged  to  one  of  the  wealthiest  fam 
ilies  in  town  and  was  very  popular  among  the  young 
society  people.  She  dropped  in  a  few  days  later  and 
I  introduced  her  to  Jack.  They  became  interested  in 
each  other  immediately,  and  when  she  left  he  had  an  in 
vitation  to  call. 

Several  nights  later  I  came  into  the  office  about  nine 

o'clock  for  something  and  as  the  switch  for  the  elec- 

67 


68  0  N  E     M  A  N 

trie  light  was  in  the  back  of  the  office,  I  had  to  stumble 
over  bags  and  packages  to  get  to  it.  I  had  almost 
reached  it  when  some  one  swore  and  grabbed  me  and 
threw  me  out.  I  was  so  surprised  that  I  could  not  see 
anything  but  I  knew  from  the  odor  of  violets  which  was 
noticeable  in  the  room,  that  Florence  was  in  there  with 
him.  He  laughed  at  me  next  morning  when  I  came  in 
and  said,  "  For  the  love  of  Mike,  knock  when  you  come 
in  here  late  at  night."  The  realization  that  a  girl 
like  Florence  would  come  in  to  a  place  like  that  at 
night  with  Jack  opened  my  eyes  to  the  fact  that  society 
was  not  all  that  it  seemed  to  be.  She  got  into  serious 
trouble  a  few  months  later  with  another  man  and  he 
was  square  enough  to  marry  her  and  take  her  away, 
but  the  shame  of  it  all  killed  her  father. 

Jack  drank  more  and  more  as  Spring  lengthened  out 
and  finally  he  left  overnight.  He  paid  me  on  a  Thurs 
day  for  the  entire  week  and  Friday  he  was  gone.  His 
brother  took  the  business  and  kept  me  in  his  employ. 

I  did  not  like  him  so  I  made  up  my  mind  to  get  out. 
I  had  been  offered  a  position  with  a  big  wholesale  house 

in  C and  I  wrote  to  them  asking  them  if  they 

could  use  me  July  first.  I  received  an  answer  saying 
they  could  use  me  at  any  time  so  'I  made  up  my  mind 

to  leave  home  for  good.  Fred  had  moved  to  C 

and  had  a  good  position,  so  I  wrote  to  him  and  asked 
him  if  he  wanted  a  roommate.  He  wrote  back  to  come 
ahead.  Then  I  had  to  skirmish  around  and  get  money 
enough  to  get  out  of  town.  I  had  been  spending  my 
money  as  fast  as  I  made  it  and  I  finally  decided  to 


O  N  E     M  A  N  69 

pawn  Father's  shotgun  for  enough  money  to  get  out 
of  town. 

I  sneaked  the  gun  awaj  the  night  of  July  second  and 
pawned  it  for  a  small  amount. 

Something  seemed  to  tell  me  that  I  was  leaving  town 
for  good  this  time.  When  the  evening  of  July  third 
came,  I  sneaked  into  the  nursery  where  the  baby  was 
asleep  and  leaned  over  her  crib.  The  night  light  shone 
faintly  on  the  crib  and  I  can  remember  to  this  day  how 
sweet  she  looked  with  her  little  fist  curled  up  under  her 
cheek  as  she  lay  asleep.  I  stood  there  a  minute  look 
ing  down  on  her,  then  leaning  over  I  kissed  her  once  on 
the  forehead  and  slipped  out  of  the  house  without  so 
much  as  a  look  at  the  rest  of  the  family. 


CHAPTER  XI 

THE  next  morning,  Fourth  of  July,  I  reached 
C with  exactly  four  cents  in  my  pocket.     I 
walked  to  Fred's  room  and  found  him  there. 
He  was  glad  to  see  me  and  took  me  to  breakfast  with 
him.     After  breakfast  I  walked  over  to  the  factory  of 
the  people  with  whom  I  had  corresponded.     Although 

it  was   a  holiday  Mr.  M was  there  and  after  a 

little  talk  with  me  he  offered  me  a  position  at  seven 
dollars  a  week.  This  was  much  less  than  I  had  ex 
pected  to  get  but  I  had  to  take  it  as  I  was  a  stranger 
in  the  city  and  had  to  live.  Fred  loaned  me  enough  to 
pay  my  first  week's  board  and  let  me  room  with  him. 

At  the  factory  I  was  placed  in  charge  of  the  packing 
room  where  some  twenty  girls  were  engaged  in  packing 
coffee  in  small  packages.  These  girls  worked  under 
the  direct  supervision  of  a  tall,  slender  blond  girl 
named  Maud.  She  was  about  nineteen  years  old  and 
very  good  looking.  From  the  day  I  commenced  work 
there  she  was  respectful  toward  me  regarding  the  work 
but  in  a  personal  way  she  took  great  delight  in  teasing 
me.  She  called  me  "  Bobbie  "  from  the  beginning  and 
it  was  not  long  until  I  asked  her  if  I  could  come  and 
see  her.  She  told  me  to  come  any  evening  and  finally 

I  summoned  up  nerve  enough  to  make  a  call. 

70 


O  N  E     M  A  N  71 

She  lived  in  a  small  frame  house  in  a  respectable 
neighborhood.  Her  mother  was  a  worn,  tired-looking 
woman  and  did  not  look  as  if  she  particularly  enjoyed 
life.  Her  father  was  a  big  good-natured  sort  of  a  man 
and  was  employed  as  a  switchman  in  the  railway  yards. 
Maud  was  all  dressed  up  that  evening  and  ready  to 
make  an  impression,  which  she  certainly  did. 

When  I  left  that  night  I  kissed  her  and  promised  to 
come  and  see  her  again  the  next  Saturday  evening.  It 
was  not  long  until  we  were  going  round  together  a 
great  deal. 

I  had  considerable  trouble  to  make  both  ends  meet 
these  days ;  my  board  and  room  costing  me  five  dollars 
a  week,  left  me  only  two  dollars  a  week  for  laundry 
and  spending  money. 

I  can  remember  one  evening  in  particular.  I  had 
just  twenty  cents  in  my  pocket  and  I  jumped  on  a 
street  car  and  rode  out  to  a  lake  near  the  city.  This 
place  was  a  sort  of  an  amusement  park  with  a  big  pa 
vilion  extending  out  into  the  lake.  They  had  a  very 
good  band  and  when  I  reached  the  place  I  hunted  up 
an  unoccupied  bench  and  sat  down  to  listen  to  the 
music.  It  was  here  that  I  had  my  first  real  touch  of 
homesickness  and  I  was  completely  discouraged  and 
disheartened.  I  thought  that  if  I  could  get  a  boat  and 
go  away  out  into  the  lake  and  jump  overboard,  it 
would  be  a  fitting  end  to  my  life. 

While  these  thoughts  were  running  through  my  mind 
the  band  commenced  to  play  Schubert's  "  Serenade  "  and 
I  crumpled  up  on  the  seat  and  cried  until  I  thought  my 


72  O  N  E     M  A  N 

heart  would  break.  And  to  this  day  whenever  I  hear 
Schubert's  "  Serenade  "  it  brings  back  in  every  detail 
that  night  when  I  sat  out  there  on  the  lake  shore  prac 
tically  penniless  and  without  a  real  friend  in  the  world. 

After  reaching  the  room  that  night,  I  wrote  to  my 
mother  and  told  her  I  was  working  and  earning  my  own 
living  and  asked  about  the  baby.  She  answered  my 
letter  and  gave  me  some  good  advice  and  wished  me 
good  fortune.  We  corresponded  regularly  after  that. 
Father  only  wrote  once,  to  threaten  me  with  arrest  for 
stealing  his  gun  and  to  tell  me  never  to  darken  his  door 
again. 

After  I  had  been  in  C '•  about  five  weeks,  Fred 

wanted  to  move  so  we  found  a  couple  of  rooms  in  an 
apartment  building.  Fred  paid  most  of  the  rent.  He 
was  getting  a  good  salary  and  could  afford  it. 
Shortly  after  we  moved,  his  employers  promoted  him  to 
a  travelling  position.  In  the  meantime,  my  pay  had 
been  raised  to  ten  dollars  a  week.  Fred  wanted  to  keep 
the  rooms  and  as  long  as  he  was  willing  to  pay  most 
of  the  rent  and  was  in  town  only  every  other  week,  it 
more  than  suited  me. 

I  had  been  telling  Maud  about  our  cute  little  rooms 
and  one  evening  she  said  she  wanted  to  see  them.  We 
went  to  the  rooms  and  remained  there  all  the  evening. 
While  there,  I  found  that  she  was  not  anywhere  near 
as  innocent  and  demure  as  she  had  appeared  to  be.  I 
had  begun  to  care  a  great  deal  for  her  and  after  this 
night  I  loved  her  with  all  my  boyish  heart.  She  came 
to  the  rooms  very  often  during  the  next  few  months. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  73 

It  was  getting  late  in  the  Fall  when  I  lost  my  posi 
tion  through  a  combination  of  unfortunate  circum 
stances. 

I  had  been  taking  my  meals  at  a  boarding  house  near 
the  factory  and  had  fallen  behind  in  my  board  bill. 
Finally  I  quit  eating  there  when  I  owed  them  eight  dol 
lars.  The  woman  who  owned  the  place  called  me  up  at 
the  factory  twice  and  threatened  to  tell  my  employers 
about  it.  It  scared  me  when  she  called  the  second  time 
and  I  promised  to  pay  her  the  next  Saturday  noon. 

Just  before  noon  Saturday  I  had  occasion  to  go  to 
one  of  the  upper  floors  in  the  plant.  We  had  no  at 
tendant  on  the  freight  elevator  as  all  the  employes  knew 
how  to  run  the  car. 

At  the  third  floor  one  of  the  boys,  a  big,  awkward, 
ungainly  kid,  wanted  to  ride  up.  So  I  stopped  the  car 
and  he  got  on  with  a  four-wheeled  truck  which  he  was 
pulling.  The  truck  was  empty  and  he  sat  down  on  it 
facing  the  elevator  entrance  and  with  the  handle  of  the 
truck  held  upright  between  his  knees.  After  I  started 
the  elevator  he  began  to  push  the  truck  back  and  forth 
while  he  was  still  sitting  on  the  front  part  of  it.  His 
knees  were  only  about  six  inches  from  the  edge  of  the 
elevator  shaft  and  the  only  protection  over  the  shaft 
entrances  at  each  floor  was  an  automatic  half  gate.  I 
was  afraid  that  he  would  slide  the  truck  out  far  enough 
to  catch  his  knees  between  some  floor  and  the  ascending 
car.  I  told  him  twice  to  stop  moving  around  but  he 
paid  no  attention  to  me. 

Between  the  fifth  and  sixth  floors  the  truck  slipped 


74  O  N  E     M  A  N 

forward  just  as  we  were  reaching  the  sixth  and  the 
boy's  legs  were  both  caught  between  the  edge  of  the 
truck  and  the  floor.  We  were  going  to  stop  at  the 
sixth  floor  and  I  was  intent  on  stopping  the  car  cor 
rectly  when  I  heard  the  boy  scream  and  his  bones 
crack.  I  stopped  the  car  and  reversed  the  ropes,  send 
ing  it  down  a  foot  or  two.  The  men  on  the  sixth  floor 
came  running  to  the  elevator  and  lifted  the  boy  off  the 
truck.  Both  his  legs  were  broken  and  the  men  sent 
him  to  the  hospital  in  an  ambulance. 

The  owner  of  the  plant  called  me  in  to  the  office  and 
asked  me  to  tell  him  about  the  accident  and  he  asked 
me  if  I  would  sign  a  statement  which  he  would  make  out 
and  I  said  I  would  be  glad  to.  He  told  me  to  come 
back  to  the  office  after  lunch. 

It  was  now  about  one  o'clock  and  on  account  of  the 
excitement  I  forgot  to  go  to  the  cashier  and  draw  my 
wages.  So  when  I  went  to  lunch  I  could  not  go  around 
to  pay  the  bill  at  the  boarding  house. 

When  I  returned  to  the  factory  the  owner  called  me 
in  to  the  office  and  handed  me  the  statement  he  had  pre 
pared  and  I  signed  it.  Then  he  handed  me  two  salary 
envelopes,  each  containing  a  week's  pay  and  told  me 
he  would  have  to  let  me  go  as  I  did  not  seem  to  be  able  to 
support  myself  on  my  wages,  and  that  the  extra  week's 
pay  was  given  in  place  of  the  usual  week's  notice.  * 

Because  I  had  not  paid  the  landlady  at  noon  as  I 
agreed,  she  had  called  up  the  office  and  told  them. 

So  I  was  out  of  a  job  and  with  only  a  few  dollars  in 
my  pocket. 


CHAPTER  XII 

MY  folks  had  some  friends  in  B ,  a  large 
city  near  C ,  and  I  went  over  there  one 
morning  to  hunt  them  up. 

One  man  in  particular,  a  prominent  judge,  gave  me 

a  letter  to  the  owner  of  a  big  department  store  in  C , 

and  I  returned  immediately  to  C and  presented 

the  letter. 

I  had  on  a  good  suit  of  clothes  and  as  I  always  kept 
myself  neat  and  clean,  I  made  a  good  appearance.  In 
side  of  twenty  minutes  I  had  accepted  a  position  as 
floor  walker  at  fourteen  dollars  a  week.  Of  course,  the 
letter  from  the  judge  was  in  a  great  measure  responsi 
ble  for  my  obtaining  the  position.  The  owner  of  the 
store  was  under  heavy  obligations  to  the  judge,  who 
was  distantly  related  to  me. 

Maud  was  very  glad  to  see  me  get  this  position  and 
used  to  come  to  the  store  Saturday  nights  at  closing 
time  and  walk  to  my  rooms  with  me.  During  the  next 
three  months  Maud  and  I  became  very  intimate  and 
both  of  us  were  sincere  in  our  love  for  each  other. 

Of  course,  there  were  many  temptations  for  me  in 
the  store  among  the  girls.  Some  of  them  were  devils 
just  for  the  sake  of  deviltry  and  others  made  such  small 

wages  they  had  to  become  immoral  in  order  to  exist. 

75 


76  O  N  E     M  A  N 

We  had  about  four  hundred  girls  in  the  store  and  there 
were  dozens  of  them  who  had  been  ruined  since  coming 

to  work  there.  I  used  to  look  at  Mr.  K ,  the  owner, 

and  wonder  how  he  could  sleep  at  night  knowing  as  he 
did  the  conditions  existing  among  his  employes  and 
also  knowing  that  the  low  wages  he  paid  were  forcing 
so  many  of  them  into  a  life  of  shame. 

Among  them  there  was  a  beautiful,  dark-eyed  little 
girl  who  worked  at  a  bundle  desk.  Her  first  name  was 
Bertha  and  her  last  name  was  the  same  as  mine.  She 
lived  near  my  rooms  with  an  uncle  who  was  a  cab 
driver.  She  often  met  me  in  the  store  and  on  the  way 
to  and  from  work,  and  on  one  or  two  occasions  we 
walked  home  together. 

One  night  after  I  had  retired  there  came  a  knock  on 
my  sitting-room  door  and  I  asked  who  was  there.  A 
girl's  voice  answered,  "  Let  me  in  quick."  So  I  jumped 
up  and  pulling  on  some  clothes  over  my  pajamas 
opened  the  door.  Bertha  slipped  into  the  room  and 
closed  the  door  after  her.  She  looked  to  be  about  fif 
teen  years  old  standing  there  in  a  dress  that  came  only 
to  her  shoe  tops.  I  had  never  before  noticed  closely 
how  much  of  a  child  she  seemed  to  be.  Her  face  was 
flushed  and  she  was  evidently  ill  at  ease.  With  con 
siderable  hesitation  she  told  me  that  she  had  been  locked 
out  and  wanted  to  know  if  I  could  find  her  a  place  to 
sleep.  I  asked  her  if  any  one  had  seen  her  come  in  and 
she  said,  "  No."  Finally  I  told  her  she  could  sleep 
in  my  room  and  I  would  get  another.  No,  she  would 
not  do  that;  she  would  not  think  of  driving  me  out. 


0  N  E     M  A  N  77 

Then  I  asked  her  how  old  she  was  and  she  said  eighteen. 
I  thought  she  lied  but  she  stuck  to  her  story.  So  I 
told  her  I  would  sleep  on  the  couch  in  the  sitting-room 
and  she  could  sleep  in  my  bed  in  the  other  room.  She 
agreed  to  this  and  I  went  out  into  the  hall  to  smoke 
a  cigarette  while  she  retired. 

When  I  came  back  into  the  sitting-room  the  light 
was  turned  out  in  the  bedroom  and  she  was  in  bed. 
I  told  her  good  night,  pulled  the  portieres  together  in 
the  doorway  between  the  two  rooms  and  without  un 
dressing  lay  down  on  the  couch. 

About  one  o'clock  she  called  me  and  I  went  to  the 
door  and  asked  her  what  was  the  matter.  She  said 
she  was  afraid  to  stay  in  there  alone,  so  I  went  in  and 
turned  on  the  b'ght. 

I  sat  down  on  the  edge  of  the  bed  and  gave  her  a 
good  talking  to.  She  looked  so  much  like  a  child  lying 
there  in  my  bed,  it  did  not  seem  possible  that  she  could 
know  anything  of  wrongdoing.  She  cried  and  moaned 
for  an  hour  or  two  and  finally  fell  asleep. 

In  the  morning  I  took  her  to  breakfast  and  then 
walked  to  work  with  her.  On  the  way  to  the  store  she 
asked  me  to  loan  her  five  dollars  and  I  let  her  have  the 
money.  The  last  time  I  heard  of  her  she  was  in  a  re 
sort  in  C — * —  where  some  man  had  placed  her.  Thank 
God,  I,  at  least,  did  not  contribute  to  her  downfall. 
My  actions  that  night  were  among  the  few  decent  ones 
in  my  life. 

Shortly  after  Easter  I  had  a  row  with  the  superin 
tendent  of  the  store  over  the  conduct  of  a  girl  he  was 


78  O  N  E     M  A  N 

keeping.  I  told  him  what  I  thought  of  him  and  his 
lady  and  quit  the  job.  I  was  sick  of  it  anyway.  I 

asked  Mr.  K for  a  letter  of  recommendation  and 

received  it. 

My  next  position  was  with  an  instalment  house,  one 
of  those  concerns  which  sell  lace  curtains,  clocks,  rugs 
and  such  stuff  on  weekly  payments. 

This  position  paid  fifteen  dollars  a  week  and  my  du 
ties  consisted  of  checking  up  the  wagons  and  accounts 
of  the  salesmen  and  collectors.  I  had  not  stolen  any 
thing  for  the  preceding  nine  months  for  the  simple  rea 
son  that  I  had  had  no  chance,  but  here  was  a  golden 
opportunity.  I  began  to  steal  lace  curtains,  silk  por 
tieres  and  similar  goods  and  sell  them  to  pawnshops 

over  in  B .  I  made  these  trips  at  night  usually 

and  cleaned  up  quite  a  little  money.  Our  stock  was 
large  and  my  thefts  were  not  noticed. 

About  this  time  I  began  to  take  Maud  to  the  thea 
tres  a  great  deal.  I  was  wearing  tailor-made  clothes 
and  my  expenses  were  heavier  than  my  income  despite 
my  thefts.  So  I  went  to  see  a  salary  loan  man  of 
whom  I  had  heard.  He  was  a  very  cordial  sort  of  a 
man  and  I  borrowed  twenty-five  dollars  of  him.  I  be 
came  well  acquainted  with  him  in  a  short  time  and  as  I 
always  paid  promptly,  I  could  always  get  money  on 
short  notice. 

There  was  a  lame  jeweler  who  kept  a  big  store  around 
the  corner  from  our  office  and  I  went  in  to  see  him  one 
day  about  buying  a  ring  for  Maud.  He  showed  me 
some  beautiful  opals  but  I  told  him  they  were  too  ex- 


O  N  E     M  A  N  79 

pensive  for  me.  He  asked  me  where  I  worked  and  I  told 
him  I  worked  in  a  lace  curtain  and  rug  house.  He  said 
he  needed  some  curtains  for  his  home  and  I  offered  to 
trade  him  two  pair  of  fifteen  dollar  curtains  for  the  ring 
I  wanted.  I  told  him  I  could  get  the  curtains  at  whole 
sale.  He  winked  at  me  and  told  me  to  bring  them  in 
that  evening  and  if  they  were  all  right  he  would  make 
the  trade. 

I  took  them  in  that  evening  and  we  traded.  Then 
he  wanted  some  more  stuff  and  inside  the  next  few 
weeks  I  sold  him  about  three  hundred  dollars'  worth  of 
goods  for  about  one  hundred  and  seventy-five  dollars 
worth  of  jewelry.  I  sold  most  of  the  jewelry  to 
friends. 

One  evening  early  in  June,  while  we  were  sitting  in 
the  parlor  at  Maud's  home,  she  suddenly  told  me  that 
she  feared  she  was  in  deep  trouble.  I  shall  never  for 
get  the  look  in  her  eyes  as  she  told  me  this.  For  sev 
eral  days  she  had  not  been  feeling  well  and  her  mother 
had  wanted  her  to  see  a  doctor. 

The  following  Saturday  afternoon  I  told  her  mother 
that  I  was  going  to  take  Maud  to  a  doctor  with  whom 
I  was  well  acquainted.  She  made  no  objection  to  this 
and  we  went  to  the  doctor's  office  that  evening. 

When  he  told  us  that  what  we  feared  was  true,  we 
could  not  speak  for  a  minute.  Finally  I  asked  him 
for  some  information  regarding  the  matter  and  he  gave 
it  to  me. 

After  leaving  his  office  Maud  and  I  went  to  my  rooms 
and  talked  the  matter  over.  She  wanted  me  to  consent 


80  O  N  E     M  A  N 

to  her  undergoing  an  operation  but  I  would  not  do  so. 
We  worried  more  over  the  possibility  of  her  folks  dis 
covering  her  predicament  than  over  any  other  phase 
of  the  matter.  At  last  I  suggested  a  plan  which  met 
with  her  approval. 

When  we  reached  her  home  that  evening  I  told  her 
mother  that  the  doctor  had  said  Maud  must  take  a 
long  rest  and  I  suggested  that  she  come  out  to  visit  my 
folks  who  were  going  to  take  a  cottage  for  the  season 

at  a  summer  resort  near  B .  Her  mother  did  not 

know  my  folks  and,  of  course,  had  no  way  of  knowing 
that  they  had  no  intentions  of  going  to  any  summer 
resort  but  she  did  have  a  great  deal  of  faith  in  me. 
She  consented  to  this  arrangement  and  it  was  decided 
that  Maud  should  work  until  July  first  and  then  take 
her  rest. 

The  next  day  I  went  to  see  one  of  the  foremen  at  the 
factory  where  Maud  and  I  had  worked.  He  had  al 
ways  liked  Maud  and  on  several  occasions  we  had  spent 
an  evening  with  him  and  his  wife  at  their  little  home  in 
one  of  the  suburbs. 

I  told  him  frankly  of  our  trouble  and  offered  to  pay 
him  well  if  his  wife  would  take  care  of  Maud  for  a  few 
weeks.  He  said  he  would  talk  it  over  with  her  that 
evening  and  let  me  know  the  day  following. 

The  next  noon  I  went  to  see  him  again  and  he  said 
that  his  wife  would  be  glad  to  help  us  out  of  our  trou 
ble. 

A  few  days  later  my  employer  sent  me  out  on  the 
road  to  collect  a  lot  of  old  instalment  accounts.  Mj 


O  N  E     M  A  N  81 

instructions  were  to  settle  all  the  claims  for  as  much 
cash  as  I  could  get.  This  was  a  snap  for  me  and  I 
worked  hard  to  get  the  money.  I  did  well  and  when  I 
returned  after  a  three  weeks'  trip,  I  turned  in  about  six 
hundred  dollars  to  the  office  and  kept  a  hundred  and 
fifty  dollars.  The  firm  had  no  way  of  knowing  just 
how  much  money  I  had  collected  as  I  had  settled  up 
every  account  in  full  and  taken  what  I  could  get. 

The  day  after  my  return  I  took  Maud  to  the  home  of 
the  foreman.  I  made  arrangements  with  a  friend  at 
the  summer  resort  to  forward  Maud's  mail  and  to  re- 
mail  the  letters  which  I  would  send  to  him.  Maud's 
mother  cried  when  she  bid  us  good-bye  and  perhaps 
she  knew  intuitively  that  her  daughter  was  destined  to 
suffer  much  before  she  would  see  her  again.  I  prom 
ised  to  come  to  the  house  every  week  and  let  her  know 
how  Maud  was  getting  along,  saying  that  I  would,  of 

course,  keep  on  with  my  work  in  C and  only  go  out 

to  the  lake  for  the  week-ends. 

While  Maud's  mother  knew  we  were  not  engaged,  yet 
I  think  she  believed  we  would  marry  some  day. 

The  foreman's  wife,  Mrs.  M ,  gave  Maud  a  nice 

little  room  and  took  good  care  of  her  from  the  begin 
ning  of  her  stay.  I  went  to  their  home  every  evening 
and  did  my  best  to  keep  Maud  cheerful.  We  had  no 
trouble  over  receiving  and  mailing  letters  from  and  to 
her  mother.  I  wanted  Maud  to  marry  me  but  she 
would  not  hear  of  it,  saying  that  some  day  I  might  say 
that  I  had  married  her  because  I  had  had  to.  She  was 
a  brave  girl  as  subsequent  events  showed. 


82  0  N  E     M  A  N 

During  the  latter  part  of  July  I  quit  my  position 
suddenly  as  my  employer  became  suspicious  over  the 
disappearance  of  some  bronze  clocks.  He  did  not  give 
me  any  letter  of  recommendation  and  there  I  was  with 
out  a  job,  Maud  in  trouble  and  with  only  sixty  dollars 
to  my  name. 

I  applied  for  and  obtained  a  position  collecting  in 
stalment  book  accounts  on  the  road  with  a  firm  in 
B .  I  paid  a  lawyer  five  dollars  to  get  me  a  bond. 

Just  as  I  was  ready  to  leave  on  my  trip  my  mother 

wrote  me  that  the  family  were  moving  to  B to 

live,  as  by  the  terms  of  Grandmother's  will  Mother 
came  into  the  possession  of  the  nice,  new  home  which 
Grandmother  had  recently  built  for  herself  in  B . 

I  went  out  on  my  trip  and  worked  honestly  for  the 
first  few  weeks.  Then  I  began  to  hold  out  on  my  col 
lections  and  managed  to  get  ahead  some  seventy  dollars. 

It  made  it  very  lonesome  for  Maud  not  to  have  me 
there  to  cheer  her  up  each  day,  but  she  realized  that 
we  had  to  have  money  to  live  and  she  was  very  patient 
and  sweet  about  it. 

In  the  middle  of  September  she  wrote  me  asking  me 

to  return  to  C at  once.  I  took  the  first  train  and 

when  I  reached  the  M home  found  her  suffering  a 

great  deal.  My  return  seemed  to  help  her  in  some 
ways  and  I  gave  up  my  work  to  remain  beside  her.  I 
took  a  small  room  down  town  and  journeyed  back  and 
forth  from  this  place  to  Maud's  room  each  day. 

On  September  twentieth,  the  day  before  my  twenty- 
first  birthday,  I  was  down  town  on  some  errand  and 


ONE     MAN  83 

went  to  my  room  for  a  few  moments.  While  there  a 
messenger  boy  brought  me  a  note  from  Maud  asking 
me  to  come  to  her  immediately. 

I  hurried  out  there  at  once  and  upon  reaching  the 
house  found  the  front  door  unlocked  and  no  one  around 
the  lower  part  of  the  house.  Hurrying  upstairs  to 
Maud's  room,  I  found  her  in  bed.  The  window  cur 
tains  were  pulled  down  and  the  room  was  nearly  dark. 
I  walked  over  to  the  bed  and  never  until  I  die  will  I  for 
get  the  look  on  that  girl's  face.  It  was  white  as  death 
with  the  exception  of  her  lips  which  showed  splotches 
of  red  where  she  had  bitten  them  through  in  some  great 
agony. 


CHAPTER  XIII 

AS  I  kneeled  down  beside  her,  my  heart  filled  with 
fear,  she  put  her  arms  around  my  neck  and 
whispered  to  me,  "  It's  over,  Bobbie."  I 
asked  her  what  she  meant  and  then  she  told  me  her 
baby  was  there  beside  her  on  the  bed.  It  seemed  hours 
before  I  could  realize  what  had  happened.  Maud  was 
crying  and  sobbing  and  suddenly  asked  me  if  I  wasn't 
glad.  Before  I  had  a  chance  to  say  "  Yes,"  Mrs. 

M looked  in  at  the  door  and  asked  how  she  was. 

We  did  not  answer  and  she  went  downstairs  to  get 
supper.  She  had  been  out  visiting  all  the  afternoon 
and  Maud  had  been  all  alone  during  that  hour  of  agony. 

I  had  been  so  dazed  and  surprised  at  what  had  hap 
pened  that  I  had  not  wondered  at  the  child's  not  mak 
ing  any  noise.  I  asked  Maud  why  it  did  not  cry,  and 
drawing  her  arms  more  closely  around  my  neck  she 
whispered,  "  Bobbie,  it's  dead."  I  thought  the  horror 
of  the  thing  would  kill  me. 

A  half  hour  later  I  left  the  house,  carrying  in  the 
black  leather  hand  bag,  which  I  had  given  Maud,  the 
little  body. 

I  had  called  the  doctor  and  he  had  promised  to  come 
at  once.  I  did  not  tell  him  over  the  'phone  what  the 

trouble  was,  for  I  was  afraid  he  would  not  come  if  he 

84 


O  N  E     M  A  N  85 

knew.  I  reasoned  that  after  he  did  arrive,  he  would 
not  refuse  to  take  care  of  her. 

I  was  right  in  this,  for  he  did  take  care  of  her  when 
he  saw  what  she  had  been  through. 

When  I  reached  my  room,  I  put  the  hand  bag  in  my 
trunk  and  sat  down  to  figure  out  the  next  step.  I  did 
not  sleep  all  that  night,  and  early  in  the  morning,  leav 
ing  the  bag  locked  in  the  trunk,  I  went  out  to  see  Maud. 
She  was  resting  easily  and  seemed  so  happy  that  the 
trouble  was  all  over.  She  made  me  sit  beside  her  all 
day.  I  think  I  loved  her  more  that  day  than  ever  be 
fore. 

This  being  my  twenty-first  birthday,  I  was  expected 
to  sign  over  to  my  mother  an  insurance  policy  on  my 
father's  life.  Mother  had  asked  me  to  come  over  on 
that  day  and  sign  the  papers. 

So  about  seven  o'clock  in  the  evening  I  went  to  my 
room,  and  taking  the  hand  bag  started  for  B ,  in 
tending  to  get  off  the  car  at  the  bridge  and  drop  the 
bag  into  the  river.  There  were  too  many  people  walk 
ing  across  the  bridge  when  I  arrived,  so  I  car 
ried  the  bag  on  over  to  Mother's  with  me  and 
left  it  in  the  hall  upstairs  while  I  went  in  to  her  room 
and  signed  the  papers.  Father  gave  me  a  few  pleas 
ant  words  as  a  birthday  present  and  Mother  handed 
me  a  dollar. 

As  I  came  out  into  the  hall,  I  saw  my  little  sister 
trying  to  lift  from  the  floor  the  hand  bag  I  had  left 
outside  the  door  of  the  room.  I  almost  screamed  when 
I  saw  this,  and  dropping  to  my  knees  I  gathered  her 


86  O  N  E     M  A  N 

into  my  arms.  She  put  both  little  arms  around  my 
neck  and  hugged  as  hard  as  she  could.  It  was  several 
moments  before  I  recovered  strength  enough  to  get  up 
and  after  I  had  kissed  the  little  sister  good-bye  I  left 
the  house,  carrying  the  hand  bag  with  me. 

On  the  return  trip,  just  before  the  car  reached  the 
bridge,  I  got  off  and  walked  out  on  to  the  bridge. 
When  about  half  way  across  I  looked  around  to  see  if 
any  one  was  watching  and  then  dropped  the  bag  over 
the  rail  into  the  river.  I  never  heard  of  it  again. 

In  this  way  I  began  my  twenty-first  year  and  a  few 
days  later  I  was  destined  to  go  yet  further  along  on  the 
road  to  Hell. 

When  I  reached  my  room  in  C that  night,  I  went 

to  bed  completely  tired  out,  but  could  not  sleep.  I 
lay  awake  for  hours.  Somehow  I  realized  that  I  stood 
on  the  threshold  of  life,  and  that  it  was  up  to  me  to 
decide  which  road  I  was  going  to  take.  I  was  respon 
sible  now  for  my  every  act  and  the  law  would  act  ac 
cordingly.  I  knew  that  if  I  committed  any  more 
crimes  I  could  be  made  to  suffer  a  severe  penalty. 
There  would  be  no  more  excuses  on  the  grounds  that  I 
was  not  of  age. 

I  can  remember  of  going  back  over  my  life  step  by 
step  and  I  realized  that  so  far  I  had  made  a  terrible 
mess  of  it.  Father  and  Mother  were  living  only  a  few 
miles  away,  yet  they  did  not  want  me  and  the  little  sis 
ter  that  I  had  loved  so  much  had  hardly  known  me  at 
first  when  I  went  to  the  house  that  night  and  Mary 
had  not  even  spoken  to  me. 


0  N  E     M  A  N  87 

I  could  see  that  dead  baby's  face  in  the  shadows  of 
the  room  as  I  lay  there  and  it  would  not  let  me  sleep 
and  I  can  remember  sobbing  and  crying  for  hours. 
When  daylight  came  at  last  I  had  made  up  my  mind  to 
go  on  to  Hell  and  have  it  done  with. 

That  morning  I  went  to  Maud's  room  and  sat  beside 
her,  holding  one  of  her  hands  in  mine  and  talking  with 
her.  She  did  not  seem  to  care  quite  so  much  for  me, 
and  once  she  spoke  of  the  man  who  had  been  going  with 
her  when  I  came  into  her  life.  This  made  me  insanely 
jealous,  and  coupled  with  my  thoughts  of  the  night  be 
fore  caused  me  to  decide  to  get  out  of  town.  I  did  not 
want  to  leave  until  she  was  out  of  danger  and  ready  to 
go  home. 

Three  days  later  Maud  wanted  to  be  taken  home 
and  I  had  considerable  difficulty  in  persuading  her  that 
it  would  be  dangerous  to  move  her  then,  but  she  fretted 
so  much  over  my  refusal  to  move  her  that  I  finally  de 
cided  to  risk  it. 

Just  a  week  from  the  day  her  child  was  born  I  car 
ried  her  in  through  the  door  of  her  own  home  and  laid 
her  on  her  bed.  I  had  chosen  an  hour  when  her  father 
would  not  be  there.  Her  mother  nearly  fainted  upon 
seeing  her,  and  it  took  me  some  little  time  to  persuade 
her  that  Maud  was  not  in  a  serious  condition. 

I  left  the  house  immediately  and  to  this  day  do  not 
know  what  took  place  between  mother  and  daughter 
that  afternoon. 

That  evening  when  I  called,  her  mother  met  me  at 
the  door  and  silently  motioned  to  me  to  go  into  Maud's 


88  O  N  E     M  A  N 

room.  I  found  Maud  smiling  and  cheerful  and  she 
seemed  so  glad  to  be  home  again.  I  did  not  stay  very 
long  and  when  I  left  the  room  it  seemed  as  if  the  world 
had  been  lifted  from  my  shoulders. 

Her  mother  walked  to  the  gate  with  me  and  thanked 
me  for  taking  such  good  care  of  Maud,  and  I  knew 
then  that  she  knew  the  whole  story. 

The  next  morning  I  again  went  to  Maud's  home  and 
she  was  feeling  so  much  better  that  I  decided  to  make 
my  "  get-away  "  immediately. 

That  afternoon  I  was  passing  one  of  the  banks  down 
town  and  the  thought  came  to  me  at  once,  why  not  forge 
my  father's  name  to  a  few  checks,  pass  them  and  get 
out.  I  went  into  the  bank  and  stood  at  one  of  the  wall 
desks  looking  over  the  blank  checks  in  the  rack.  Finally 
I  selected  a  bank  in  B .  The  cities  were  close  to 
gether  and  the  banks  in  each  city  carried  blank  checks 
on  all  the  banks  in  both  cities.  I  took  about  two 
dozen  of  the  checks  on  the  bank  I  had  selected  and 
walked  out. 

That  evening  I  bought  two  kinds  of  ink,  one  black  and 
one  blue  and  practised  for  hours  on  a  tablet,  writing  my 
father's  name  like  he  wrote  it,  big  and  sprawling. 
Then  I  practised  a  signature  for  myself  so  as  to  have 
the  two  different,  and  when  I  went  to  bed  that  night, 
there  lay  on  the  table  five  checks  for  amounts  running 
from  forty  to  sixty  dollars  and  signed  with  the  forged 
signature  of  my  father. 

The  next  afternoon,  after  banking  hours  I  took  the 
checks  and  started  out.  I  paid  a  little  bill  at  a  cloth- 


O  N  E     M  A  N  89 

ing  store  with  a  sixty-dollar  check  and  received  some 
fifty-odd  dollars  in  change.  I  did  the  same  thing  at 
two  other  clothing  stores  with  fifty  and  fifty-five-dollar 
checks.  A  tailor  to  whom  I  owed  ten  dollars  cashed  a 
forty-five-dollar  check,  giving  me  the  change,  and  a 
stationery  store  where  I  was  acquainted  cashed  the 
forty-dollar  check.  I  had  two  hundred  and  eighteen 
dollars  in  cash  by  five  o'clock  and  was  ready  to  get 
out  of  town. 

The  excitement  of  cashing  those  checks  was  almost 
as  much  to  me  as  the  money.  To  see  that  I  could  take 
away  other  people's  money  so  easily  dumbfounded  me. 
I  had  no  thought  of  retribution  and  perhaps  I  may 
have  thought  Father  would  make  the  checks  good. 
But  in  this  case,  like 'all  of  my  other  thieving,  the  pos 
sibility  of  any  one's  really  catching  me  at  my  thefts 
never  scared  me.  I,  somehow,  in  common  with  other 
young  thieves,  had  an  idea  that  I  was  smarter  than  those 
who  make  a  business  of  catching  crooks.  I  was  buck 
ing  against  not  only  society  and  its  laws  but  also 
against  a  bunch  of  men  who  have  been  trained  to  catch 
just  my  like.  My  innocent  appearance  and  so-called 
"  engaging  way  "  helped  me  more  than  any  other  one 
thing  to  get  away  with  my  thefts  up  to  this  time.  I 
also  had  yet  to  learn  that  the  law  in  the  end  usually  ex 
acts  full  payment  for  crime,  particularly  the  crime  of 
stealing. 

That  evening  I  went  up  to  Maud's  home  and  sat  be 
side  her  bed  for  an  hour.  At  last  I  told  her  I  had  to 
go  away  for  a  day  or  two,  and  I  left  a  ten-dollar  bill 


90  ONE     M  A  X 

under  her  pillow  with  a  request  that  she  have  fresh 
flowers  put  in  her  room  ever}*  day.  I  said  nothing  to 
her  about  the  doctor's  hills,  which  it  was  my  duty  to 
pay.  I  knew  that  I  was  leaving  her  for  good  and  some 
thing  within  me  made  me  hesitate  at  the  last  moment 
before  I  kissed  her  good-bye,  but  it  was  too  late  then, 
for  I  knew  they  would  be  after  me  the  next  day.  So  I 
kissed  Maud  and  left  her  with  my  tears  on  her  cheek. 
That  was  all  that  she  received  as  the  reward  of  our  love 
and  sin.  Her  bravery  and  courage  brought  her  no 
reward  in  the  way  of  a  lasting  love  from  the  one  for 
whom  she  had  suffered  in  agony  and  silence. 

My  desertion  of  this  girl  in  her  hour  of  sorrow  was 
one  of  the  most  contemptible  tilings  I  have  ever  done. 
The  fact  that  men  usually  desert  girls  when  they  get 
them  into  trouble  was  no  excuse  for  my  action. 

This  was  my  first  lesson  proving  that  an  illicit  and 
sinful  love  never  brings  any  lasting  happiness,  but  on 
the  contrary  only  sorrow  and  misery. 

That  night  I  burned  up  everything  I  could  not  crowd 
into  a  suit  case  and  bought  a  ticket  for  Chicago.  I 
had  heard  a  great  deal  of  the  city  and  felt  that  I  could 
lose  myself  there. 


CHAPTER  XIV 

UPON  my  arrival  in  Chicago,  I  went  to  a  hotel 
and  registered  under  my  own  name.     By  this 
time   I   had   figured   it   out   that   my    father 
would  make  the  checks  good  and  consider  himself  rid 
of  me  cheaply. 

That  morning  when  I  was  walking  down  Randolph 
Street,  I  ran  square  into  my  old  employer,  Jack.  I 
was  more  than  glad  to  see  him  and  he  greeted  me  very 
cordially.  He  took  me  into  a  bar  and  bought  me  a 
drink  and  when  I  came  to  buy  I  pulled  out  my  roll, 
which  was  nearly  all  fives  and  tens.  He  nearly  fell 
over  at  the  sight  of  so  much  money  and  said  that  he 
had  been  on  the  "rocks  "  for  a  month.  I  loaned  him 
ten  dollars  and  he  was  certainly  glad  to  get  it.  He 
had  a  room  over  on  the  West  Side  but  hung  around 
with  me  most  of  the  time  I  remained  in  the  city. 

One  afternoon  I  met  a  man  whom  I  had  known  in 

C .     He   was   connected  with   a  picture   enlarging 

house  located  in  Chicago.  After  asking  me  what  I 
was  doing  in  the  Windy  City  and  being  told  that  I 
was  looking  for  work  of  some  kind,  he  asked  me  to 
come  and  see  him  the  following  week.  In  the  mean 
time,  Jack  and  I  loafed  around  and  drank  consider 
able. 

91 


9*  O  N  E     M  A  N 

One  evening  he  took  me  over  to  Custom  House  Place 
and  "  introduced  "  me  to  a  bunch  of  women  who  were 
friends  of  his  and  inhabitants  of  the  house.  One  of 
the  girls  in  particular,  Bon  Bon  by  name,  paid  consid 
erable  attention  to  me  and  before  I  knew  it  I  was 
spending  a  great  deal  of  time  with  her.  For  the  first 
few  visits  she  let  me  blow  my  money  in,  but  after  I  had 
been  there  a  few  times  she  would  not  let  me  spend  a 
cent.  She  slept  with  a  little  stiletto  under  her  pillow 
and  I  was  deathly  afraid  that  she  would  stab  me  some 
time  when  she  was  half  drunk.  She  treated  me  as  nice 
as  she  knew  how  and  tried  to  give  me  money  on  several 
occasions. 

My  money  was  getting  low  and  I  hunted  up  my 
friend  in  the  enlarging  business.  He  offered  me  a 
chance  to  go  out  on  the  road  with  a  crew  of  men,  so 
liciting  photo  enlargements  in  the  small  towns  of  a 
neighboring  State.  I  was  so  near  broke  that  I  took 
the  job.  He  sent  me  away  that  night  and  I  said  good 
bye  to  Jack,  telling  him  I  would  return  in  a  week  or 
so. 

When  I  reached  my  destination  I  was  thoroughly 
sick  of  everything.  The  excitement  of  the  big  city 
and  the  drinking  and  carousing  around  had  put  me  in 
poor  physical  condition  and  when  I  had  sized  up  the 
old  man  who  had  charge  of  the  crew  and  noticed  the 
half  starved  look  of  the  whole  bunch,  I  did  not  think 
much  of  the  proposition. 

The  old  man  spent  the  next  morning  teaching  me 
prices  and  how  to  talk  up  the  enlargements.  In  the 


O  N  E     M  A  N  93 

afternoon  he  took  me  out  and  showed  me  how  he  landed 
the  sales.  He  made  six  dollars  during  the  afternoon 
and  that  cheered  me  up  a  lot. 

The  next  day  he  started  me  out,  telling  me  to  walk 
along  certain  roads  and  work  all  the  farm  houses.  It 
was  a  thickly  populated  section  and  I  did  better  than  I 
expected  the  first  day.  At  night  I  slept  at  a  farm 
house,  paying  seventy-five  cents  for  supper,  lodging 
and  breakfast.  I  kept  this  work  up  for  four  weeks, 
coming  in  to  some  agreed-upon  meeting  point  with  the 
rest  of  the  crew  each  Saturday  night,  when  we  were 
allowed  to  draw  in  advance  a  certain  portion  of  our 
commissions  on  orders  sold. 

While  in  from  my  work  the  first  Sunday,  I  sat  down 
and  wrote  a  letter  to  Maud,  telling  her  that  she  would 
never  see  me  again,  that  I  was  no  good  and  that  it  was 
better  for  her  that  I  was  down  and  out.  This  letter 
cost  me  her  love,  as  I  was  to  find  out  a  few  years  later. 

Among  the  crew  was  a  minister's  son  who  lived  in 

E ,  and  the  next  Sunday  I  went  home  with  him  on 

the  Interurban.  That  evening  he  took  me  over  to  see 
some  friends  at  a  boarding-house  and  we  had  a  very 
good  time. 

After  four  weeks  of  this  road  work  I  decided  to  pass 
it  up,  as  it  was  getting  too  cold  to  tramp  around. 
The  last  week  I  worked  I  turned  in  in  addition  to  my 
legitimate  orders  about  twenty  false  orders  with  pic 
tures  I  managed  to  steal  in  homes  where  I  had  obtained 
orders.  I  collected  my  advance  commissions  on  all 
these  and  dug  out  for  E .  Arriving  there  I  went 


94  0  N  E     M  A  N 

to  the  boarding-house  where  I  had  visited  and  engaged 
a  small  room. 

During  this  time  I  had  no  particular  ambition  to  be 
anything.  I  did  not  know  what  was  going  to  become 

of  me  and,  in  fact,  did  not  care.     I  hung  around  E , 

spending  what  money  I  had  in  company  with  a  young 
fellow  whose  first  name  was  Carl.  Finally  we  both 
went  broke.  I  had  no  overcoat  and  the  snowstorms 
were  becoming  frequent.  I  can  remember  pawning  my 
razor  for  twenty-five  cents  and  I  lived  on  that  quarter 
for  two  days  and  let  Carl  rustle  for  himself. 

Carl  and  I  were  occupying  one  little  room  together 
at  this  time  and  we  owed  considerable  room  rent. 
Finally  I  became  desperate.  I  could  find  no  work  and 
it  was  awful  cold.  I  can  remember  Carl  and  I  one 
morning  standing  in  front  of  a  little  restaurant  where 
they  made  a  specialty  of  pig  sausages  and  wheat  cakes. 
We  could  see  the  man  in  the  window  flopping  the  wheat 
cakes  over  and  over  and  there  was  a  big  pan  of  those 
little  sausages  sizzling  away  alongside  the  griddles. 

We  went  back  to  the  room  and  I  looked  for  the  rest 

of  the  blank  checks  I  had  obtained  in  C .     I  found 

them  tucked  away  in  a  flap  inside  of  my  grip. 

That  evening  after  Carl  had  gone  out  I  sat  down 
and  practised  some  signatures  and  finally  made  out 
four  checks,  ranging  in  amounts  from  twenty-five  to 
sixty  dollars,  using  my  father's  and  my  own  name  as 
before. 

The  next  morning  I  started  out  to  get  them  cashed. 
First  I  went  to  a  music  teacher  whom  I  had  met  at  the 


O  N  E     M  A  N  95 

boarding-house  and  persuaded  him  to  take  me  to  a 
piano  store  and  identify  me  so  I  could  get  a  check 
cashed.  They  made  him  endorse  it  before  they  gave 
me  the  money.  Next  I  went  to  a  prominent  lodge 
man  and  told  him  who  I  was.  He  looked  up  my  fa 
ther's  name  in  a  national  list  of  lodge  members  and 
finding  it  there,  consented  to  endorse  my  check  for  me. 
This  was  a  forty-dollar  check. 

Then  I  went  to  a  clothing  store  where  I  had  pur 
chased  a  few  things  before  and  these  people  cashed  an 
other  check  for  me  when  I  bought  a  hat. 

In  all  these  places  I  would  take  out  a  letter  and  un 
pin  the  check  from  the  letter  while  talking  to  the  pros 
pective  victim.  Between  calls  I  would  pin  a  new  check 
to  the  letter  and  put  it  back  into  the  envelope.  If  any 
one  had  asked  to  see  the  letter  or  the  envelope  I  would 
have  been  up  against  it. 

My  last  call  was  at  the  men's  clothing  department  of 
a  big  department  store,  where  I  knew  one  of  the  clerks, 
who  had  been  a  frequent  visitor  at  the  boarding-house. 
I  asked  him  to  wait  on  me  while  I  selected  an  overcoat 
costing  twenty  dollars.  When  it  came  to  paying  for 
it  I  pulled  out  the  letter,  unpinned  the  check  and 
asked  him  for  a  pen  with  which  to  endorse  the  check. 
He  called  the  manager  and  this  man  looked  at  me  pretty 
sharply.  He  asked  me  about  the  check  and  I  told 
him  my  father  had  sent  it  to  me.  He  asked  the  clerk 
if  he  knew  me  and  the  clerk  said,  "  Oh  yes,  I  know  Bob 
bie  well."  The  manager  pulled  out  a  pencil  and  O. 
K.'d  the  check,  saying,  "  I  hope  it's  all  right,  young 


96  O  N  E     M  A  N 

man;  God  help  you  if  it  isn't."  I  endorsed  the  check 
and  they  gave  me  the  coat  and  forty  dollars  change. 
Then  I  hurried  back  to  the  room  wearing  the  overcoat 
and  in  my  pockets  I  had  a  hundred  and  fifty-five  dol 
lars  in  cash. 

Carl  was  sitting  on  the  bed  with  his  head  in  his 
hands.  Neither  of  us  had  had  anything  to  eat  that 
morning.  I  said  to  him,  "  Carl,  do  you  remember  those 
cakes  and  sausages?"  He  looked  at  my  overcoat  and 
said,  "What  do  you  mean?  What's  happened?"  I 
told  him  to  come  along  with  me,  that  we  were  each  go 
ing  to  eat  about  five  dollars'  worth  of  grub. 

I  can  remember  how  we  did  eat  and  how  good  every 
thing  tasted. 

After  we  had  redeemed  our  things  in  the  pawnshopg 
and  returned  to  the  room,  Carl  asked  me  where  I  got 
the  money  and  I  told  him  my  father  had  sent  it.  Then 
I  asked  him  if  he  wanted  to  go  to  Chicago  and  he  said, 
"  You  bet." 

So  that  evening,  without  telling  any  one  where  we 
were  going,  we  took  a  train  for  Chicago. 

Upon  our  arrival  there  we  took  a  cheap  room  at  a 
hotel  and  Carl  started  looking  for  a  job.  He  had  a 
friend  connected  with  one  of  the  big  stores,  and  this 
friend  promised  to  put  him  to  work  in  a  few  days. 

The  first  thing  I  did  was  to  hunt  up  Jack,  and  I 
found  him  in  one  of  his  usual  haunts,  a  basement  res 
taurant  and  wine  room  on  Monroe  Street.  He  was 
sitting  at  a  table  with  two  pretty  girls  and  when  he 
saw  me,  he  called  me  over  and  introduced  me  to  them. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  97 

They  were  sisters,  one  named  Fay  and  the  other  Julia. 

Fay  in  particular  took  my  eye  and  it  was  not  long 
until  we  were  both  interested  in  each  other.  Jack  and 
I  met  them  again  that  evening  and  after  a  dinner  and 
a  good  many  drinks  we  took  them  home.  When  I  said 
good  night  to  Fay  we  were  alone  in  the  lower  hall  of 
the  flat  building  where  she  and  her  sister  lived,  and 
she  put  her  arms  around  me  and  kissed  me. 

When  I  returned  to  the  hotel,  Carl  was  sitting  up 
waiting  for  me.  He  had  had  nothing  to  eat  since  noon, 
so  I  took  him  out  and  bought  him  a  big  lunch.  He 
knew  where  I  had  spent  the  evening,  as  I  had  told  him 
I  usually  hung  out  around  there  with  Jack. 

The  next  day  I  spent  with  Jack,  and  he  suggested 
that  I  get  a  room  near  him  and  save  hotel  bills.  So  he 
went  with  me  to  the  hotel  and  there  we  found  Carl  wait 
ing.  He  was  angry  and  hungry  again  and  wanted  me 
to  loan  him  ten  dollars.  I  gave  it  to  him  and  told  him 
I  was  going  away.  He  set  up  a  big  howl  at  this  and 
wanted  to  know  what  he  was  going  to  do.  I  told  him 
he  ought  to  be  glad  he  had  a  job  waiting  for  him.  But 
he  cringed  around  and  still  wanted  to  go  with  me.  I 
told  him  flatly  that  I  could  not  take  him  with  me  and  I 
left  him  there  in  the  hotel,  a  picture  of  misery  because 
I  would  not  support  him  any  longer. 

Jack  found  a  room  for  me  on  the  ground  floor  of  a 
flat  building  near  his  room. 

The  next  evening  we  took  the  girls  out  to  dinner 
and  then  over  to  my  room.  Jack  and  Julia  finally  went 
over  to  his  room  leaving  Fay  and  me  alone.  That  girl 


98  O  N  E     M  A  N 

was  a  devil  if  ever  one  lived,  and  when  I  took  her  home 
that  night  I  held  her  in  my  arms  a  long  time  before  I 
would  let  her  go  upstairs. 

It  was  getting  along  into  the  middle  of  November  by 
this  time  and  my  money  was  getting  low. 

Fay  was  coming  to  my  room  every  day.  She  was  a 
cigarette  fiend  and  between  the  two  of  us  we  had  about 
fifty  empty  cigarette  boxes  piled  on  a  table  in  my  room. 
Jack  was  an  inveterate  cigarette  smoker  also  and  he 
helped  contribute  to  the  pile  of  empty  boxes. 

He  received  a  little  money  from  the  South  once  in  a 
while,  but  was  usually  broke.  One  thing  I  always  ad 
mired  about  him,  he  dressed  well. 

Finally  I  ran  out  of  money  entirely  and  I  can  re 
member  standing  on  Jackson  Boulevard  one  cold, 
drizzly  morning,  hungry  and  penniless,  watching  the 
men  trying  to  work  on  the  new  Postoffice,  and  envying 
them  the  fact  that  they  had  work  and  some  place  to  go 
when  night  came. 

That  afternoon  I  locked  myself  in  my  room  and 
wrote  out  the  last  six  checks  I  had  left,  filling  them  out 
and  signing  them  as  before.  In  all  this  time  I  had  heard 
nothing  from  the  checks  passed  in  C and  in 

Somehow  in  these  days  I  did  not  look  ahead  to  what 
I  would  do  when  my  means  of  obtaining  money  ran  out. 
I  evidently  must  have  thought  also  that  I  could  keep 
on  going  the  downward  path  forever  and  not  get 
caught. 

The  next  morning  I  took  the  six  checks  and  passed 


ONE     MAN  99 

one  at  a  drug  store;  one  at  a  stationery  store  where  I 
had  bought  some  little  things  and  had  on  order  some 
monogram  stationery  which  I  paid  for  out  of  the  check ; 
one  in  a  saloon  where  I  was  known ;  one  in  a  drug  store 
near  the  apartment  building  where  I  roomed  and  the 
other  one  I  took  to  Bon  Bon. 

She  laughed  when  I  asked  her  to  cash  it  and  said, 
"  Kid,  your  damn  check  is  no  good  to  me.  Get  my 
pocketbook  out  of  the  bottom  of  that  wardrobe."  I 
got  it  for  her  and  she  pulled  out  a  roll  of  bills,  wrapped 
the  check  in  them  and  shoved  the  whole  thing  into  my 
trousers  pocket.  I  objected  to  this,  but  she  took  me 
to  the  door  and  pushed  me  out  into  the  hall,  saying, 
"  Kid,  you're  welcome  to  all  I've  got  any  time.  Get 
out  now,  I  want  to  sleep,  but  you  be  sure  to  come  back 
to-night."  She  was  a  good-hearted  girl  and  I  never 
saw  her  again.  There  was  fifty-two  dollars  in  the  roll 
of  bills. 

It  had  taken  me  most  of  the  day  to  pass  the  checks 
and  that  evening  the  girls,  together  with  Jack  and  me, 
went  on  a  slumming  trip.  We  took  in  a  lot  of  places 
in  the  old  Twenty-second  Street  District,  and  we  were 
all  half  drunk  by  twelve  o'clock. 

Coming  back  we  rode  on  the  front  seats  of  one  of  the 
grip-cars,  which  were  then  running  on  State  Street. 
I  reached  in  my  pocket  for  the  carfare  and  found  that 
my  roll  was  gone.  It  sobered  me  in  a  minute  and  we 
all  started  back  to  find  it,  but  it  was  gone  for  good.  I 
don't  know  to  this  day  where  it  went.  I  had  thirty  dol 
lars  in  another  pocket  when  I  reached  my  room.  I  was 


100  ONE'    MAN 

half  crazed  over  my  loss  and  did  not  know  which  way 
to  turn.  I  had  figured  on  getting  out  of  town  with 
that  money  the  next  day  and  now  I  was  nearly  broke. 
Jack  somehow  did  not  believe  that  I  had  lost  any  such 
sum,  as  he  knew  I  had  been  broke  that  morning  and  I 
had  refused  to  tell  him  where  I  obtained  the  money. 

The  next  morning  I  stopped  in  at  the  stationer's 
and  got  the  expensive  stationery  which  I  had  paid  for 
the  day  before  and  took  it  over  to  the  Monroe  Street 
place  and  left  it  at  the  cashier's  desk.  My  name  was 
written  on  the  outside  of  the  package. 

Along  toward  evening  I  went  down  to  the  restaurant 
and  waited  for  the  others  to  show  up.  I  had  given  up 
hope  of  getting  away  and  had  about  made  up  my  mind 
to  kill  myself.  I  wanted  to  see  Fay,  though,  once 
more. 

While  I  sat  there  at  a  table  alone  I  noticed  a  couple 
of  men  walk  in  and  sit  down  at  a  table  near  me  and  en 
gage  Jules,  the  head  waiter,  in  conversation.  I  did 
not  pay  much  attention  to  them,  although  I  felt  awful 
queer  and  uneasy,  as  if  something  were  about  to  hap 
pen. 

Along  about  five-thirty  Jack  showed  up  and  a  little 
later  Fay  came  in.  Julia  was  at  home  ill  and  unable 
to  meet  us. 

The  three  of  us  sat  down  at  the  table  and  had  a 
few  drinks  before  we  ordered  the  dinner.  I  was  laugh 
ing  and  talking  with  Fay  when  Jules,  the  head  waiter, 
came  up  to  our  table.  I  jumped  on  him  for  the  delay 
in  serving  the  dinner.  His  face  flushed  and  he  turned 


ONE    MAN  •'•101 

away  stammering  out  something  abont  5< ' seeing :ti>  it." 
I  was  puzzling  over  this  when  a  heavy,  thick-set  man 
stepped  up  to  our  table. 


CHAPTER  XV 

THIS  man  still  had  his  overcoat  on  and  was  car- 
Tying  his  hat  in  his  hand.  I  supposed  he  was 
some  friend  of  Jack's  until  he  leaned  over  in 
front  of  me,  and  calling  me  by  name,  asked  me  to  step 
to  one  side,  as  he  wished  to  speak  to  me.  I  got  up  from 
the  table  and  stepped  over  behind  a  pillar  with  him. 
He  reached  in  his  pocket,  and  pulling  out  a  paper  of 
some  kind  said,  "  Robert,  I've  got  a  warrant  here  for 
you  and  I'll  have  to  ask  you  to  come  with  me."  I  al 
most  fainted,  but  he  put  out  his  hand  and  steadied  me. 

"  All  right,"  I  said,  "  I'll  go  with  you,  but  I  have  or 
dered  a  dinner  and  these  other  people  are  my  guests." 
He  hesitated  a  minute,  then  told  me  to  go  ahead  with 
the  dinner  and  he  would  wait  for  me.  He  took  off  his 
overcoat  and  sat  down  at  a  vacant  table  where  he  could 
keep  an  eye  on  me.  I  had  not  asked  him  as  to  where  I 
was  wanted,  but  somehow  took  it  for  granted  that  I  was 
under  arrest  for  the  job  in  C . 

I  went  back  to  my  table  and  sat  down.  I  was  very 
weak  and  my  hands  trembled  a  great  deal,  because 
wrhen  I  lifted  the  glass  of  wine  which  stood  by  my  plate, 
I  spilt  a  lot  of  it  on  the  table.  Jack  and  Fay  both 
asked  me  what  was  the  matter  and  I  told  them  that 
after  dinner  I  had  to  go  out  on  some  business  with  the 

man  who  was  waiting. 

102 


O  N  E     M  A  N  103 

We  did  not  eat  very  much,  as  we  all  seemed  to  realize 
in  some  way  that  I  was  in  serious  trouble  of  some  kind. 

I  paid  the  check,  and  putting  on  our  wraps  we  went 
upstairs  to  the  street.  I  said  good  night  to  Jack  and 
kissed  Fay.  I  knew  somehow  that  it  would  be  many 
days  until  I  saw  her  again. 

The  detective,  for  such  he  proved  to  be,  walked  with 
me  over  to  the  Central  Station,  and  on  the  way  over 
asked  me  if  I  was  not  glad  that  the  worry  was  over  and 
I  was  to  go  back  North.  I  told  him  "  Yes,"  thinking 
he  meant  C . 

When  we  reached  the  Central  Station,  he  took  me  to 
the  chief's  office  and  a  man  who  sat  at  a  big  roll-top 
desk  asked  me  my  name  and  age  and  who  my  folks 
were  and  a  lot  of  other  questions  which  I  answered. 
Then  he  told  me  that  I  had  been  "  picked  up  "  for  the 

police  of  E ,  where  I  was  wanted   for  obtaining 

money  under  false  pretences.  My  heart  sank  when  I 
heard  this  and  I  began  to  sob.  I  had  thought  all  the 

time  that  I  was  going  back  to  C ,  where  my  folks 

would  get  me  out  of  trouble.  Instead  of  this,  I  was 
going  further  away  from  them  and  among  total  stran 
gers. 

The  official  spoke  to  me  in  a  kindly  way  and  said  he 
was  sorry  but  they  would  have  to  lock  me  up  to  await 

the  arrival  of  the  E officer,  who  would  be  there 

the  next  day.  At  the  same  time,  he  asked  me  if  I 
would  go  back  without  extradition  papers  and  I  said 
"  Yes." 

They  then  searched  me  and  took  everything  out  of 


104  ONE     MAN 

my  pockets.  I  only  had  twelve  dollars  and  they  took 
all  of  this  except  two  dollars,  telling  me  the  balance 
would  be  returned  the  next  day  when  I  went  North. 
I  asked  the  man  at  the  desk  to  telegraph  my  father 
and  he  said  he  would. 

I  found  out  years  afterward  how,  when  the  telegram 
reached  home  very  late  at  night,  Father  was  in  bed, 
sick.  He  got  up  and  dressed,  and  as  the  suburban 
cars  had  stopped  running,  he  had  to  walk  two  miles 
through  the  deep  snow  to  one  of  the  lines  that  ran 
all  night  so  that  he  could  get  to  the  newspaper  offices 
in  time  to  prevent  any  items  appearing  in  the  morning 
papers.  Mother  has  told  me  how  heartbroken  he  ap 
peared  when  he  reached  home. 

After  the  men  in  the  office  were  through  questioning 
me,  the  official  told  the  detective  to  take  me  downstairs 
and  lock  me  up.  He  took  me  downstairs  and  through  a 
long  corridor  to  a  big,  dark  cell.  He  said  I  would  find 
a  cot  in  the  corner  and  some  blankets,  and  for  me  to 
lie  down  and  go  to  sleep.  The  turnkey  gave  me  some 
water  and  locked  me  in.  After  they  had  been  gone  a 
while,  the  turnkey  came  back  and  asked  if  there  was 
anything  I  wanted.  I  gave  him  a  dollar  and  asked  him 
to  get  me  a  couple  of  packages  of  cigarettes.  After  a 
while  he  returned  with  the  cigarettes  and  the  change 
and  I  gave  him  a  fifty-cent  tip.  He  thanked  me  and 
gave  me  a  bunch  of  matches. 

It  was  pitch  dark  in  the  cell,  and  while  there  was  an 
electric  light  hanging  in  the  corridor,  the  wide  iron 
crossbars  in  the  cell  door  kept  out  all  the  light. 


ONE     MAN  105 

I  had  taken  off  my  hat  and  coat  and  after  I  was  left 
alone,  lit  a  match  so  as  to  examine  the  interior  of  the 
cell.  It  contained  nothing  but  a  tin  bucket,  a  tin  cup 
and  an  iron  cot  with  a  cheap,  dirty  mattress  and  a  dirty 
blanket.  The  walls  and  floor  were  of  stone  and  the 
place  smelled  terrible. 

The  shock  of  my  being  arrested  had  not  yet  worn 
off,  but  after  I  had  walked  back  and  forth  for  an  hour 
and  smoked  several  cigarettes  I  quieted  down  consid 
erable. 

Suddenly  a  full  realization  of  the  horror  of  it  all 
came  over  me  like  a  flash  and  I  dropped  to  my  knees 
on  the  stone  floor.  I  moaned  and  sobbed  and  prayed, 
asking  God  to  take  me  out  of  there  and  let  me  be  a 
man.  I  have  suffered  much  in  the  years  since,  but  the 
agony  of  that  night  stands  out  above  all  my  other  suf 
fering.  It  seemed  as  the  hours  crept  on  that  I  would 
become  insane.  In  my  agony  I  threw  my  hands  above 
my  head  as  I  walked  back  and  forth  and  beseeched  God 
to  help  me.  I  guess  there  were  no  other  prisoners  in 
the  section  where  I  was,  because  no  one  said  anything 
to  me  or  came  near  me.  I  tried  to  lie  down,  but  I 
could  hear  the  rats  in  the  cell  as  soon  as  I  became 
quiet  and  I  was  afraid  of  them.  It  was  nearly  morn 
ing  when  I  finally  fell  into  a  troubled  sleep. 

If  my  father  could  have  walked  into  my  cell  at  that 
hour  and  talked  to  me  right  there,  as  he  talked  to  me 
years  after,  I  could  have  gone  out  of  there  with  him, 
a  man,  without  any  further  punishment. 

The  horror  of  it  all  was  so  powerful  it  would  have 


106  O  N  E     M  A  N 

been  all  the  lesson  I  needed,  could  I  have  been  released 
then,  before  I  became  hardened  to  prison  life. 

But  after  that  morning  it  was  too  late,  for  my  only 
hope  after  that  first  effect  wore  off,  lay  in  my  working 
out  my  own  salvation  behind  the  walls  of  the  peniten 
tiary. 

There  was  a  rattling  at  the  cell  door  about  seven 
o'clock  and  I  got  up  to  see  what  it  was.  The  turnkey 
stood  there  with  a  can  of  coffee  and  a  plate  containing 
meat  and  potatoes.  He  told  me  he  had  brought 
me  an  extra  good  breakfast.  Opening  the  door,  he 
gave  me  the  food  and  then  locked  me  in  again.  I  gave 
him  my  other  dollar  and  asked  him  to  get  me  some  more 
cigarettes.  He  soon  returned  with  them  and  I  gave  him 
a  quarter  tip.  I  had  smoked  during  my  frenzy  of  the 
night,  at  least  a  part  of  each  of  the  twenty  cigarettes 
he  had  obtained  for  me  when  I  was  first  locked  up.  I 
ate  every  bit  of  the  breakfast  and  after  smoking  a 
cigarette,  felt  better. 

About  eight  o'clock  the  detective  who  had  arrested 
me  came  to  my  cell  and,  after  looking  me  over,  said  he 
guessed  I  had  passed  a  tough  night.  Then  he  took  me 
into  a  wash-room,  and  after  allowing  me  to  clean  up, 
returned  me  to  my  cell,  telling  me  to  cheer  up  as  the 
officer  from  E would  be  there  about  ten  o'clock. 

About  nine  o'clock  my  cell  door  was  unlocked  and  I 
was  told  to  "  come  out  of  there."  I  came  out  and 
stood  in  front  of  a  big,  burly  detective  and  some  busi 
ness  man.  The  business  man  looked  at  me  closely  and 
the  detective  said,  "Is  that  the  crook?"  The  man 


O  N  E     M  A  N  107 

said  "  No,"  and  the  detective  pushed  me  into  the  cell 
and  locked  the  door.  Then  I  began  to  fear  that  the 
Chicago  people  on  whom  I  had  passed  the  other  checks 
would  see  the  news  in  the  paper  and  come  to  identify 
me,  but  no  one  came. 

At  eleven  o'clock  the  detective  from  E arrived 

and  came  to  my  cell  to  talk  with  me.  He  asked  me  if 
I  was  willing  to  go  back  with  him  without  any  trouble, 
and  I  told  him  "  Yes."  Then  he  said  he  would  go  to 
my  room  with  the  detective  who  had  arrested  me  and 
get  my  things,  and  I  asked  him  to  also  get  the  package 
of  stationery  I  had  left  at  the  restaurant.  He  smiled 
and  said,  "  Yes,  but  I  shouldn't  think  you  would  want 
to  see  that  package  again.  That  is  what  identified 
you." 

It  seems  that  a  few  days  before  Carl  had  written  to 
the  boarding-house  at  E concerning  some  laun 
dry,  and  asked  them  to  forward  it  to  him.  Of  course, 
the  police  had  already  been  there  looking  for  me  and 
found  that  we  both  had  left  at  the  same  time.  So 
when  his  letter  arrived,  the  landlady  called  up  the  po 
lice  and  they  at  once  communicated  with  the  Chicago 
police,  instructing  them  to  get  hold  of  Carl.  After  a 
little  persuasion  he  told  them  where  I  formerly  hung 
out  and  when  they  inquired  for  me  at  the  restaurant, 
the  cashier  showed  them  the  package  with  my  name  on 
it  and  told  them  I  had  left  it  there  saying  I  would  call 
for  it. 

About  three  in  the  afternoon,  the  detectives  returned 
with  my  things.  They  came  to  my  cell  and  took  me  up- 


108  ONE     MAN 

stairs,  saying  that  it  was  no  wonder  I  was  in  jail  if  I 
had  smoked  all  the  cigarettes  that  had  been  in  the 
empty  boxes  which  they  found  in  my  room.  As  we 
were  passing  along  the  corridor  in  the  basement,  I  no 
ticed  in  a  little  room  to  my  left  two  men  holding  a 
rough-looking  young  fellow  while  another  man  was  try 
ing  to  photograph  him.  The  detective  from  E 

asked  the  local  man  if  they  had  "  mugged  "  me  and 
he  told  him  they  had  not  as  yet.  He  then  told  him  to 
never  mind,  as  perhaps  the  matter  would  be  fixed  up. 
I  pricked  up  my  ears  at  this  remark  and  began  to  have 
a  little  hope. 

When  we  arrived  at  the  office  upstairs,  they  gave  me 
back  the  things  they  had  taken  the  night  before,  with 

the  exception  of  my  knife,  which  Detective  A said 

he  would  keep  until  we  reached  E . 

They  put  me  into  a  patrol  wagon,  and  the  two  de 
tectives  got  in  with  me.  We  rode  to  the  depot,  where 

the  local  man  watched  me  while  A purchased  the 

tickets.  After  I  had  said  good-bye  to  the  local  de 
tective,  we  boarded  the  train.  A made  me  sit 

next  to  the  window  and  said  he  hoped  that  I  would  see 
the  wisdom  of  not  attempting  to  escape.  I  told  him 
he  needn't  fear  that  and  so  in  this  manner  we  returned 
to  E ,  arriving  there  late  at  night. 


CHAPTER  XVI 

UPON  our  arrival  at  E we  found  the  pa 
trol  wagon  awaiting  us  and  I  was  at  once 
taken  to  the  Central  Station,  where  I  was 
searched  and  then  locked  in  a  cell. 

In  the  morning,  after  the  usual  station-house  break 
fast,  I  was  taken  to  the  police  court.  There  some  one 
read  the  complaint,  which  charged  me  with  obtaining 
forty  dollars  in  cash  and  an  overcoat  on  a  check  which 
had  been  returned  marked,  "  No  account."  I  remem 
bered  then  the  words  of  the  department  store  man 
ager. 

Detective  A whispered  to  me  to  plead  "  Not 

guilty,"  and  I  did  so  and  was  then  bound  over  to  the 
District  Court  under  fifteen  hundred  dollar  bonds. 

After  we  left  the  court  room  A took  me  into  a 

big  room  where  a  lot  of  detectives  were  standing  around. 

The  officer  in  charge  talked  to  A a  few  moments 

and  then  turned  to  the  men,  telling  them  to  take  a  good 
look  at  me.  He  also  told  them  my  name  and  why  I 
was  under  arrest. 

After  this  he  told  A to  take  me  "  upstairs."  I 

was  taken  upstairs  into  another  big  room  fitted  up  as 
a  photo  gallery  and  here  I  was  photographed  in  two 

positions,  front  view  and  profile.     Then  I  was  meas- 

109 


110  ONE     MAN 

ured  by  the  Bertillon  system.  I  could  not  under 
stand  this  action,  in  view  of  what  A had  said  in 

the  station  at  Chicago,  and  I  asked  him  why  they 
"  mugged "  me.  He  simply  said  it  was  customary. 
Those  two  pictures  of  mine  were  in  the  Rogues'  Gallery 

at  E for  two  years,  and  copies  of  them  were  sent 

to  many  of  the  larger  cities  throughout  the  country. 

Detective  A then  told  me  he  was  going  to  take 

me  to  the  county  jail  and  that  he  would  not  hand 
cuff  me,  but  cautioned  me  not  to  try  to  escape.  I  can 
remember  how  suggestively  he  patted  his  overcoat 
pocket  as  he  said  it. 

At  the  county  jail  I  was  thoroughly  searched  and 

then  locked  in  a  cell.  Detective  A left,  telling  me 

not  to  worry,  as  my  folks  would  probably  square  up 
the  matter.  Somehow  I  did  not  have  much  hope  of 
this,  on  account  of  the  fact  that  they  had  let  the  checks 
come  back  to  E . 

About  eleven  o'clock  the  under-sheriff  came  to  my 
cell,  and  entering,  asked  me  all  about  my  trouble.  I 
told  him  the  whole  story.  He  sympathized  with  me 
and  said  he  would  send  up  writing  materials  so  that  I 
could  write  to  my  folks  right  away. 

Just  before  noon  I  was  taken  to  a  bathroom  and  al 
lowed  to  bathe,  after  which  the  jail  doctor  examined  me 
and  said  I  was  in  need  of  medical  attention,  which  was 
given  me. 

I  was  then  taken  to  a  very  large  cell,  which  was  usu 
ally  used  for  holding  important  witnesses.  It  was 
equipped  with  hot  and  cold  water,  electric  lights  and 


ONE     MAN  111 

other  modern  conveniences,  together  with  a  comfortable 
cot,  two  chairs  and  a  table. 

At  noon  I  was  given  a  pan  of  boiled  meat,  several 
slices  of  bread  and  a  big  cup  of  jail  coffee.  These 
things  were  shoved  through  an  opening  in  the  cell  door. 

That  afternoon  I  wrote  to  my  folks  asking  them  to 
help  me.  This  letter  I  had  to  leave  unsealed,  so  that 
the  under-sheriff  could  read  it.  The  rules  of  the  jail 
required  that  all  letters  written  or  received  by  the  pris 
oners  be  read  by  the  under-sheriff. 

The  daily  routine  in  jail  was  very  simple.  In  the 
morning  we  were  awakened  by  a  gong  in  the  corridor, 
and  at  Seven  o'clock  received  a  small  pail  of  coffee  and 
all  the  bread  we  wanted.  At  noon  we  received  a  pan  of 
stewed  or  boiled  meat,  together  with  brea'd  and  coffee, 
and  at  night  bread  and  coffee.  I  was  furnished  with 
reading  matter,  but  spent  most  of  my  time  pacing  the 
floor. 

It  took  several  days  for  a  reply  to  come  from  home, 
and  in  the  meantime  a  young  man  belonging  to  one  of 
the  church  societies  came  to  my  cell  to  see  me.  I  be 
came  well  acquainted  with  him  and  told  him  my  story. 
He  took  a  great  interest  in  me  and  was  very  good  to 
me,  giving  me  a  Bible  and  coming  to  see  me  every  day. 

Out  of  all  the  hundreds  of  so-called  Christian  men 
whom  I  have  met,  Ed  was  one  of  the  very  few  I  have 
found  to  be  absolutely  sincere  and  unselfish.  He  held 
a  poorly  paid  position  in  a  railway  office  and  supported 
a  mother  and  sister.  All  his  spare  time  was  devoted 
to  helping  others. 


ONE     MAN 

When  the  letters  from  home  arrived  the  under-sheriff 
brought  them  to  me  and  before  he  gave  them  to  me 
told  me  to  cheer  up  and  be  a  man. 

There  were  two  letters,  one  from  Father  and  one 
from  Mother.  In  Father's  letter,  which  was  very 
short  and  began  with  "  Robert,"  he  simply  said  that 
he  was  sorry,  but  I  would  have  to  take  my  medicine 
and  that  he  hoped  I  would  profit  by  the  lesson.  He 
also  said  he  could  not  afford  to  settle  with  the  people 
who  had  cashed  my  checks.  The  letter  was  written  on  a 
typewriter  and  signed  with  his  typewritten  initials 
only. 

Mother's  letter  was  long  and  contained  many  re 
proaches.  She,  too,  wrote  that  they  were  unable  to 
pay  the  people  I  had  robbed,  and  that  she  was  very 
sorry  for  me  and  hoped  that  the  judge  would  not  give 
me  the  long  sentence.  Also  she  hoped  that  when  I  was 
released  I  would  go  somewhere  and  begin  life  anew. 

I  think  that  what  little  good  there  was  left  in  me 
passed  out  of  my  life  entirely  as  I  read  those  letters. 
They  were  able  to  repay  every  cent  I  had  obtained  and 
those  who  had  been  defrauded  were  wiUing  to  settle. 
My  father's  influence  would  have  saved  me  from  any 
sentence  after  the  complaints  had  been  adjusted.  Of 
course,  my  parents  were  disgusted  with  me  and  I  sup 
pose  they  had  lost  all  hope  of  my  ever  being  of  any 
value  as  a  man.  I  often  think  that  their  anger  over 
being  disgraced  and  shamed  by  my  arrest  was  the  real 
reason  for  their  not  giving  me  any  assistance  in  my 
hour  of  trouble. 


ONE     MAN  113 

But,  please  God,  if  anything  like  this  should  ever 
come  to  any  son  of  mine,  I  would  forget  self-pride 
and  family  pride  and  I  would  even  sell  the  clothes  from 
off  my  back  before  I  would  ever  let  him  enter  the  doors 
of  a  penitentiary.  I  would  do  almost  anything  to 
save  him.  For  once  a  man  enters  the  big  doors  of  a 
State's  prison,  as  a  convicted  criminal,  he  leaves  hehind 
him  forever  that  cloak  of  visible  honor  which  is  given 
to  us  all  equally  at  birth.  No  wealth,  no  prayer,  in 
fact  nothing  can  ever  make  him  as  he  was  before  he 
enters  the  City  of  the  Dead.  He  enters  the  doors  as 
a  man  even  though  he  be  battered  and  a  wreck,  but  he 
emerges  a  Thing,  haunted  day  and  night  through  the 
rest  of  his  life  by  his  secret.  Any  hour,  no  matter 
how  many  years  he  has  striven  to  make  good,  his  se 
cret  may  become  public  and  he  becomes  in  the  sight  of 
practically  all  the  world  a  Thing  to  be  shunned  and 
avoided.  His  real  right  to  be  a  husband  and  a  father 
is  taken  from  him  forever,  for  what  clean,  decent  man- 
soul  with  the  brand  of  "  ex-convict  "  wants  to  be  the 
father  of  little  innocent  children  wrho  could  some  day 
be  made  to  suffer  too  as  a  result  of  the  father's  old  mis 
take?  Crime  should  be  punished  without  doubt,  but 
at  my  age  and  under  the  existing  circumstances  I  could 
not  by  any  process  of  imagination  have  been  wisely 
deemed  a  criminal  in  the  true  sense  of  the  word. 

And  if  my  parents  were  to  give  me  a  million  to 
morrow  it  would  not  help  one  bit.  Nothing,  absolutely 
nothing,  can  erase  that  terrible  stain  which  spreads 
through  and  through,  even  to  the  last  little  letter  of 


114  ONE     MAN 

my  name.  The  tears,  the  misery,  the  prayers,  the  hard 
work  and  struggles  of  ten  years  have  not  changed  it. 

And  one  man,  born  no  better  than  I,  but  seated  on  a 
high,  wooden  throne  by  a  political  power,  had  the  au 
thority  to  tear  from  me,  a  fellow-man,  my  last  weapon 
of  defence,  my  only  remaining  asset  —  my  name.  And 
his  authority  did  not  cease  there,  for  he  placed  on 
parents,  on  sisters,  and  on  children  yet  unborn  a  last 
ing  shame.  Still  it  is  the  law. 

No  man  living  knows  or  can  know,  by  any  process 
of  reasoning  or  imagination,  what  the  ex-convict  feels, 
unless  he,  himself,  has  paid  the  price  of  knowing,  which 
is  —  serving  time.  No  man  has  lost  his  reputation  un 
til  the  law  takes  it  from  him.  Until  that  hour  he  can 
always  rebuild,  and  wipe  out  his  former  indiscretions. 

No  one  living  man  to-day  has  the  ability  to  prop 
erly  judge  as  to  just  how  much  punishment  any  fellow- 
man  should  suffer. 

I  wrote  to  my  folks  and  told  them  I  was  sorry  to 
learn  that  they  would  not  help  me  and  that  I  would  not 
bother  them  any  more.  I  also  told  them  I  was  going  to 
plead  guilty  when  my  case  came  up. 

When  Ed  read  the  letters,  he  cried  with  me  and  said 
he  would  write  to  my  folks,  which  he  did,  but  with  no 

better  results.  Then  I  wrote  to  the  judge  in  C 

and  asked  him  to  give  me  a  letter  which  I  could  show 
to  the  judge  who  would  sentence  me. 

He  wrote  me  a  very  dignified  letter,  stating  that  I  had 
always  been  a  good  boy  up  to  that  time  and  that  he 
hoped  the  judge  who  sentenced  me  would  take  into  con- 


ONE     MAN  115 

sideration  my  family  and  all  the  circumstances  con 
nected  with  the  case  and  a  lot  of  other  stuff. 

By  this  time  I  had  decided  to  plead  guilty  and  had 
said  so  to  the  county  attorney.  I  had  no  money  for 
a  lawyer,  anyway.  He  said  this  was  the  best  thing  I 
could  do.  It  would  save  the  expense  of  their  having 

to  send  for  some  one  connected  with  the  bank  in  B 

to  be  present  at  my  trial  and  by  his  testimony  prove 
that  my  father  had  no  account  in  that  bank  at  the 
time  I  issued  the  check,  and  that  besides  this  the  sig 
nature  was  a  forgery.  My  pleading  guilty,  he  said, 
would  help  to  get  me  a  short  sentence. 

As  the  time  drew  near  for  my  appearance  in  court 
and  we  found  out  which  judge  was  to  hear  my  case, 
Ed  wrote  to  Father  begging  him  to  write  a  letter  to 
the  judge  asking  him  to  be  lenient  with  me. 

Father  wrote  a  short  letter  addressed  to  the  judge, 
telling  him  that  I  was,  no  doubt,  sick  in  mind  and  body 
when  I  passed  the  checks,  and  went  on  to  say  that  he 
hoped  the  judge  would  take  into  consideration  my 
youth  and  my  family.  The  letter  was  a  cold  one  and 
I  did  not  have  much  hope  of  its  doing  any  good. 

In  the  meantime,  I  told  Ed  of  all  my  other  forgeries, 
giving  him  the  names  of  the  victims  and  the  amounts. 
I  did  not  know  why  he  wanted  these  details,  but  I  was 
to  learn  later. 

Soon  I  received  another  letter  from  Mother  and  also 
a  Bible.  She  asked  me  to  read  a  little  in  it  every  day. 
I  was  in  a  hopeless  mood  all  this  time  and  had  no  care 
as  to  what  was  to  become  of  me. 


116  ONE     MAN 

A  few  people  came  to  look  at  me  through  the  bars, 
among  them  the  music  teacher  and  the  former  land 
lady,  who  seemed  horrified  to  see  one  of  her  former 
lodgers  behind  the  bars.  I  refused  to  talk  to  any  one 
except  Ed  and  the  jailers. 

Christmas  came  and  the  only  present  I  received  came 
from  Ed.  Mother  sent  me  a  little  card  containing 
some  good  wishes  for  the  season.  We  had  a  chicken 
dinner  that  day. 

New  Year's  Day  the  prisoners  were  treated  to  a 
concert  by  the  choir  from  Ed's  church.  One  of  the  la 
dies  stood  in  the  corridor  near  my  cell  and  sang  "  The 
Ninety  and  Nine  "  in  a  beautiful  voice.  I  cried  my 
self  to  sleep  that  night. 

On  the  afternoon  of  January  the  sixth,  I  was  hand 
cuffed  to  another  prisoner,  and  together  with  three 
other  couples,  similarly  cuffed,  was  taken  to  court  by 
deputy  sheriffs. 

It  was  a  cloudy,  gloomy  afternoon,  and  the  streets 
were  filled  with  snow  and  slush. 

Upon  our  arrival  at  the  court  room  we  were  con 
ducted  to  a  long  bench  up  near  the  judge's  desk.  Our 
handcuffs  were  unfastened  and  we  sat  back  to  await  the 
calling  of  the  cases. 

I  looked  down  the  row  of  men  sitting  on  the  bench 
with  me  and  noticed  what  a  tough-looking  lot  they 
were.  I  was  the  youngest  in  the  row. 

There  were  only  a  few  spectators  in  the  court  room 
and  I  did  not  even  look  at  them. 


CHAPTER  XVII 

SOME  one  rapped  with  a  gavel  and  called  a  name 
and  the  deputy  sheriff  sitting  beside  me  told  me 
to  stand  up.     A  man  read  the  complaint  against 
me  and  I  was  told  to  plead.     I  hesitated  a  minute,  and 
then,  looking  up  at  the  judge,  who  was  sizing  me  up, 
I  answered  in  a  clear  voice,  "  Guilty." 

The  judge,  who  was  a  big  man,  sat  back  in  his  chair 
and  looked  at  me  steadily  for  a  moment,  then,  calling 
me  by  my  first  name,  said,  "  Robert,  why  did  you  do 
this?" 

I  told  him  I  was  cold  and  hungry  and  without  work 
at  the  time  and  had  signed  my  father's  name  to  the 
checks  to  get  money  to  live  on. 

The  judge  then  asked  me  what  my  father  said  about 
this  thing.  From  an  inside  pocket  I  took  the  bunch  of 
letters  which  Ed  had  arranged  for  me  and  handed  them 
to  a  court  attache  who  gave  them  to  the  judge.  He 
took  them  and  read  them  over  slowly. 

Meanwhile  I  stood  there,  looking  across  the  court 
room  to  the  windows.  I  could  see  the  rain  falling  out 
side  and  the  dirty  smoke  blowing  from  the  chimneys 
on  the  buildings  across  the  street.  The  tears  started 
to  come,  but  I  gritted  my  teeth  and  held  myself  in  as 
best  I  could. 

117 


118  O  N  E     M  A  N 

The  judge  looked  up  at  last  and  said,  "  Robert,  I 
am  sorry  for  you,  but  I  think  you  need  a  lesson.  I 

will  sentence  you  to  the  penitentiary  at  M for  the 

term  of  two  years.  I  sincerely  hope  you  will  make  a 
man  of  yourself  yet  and  be  an  honor  to  your  parents." 

I  sat  down  in  my  seat  and  the  man  next  to  me  was 
told  to  stand  up.  I  can  remember  nothing  that  was 
said  to  him,  nor  can  I  remember  any  of  his  answers. 
The  tears  were  rolling  down  my  cheeks,  and  I  had  all  I 
could  do  to  keep  from  putting  my  hands  up  to  my  face. 

A  few  moments  later  I  was  told  to  stand  up,  and 
after  I  had  been  cuffed  to  the  man  next  to  me,  a  dep 
uty  led  us  out  and  back  to  the  jail.  Upon  our  arrival 
there,  the  under-sheriff  came  up  to  my  cell  and  handed 
me  the  letters  I  had  given  the  judge.  Then  he  took 
my  razor  from  the  stationary  wash  basin  and  after 
telling  me  to  bear  up  like  a  man,  locked  my  door  and 
left  me  alone. 

I  threw  myself  down  on  the  bed  and  lay  there,  sob 
bing  and  crying  until  Ed  came  at  supper  time.  They 
locked  him  in  the  cell  with  me  and  he  stayed  all  evening. 
His  talk  with  me  did  have  an  influence  on  me  and  just 
before  he  left  we  both  kneeled  down  beside  my  cot  and 
prayed.  After  the  prayer  I  calmed  down  and  felt 
much  better.  I  have  never  forgotten  that  prayer  of 
Ed's.  I  believe  that  I  could  repeat  it  word  for  word 
to-day.  Never  have  I  heard  any  one  pray  with  such 
faith  and  conviction.  His  words  seemed  to  make  me 
know  that  God  anyway  had  not  deserted  me  and  that 
my  sentence  was  all  for  the  best.  Ed  was  the  only 


O  N  E     M  A  N  119 

man  who  had  ever  exerted  a  good  influence  over  me. 

That  night  I  wrote  to  my  folks,  to  Jack,  and  to  Fay, 
telling  them  I  was  going  away  for  a  couple  of  years 
and  giving  them  my  address. 

The  next  morning  I  was  told  to  get  ready  to  go  to 
the  penitentiary.  I  packed  up  my  few  belongings  and 
the  under-sheriff  gave  me  my  suit  case  and  the  few  dol 
lars  which  remained  of  my  money.  The  overcoat  they 
sent  back  to  the  department  store.  Ed  came  to  the 
jail  and  said  good-bye  to  me  and  hurried  back  to  work 
with  a  promise  that  he  would  write  and  would  come  to 
see  me  later. 

One  of  the  deputies  was  to  take  me  to  M ,  and 

after  fastening  a  handcuff  to  my  right  hand  he  told 
me  that  he  would  not  fasten  me  to  him,  but  would  sim 
ply  hold  the  other  cuff  in  his  hand  and  that  I  should 
walk  close  to  him  so  people  would  not  know  I  was  a 
prisoner. 

He  had  suggested  that  we  walk  to  the  depot,  saying 
it  would  be  some  time  before  I  would  again  look  upon 
the  busy  streets  of  a  big  city.  I  was  glad  of  the  chance 
and  we  walked  slowly  to  the  depot.  One  or  two  peo 
ple  noticed  the  glint  of  the  handcuffs  as  we  were  jos 
tled  by  the  crowds  and  turned  to  look  at  us.  I  had  the 
suit  case  in  my  left  hand,  and  having  the  cuff  on  my 
right  and  without  the  use  of  that  hand,  somehow  could 
not  walk  easily. 

When  we  reached  the  station  we  went  to  the  ticket 
window  in  the  big  waiting-room.  There  was  a  brass 
railing,  inside  of  which  people  were  filing  past  the  win- 


120  ONE     MAN 

dow  and  purchasing  their  tickets.  The  deputy  let  go 
of  his  part  of  the  handcuff  and  told  me  to  stand  out 
side  the  railing  while  he  stepped  into  the  line  and  pur 
chased  our  tickets. 

The  sun  was  shining  brightly  that  morning,  and 
now  that  I  knew  that  I  had  to  go  to  the  penitentiary 
and  that  the  suspense  was  over,  I  felt  much  better.  I 
stood  there  in  the  sunlight  which  streamed  through  the 
windows,  waiting  for  the  deputy  to  get  the  tickets, 
and  before  I  noticed  what  I  was  doing,  I  was  swinging 
the  other  handcuff,  which  was  fastened  to  the  one  on 
my  hand  by  a  short  steel  chain.  The  flash  of  the 
metal  in  the  sunlight  caught  the  eye  of  an  old  lady 
sitting  on  one  of  the  long  benches  in  front  of  me.  The 
look  of  horror  that  came  over  her  face  caused  me  to 
notice  what  I  was  doing.  I  can  remember  smiling  bit 
terly  at  her  "expression,  and  the  thought  came  to  me 
that  pity  usually  comes  too  late. 

Shortly  after  the  train  got  under  way  the  "  news 
butcher "  came  along  and  the  deputy  offered  me  a 
cigar  which  I  refused,  saying  that  I  had  cigarettes. 
He  told  me  I  would  have  to  smoke  them  up  on  the  train 
as  I  would  not  be  allowed  to  smoke  in  the  penitentiary. 
The  "  news  butcher  "  tried  to  sell  me  a  railway  guide 
but  the  deputy  laughingly  told  him  it  would  be  con 
siderably  out  of  date  by  the  time  I  took  my  next  ride. 

We  reached  M early  in  the  afternoon  and  took 

a  hack  to  the  prison.  Upon  arrival  at  the  place  I 
stepped  out  of  the  hack  first  and  stood  looking  up  at 
the  big  building  while  the  deputy  paid  the  bill.  At 


O  N  E     M  A  N 

that  moment  it  seemed  to  me  that  the  prison  itself  filled 
the  entire  universe.  It  was  a  big,  white  building  with 
a  high  tower  in  the  centre  and  a  long  wing  extending 
on  each  side  filled  with  countless  little  windows.  The 
whole  appearance  and  air  of  the  place  filled  me  with 
horror.  It  seemed  as  if  I  did  not  have  strength  enough 
left  to  walk  up  the  long  walk  leading  to  the  entrance. 

The  deputy  told  me  to  come  along  and  I  started  up 
the  walk  with  him.  When  we  were  nearly  up  to  the 
door  I  turned  around  to  take  a  last  look  at  the  "  out- 
of-doors."  It  was  a  beautiful  day  and  I  stood  there  a 
moment  looking  up  at  the  sky  and  taking  deep  breaths 
of  fresh  air.  Then  I  turned  and  walked  up  the  steps 
and  through  the  door  with  the  deputy. 


CHAPTER  XVIII 

I  WAS  first  taken  to  the  warden's  office,  where  my 
complete  record  was  written  out  and  all  my  per 
sonal  property  taken  from  me. 

Then  I  was  taken  through  a  hall  and  up  a  flight  of 
steps  to  a  big  steel-barred  door.  I  could  see  through 
these  bars  into  a  big  room  where  a  man  in  uniform  sat 
reading.  He  saw  us  at  the  door  and  came  over.  After 
he  had  examined  the  commitment  papers  he  unlocked 
the  big  door  with  a  big  key  and  let  us  in,  shutting  and 
locking  it  after  us. 

The  clang  of  that  big  door  closing  made  me  shudder 
from  head  to  foot.  Many  a  weary  day  was  destined 
to  pass  before  I  should  again  hear  its  clang. 

The  walls  on  two  sides  of  this  room  were  composed 
of  vertical  steel  bars  placed  about  four  inches  apart. 
The  cell  blocks  in  the  two  main  prison  wings  could  be 
seen  through  these  bars.  On  the  wall  of  this  room, 
which  was  called  the  guard  room,  were  gun  racks,  par 
tially  filled  with  Winchesters.  The  sight  of  these  guns 
brought  me  my  first  realization  of  how  serious  my  posi 
tion  was. 

We  were  taken  across  the  guard  room  to  a  smaller 
door,  which  was  also  opened  with  a  big  key.  Passing 

through  this  door,  which  was  quickly  locked  behind  us, 

122 


ONE     MAN 

we  went  down  a  winding  iron  stair  to  a  corridor  and, 
turning  to  our  right,  we  entered  the  executive  office  of 
the  prison  proper. 

In  passing  down  these  stairs,  I  noticed  for  the  first 
time  the  prison  smell.  There  is  no  other  odor  like  it 
on  earth.  It  almost  overpowered  me  and  it  was  many 
days  before  I  became  accustomed  to  it. 

In  the  office  my  commitment  papers  were  delivered 
to  the  deputy  warden  and  I  was  again  subjected  to  a 
thorough  search. 

The  deputy-sheriff  then  shook  hands  and,  telling  me 
to  be  a  good  boy,  went  back  up  the  winding  stair.  I 
was  sorry  to  see  him  go  as  he  seemed  to  be  the  last 
link  connecting  me  with  the  outside  world. 

I  was  next  taken  to  a  bath  room  by  a  convict  trusty 
and  made  to  bathe  in  an  old  galvanized  iron  tub  and 
given  one  little,  rough  towel  with  which  to  dry  my 
body.  Then  I  sat  shivering  until  a  bundle  of  clothes 
was  brought  to  me.  I  was  told  to  dress  and  be  quick 
about  it. 

The  underwear  was  coarse  and  rough  and  looked  like 
a  suit  of  overalls.  The  socks  were  thick  and  heavy 
and  came  half  way  to  my  knees.  The  shirt  was  dark 
blue  with  fine  white  lines  in  it.  The  coat,  vest  and 
trousers  were  of  a  heavy  grey  cloth  and  about  two 
sizes  too  large  for  me  but  I  got  into  them  as  best  I 
could.  The  shoes  were  the  coarsest,  roughest  things  I 
had  ever  seen  and  fastened  with  buckles.  They  were 
at  least  three  sizes  too  large  and  hurt  my  feet  from  the 
minute  I  put  them  on. 


ONE     M  A  N 

After  I  had  dressed  myself,  I  was  taken  to  the  prison 
barber  shop  by  a  trusty  and  was  shaved  and  had  my 
hair  cut  by  one  of  the  prison  barbers.  There  were  five 
of  them  in  the  room  with  a  guard  watching  them.  It 
seemed  so  queer  not  to  hear  a  word  spoken  by  any  one. 
From  there  I  was  taken  to  the  tailor  shop  where  I  was 
measured  for  clothes  and  shoes  and  given  a  heavy  grey 
cap.  I  was  then  returned  to  the  executive  office  and 
told  to  sit  down  on  a  bench.  It  was  while  returning  to 
the  office  that  I  saw  something  which  I  have  never  for 
gotten. 

Standing  a  short  way  down  the  corridor  talking  to 
a  guard,  was  a  little  grey-haired  man  dressed  in  stripes. 
The  feeling  of  horror  and  revulsion  which  came  over 
me  was  terrible.  I  could  not  believe  that  a  human  be 
ing  could  look  like  that  old  man  did. 

About  five  o'clock  I  was  taken  through  the  corridor 
to  a  short,  wide  flight  of  steps,  down  these  and  along  a 
wide  corridor.  On  one  side  of  me  was  the  whitewashed 
inner  wall  of  the  cell  house  and  on  the  other  side  was 
the  whitewashed  cell  block  just  filled  with  row  upon 
row  of  narrow,  steel  doors  opening  onto  narrow  gal 
leries.  It  was  getting  dusk  and  I  could  not  see  into 
the  cells.  I  was  led  clear  to  the  end  of  the  cell  block 
and  then  up  a  little  flight  of  stairs  to  a  gallery  and 
along  this  until  the  trusty  ahead  of  me  stopped,  pulled 
open  a  cell  door  and  motioned  for  me  to  go  in.  When 
I  stepped  in  he  closed  the  door  after  me. 

It  was  dark  and  I  could  not  see  but  I  found  a  little 
stool  inside  and  sat  down  on  it  for  a  few  minutes.  The 


ONE     MAN  125 

place  smelled  horribly.  I  explored  around  and  found 
a  steel  cot  folded  up  against  the  wall,  a  heavy  tin 
bucket  with  a  wooden  cover  and  a  shelf  upon  which 
were  a  tin  wash  basin  and  two  big  tin  cups.  The  cell 
was  about  four  feet  wide  and  eight  feet  long  and  I 
could  stand  up  without  my  head  quite  touching  the 
ceiling.  The  walls  were  of  stone  covered  with  a  rough 
plaster  and  the  floor  and  ceiling  were  of  wood. 

In  about  half  an  hour  my  door  was  pulled  open  by  a 
guard  and  I  was  told  to  go  to  the  big  table  in  the  cor 
ridor  and  get  my  supper.  I  found  a  long  table  piled 
high  with  loaves  of  bread  and  little  tins  of  sauce.  A 
big  convict  was  standing  behind  the  table  cutting  the 
bread  in  thick  slices,  and  a  guard  who  was  standing 
beside  him  told  me  to  take  what  bread  I  wanted  and  one 
tin  of  sauce  and  get  back  to  my  cell.  I  did  as  directed 
and  the  guard  who  had  remained  on  the  gallery  shut 
my  door  but  did  not  lock  it.  A  few  minutes  later  I 
heard  the  marching  of  many  men  down  the  steps, 
through  the  corridor  and  up  on  to  the  galleries.  I 
stood  inside  my  door  peering  down  at  them  through  the 
steel  slats.  There  were  hundreds  of  men  walking  along 
in  single  file,  stopping  only  long  enough  at  the  table, 
which  was  just  below  me,  to  grab  some  bread  and  one 
of  the  tins.  The  sight  of  all  these  men  seemed  to 
hearten  me  a  lot.  There  were  only  a  few  in  stripes, 
the  majority  wearing  grey  clothes  like  those  given  me. 

A  few  minutes  later  I  heard  a  peculiar  sound  which 
seemed  to  fill  the  big  corridor,  "  Clickety  clack," 
"  Clickety  clack,"  coming  nearer  all  the  time.  Finally 


126  O  N  E     M  A  N 

a  guard  stopped  at  my  door  and  I  saw  he  had  a  big 
key  in  his  hand.  "  Hey,"  he  said,  "  where's  your 
light?  "  I  told  him  I  did  not  know.  He  looked  up  at 
the  top  of  the  door  and  said,  "  Oh,  I  see.  Feel  around 
on  that  back  wall  and  you'll  find  an  electric  light. 
Turn  it  on."  Sure  enough  I  found  it  and  turned  it  on. 
Then  he  told  me  to  pull  my  door  shut  and  hold  it  until 
he  locked  it. 

A  few  minutes  later  I  heard  a  little  noise  at  the  door 
and,  looking  up,  saw  a  long  tin  spout  sticking  through 
between  the  slats  and  a  whisper  floated  in,  "  Say,  you 
fresh  fish,  put  a  cup  on  the  shelf  here  on  the  door." 
I  got  a  cup  and  put  it  on  the  little  shelf  which  was  fas 
tened  down  low  on  the  inside  of  the  door.  The  trusty 
tipped  up  the  can  he  was  carrying  and  filled  my  cup 
with  so-called  coffee.  A  few  minutes  later  along  came 
another  trusty  with  a  big  can  of  water  and  filled  my 
wash  basin  and  my  other  cup. 

I  ate  my  supper  with  a  relish  and  let  down  my  cot. 
I  found  it  equipped  with  a  straw  tick,  two  sheets,  a 
blanket  and  a  pillow.  I  lay  down  on  the  bed  and 
stretched  out  my  aching  body.  While  lying  there  I 
happened  to  look  at  the  door.  Two  fingers  were 
hooked  through  one  of  the  openings  and  I  could  see 
that  some  one  was  standing  there  looking  in  at  me.  I 
did  not  know  it  at  the  time,  but  that  little  fellow  was 
destined  to  be  my  best  friend,  among  all  those  convicts. 

About  seven  o'clock  that  evening  my  door  was  un 
locked  by  a  guard  who  told  me  to  come  to  the  office 
with  him.  Here  I  was  given  two  sets  of  printed  rules 


O  N  E     M  A  N  127 

and  sent  to  the  doctor's  office.  He  examined  me  and, 
after  giving  me  some  medicine,  told  me  to  come  in  every 
morning  and  noon  at  sick  call.  I  was  then  taken  back 
to  my  cell  and  locked  in  for  the  night.  I  read  the 
rules  all  over  a  couple  of  times  and  when  the  lights 
went  out  tumbled  into  bed. 

That  night  was  a  horror  as  the  cell  was  running  over 
with  vermin.  I  did  not  sleep  much  and  every  hour 
or  so  some  one  would  come  sneaking  up  to  my  door  and 
flash  a  light  into  my  cell.  It  was  a  night  guard  mak 
ing  his  usual  rounds. 

At  the  clang  of  the  bell  in  the  morning  I  jumped  up, 
washed  and  dressed,  turned  out  my  light  and  stood 
with  my  hand  on  the  door  as  the  rules  directed.  The 
guard  came  along  unlocking  the  doors  and  when  I  heard 
the  two  raps  on  the  gallery  railing,  which  signified  that 
the  convicts  on  our  gallery  should  open  their  doors, 
I  grabbed  the  tin  bucket  and  stepped  out  into  the 
line. 

We  filed  out  around  the  corner  of  the  building  to  a 
big  square  filled  with  men  flushing  out  hundreds  of 
buckets.  Placing  ours  on  the  edge  of  the  square,  we 
took  up  the  march  to  the  dining-room. 

It  was  just  dawn  and  I  took  a  look  around  me.  We 
were  in  a  big  yard  surrounded  on  three  sides  by  high 
stone  walls  on  top  of  which  were  stationed  guards  who 
paced  back  and  forth  carrying  rifles.  The  fourth  side 
was  taken  up  by  the  penitentiary  administration  build 
ing  and  cell  houses.  The  yard  was  about  a  block 
square  and  contained  many  big  work  shops.  There 


128  ONE     MAN 

was  also  a  big  lawn,  in  the  centre  of  which  was  a  big 
flower  bed  covered  over  with  straw  and  burlap. 

The  sight  of  all  those  men  marching  in  single  file 
across  that  yard  in  the  early  light  of  the  dawn  seemed 
all  of  a  sudden  to  drag  me  down  to  the  lowest  levels  of 
life.  The  expression  on  the  faces  of  those  around  me 
was  one  of  utter  hopelessness  and  as  we  marched  into 
the  dining-room  through  a  haze  of  smoke  and  steam 
from  the  kitchens,  I  felt  as  if  I  were  indeed  among  the 
lost. 

The  men  filed  into  the  big  room  and  seated  themselves 
on  low  stools  in  front  of  tables  which  were  only  fifteen 
inches  wide  and  extended  half  across  the  room  to  a  cen 
tre  aisle.  At  each  place  were  set  a  plate,  two  bowls,  a 
knife,  fork  and  spoon.  The  men  were  crowded  close 
together  in  rows,  all  facing  the  front  of  the  room,  and 
in  the  early  light  of  morning  were  a  hard-looking 
crowd.  Guards  stood  in  the  centre  aisle  and  around 
the  sides  of  the  room.  Each  one  carried  a  heavy  cane 
and  down  in  the  front  part  of  the  room  on  a  raised 
platform  stood  the  deputy  warden.  Trusties  passed 
along  between  the  rows  of  men,  dishing  out  boiled  pota 
toes,  bread,  water,  a  thick  gravy  and  coffee.  There 
was  not  a  word  spoken  during  the  meal. 

At  a  signal  from  the  deputy,  the  men  got  up  and 
started  marching  to  the  shops  by  companies.  When  I 
reached  the  door  I  was  pulled  out  of  the  line  and  £old 
to  go  to  sick  call.  The  doctor  doped  me  up  and  I  was 
then  sent  after  my  bucket,  upon  which  was  painted  a 
number  corresponding  to  my  cell  number,  and  told  to 


ONE     M  A  N  129 

go  to  my  cell.  At  noon  I  was  sent  to  the  dining-room 
early  and  had  more  potatoes,  some  spoiled  meat,  gravy, 
bread  and  water.  At  night  I  went  through  the  same 
performance  as  on  the  previous  night. 

I  followed  this  routine  for  three  days,  when  upon  re 
turning  to  my  cell  one  morning  I  found  my  new  clothes 
and  shoes.  A  guard  later  came  to  my  cell  and  told  me 
to  change  my  clothes  and  come  to  the  office,  bringing 
the  old  clothes  with  me.  The  new  ones  fitted  nicely 
and  I  was  glad  to  get  shoes  that  did  not  hurt  me  so 
much.  I  took  the  old  clothes  to  the  office  and  was  then 
questioned  as  to  what  kind  of  work  I  had  done.  The 
deputy  asked  me  if  I  could  sing  and  I  told  him  that  I 
had  sung  in  a  church  choir. 

Finally  he  told  me  he  would  assign  me  to  the  shop 
where  they  made  garden  tools  and  that  my  cell  would  be 
changed  that  day  so  I  would  be  among  the  men  work 
ing  in  that  particular  shop.  I  was  then  taken  to  the 
prison  photograph  gallery  and  photographed  again, 
profile  and  front  view.  This  time  they  hung  a  little 
steel  frame  around  my  neck  and  inserted  some  numbers 
in  it  so  that  my  prison  number  would  show  in  the  pic 
tures.  I  did  not  know  what  this  number  was  but  when 
I  was  taken  to  my  new  cell  I  saw  the  number  7246 
printed  on  a  card  and  stuck  in  a  holder  on  the  door  and 
I  knew  that  it  was  I.  The  next  afternoon  I  was  taken 
to  the  shower  baths  and  made  to  bathe. 

The  next  day  was  Sunday  and  after  breakfast  we 
went  to  church  in  the  prison  chapel,  where  the  chaplain 
preached  to  the  men.  There  was  a  prison  choir  made 


130  ONE     MAN 

up  from  among  the  convicts  and  they  sang  very  well. 
They  were  dressed  a  little  more  neatly  than  the  main 
body  of  men,  wearing  in  addition  to  the  regular  prison 
clothes,  stand-up  collars  and  four-in-hand  ties  of  the 
same  dark  material  as  their  shirts.  Their  clothes  were 
made  to  measure  by  the  prison  tailors  and  they  were 
allowed  to  wear  regular  shoes  such  as  are  for  sale  in 
any  store. 

Sunday  we  were  given  a  better  dinner,  including  a 
piece  of  pie.  A  Bible  had  been  left  in  my  cell  and  I 
spent  most  of  the  afternoon  reading  it. 


CHAPTER  XIX 

MONDAY  morning  I  went  to  work  with  the  men 
in   the   wood-working  shop.     I  was   put   at 
work  on  the  sander,  smoothing  down  handles 
for  garden  tools.     I  had  to  sand  a  certain  number  a 
day  as  a  "  task."     Somehow  the  work  was  not  hard  for 
me  and  I  began  to  take  more  of  an  interest  in  my  sur 
roundings. 

The  shop  guard  sat  up  at  one  end  of  the  room  on  a 
raised  platform  where  he  could  see  the  whole  shop. 
The  foreman  for  the  contractors  who  hire  the  labor 
from  the  State  took  a  liking  to  me  and  I  did  not  have 
a  great  deal  to  do.  The  silent  system  was  in  force  in 
the  prison  and  we  were  not  allowed  to  speak  to  each 
other.  If  we  even  wanted  a  drink  of  water,  we  had  to 
raise  an  arm  in  the  air  and  get  the  keeper's  nod  of  as 
sent  before  we  could  leave  our  work.  On  visiting  days 
when  outsiders  were  shown  through  the  prison  the  con 
victs  were  not  supposed  to  look  up  from  their  work. 
Our  keeper  often  came  down  from  the  platform  and 
walked  around  the  shop,  stopping  for  a  few  words  with 
some  of  the  men.  He  spent  considerable  time  talking 
to  me  and  I  grew  to  like  him  as  much  as  was  possible 
under  the  circumstances. 

Friday  nights  we  always  found  clean  underclothing, 

131 


132  ONE     MAN 

shirts  and  socks  in  a  bundle  in  our  cells.  Each  sepa 
rate  piece  was  stamped  with  our  number,  as  were  our 
clothing  and  shoes.  Saturday  mornings  we  carried  out 
our  soiled  clothing  in  a  bundle  on  our  way  to  breakfast 
and  dropped  the  bundle  onto  a  big  pile  in  the  corridor. 

Every  Saturday  each  company  was  taken  separately 
to  the  bath  house,  which  was  fitted  up  with  enough 
showers  to  accommodate  a  whole  company.  There 
each  man  was  compelled  to  bathe  thoroughly  under  the 
watchful  eye  of  his  guard. 

After  I  had  been  there  a  few  weeks,  I  was  put  in  the 
choir  and  had  two  evenings  a  week  for  choir  practice. 
The  members  of  the  choir  were  allowed  to  talk  to  each 
other  at  these  meetings  which  were  held  in  the  big, 
gloomy  chapel  and  were  always  in  charge  of  the  deputy 
warden.  The  organist  was  a  young  man  serving  a  life 
sentence  for  killing  his  wife  with  a  flatiron.  The  nine 
men  in  the  choir  included  all  kinds  of  criminals. 

A  few  days  after  entering  the  choir  I  obtained  per 
mission  to  attend  prayer  meeting  and  this  gave  me  two 
other  evenings  a  week  out  of  my  cell.  I  had  always 
cared  a  great  deal  for  music  and  even  the  chance  to 
sing  hymns  at  the  prayer  meetings  meant  a  great  deal 
to  me.  Many  of  the  men  who  attended  these  meetings 
were  sincere  in  their  professions  of  faith.  To  hear 
some  of  those  old  men  who  had  been  there  for  ten  or 
fifteen  years  stand  up  and  tell  of  the  peace  which  God 
had  put  into  their  hearts  would  bring  tears  to  the  eyes 
of  any  one  with  any  knowledge  of  sorrow  whatever. 

The  little  fellow  who  had  stood  at  my  door  the  night 


ONE     M  A  X  133 

of  my  arrival  was  the  shipping  clerk  in  my  shop  and  a 
trusty.  He  was  doing  a  life  sentence  for  murder  and 
had  been  in  prison  fourteen  years.  Evenings  he  deliv 
ered  the  second-class  mail  to  the  cells. 

After  I  had  been  at  work  a  while  I  was  put  to 
helping  him  in  the  shipping  room.  There  was  no  guard 
in  this  room  although  old  Pete  came  in  every  hour  or 
so  and  looked  around. 

Charlie,  for  that  was  the  name  of  the  little  trusty 
with  whom  I  worked,  was  very  good  to  me,  slipping 
many  a  paper  and  magazine  into  my  cell  evenings. 

Shortly  after  my  arrival  at  the  prison,  the  letters  my 
mother  had  written,  together  with  those  from  Fay,  Ed 
and  Jack,  were  given  to  me. 

Mother  had  become  very  sympathetic  and  was  sorry 
that  she  had  let  me  go  to  prison.  Fay  wrote  very 
nicely  and  told  me  she  would  "  wait  for  me  until  I  got 
out."  Jack  wrote  a  very  righteous  letter,  saying  he 
hoped  I  would  profit  by  the  lesson.  He  expressed  sur 
prise  at  what  he  called  my  vicious  conduct.  This  was 
the  thanks  I  received  for  spending  my  money  on  him. 
Ed  wrote  in  cheerful  vein  and  promised  to  come  and  see 
me  before  long. 

I  was  allowed  to  write  one  four-page  letter  a  week. 
The  first  I  wrote  was  to  Mother,  telling  her  how  I  was 
getting  along.  I  also  wrote  to  Ed  the  first  chance  I 
had.  Mother  sent  me  some  magazines  and  promised  to 
send  more  every  month,  which  she  did. 

Each  man  in  prison  was  given  a  plug  and  a  half  of 
chewing  tobacco  each  week.  These  plugs  were  very 


134.  ONE     M  A  N 

small  and  made  up  in  the  prison.  My  craving  for 
cigarettes  was  terrible  and  finally  I  began  chewing  to 
bacco.  We  were  not  allowed  to  smoke  anything,  al 
though  some  of  the  men  obtained  cigarette  papers  and 
smoking  tobacco  via  the  "  underground  route,"  which 
was  worked  through  the  free  foreman  and  drivers  for 
the  contractors.  These  men  lived  outside  the  prison 
walls  and  some  of  them  could  be  bribed  to  bring  in  stuff. 
There  was  considerable  silver  money  in  circulation  in 
side  the  prison  unknown  to  the  officials.  This  money 
was  sneaked  in  through  the  free  men  by  relatives  and 
friends  outside. 

The  convicts  were  shaved  weekly  by  the  prison  bar 
bers  who  came  through  the  shops  with  their  kits. 

Shortly  after  I  came  into  prison  Charlie  gave  me  a 
Prudential  calendar,  showing  all  the  days,  weeks  and 
months  of  that  year  and  the  succeeding  one.  I  hung 
this  calendar  on  the  wall  of  my  cell,  and  each  night  as  I 
came  in  from  work  I  marked  off  the  day  which  had 
just  passed.  I  had  figured  out  my  "  good  time  "  al 
lowance  and  found  that  I  would  be  released  in  Septem 
ber  of  the  following  year  if  I  behaved  myself. 

The  men  who  had  money  on  deposit  in  the  front  office 
were  once  a  month  allowed  to  buy,  through  a  purchas 
ing  agent,  a  few  things  on  what  was  called  purchasing 
day.  This  was  always  a  great  event.  We  were  al 
lowed  to  purchase  liquorice,  soap,  toilet  articles,  certain 
musical  instruments,  music  and  a  few  other  things. 

Charlie,  who  received  a  few  dollars  each  month  from 
the  contractors^  had  considerable  money  saved  and  pur- 


ONE     MAN  135 

chased  several  little  articles  for  me.  'Also  on  Sundays 
he  would  manage  to  get  an  extra  piece  of  pie  which  he 
would  cut  up  and  slip  through  my  cell  door. 

One  day  I  was  called  to  the  office  and  found  Ed 
there.  I  was  glad  to  see  him  and  we  visited  for  an  hour, 
a  guard  being  in  the  room  with  us,  but  not  always 
within  hearing.  I  asked  Ed  what  was  going  to  happen 
to  me  when  I  got  out  as  I  was  afraid  that  the  other 

E people  and  the  Chicago  people  would  get  me. 

He  said  he  would  write  to  Mother  about  it.  He  told 
me  in  parting  that  he  was  glad  to  see  such  an  improve 
ment  in  me. 

The  Summer  was  one  long  period  of  suffering  from 
the  heat.  Sundays  especially  were  terrible  as  we  had 
to  stay  in  our  cells  most  of  the  day.  Many  a  Sunday 
afternoon  I  have  stripped  and,  spreading  a  newspaper 
on  the  floor,  have  lain  there  all  afternoon  with  my  head 
close  to  the  holes  in  the  cell  door,  trying  to  get  a  breath 
of  fresh  air. 

Late  in  the  Fall  of  that  year  I  began  to  be  affected 
by  the  prayer  meetings  and  began  to  read  and  study  my 
Bible  in  a  thorough  manner.  Every  night  since  enter 
ing  the  prison,  I  had  kneeled  down  and  asked  God  to 
help  me,  to  bless  my  folks  and  those  around  me.  My 
suffering  and  the  lesson  of  those  about  me  was  begin 
ning  to  have  an  effect. 

I  had  to  wage  a  constant  warfare  against  the  ver 
min  in  the  cell  and  many  a  night  I  have  been  wakened 
by  the  rats  running  across  my  face.  I  did  not  sleep 
well,  anyway.  On  one  side  of  me  slept  a  nigger  lifer 


136  ONE    MAN 

who  had  killed  a  white  girl  and  on  the  other  side  was 
a  man  sent  up  for  highway  robbery.  I  have  been 
wakened  many  a  night  by  the  screams  of  the  nigger 
when  he  would  see  in  his  dreams  the  face  of  the  girl  he 
had  killed.  There  were  many  in  my  section  of  the  cell 
block  who  in  their  dreams  would  hear  things  and  see 
things  out  of  their  pasts.  Once  in  a  while  some  poor 
devil  would  go  insane.  Usually  the  attack  would  come 
on  at  night,  and  in  the  noise  of  getting  him  out  every 
one  would  wake  up.  Then  there  would  be  howling  and 
yelling  and  cursing  from  the  awakened  convicts. 

Then  again  there  would  be  evenings  when  things 
would  not  be  so  bad.  We  were  allowed  to  read  or  play 
certain  musical  instruments  every  evening  until  eight 
thirty,  when  the  lights  went  out.  It  was  surprising 
to  see  the  number  of  men  who  loved  music  and  who 
played  some  instrument.  We  had  a  violinist  on  our 
gallery  who  was  one  of  the  finest  musicians  I  have  ever 
heard.  There  was  also  a  lifer  who  played  the  cello. 
For  ten  years  he  had  lived  crowded  into  that  little  tiny 
cell  with  his  cello.  He  played  beautifully,  and  many  an 
evening  when  he  was  playing  I  have  heard  the  others 
gradually  cease  playing  until  there  was  no  other  sound 
in  the  place.  Even  the  guards  were  still.  Many  a 
time  since  have  I  paid  three  dollars  to  hear  playing 
that  could  nowhere  near  equal  his. 

Charlie  told  me  one  day  that  he  had  often  seen  the 
old  fellow  sitting  there  in  his  cell  playing  and  the  tears 
rolling  down  his  cheeks.  Charlie  said  he  always  seemed 
to  be  talking  to  God  through  his  music. 


0  N  E     M  A  N  137 

Often  in  the  still  hours  of  the  night  I  have  heard 
some  one  sobbing  in  his  cell  in  an  agony  of  repentance 
or  hopelessness.  The  night  sounds  in  a  prison  are  ter 
rifying,  and  after  all  it  is  not  strange  that  so  many  of 
the  convicts  go  insane. 

The  days  dragged  along  slowly  until  Christmas, 
when  we  were  given  an  extra  good  dinner.  In  the  aft 
ernoon  the  men  were  turned  loose  in  the  corridors  and 
allowed  to  laugh  and  talk  with  each  other.  That  night 
the  guard  unlocked  my  cell  door  and  Charlie  slipped 
in  a  package  wrapped  with  newspaper.  In  this  pack 
age  was  half  a  fried  chicken,  half  a  mince  pie  and  three 
doughnuts.  It  was  the  only  decent  meal  I  had  in  all 
those  months.  He  would  never  tell  me  where  or  how  he 
obtained  it. 

Mother  sent  me  two  handkerchiefs  for  Christmas  and 
Mary  sent  me  a  little  book  of  quotations  from  different 
authors. 

I  spent  a  great  deal  of  time  evenings,  marking  and 
underlining  with  red  ink  many  verses  in  my  Bible. 

The  first  of  April  it  became  noised  among  the  men 
that  we  were  to  have  a  new  warden.  The  old  one  had 
never  bothered  me  any,  but  some  of  the  men  hated  him. 

April  the  tenth  a  new  warden  was  appointed  and 
after  he  took  charge  prison  life  took  on  a  better  aspect. 

That  night  when  the  men  were  locked  in  their  cells  an 
awful  din  arose.  The  convicts  began  beating  their 
wash  basins  and  cups  on  the  cell  doors  and  howled, 
whistled  and  sang  until  the  place  was  a  bedlam.  It 
was  their  way  of  showing  their  joy  over  the  resigna- 


138  ONE    MAN 

tion  of  the  old  warden.  One  of  the  first  things  the  new 
warden  did  was  to  grant  a  half  holiday  every  Saturday 
in  the  big  prison  yard.  We  were  also  allowed  to  have 
smoking  materials  in  our  cells,  although  cigarettes  were 
barred.  A  committee  of  convicts  was  to  be  selected 
by  the  chaplain  to  work  with  the  warden  for  the  better 
ment  of  the  men. 

Never  as  long  as  I  live  will  I  forget  that  first  Sat 
urday  on  the  lawn.  For  fifteen  months  I  had  not  set 
foot  on  the  soil,  always  walking  on  wood,  iron,  stone  or 
cement.  When  we  marched  out  of  the  dining-hall  that 
bright,  sunny  afternoon  and  the  company  ranks  were 
broken  at  the  edge  of  the  lawn  I  was  actually  afraid  to 
step  on  the  grass.  When  I  did  step  on  to  it,  my  knees 
bent  under  me  and  I  dropped  down  full  length  and  bur 
ied  my  face  in  the  lawn  and  thanked  God.  I  noticed 
hundreds  of  others  doing  the  same  thing. 

Shortly  after  this  happened  I  had  a  letter  from 
Mother  in  which  she  said  she  was  paying  up  all  my  bills 
and  was  trying  to  get  me  out,  but  that  it  would  take  a 
long  time.  I  did  not  have  much  hope,  though,  that 
she  would  be  able  to  do  anything. 

In  addition  to  my  choir  work  I  was  now  teaching  a 
class  two  nights  a  week  in  the  convict  night  school.  It 
was  pitiful  to  see  big,  grown  men  trying  to  learn  long 
division. 

One  day  while  talking  to  Charlie  I  mentioned  the  fact 
that  I  did  not  know  what  I  would  do  when  I  got  out, 
as  I  would  only  have  a  few  dollars  coming  from  the 
State.  He  said  he  was  going  to  transfer  ten  dollars 


O  N  E     M  A  N  139 

from  his  account  to  mine  so  that  I  would  have  some 
thing.  He  did  this  a  few  days  later. 

During  the  first  part  of  May  I  was  returning  one 
evening  from  choir  practice  and  in  starting  down  the 
steps  to  the  cell  house  I  noticed  that  the  wooden  doors 
which  opened  out  on  to  the  big  lawn  inside  the  prison 
walls  were  open,  but  the  outer  steel-barred  doors  were 
pulled  to  and  locked.  Through  the  bars  I  could  see 
the  moonlight  on  the  lawn,  and  I  stepped  over  to  the 
door  where  the  night  guard  stood  and  asked  him  if  I 
could  look  out.  He  said  "  Sure,"  and  I  pressed  my 
face  close  to  the  bars.  For  the  first  time  in  sixteen 
months  I  saw  the  moon  riding  high  in  the  heavens. 
There  was  a  soft  spring  breeze  blowing  and  the  smell 
of  growing  things  and  freshly  turned  earth  put  new  life 
into  me.  I  stood  there  for  five  minutes  taking  deep 
breaths  of  the  delicious  air,  and  it  seemed  so  hard  to  be 
lieve  that  only  those  few  bars  stood  between  me  and 
freedom. 

And  to  this  day,  whenever  I  become  gloomy  and  dis 
contented  with  my  lot,  I  have  only  to  remember  stand 
ing  at  that  prison  door  that  night,  shut  in  from  all  en 
joyment  of  nature  and  God's  own  fresh  air,  to  immedi 
ately  realize  that  I  should  be  thankful  that  I  am  now 
free  to  enjoy  these  things. 

A  few  days  after  this  the  Pardon  Board  met  at 
the  prison  and  while  they  were  in  session  I  was  called 
over  to  the  office.  I  hurried  over,  not  knowing  what 
was  wanted.  When  I  reached  the  deputy's  office  he 
asked  me  what  I  wanted  and  I  told  him  that  I  had  not 


140  0  N  E     M  A  N 

sent  in  a  request  to  see  him.  He  said  there  must  have 
been  some  mistake  and  sent  me  back  to  the  shops.  In 
going  through  the  hall  leading  from  the  office  I  noticed 
three  men  visitors  talking  to  one  of  the  guards. 

The  next  morning  I  was  working  with  Charlie  in  the 
shipping-room,  when  I  was  again  ordered  to  the  office. 

I  hurried  over,  and  when  I  reached  the  office  found 
the  deputy  warden  and  another  official  waiting.  The 
deputy  looked  at  me  and  said,  "  Robert,  I  have  some 
news  for  you."  This  was  the  only  time  he  had  ever 
addressed  me  by  my  first  name,  and  I  was  more  sur 
prised  at  that  than  at  the  rest  of  his  remark.  I  stam 
mered  out,  "  What  is  it,  sir  ?  "  and  he  laughed  and 
said,  "  I  guess  we  will  have  to  let  you  go  home.  The 
Governor  signed  your  pardon  last  night."  I  dropped 
to  the  floor  in  a  faint  and  when  they  brought  me  to,  I 
began  to  laugh  and  cry  alternately.  It  did  not  seem 
possible  that  it  could  be  true. 

The  deputy  took  me  to  the  tailor  shop  and  they  out 
fitted  me  with  a  black  suit,  a  soft  hat,  a  white  shirt  and 
collar  and  a  black  necktie.  The  shoes  I  was  wearing 
were  good  enough. 

While  these  clothes  were  being  pressed,  I  obtained 
permission  to  go  back  to  the  shop  and  say  good-bye  to 
the  keeper  and  Charlie.  The  keeper  shook  hands  and 
wished  me  luck. 

Out  in  the  back  room  I  took  both  of  Charlie's  hands 
in  mine  and  told  him  the  news.  The  tears  came  into 
his  eyes  and  he  told  me  he  was  glad  I  was  free.  Then 
putting  his  arm  around  my  neck,  he  kissed  me  on  the 


ONE     MAN  141 

cheek,  and  so  I  left  one  of  the  best  friends  I  ever  had. 
He,  too,  was  pardoned  a  few  years  later. 

I  then  returned  to  my  cell  and  gathered  together 
what  few  treasures  I  had  there,  among  them  my  Bible 
and  the  calendar  upon  which  I  had  marked  off  the  days 
as  they  passed.  I  kept  that  calendar  locked  up  in  the 
safety  deposit  vault  among  my  papers  until  only  a  few 
months  ago. 

After  I  had  put  on  my  new  clothes  I  was  taken  up 
the  winding  stair  to  the  guard  room,  where  I  said  good 
bye  to  the  chaplain,  and  then  after  over  sixteen  months 
the  same  guard  threw  open  the  big  door  and  I  walked 
out  a  free  man.  The  clang  of  that  big  door's  closing 
sounded  joyous  to  me  at  this  time. 

I  went  to  the  warden's  office,  where  I  received  the  ten 
dollars  in  cash  which  the  State  gives  the  convicts  when 
they  are  released,  all  the  things  I  had  left  there  upon 
entering  and  the  money  remaining  to  my  credit,  which 
amounted  to  about  fourteen  dollars.  This  included  the 
ten  dollars  Charlie  had  transferred  to  my  account;  in 
addition  the  warden  gave  me  fifteen  dollars  as  a  reward 
for  my  services  in  the  choir  and  handed  me  a  telegram 
from  Ed  saying  he  would  be  there  at  two  o'clock  and 
instructing  me  to  wait  at  the  boarding-house  across  the 
street  from  the  prison.  I  shook  hands  with  the  warden 
and  walked  out  of  the  big  front  door  and  down  the 
steps. 

The  scene  as  I  stood  there  on  the  sidewalk  comes 
back  to  me  now.  It  was  nearly  noon,  and  the  sun 
shone  very  brightly.  Down  the  street  I  could  see  an 


0  N  E     M  A  N 

electric  car.  Two  boys  were  riding  bicycles  across  the 
street  and  a  little  girl  was  sitting  on  the  steps  of  the 
boarding-house  playing  with  a  kitten. 

I  walked  slowly  down  the  walk  and  across  the  street 
to  the  boarding-house.  It  seemed  somehow  that  I 
could  not  walk  easily.  My  steps  lagged  and  I  was 
afraid  to  move.  When  I  stepped  into  the  boarding- 
house  office  the  man  behind  the  little  desk  asked  me  what 
he  could  do  for  me.  I  told  him  I  wanted  dinner  and  ex 
pected  a  friend  on  the  two  o'clock  train.  He  told  me 
to  make  myself  comfortable  and  that  dinner  would  be 
ready  soon.  I  went  out  on  the  steps  and  sat  down. 
Just  then  the  foreman  of  the  prison  contract  put  his 
head  out  of  the  door  of  the  company's  office  across  the 
street  and  called  to  me  to  come  over.  I  went  over  and 
he  shook  hands  with  me  and  took  me  to  the  cashier, 
who  gave  me  a  ten-dollar  gold  piece  for  "  luck,"  as  the 
foreman  said. 

Then  the  company's  secretary  came  out  of  his  pri 
vate  office  and  said  I  had  to  eat  with  him  over  at  the 
boarding-house.  I  had  talked  with  him  in  the  prison 
many  times,  and  liked  him  very  much. 

So  I  went  to  dinner  with  him  and  at  the  table  with  us 
sat  two  of  the  prison  guards  in  their  uniforms.  They 
called  me  by  name  and  talked  with  me  just  as  if  I  had 
never  been  a  convict.  It  seemed  so  strange  to  be  sitting 
there  eating  at  the  same  table  with  them.  I  could  not 
eat  much ;  every  mouthful  seemed  to  choke  me,  and  I 
wanted  to  raise  my  hand  each  time  before  I  spoke  to 
the  others. 


ONE     MAN 

After  lunch  the  secretary  gave  me  a  cigar  and  sat 
with  me  on  the  steps  for  a  long  time.  Shortly  after  he 
left,  Ed  came  down  the  street  on  a  run  and  when  he 
came  up  to  me  he  threw  both  arms  around  me,  he  seemed 
so  pleased  to  see  me  free. 

He  told  me  that  Mother  had  squared  up  all  my  other 
troubles  and  that  Father  wanted  me  to  come  home  and 
had  sent  him  twenty-five  dollars  for  me.  He  also  said 
that  Mother  had  done  most  of  the  work  toward  getting 
my  pardon,  but  that  Father  had  obtained  the  signature 
of  the  governor  of  our  own  State  to  the  application  for 
the  pardon. 

Ed  took  me  down  town  and  I  bought  a  suit  of  clothes, 
a  hat  and  some  other  things  out  of  the  twenty-five  dol 
lars  Father  had  sent  me. 

I  can  remember  how  afraid  I  was  to  cross  the  busy 
streets,  thinking  I  would  surely  be  run  over.  I  was 
just  like  a  little  child  in  some  ways  that  day. 

Seeing  that  I  was  completely  tired  out  with  all  the 
excitement,  Ed  suggested  that  we  get  a  room  at  the 
hotel  and  rest  for  the  balance  of  the  day.  We  not 
only  did  this,  but  also  decided  later  to  remain  there  all 
night. 

Before  going  to  bed  that  night  Ed  and  I  kneeled 
down  beside  the  bed  and  thanked  God  for  my  release 
and  asked  for  help  for  me  in  the  new  life. 

In  the  morning  we  got  up  early  and  I  bought  a  ticket 
home  via  Chicago.  Ed  and  I  both  cried  when  we  said 
good-bye. 

I  reached  Chicago  late  in  the  afternoon  and  the  first 


144  O  N  E     M  A  N 

thing  I  did  was  to  buy  cigarettes.  Then  I  tried  to 
find  Fay,  but  she  had  moved. 

The  balance  of  the  time  until  my  train  left  I  spent 
in  walking  the  streets  and  in  getting  a  good  meal. 
Every  time  a  person  looked  at  me  I  imagined  that  he 
could  notice  the  prison  smell  or  that  my  pallor  told 
where  I  had  been.  I  did  not  get  over  this  feeling  for 
several  days. 

Somehow  my  supper  did  not  taste  good  to  me,  al 
though  it  was  as  good  as  money  could  buy. 

I  bought  a  berth  in  the  Pullman  that  night  and  never 
knew  a  thing  until  the  porter  woke  me  in  the  morning. 
I  rode  out  home  on  a  street  car,  and,  arriving  at  the 
house,  walked  around  to  the  back  door. 


CHAPTER     XX 

I    KNOCKED    and    soon    a    little   tot   opened   the 
door.     I  asked  her  if  Mrs.  was  at  home. 
She  said  "  Yes,  sir,"  and  then  I  asked  the  little 
one  if  she  would  call  her.     The  little  tot  stood  looking 
at  me  a  minute  and  then  said,  "  You  are  my  bruvver," 
and  held  out  her  arms  to  me.     I  dropped  to  my  knees 
and  gathered  her  into  my  arms  with  the  tears  running 
down  my  cheeks  and  thus  my  mother  found  us. 

Mother  cried  a  great  deal  and  called  me  "  her  boy." 
She  said  I  looked  pale  and  sick  and  she  made  me  sit 
down  to  the  table  and  eat  something,  the  little  sister 
insisting  on  sitting  on  my  knee  while  I  ate.  Mother 
'phoned  my  father  that  I  was  home  and  he  came  out  at 
the  lunch  hour.  He  was  very  severe  and  stern,  but 
told  me  he  was  glad  to  see  me  home  at  last.  Mary  was 
in  the  hospital  recovering  from  an  operation  and  Father 
told  me  to  come  to  his  office  during  the  afternoon  and  he 
would  take  me  to  the  hospital. 

I  went  to  his  office  that  afternoon,  and  as  we  passed 
out  of  the  building  he  told  me  to  walk  a  few  steps  be 
hind  him.  He  did  not  say  why,  but  I  knew  why.  I 
did  look  like  a  jail  bird  all  right  with  my  pale,  sallow 
face  and  furtive  air.  But  I  think  when  he  told  me  to 
walk  behind  him  that  he  undid  right  there  most  of 

the  good  my  serving  time  had  done  me. 

145 


146  O  N  E     M  A  N 

I  walked  along  behind  him  until  we  were  out  of  the 
business  district,  and  then  he  motioned  for  me  to  come 
up  beside  him.  The  rest  of  the  way  he  talked  to  me 
and  told  me  he  was  going  to  give  me  a  chance  to  make  a 
man  out  of  myself.  I  was  still  smarting  from  the  com 
mand  to  walk  like  a  dog  at  his  heel  and  I  am  afraid 
that  his  talk  did  not  do  me  much  good.  I  had  already 
made  up  my  mind  not  to  do  anything  more  that  would 
take  me  behind  the  bars  again. 

At  the  hospital  Mary  said  she  was  glad  to  see  me  and 
hoped  I  would  be  a  good  boy  from  then  on.  She  looked 
at  me  with  a  great  deal  of  curiosity  while  I  was  there, 
just  as  if  I  was  some  strange  kind  of  an  animal.  I 
did  not  remain  long  at  the  hospital  but  hurried  home. 

That  night  I  sat  out  on  the  front  porch  looking  up 
at  the  sky  counting  the  stars,  and  God  knows  I  was  sin 
cere  in  my  resolutions  to  begin  life  anew.  It  seemed 
so  good  to  be  free  to  breathe  the  fresh  air,  to  walk  and 
run  as  I  wanted  to  and  not  to  see  any  stone  walls  or 
iron  bars. 

After  I  had  fallen  asleep  that  night,  I  woke  up  to  find 
Mother  standing  beside  my  bed.  She  was  holding  a 
lighted  lamp  in  her  hand  and  looking  down  at  me.  I 
asked  her  then  never  to  bring  a  light  into  my  room  after 
I  had  fallen  asleep  and  explained  to  her  why  I  could 
not  stand  it.  And  to  this  day,  if  any  one  brings  a 
light  into  my  bedroom  while  I  am  asleep,  it  wakes  me 
and  my  first  thought  is  "  The  Night  Guard,"  and  I 
nearly  always  dream  that  night  that  I  am  again  back 
in  prison. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  U7 

For  the  next  few  days  I  lay  around  home  resting  and 
eating  three  square  meals  a  day. 

In  the  mornings  when  I  wakened  from  a  good  night's 
sleep  my  first  thought  would  be,  "  I  wonder  how  soon 
that  gong  will  ring?  "  Then  I  would  miss  the  sounds 
to  which  I  had  become  accustomed  and  instead  would 
hear  the  birds  in  the  trees  outside  my  window.  Then 
I  would  hear  Mother  moving  around  downstairs  and  I 
would  know  that  I  was  free  at  last. 

The  greater  part  of  my  time  for  the  next  few  days 
was  spent  in  getting  acquainted  with  my  little  sister. 
The  reaction  experienced  in  coming  from  prison  life  to 
home  life,  the  change  in  diet  and  surroundings,  had  a 
tendency  to  upset  my  whole  system.  After  resting  for 
a  week,  I  began  doing  a  little  work  around  home. 


CHAPTER  XXI 

ONE  morning  I  was  at  work  in  the  basement, 
and  happening  to  glance  out  of  the  window, 
I    noticed    a    beautiful    young    girl    coming 
across   the  lawn.     I  heard  her  come   into  the  house, 
where  she  sat  talking  to  Mother  for  some  little  time. 
After  she  left  Mother  told  me  she  was  one  of  the  girls 
in  the  neighborhood  and  that  she  came  to  the  house 
quite  often. 

A  few  days  later  Mother  introduced  us  and  I  fell 
head  over  heels  in  love  with  her  the  moment  I  met  her. 
She  was  the  purest,  sweetest-looking  girl  I  had  ever 
seen,  and  her  accent,  owing  to  her  Southern  birth,  was 
the  quaintest  thing  I  had  ever  heard.  She  seemed  to 
take  an  immediate  liking  to  me  and  we  became  good 
friends  in  a  short  time. 

A  day  or  so  later  I  went  over  to  C and  found 

that  Maud  was  working  in  a  department  store.  I  went 
up  to  see  her  and  she  treated  me  very  coolly.  I  asked 
her  what  was  the  matter  and  she  said  that  upon  receipt 
of  the  letter  I  had  written  after  leaving  her  she  had 
suffered  a  relapse  and  had  been  taken  to  the  hospital. 
She  told  me  that  it  was  best  that  we  should  not  see  each 
other  again. 

I  saw  her  only  once  after  that  day  in  the  store. 

148 


O  N  E     M  A  N  149 

I  also  called  on  the  salary  loan  man  and  he  was  glad 
to  see  me,  because  I  still  owed  him  thirty  dollars.  He 
persuaded  me  to  give  him  a  note  for  fifty  dollars  and 
returned  my  old  note.  I  agreed  to  pay  him  two  dollars 
a  week  on  the  new  note  as  soon  as  I  obtained  work. 

After  I  had  been  home  two  weeks  one  of  the  neigh 
bors  offered  me  a  position  at  nine  dollars  a  week  work 
ing  in  his  warehouse.  I  went  to  work  on  a  Monday 
and  lasted  just  ten  days.  There  was  a  lot  of  heavy 
lifting  to  do  and  I  could  not  stand  it.  On  the  day  I 
was  taken  sick  and  had  to  quit  work,  one  of  the  girls 
who  lived  across  the  street  from  our  house  gave  a  party 
for  me.  I  had  been  dreading  it,  as  I  did  not  feel  like 
meeting  a  lot  of  people.  I  seemed  to  feel  as  if  people, 
by  talking  with  me,  might  find  out  where  I  had  been. 
During  my  stay  in  prison  Mother  had  told  the  neigh 
bors  I  was  down  East.  My  being  taken  sick  while  at 
work  gave  me  a  good  excuse  for  not  being  present  at 
the  party.  The  girl  who  was  giving  it  never  forgave 
me  for  this. 

A  few  days  after  this,  I  obtained  a  temporary  posi 
tion  in  a  railway  office  making  out  checks  in  the  pay-roll 
department. 

While  engaged  at  this  work,  I  heard  of  an  opening 
in  a  wholesale  hardware  house,  and  applied  for  the 
position.  When  asked  for  references  I  gave  the  one  or 

two  I  had  kept  from  my  former  positions  in  C and 

also  gave  the  name  of  the  secretary  of  the  prison  con 
tractor  at  M ,  and  the  same  day  wrote  him  asking 

him  to  help  me  get  the  start. 


150  ONE    MAN 

I  was  put  to  work  at  once  as  an  assistant  bookkeeper. 
For  two  weeks  I  worked  at  this  when  one  day  the  Pres 
ident  of  the  company,  a  so-called  Christian  man,  called 
me  into  his  private  office.  He  informed  me  that  he 
had  heard  wrhere  I  had  been  and  that,  while  he  had  at 
first  decided  to  let  me  go,  still  he  would  keep  me  on  if 
I  would  consent  to  a  decrease  in  salary.  He  was  then 
paying  me  twelve  dollars  a  week  and  wanted  to  cut  it 
to  ten.  I  told  him  that  I  would  be  willing  to  stay  at 
the  reduced  salary  and  would  endeavor  to  show  him  I 
was  worthy  of  his  confidence ;  and  in  this  way  this  God 
fearing  man  took  advantage  of  my  misfortune  and 
saved  two  dollars  a  week  on  his  payroll. 

I  kept  on  with  my  work  that  Summer,  as  the  firm  was 
a  big  one  and  I  was  willing  to  put  up  with  anything  in 
order  to  get  a  start. 

In  the  early  Fall  another  one  of  our  neighbors  who 
owned  a  factory  in  the  city  asked  me  if  I  would  like  to 
work  for  him.  I  jumped  at  the  chance,  and  while  this 

Mr.  K told  me  he  would  not  hire  me  away  from  the 

hardware  people,  yet  he  would  have  a  place  for  me  any 
time  I  was  free  to  accept  it.  I  immediately  gave  notice 
at  the  hardware  house  and  they  offered  to  raise  my  sal 
ary,  but  I  refused  to  remain. 

A  few  days  later  I  went  to  work  in  Mr.  K 's  fac 
tory  as  bookkeeper.  His  business  was  a  good  one  and 
a  little  out  of  the  ordinary.  He  was  a  self-made  man 
in  every  sense  of  the  word  and  one  of  the  squarest  men 
who  ever  lived. 

He  was  a  hard  worker,  and  always  willing  to  show 


0  N  E     M  A  N  151 

me  how  to  do  anything  around  the  office.  In  the  office 
was  a  young  girl  named  Carrie,  who  did  the  steno 
graphic  work.  She  was  a  pretty  little  dark-eyed  girl, 
an  orphan,  and  lived  with  an  aunt. 

The  factory  employed  about  thirty  people,  and  my 
work  kept  me  very  busy.  Mr.  K trusted  me  im 
plicitly  with  everything.  He  was  a  man  who  managed 
to  keep  all  the  details  of  the  business  at  his  fingers' 
ends  without  much  effort,  and  occasionally  he  would 
go  over  the  books  with  me.  He  was  an  inveterate 
cigarette  smoker  and  told  me  to  smoke  all  I  wanted  to 
in  the  office.  I  took  advantage  of  this  permission  and 
was  soon  smoking  on  an  average  of  ten  cigarettes  a 

day.  Mr.  K paid  me  ten  dollars  a  week  and  soon 

increased  this  to  twelve  dollars. 

During  the  Fall  and  Winter  I  saw  Jean,  the  girl 
with  whom  I  had  fallen  in  love,  quite  often,  and  went 
to  call  on  her  at  her  home  a  few  times. 


CHAPTER  XXII 

IN  January  of  the  next  year,  I  wrote  to  Fay's  old 
address  and  in  a  few  days  received  a  reply  from 
her.  We  corresponded  for  a  couple  of  weeks  and 
then  I  decided  to  go  down  to  Chicago,  Mr.  K hav 
ing  said  I  could  have  a  three  days'  vacation.  I  wrote 
to  Fay  and  told  her  I  was  coming  and  where  I  would 
stop.  Shortly  after  my  arrival  in  Chicago  she  called 
me  up  and  said  she  was  in  the  drug  store  across  the 
street  and  would  come  up  to  the  hotel  parlor.  She 
came  over  a  few  minutes  later  and  met  me  in  the  parlor, 
looking  just  as  she  had  the  last  time  I  had  seen  her, 
over  two  years  before. 

The  first  thing  she  told  me  was  of  her  marriage  a 
year  previous,  but  she  said  that  need  not  make  any  dif 
ference  in  our  relations.  I  can  remember  being  a  little 
surprised  at  this,  because  I  had  always  believed  that  a 
wife  should  be  true  to  her  husband.  Fay  said  she  knew 
of  a  place  where  we  could  go  and  get  a  few  drinks  with 
out  any  one  seeing  us.  We  went  over  there  immediately 
and  obtained  a  small  private  dining-room  and  ordered  a 
drink. 

For  nearly  a  year  I  had  been  voluntarily  decent, 
keeping  away  from  drink  and  trying  to  make  a  man 

out  of  myself ;  but  after  Fay  and  I  had  had  a  few  drinks 

152 


O  N  E     M  A  N  153 

I  forgot  my  good  resolutions  entirely.  The  liquor  had 
considerable  effect  on  both  of  us.  Fay  said  that  it  was 
the  first  time  she  had  "  broken  away  "  since  her  mar 
riage,  and  went  on  to  tell  me  what  a  shrimp  she 
had  married  and  how  he  ran  around  with  other 
women. 

We  had  lunch,  and  then  Fay  asked  me  to  come  out  to 
her  flat.  I  can  remember  our  climbing  the  steps  at 
the  elevated  station,  and  how  hard  it  was  for  us  to  keep 
from  falling  down,  as  we  were  both  well  under  the  influ 
ence  of  liquor. 

Fay's  flat  was  on  the  first  floor  of  a  flat  building  on 
the  north  side.  When  we  went  into  her  flat,  she  slipped 
the  chain  bolt  on  the  door  so  that  if  "  Hubby  "  came 
home  he  could  not  get  in  until  she  unfastened  it. 

About  five  o'clock  in  the  afternoon,  just  as  I  was 
getting  ready  to  leave,  we  happened  to  look  out  of  the 
window  and  saw  a  young  man  coming  to  the  door.  Fay 
said  it  was  her  husband  and  that  I  must  skip  out 
the  back  way.  I  grabbed  my  overcoat  and  hat  and 
she  let  me  out,  at  the  same  time  telling  me  to  come  again 
the  next  morning  at  nine  o'clock. 

As  I  was  coming  out  of  the  turnstile  gate  at  the  L 
station  near  her  home  the  next  morning,  I  saw  her  hus 
band  coming  up  the  street.  I  stepped  into  a  news  store 
and  bought  a  morning  paper  and  stood  in  the  shop 
reading  it  while  he  went  by.  I  don't  know  what  made 
me  wait,  but  about  a  minute  afterward  he  passed  the 
store  again  going  in  the  direction  of  his  home.  I  re 
mained  in  the  store  about  five  minutes  longer  until  he 


154  O  N  E     M  A  N 

came  past  again  and  went  up  the  steps  to  the  elevated 
station.  This  time  I  watched  until  a  city-bound  train 
pulled  out  and  then  I  walked  slowly  to  the  flat. 

I  remained  there  until  noon  and  then  took  Fay  down 
town  to  lunch.  After  lunch  we  went  back  to  the  flat, 
where  I  remained  until  four  o'clock,  talking  over  old 
times.  Finally  I  told  her  good-bye  and  promised  to 
come  to  Chicago  again  soon. 

The  next  day  when  I  reached  home,  Mr.  K told 

me  that  my  eyes  looked  like  burnt  holes  in  a  blanket. 

Mr.  K had  raised  my  salary  to  fifteen  dollars 

January  first,  and  I  was  saving  a  few  dollars.  My  love 
for  Jean  had  kept  me  pretty  well  straightened  up  with 
the  exception  of  my  trip  to  Chicago.  She  was  a  good 
girl  in  every  respect,  and  while  I  had  never  told  her 
that  I  loved  her,  yet  she  seemed  to  know  that  I  thought 
a  great  deal  of  her. 

About  this  time  I  joined  my  mother's  church,  and  as 
Jean  was  also  a  member  there  we  attended  services  to 
gether  nearly  every  Sunday  evening. 

In  the  latter  part  of  February  my  sister  Mary,  Jean 
and  I  went  to  Chicago  to  attend  the  opera.  We  reached 
Chicago  in  the  morning  and  after  taking  the  girls  to  a 
hotel  and  promising  to  return  at  five  o'clock,  I  went  to 
meet  Fay.  We  had  a  few  drinks  and  went  out  to  her 
flat,  where  I  remained  until  nearly  five  o'clock. 

When  I  returned  to  the  hotel  I  dressed  for  dinner 
and  went  to  meet  the  girls.  When  I  saw  Jean  standing 
there  in  the  hotel  parlor,  looking  so  sweet  and  innocent, 
I  was  thoroughly  ashamed  of  what  I  had  done  that  day, 


0  N  E     M  A  N  155 

and  vowed  to  myself  that  I  would  never  see  Fay  again. 
I  kept  that  vow. 

That  night  at  the  opera  I  sat  beside  Jean,  and  the 
beautiful  music  of  "  The  Magic  Flute  "  seemed  to  weave 
a  spell  over  us.  Unconsciously  our  hands  met  in  the 
semi-darkness,  and  when  the  curtain  went  down  I  real 
ized  that  her  hand  had  been  clasped  in  mine  for  several 
moments.  I  can  remember  the  blush  which  spread  over 
her  face  and  neck,  and  how  she  would  not  look  at  me 
for  a  long  time.  I  was  happy  that  night,  happier  than 
I  had  ever  been. 

June  saw  me  in  Chicago  again,  on  business  for  Mr. 

K this  time.  I  remained  several  days,  but  kept 

away  from  Fay.  While  in  the  city  I  received  my  first 
letter  from  Jean,  and  immediately  answered  it.  She 
had  promised  to  write  to  me  and  her  letter  helped  me 
to  keep  straight.  It  was  a  simple,  friendly  little  note, 
yet  she  had  written  it,  and  for  that  reason  it  meant 
much  to  me.  My  love  for  her  was  entirely  different 
from  that  which  I  had  had  for  Maud. 

Jean  was  only  seventeen  years  of  age,  and  the  pet 
of  her  father.  I  felt  deep  in  my  heart  that  I  did  not 
dare  to  tell  her  of  my  love  on  account  of  the  fact  that  I 
was  an  ex-convict.  This  thought  bothered  me  more  and 
more  as  the  days  passed,  and  I  began  to  brood  over  it. 
And  then,  for  the  first  time  since  leaving  the  peniten 
tiary,  I  began  to  feel  hopeless.  It  seemed  more  than 
I  could  bear,  to  think  that  I  could  not  marry  a  decent 
woman  and  have  little  children  of  my  own.  Somehow 
I  did  not  feel  that  it  would  be  right  to  marry  a  good 


156  ONE     MAN 

girl,  because  our  children  might  grow  up  some  day  to 
hear  some  other  child  say,  "  Your  father  was  a  con 
vict."  Yet  I  kept  on  going  to  see  her  and  getting 
deeper  in  love. 

About  this  time  a  young  girl  relative  of  ours  came  to 
visit  us.  She  was  a  very  odd  girl,  and  had  made  her 
father  and  mother  a  great  deal  of  trouble.  Her  par 
ents  were  very  wealthy  and  she  had  been  well  educated, 
especially  along  musical  lines.  She  was  of  a  very  pas 
sionate  nature  and  full  of  the  devil. 

One  evening  she  asked  me  to  take  her  slumming  and  I 
did  so.  We  both  drank  considerable  in  the  different 
resorts  and  she  seemed  to  enjoy  herself  immensely. 

While  we  were  down  in  the  slums  she  asked  me  to  get 
a  room  in  a  lodging  house  and  I  was  just  drunk  enough 
to  do  it. 

After  the  old  hag  had  shown  us  up  to  the  room  and  I 
had  closed  the  door  I  stood  looking  at  my  companion. 
She  was  taking  off  her  hat  when  she  saw  my  look  of  sur 
prise.  She  hesitated  just  a  moment  and  then,  putting 
the  pins  back  into  her  hat,  said :  "  Come  on,  you  fool, 
we'll  go  home." 

On  the  way  home  she  sulked,  and  I  asked  her  what 
was  the  matter,  and  she  told  me  I  was  a  chump  and 
that  at  that  we  were  only  distant  relatives. 

It  was  very  late  when  we  reached  home  and  she  took 
off  her  shoes  in  the  hall  and  sneaked  upstairs.  The 
house  was  full  of  company  and  I  was  sleeping  on  a  couch 
in  the  library  down  stairs.  I  lay  awake  a  long  time 
thinking  that  perhaps  after  all  I  was  not  the  only 


0  N  E     M  A  N  157 

wicked  one  on  earth,  yet  in  the  next  few  days  I  came  to 
think  an  awful  lot  of  this  girl  and  was  sorry  to  see  her 
go  back  home. 


CHAPTER  XXIII 

ONE  Saturday  morning  one  of  the  neighbor's 
boys  and  I  rented  a  rig  and  Mary  and  Jean 
having  put  up  a  nice  lunch  we  drove  out  to  a 
nearby  lake  on  a  fishing  trip.     We  fished  until  noon 
and  then  ate   our  lunch  out  under  the  trees.     After 
lunch  the  girls  lay  down  under  a  tree  and  the  other 
fellow  and  myself  went  for  a  stroll. 

When  we  returned  the  girls  were  lying  asleep  under 
the  tree.  Jean  had  on  a  plain  black  dress,  made  with  a 
little  square  Dutch  neck.  She  was  lying  on  her  left 
side,  with  her  head  resting  on  one  outstretched  arm. 
A  ray  of  sunlight  shining  down  through  the  treetops 
rested  on  her  face  and  hair.  As  I  stood  there  looking 
at  her,  it  seemed  as  though  the  One  Great  Love  which 
comes  to  most  men  at  some  time  in  their  lives,  had  come 
into  my  heart.  It  was  a  pure,  unselfish  love,  and  I  felt 
that  I  would  give  my  life  to  make  her  happy.  I  forgot 
all  about  prison  and  the  life  I  had  led  and  thought  only 
of  my  love  for  her. 

And  although  I  have  loved  and  been  loved  by  many 
women  since  that  day,  yet  I  know  that  a  pure,  unselfish 
God-given  love  seldom  comes  to  any  man  more  than 
once.  The  second  and  other  loves  are  usually  founded 

on  either  passion,  loneliness  or  a  desire  for  wealth. 

158 


ONE     MAN  159 

As  I  stood  there,  she  opened  her  eyes  and  looked  into 
mine,  and  I  knew  that  she  knew  what  was  in  my  heart 
and  that  she  did  not  find  it  unwelcome.  She  jumped  up, 
and  arousing  my  sister  we  four  spent  the  afternoon 
roaming  through  the  woods. 

During  the  ride  home  through  the  moonlight,  Jean 
and  I  occupied  the  back  seat  in  the  carriage.  We  did 
not  talk  much,  seeming  to  be  contented  in  enjoying  the 
beautiful  night.  I  wanted  to  take  her  in  my  arms,  but 
did  not  dare  to,  and  somehow  I  was  unable  to  tell  her 
what  I  wanted  to. 

When  we  reached  her  home  and  I  helped  her  out  of 
the  carriage  she  seemed  to  be  a  little  displeased  over 
something,  but  said  she  had  had  a  beautiful  time  and 
whispered  to  me  to  come  over  the  next  evening. 

I  was  afraid  to  call  on  her  the  next  evening,  for  I 
knew  that  I  would  tell  her  of  my  love,  so,  sending  my 
sister  over  to  tell  her  that  I  could  not  come  until  the 
following  evening,  I  went  for  a  long  walk  alone.  I 
wanted  a  chance  to  fight  this  thing  out  with  myself 
and  to  kill  it  once  and  for  all,  as  I  thought  I  was  doing 
wrong.  When  I  reached  home,  late  that  night,  I  had 
decided  to  give  her  up  for  her  own  sake  and  to  sacrifice 
my  love. 

Early  the  next  evening  she  came  over  to  our  house 
and  I  walked  home  with  her  in  the  moonlight.  When 
we  reached  her  home  she  invited  me  to  sit  down  with  her 
on  a  rustic  bench  out  on  one  side  of  the  lawn. 

I  had  been  very  quiet  during  our  walk,  and  after  we 
sat  down  she  asked  me  what  the  trouble  was.  I  told 


160  O  N  E     M  A  N 

her  I  was  feeling  a  little  blue  and  had  been  working  hard 
that  day.  She  sympathized  with  me  and  tried  to  cheer 
me  up. 

Dressed  in  a  simple  white  gown,  with  her  hair  brushed 
straight  back  from  her  forehead,  she  was  more  beautiful 
to  me  that  night  than  ever  before. 

I  sat  there  looking  down  into  her  eyes  for  a  few  mo 
ments,  and  then,  before  I  knew  it,  I  was  telling  her  of 
my  love  for  her.  She  waited  until  I  was  through  talk 
ing,  and  then,  placing  her  hands  in  mine,  said,  "  I  love 
you,  Bob.  I  always  have."  There  were  tears  in  her 
eyes  when  she  held  her  lips  up  to  mine,  and  that  first 
kiss  seemed  to  blot  out  all  my  past  and  give  me  some 
thing  to  live  for.  She  sat  there  with  her  head  on  my 
shoulder  and  her  hands  clasped  in  mine  for  a  long 
time,  and  the  thought  came  to  me  that  surely  God  had 
forgiven  me  my  sins  and  would  yet  give  me  a  place 
among  men. 

That  night  I  could  not  sleep,  and  I  lay  awake  until 
dawn  planning  for  the  future. 

When  I  passed  her  house  on  my  way  to  the  car  line 
in  the  morning  she  was  sitting  on  the  porch.  She  came 
down  the  walk  to  me,  her  face  radiant  with  happiness, 
and  walked  with  me  to  the  car. 

That  Summer  was  the  happiest  of  my  life,  and  we 
were  together  nearly  every  evening.  Mornings  she 
would  walk  to  the  car  with  me,  putting  her  arm  through 
mine  as  soon  as  we  were  out  of  sight  of  her  house. 


CHAPTER  XXIV 

IN  September  I  was  offered  a  chance  to  buy  an  in 
terest  in  a  retail  store  in  the  city,  and  while  I  only 
had  a  few  dollars  saved,  I  took  the  time  to  look 
into  the  proposition.  It  required  an  investment  of  five 
hundred  dollars  more  than  I  had  saved,  and  I  told  Mr. 
K one  day  in  the  office  how  I  wished  I  had  five  hun 
dred  dollars  more.  He  laughed  and  said,  "  Want  to 
marry  the  little  girl  and  go  into  business,  don't  you?  " 
I  told  him  yes,  but  that  I  did  not  want  to  leave  his  em 
ploy.  Then  he  told  me  that  if  I  knew  of  any  one  who 
would  loan  me  the  money  on  my  note,  he  would  endorse 
the  note.  I  knew  an  old  Jew  who  was  a  customer  of 
ours,  and  that  night  I  went  down  to  see  him  at  his 
store.  He  said  that  he  would  loan  me  the  money  on  my 

note  if  Mr.  K would  endorse  the  note,  but  that  he 

would  have  to  charge  me  eight  per  cent,  interest  and  a 
bonus  of  twenty  dollars. 

The  next  day  I  told  Mr.  K that  I  had  a  friend 

who  would  loan  the  money  on  his  endorsement.  He 
pulled  a  blank  note  out  of  a  drawer,  and  writing  his  sig 
nature  across  the  bottom  of  it  he  handed  it  to  me,  say 
ing,  "  That  is  what  I  think  of  you,  Bob.  You  have 
been  a  faithful  worker  and  I  am  sorry  to  lose  you." 

That  noon  I  filled  out  the  note  to  the  Jew  and  received 

161 


162  O  N  E     M  A  N 

the  four  hundred  and  eighty  dollars  and  a  promise  from 

him  that  he  would  not  tell  Mr.  K that  he  had  the 

note.  He  was  one  of  Mr.  K 's  customers  and  I 

was  afraid  he  would  not  like  my  going  to  him  for  the 
money. 

That  afternoon  the  papers  were  signed  and  the  money 
paid  over  to  the  retail  people.  I  was  made  treasurer  of 
the  firm  and  taken  to  their  bank  and  arrangements 
made  for  me  to  handle  the  financial  end  of  the  business 
and  to  sign  all  checks. 

There  was  one  active  partner  with  me  in  the  business 
and  one  silent  partner.  We  each  owned  one-third  of 
the  capital  invested.  I  had  looked  over  the  books, 
which  showed  an  undivided  profit  of  six  hundred  dollars, 
and  as  the  retiring  partner  was  a  good  church  member, 
I  did  not  take  an  inventory,  but  thought,  after  looking 
over  the  stock,  that  it  would  come  to  -about  the  amount 
they  claimed. 

That  night  I  told  my  folks  about  my  new  venture. 
Father  did  not  act  very  enthusiastic,  but  Mother  was 
greatly  pleased. 

Jean  went  into  raptures  over  the  news,  and  I  know 
that  both  of  us  were  thinking  of  marriage  that  night 
as  we  sat  in  the  hammock. 

For  the  next  few  days  I  was  very  busy  with  my  new 
work,  and  I  was  very  enthusiastic  over  its  possibilities. 
Most  of  my  evenings  were  spent  with  Jean,  and  I  began 
to  think  more  seriously  of  marriage.  Her  father  wajs  a 
retired  business  man  and  very  wealthy.  Both  he  and 


O  N  E     M  A  N  163 

his  wife  had  taken  a  great  liking  to  me  but  I  was  afraid 
that  when  I  came  to  ask  for  Jean  he  would  say  that  I  was 
too  poor  to  marry  his  daughter. 

During  all  these  days  the  old  fear  and  dread  that  my 
past  life  would  become  known  had  not  bothered  me  so 
much,  but  when  I  came  to  think  of  asking  Jean  to 
marry  me  it  all  came  back  a  thousand  fold.  Night 
after  night  I  lay  awake  wondering  if  I  should  tell  her 
the  whole  story  before  I  asked  her  to  marry  me. 

Finally  I  decided  that  it  was  my  duty  toward  her  to 
tell  her.  I  was  twenty-four  years  of  age  at  this  time 
and  old  enough  to  know  what  I  was  doing. 

One  Sunday  morning,  on  the  way  home  from  church, 
I  told  her  I  wanted  to  take  her  for  a  walk  that  evening 
and  discuss  something  with  her. 

That  night  I  called  for  her  and  we  walked  north  to 
the  edge  of  the  city  and  out  along  a  country  road  under 
the  trees.  It  was  a  typical  October  evening,  a  little 
chilly  and  just  the  kind  of  a  night  I  loved,  with  the 
wind  blowing  the  dead  leaves  across  the  road. 

After  we  had  left  the  city  behind  us  I  told  Jean  that 
I  was  going  to  tell  her  several  things  that  would  hurt 
her  a  great  deal  and  asked  her  not  to  say  a  word  to  me 
until  I  was  all  through. 

Then  I  began  with  my  coming  to  C years  before 

and  told  her  everything  that  had  happened,  but  leaving 
out  all  reference  to  the  girls  I  had  known.  I  told  her 
all  about  my  having  been  in  prison  and  all  that  I  had 
been  through.  Then  I  .told  her  that  I  loved  her  with 


164  ONE     MAN 

all  my  heart  and  soul,  that  she  had  changed  my  whole 
life  and  that  I  worshipped  even  the  ground  on  which 
she  walked. 

Then  I  asked  her  to  marry  me,  but  told  her  not  to 
give  me  any  answer  until  she  had  had  time  to  think  it 
all  over.  I  told  her  frankly  and  brutally  that  some 
day  my  past  might  come  out  and  if  she  had  married 
me  people  might  point  to  her  and  say,  "  There  goes 
that  ex-convict's  wife  " ;  that  our  children,  if  we  had 
any,  might  hear  other  little  ones  say  to  them  some  day, 
"  Your  father  is  a  convict,"  and  refuse  to  play  with 
them.  I  painted  the  future  in  the  blackest  possible  col 
ors,  so  that  she  might  never  say  that  I  had  not  warned 
her. 

Then  I  told  her  I  was  going  away  for  five  days  and 
that  at  the  end  of  that  time  I  would  look  for  a  letter 
from  her  at  the  store  telling  me  yes  or  no.  I  told  her 
that  it  was  best  for  her  to  write  the  answer  so  that  my 
presence  could  not  have  any  influence  over  her  when 
she  gaVe  it. 

During  all  this  time  we  had  continued  our  walk  and 
when  I  was  through  talking  we  were  standing  in  the 
road  at  the  top  of  a  hill.  I  turned  to  her  and  saw  she 
wa£  sobbing  and  that  her  cheeks  were  wet  with  tears. 

I  can  remember  turning  with  her  so  that  the  moon 
light  shone  full  upon  her  and  asking  her  to  look  at  me. 
She  lifted  her  head  and  looked  straight  into  my  eyes, 
with  what  seemed  to  me  all  the  love  on  earth.  Then  she 
threw  both  arms  a»round  my  neck  and  kissed  me,  whisper 
ing^  "  Bobbie,  Bobbie,"  and  would  not  let  me  go.  We 


O  N  E     M  A  N  165 

stood,  there  a  few  minutes,  her  cheek  against  mine  and 
the  cool  wind  blowing  her  hair  across  my  face. 

On  the  way  home  she  did  not  say  much,  except  that 
she  did  not  want  me  to  go  away  even  for  a  few  days. 
She  asked  me  to  come  to  her  on  the  fifth  day  and  hear 
her  answer  right  from  her  own  lips,  but  I  told  her  that 
the  other  way  was  best. 

When  I  kissed  her  good-bye  that  night  I  did  not 
know  for  certain  that  I  would  ever  hold  her  in  my  arms 
again.  She  clung  to  me  and  kissed  me  again  and  again, 
and  at  last  I  had  to  use  a  little  force  to  release  myself 
from  her  embrace. 

The  next  night  I  went  to  Chicago  on  business  con 
nected  with  the  store  and  did  not  return  for  five 
days. 

The  afternoon  of  the  day  I  returned  I  received  a 
special  delivery  letter  at  the  store.  My  hand  shook  so 
that  I  could  not  open  it  until  I  had  bowed  my  head  on 
the  desk  and  asked  God  to  grant  that  it  contained  good 
news.  Here  is  her  letter: 

My  dearest  boy: 

At  last  these  five  long  days  without  you  have  passed. 
This  week  has  been  dreadful,  and  so  you  could  think  for 
an  instant  that  I  could  put  you  out  of  my  life !  You 
don't  know  how  I  have  missed  you.  Still  I  have  known 
all  the  time  that  you  were  wise  in  insisting  upon  my 
taking  plenty  of  time  to  think. 

And  I  have  thought  deeply  and  earnestly.  I  don't 
believe  that  there  has  been  a  moment  since  I  saw  you 


166  O  N  E     M  A  N 

Sunday  evening  when  I  have  not  been  thinking  of  you 
—  my  own  dear,  dear  love. 

Before  Sunday  it  seemed  to  me  that  I  loved  you  all  I 
could  but  now  I  love  you  a  thousand  times  more  and  I 
think  that  a  thousand  fold  the  respect  and  honor  is  due 
you.  How  glad  I  am  that  you  told  me,  for  I  long  to 
share  your  sorrows  as  well  as  your  joys  and  it  is  not 
with  the  slightest  hesitation  but  with  gladness  that  I 
give  you  the  keeping  of  my  life  in  the  future  — "  for 
better,  for  worse,  for  richer  or  poorer,  till  death  do  us 
part  "  and  I  do  not  believe  it  will  end  there.  And  I 
will  be  only  too  willing  to  go  with  you  wherever  you 
think  best. 

I  am  waiting  for  you  to  come  to  me.  Surely  you 
know  now  that  I  love  you  —  I  love  you. 

Yours  forever, 

JEAN. 

It  was  dark  when  I  reached  her  home  and  she  was 
waiting.  As  I  came  up  the  walk  she  met  me,  holding 
out  her  hands  to  me.  I  gathered  her  into  my  arms  and 
held  her,  while  she  cried  with  her  face  hidden  in  my 
shoulder. 

She  told  me  that  night  that  there  had  not  been  any 
doubt  that  she  would  marry  me,  even  while  I  had  been 
telling  her  the  blackest  part  of  my  story. 

We  talked  over  the  question  of  my  telling  her  father 
about  my  past  life  and  decided  not  to  do  so.  That 
night  I  took  away  with  me  a  little  ring  which  she  had 
worn  for  years  and  the  next  day  bought  an  engagement 


O  N  E     M  A  N  167 

ring  costing  a  hundred  and  fifty  dollars.  I  ran  into 
debt  a  hundred  dollars  for  this. 

When  I  gave  her  the  ring  that  evening  she  told  me  to 
place  it  on  her  finger  with  a  wish  and  I  did  so.  I  asked 
her  where  her  father  was  and  she  took  me  in  to  him  and 
then  slipped  out  of  the  room.  The  old  gentleman  laid 
down  his  paper  and  asked  me  how  I  was  getting  along. 
I  told  him,  and  then  asked  him  for  Jean.  This  took 
him  by  surprise,  although  he  smiled  a  little. 

He  told  me  she  was  too  young  to  marry  and  that 
he  wanted  her  to  wait  two  years  longer.  He  said  that 
he  had  no  objections  to  me  and  that  he  was  willing  she 
should  marry  me  at  the  end  of  that  time.  I  asked  him 
if  he  had  any  objections  to  our  becoming  engaged,  and 
he  said  he  had  not,  providing  we  would  promise  not  to 
get  any  foolish  notions  into  our  heads  regarding  a  run 
away  marriage.  I  thanked  him  and  then  went  to  her 
mother,  who  gave  us  her  blessing  and  said  she  believed 
we  were  suited  to  each  other.  Of  course,  Jean  and  I 
were  terribly  disappointed  over  her  father's  decision, 
but  she  told  me  to  cheer  up,  that  she  would  be  able  to 
bring  him  around  to  our  way  of  thinking  in  no  time. 

When  I  told  my  folks  about  it  that  night  they  were 
both  pleased,  although  Father  looked  at  me  rather 
queerly.  He  came  into  my  room  late  in  the  night  and 
asked  me  if  I  had  told  Jean  about  my  past  life  and  I 
said, "Yes."  Then  he  asked  me  if  I  had  told  her  fa 
ther  and  I  answered  that  I  had  not.  He  sat  on  the 
edge  of  my  bed  without  saying  anything  for  a  few  min 
utes,  and  then  said,  "  You  will  have  to  tell  him  some 


168  O  N  E     M  A  N 

time."  He  seemed  to  think  that  I  should  have  told  her 
father  that  evening. 

In  the  first  part  of  December  my  partner  asked  me 
to  go  to  a  "  house  of  call "  and  help  him  collect  a  bill 
which  the  landlady  owed  us.  I  went  with  him  and,  as  is 
customary,  he  ordered  a  few  bottles  of  beer.  While  we 
were  sitting  there  a  girl  came  in  and  sat  down  on  the 
couch  beside  me.  We  had  a  few  more  drinks  and  be 
fore  I  knew  it  I  had  my  arms  around  the  girl. 

This  was  in  the  afternoon,  and  I  did  not  go  home 
until  late  that  night,  having  forgotten  all  about  Jean 
for  the  time  being,  and  in  this  way  a  few  drinks  started 
me  again  on  the  downward  road. 

For  the  next  few  days  I  was  very  sorry  for  what  I 
had  done,  but  it  was  only  a  few  days  later  when  I  again 
went  to  see  the  girl.  Within  a  week  I  had  fallen  back 
into  the  old  life.  One  night  I  would  be  with  Jean  and 
the  next  night  at  the  flat. 

This  cost  money,  and  soon  I  was  juggling  the  firm's 
books  and  appropriating  money  for  my  own  use.  My 
partner  was  a  hard  drinker  and  sometimes  failed  to  turn 
in  the  money  he  collected.  The  business  was  in  a  bad 
shape  and  I  began  to  put  away  a  few  dollars  in  face  of 
the  storm  which  soon  would  break. 

During  December  Jean's  folks  allowed  us  to  have  the 
parlor  to  ourselves  and  many  times  we  were  alone  for 
the  whole  evening.  A  few  days  before  Christmas  I  went 
up  to  the  flat.  It  was  late  in  the  afternoon  and  the 
girl  was  not  there.  I  drank  considerable  and  remained 
for  dinner  with  the  landlady.  I  finally  became  dis- 


ONE     MAN  169 

gusted  with  the  whole  outfit  and  went  out  to  see  Jean. 

I  was  still  a  little  under  the  influence  of  liquor  when 
I  reached  her  home.  She  was  all  alone  in  the  house. 
While  she  noticed  a  slight  odor  of  liquor  upon  me  she 
did  not  say  anything,  knowing  as  she  did  that  I  took  a 
drink  occasionally. 

After  I  had  removed  my  overcoat  Jean  gave  me  this 
letter  and  told  me  to  go  into  the  library  and  read  it 
while  she  changed  her  gown.  The  letter  was  in  answer 
to  one  I  had  written  the  day  before  and  read  as  follows : 

My  dearest: 

I  have  just  received  your  letter  and  oh,  I  do  so  wish 
that  right  now  you  could  feel  and  know  the  depths  of 
the  love  that  I  give  you. 

Such  a  thought  as  doubting  you  never  enters  my 
mind.  I  would  truly  as  soon  doubt  God  himself  as  to 
doubt  you,  so  great  is  my  confidence  and  trust.  Please 
remember  this,  there  is  absolutely  nothing  that  could 
shake  my  faith  even  for  an  instant.  I  have  given  my 
life  and  heart  and  my  all  unreservedly  into  your  keep 
ing  and  I  haven't  a  shadow  of  a  fear  for  now  or  the 
future.  You  will  always  be  my  lover  and  I  your  sweet 
heart.  I  no  longer  worry  over  the  two  years  we  are 
supposed  to  wait,  for  we  will  do  about  that  as  seems 
best. 

What  worries  me  is  seeing  you  grow  thin  and  know 
ing  you  don't  eat  or  sleep  as  you  should,  the  two  things 
that  you  so  sorely  need. 

Sometimes  I  am  strongly  tempted  to  throw  all  rea- 


170  O  N  E     M  A  N 

son  to  the  winds  and  go  with  you  now,  away  somewhere, 
where  we  may  always  be  together  and  when  this  feeling 
comes  over  me  I  am  just  as  I  was  Wednesday  evening. 
It  takes  every  bit  of  self-control  I  have  to  do  as  my 
common  sense  tells  me  is  best  in  many  ways.  When  I 
was  quiet  on  that  evening,  I  was  thinking  and  longing 
to  do  something  to  stop  the  ache  that  seems  to  be  always 
in  your  heart.  I  do  love  you  so  much.  Far  more  than 
you  know  of,  because  it  is  only  rarely  that  I  show  it 
to  its  full  extent.  Don't  think,  dear,  that  I  don't  want 
you  to  talk  over  your  business  with  me.  I  never  meant 
that  you  should  get  that  impression.  I  always  want 
to  share  your  trials  and  your  sorrows.  I  don't  ever 
want  the  smallest  thing  to  come  between  us  and  I  do 
want  to  be  your  chum  and  best  friend  as  well  as  your 
sweetheart  and  sometime  —  your  wife.  I  have  given 
you  my  implicit  confidence  and  trust  and  respect.  I  al 
ways  doubt  others,  some  more  than  others,  and  all  but 
you  a  little.  I  would  stake  my  very  soul  on  you  and  I 
know  it  would  not  be  lost. 

When  you  come  to-night  you  shall  see  that  I  do  love 
you  above  everything  else. 

Please  try  to  eat  and  sleep.  It  will  break  my  heart 
if  you  don't,  for  I  love  you  so  much.  I  can't  see  you 
get  so  thin. 

If  I  don't  have  a  chance  to  mail  this  I  will  give  it  to 
you  to-night.  Remember  I  love  you  always. 

Your  own, 

LITTLE  GIRL. 


ONE     MAN  171 

That  letter  of  Jean's  seemed  to  show  me  the  road  I 
was  travelling  and  I  walked  out  of  the  library  and 
waited  at  the  foot  of  the  stairs  until  she  came  down. 
I  promised  her  that  I  would  not  drink  again.  After 
that  night  I  did  not  go  near  the  "  house  of  call." 

There  was  no  excuse  for  my  deviltry,  absolutely  none 
while  I  was  engaged  to  Jean.  I  have  no  excuse  to  offer 
for  it.  I  loved  her  without  doubt  and  loved  her  with  a 
clean  love,  but  it  is  more  than  hard  for  any  man  who 
had  pampered,  fed  and  gratified  his  passions  as  I  had 
done  for  a  number  of  years  to  live  clean  and  alone  for 
any  length  of  time.  I  wanted  her  for  my  wife  and 
wanted  her  in  the  right  way,  but  after  all  I  was  as  yet 
only  a  child  when  it  came  to  real  love,  though  I  knew 
it  not. 

In  January  I  decided  to  give  up  my  interest  in  the 
store.  I  had  seven  hundred  dollars  put  away  and  the 
business  was  in  bad  shape.  My  partner  was  drinking 
heavily  and  not  turning  in  his  collections. 

So,  telling  Jean  where  I  was  going  for  a  few  days,  I 
left  the  city  and  waited  for  the  storm  to  blow  over. 
I  had  juggled  the  books  so  that  no  one  could  untangle 
them  and  I  knew  that  there  would  be  some  difficulty  in 
fastening  the  thing  on  me. 

A  week  later,  when  I  returned  to  the  city,  I  went  to  a 
good  lawyer  and  told  him  the  whole  story.  He  immedi 
ately  wrote  to  both  the  active  and  silent  partners 
"  demanding  a  settlement  of  the  affair."  There  were  a 
lot  of  accusations  and  counter-accusations  on  both 


172  0  N  E     M  A  N 

sides  and  we  threatened  my  active  partner  with  arrest 
for  embezzling  collections.  They  claimed  that  I  had 
wrecked  the  business  and  removed  some  of  the  books. 

Finally  they  paid  me  three,  hundred  and  eighty  dol 
lars  for  my  interest  in  the  business  and  the  good  Chris 
tian  brother  who  had  sold  out  to  me  went  back  to  the 
store  and  took  charge.  Long  before  this,  when  I  had 
come  to  fix  up  the  books  so  no  one  could  understand 
them,  I  had  found  that  he  had  also  been  doing  some 
"  fancy  bookkeeping,"  and  that  there  had  been  no  un 
divided  profits  when  he  sold  out  to  me.  So  I  did  not 
feel  very  sorry  for  him  when  I  knew  he  was  to  be  the  one 
to  straighten  out  the  tangle  I  had  left.  But  I  was  not 
to  be  let  off  so  easily,  as  later  events  proved. 

For  the  next  few  days  Jean  and  I  were  together  all 
the  time.  Then  I  decided  to  go  to  Seattle  and  go  into 

some  kind  of  business.  I  kept  out  of  Mr.  K 's  way 

during  the  trouble  at  the  store  and  was  not  worrying 
much  about  the  note,  as  it  did  not  fall  due  until  the  fol 
lowing  September. 

Jean  cried  a  great  deal  over  my  going  away,  but  I 
told  her  that  it  was  only  that  I  might  make  a  home  for 
her  that  I  went. 

The  morning  I  left,  Jean  came  to  the  train  with  rny 
folks  and  was  the  last  one  to  kiss  me  good-bye. 

Father  thought  that  I  had  sold  out  my  interest  in 
the  store,  so  did  not  object  to  my  going. 


CHAPTER  XXY 

ON  the  train  I  became  acquainted  with  a  busi 
ness  man  from  Toronto,  Canada.  He  was  on 
his  way  to  investigate  one  of  his  branch 
stores  at  Vancouver.  Before  he  reached  Seattle  he  of 
fered  me  a  position  in  his  Toronto  office  and  made  me 
promise  to  consider  the  matter. 

I  stayed  on  the  Coast  two  weeks  and  then  decided  to 
go  to  Toronto.  I  wrote  to  the  man  at  Vancouver 
and  he  answered  immediately,  instructing  me  to  be  in 
Toronto  in  two  weeks.  I  took  the  train  for  home,  re 
mained  there  five  days  and  then  went  on  to  Toronto. 
Jean  wanted  me  to  stay  at  home,  but  somehow  I  felt 
that  I  could  not. 

For  two  months  I  worked  in  Toronto,  earning  consid 
erable  money.  It  was  a  cold,  lonesome  place,  and  if  it 
had  not  been  for  Jean's  letters  and  telegrams  I  could 
not  have  stood  it. 

During  my  stay  in  Canada,  my  sister  Mary  was  mar 
ried  to  a  young  man  from  Chicago  and  went  there  to 
live. 

One  day  I  received  word  in  a  roundabout  way  that  a 
receiver  had  been  appointed  for  our  old  store.  This 
worried  me  some,  and  finally  I  came  home,  wiring  Jean 
to  meet  me  in  C .  We  rode  over  to  B to- 

173 


174  O  N  E     M  A  N 

gether  and  after  leaving  my  bag  at  home  went  to  her 
house. 

Her  father,  who  was  sitting  in  the  library  when  we 
came  in,  looked  up  at  me  rather  queerly  and  asked  me 

why  I  got  off  the  train  at  C instead  of  coming 

through  to  B .  I  was  a  little  startled  at  his  ques 
tion.  I  had  feared  that  perhaps  some  one  would  be 
looking  for  me  at  the  train  with  a  warrant,  but  I  told 
him  that  I  had  thought  it  would  be  nice  for  Jean  to 

come  over  to  C and  ride  back  with  me.  The  old 

gentleman  made  no  answer  to  my  remark  but  looked  at 
me  rather  strangely. 

This  was  on  a  Wednesday,  and  the  following  day 
Jean  and  I  were  together  all  day.  In  the  afternoon  we 
took  a  long  walk  and  when  we  reached  a  part  of  the 
city  not  very  thickly  populated  we  sat  down  on  the 
edge  of  the  sidewalk.  Jean  laid  her  head  on  my  knee 
and  Iregan  to  cry.  I  asked  her  what  was  wrong  and  she 
said  she  did  not  know,  she  just  felt  as  if  something  ter 
rible  was  going  to  happen.  The  dear,  brave  little  girl 
suggested  that  we  go  out  and  get  married  that  after 
noon  and  then  nothing  could  happen  to  separate  us. 
I  told  her  that  I  was  afraid  she  would  regret  it  after 
wards  on  account  of  her  folks  and  finally  persuaded  her 
to  give  up  the  idea. 

On  the  way  home  I  suggested  that  we  go  and  visit 

the  penitentiary  at  D the  next  day.  It  was  only  a 

two  hours'  ride  on  the  electric  car  and  we  could  get 
back  early.  She  looked  at  me  rather  strangely  when  I 
suggested  this,  but  agreed  to  go. 


ONE     MAN  175 


The  next  morning,  early,  we  started  out  for  D- 


A  guard  took  us  all  through  the  prison  and  for  the 
first  time  in  her  life,  Jean  had  an  opportunity  to  see  a 
lot  of  convicts.  She  came  near  fainting  when  shown 
the  little  cells  where  the  men  slept  and  she  clung  to  me 
closely  for  the  rest  of  the  trip. 

On  the  car  going  home  she  was  taken  ill,  and  when 
we  reached  home  she  was  utterly  exhausted. 

After  lunch  I  went  over  to  see  her,  but  was  told  by 
her  sister,  who  opened  the  door,  that  Jean  was  sick  and 
could  not  see  me. 

I  returned  home  and  was  reading  in  the  library  when 
her  father  came  to  our  front  door.  He  was  greatly  ex 
cited  over  something  and  asked  me  to  take  a  walk  with 
him.  I  put  on  my  hat  and  we  started  out.  He  was 
breathing  very  heavily,  and  when  I  asked  him  what  was 
the  matter  and  where  we  were  going,  he  answered,  "  To 
the  church,  you  will  see  what  is  the  matter." 

The  church  to  which  both  of  our  families  belonged 
was  only  three  blocks  away,  and  when  the  old  man  took 
me  into  the  pastor's  study  we  found  the  good  man  await 
ing  our  arrival. 

I  began  to  get  scared  when  I  noticed  the  increasing 
excitement  of  Jean's  father.  We  three  sat  down,  and 
the  old  man  told  the  pastor  that  he  had  some  questions 
that  he  wanted  to  ask  me  and  wished  him  to  be  present. 

He  then  asked  me  if  I  had  not  been  in  the  peniten 
tiary  at  E .  I  said,  "  Yes."  He  asked  me  if  I  had 

not  been  released  owing  to  the  work  of  the  Y.  M.  C.  A. 
and  I  answered  him  that  my  mother  had  obtained  my 


176  O  N  E     M  A  N 

release.  He  then  asked  me  if  I  had  told  Jean  of  my 
past  life  and  I  answered  that  I  had  done  so.  He  would 
not  believe  this  and  I,  beginning  to  get  angry,  told  him 
that  I  did  not  care  whether  he  believed  it  or  not. 

Then  he  went  on  to  tell  me  how  he  had  traced  back  my 
whole  history,  how  I  had  been  going  to  see  the  girl  in  the 
"  house  of  call."  He  also  said  that  he  had  gone  over 
the  books  left  in  the  store  and  together  with  the  receiver 
had  found  me  out  to  be  a  crook  and  a  thief.  He  said 
that  he  had  had  a  detective  on  my  trail  for  weeks  and 
that  I  would  be  in  jail  in  a  few  days. 

Then  he  got  up  out  of  his  chair  and  raising  his  hands 
above  his  head,  swore  in  the  sight  of  God  that  as  long 
as  he  lived,  his  daughter  should  never  marry  an  ex-con 
vict.  Then  he  turned  to  the  pastor  and  asked  him  if 
he  thought  a  pure,  innocent  young  girl  should  marry 
me  and  this  noble-minded  man  of  God  arose  and  said, 
"  No,  Robert  should  never  expect  to  marry  with  a  past 
such  as  he  has."  Then  the  old  man  told  me  that  Jean 
never  wanted  to  see  me  again  and  that  if  I  did  not  write 
to  her  there  in  his  presence  and  tell  her  that  I  could  not 
marry  her  because  of  certain  physical  reasons  which 
should  prevent  such  a  step  for  all  time  to  come,  he 
would  kill  me  and  himself.  I  refused  flatly  and  told 
him  to  go  ahead  with  his  killing.  He  reached  behind 
him  with  one  hand  and  the  worthy  minister  jumped  at 
him  and  held  him. 

I  figured  that  this  was  a  good  time  for  me  to  go  and 
had  started  for  the  door  when  the  pastor  called  me  back, 
saying  there  was  no  telling  what  the  old  man  would  do 


ONE     MAN  177 

and  that  surely  I  did  not  want  to  have  his  blood  on  my 
head.  He  went  on  to  say  that  for  the  good  of  all  con 
cerned  it  was  best  that  I  write  as  the  old  man  desired. 

So  I  sat  down  and  wrote  as  the  old  man  dictated. 

This  was  the  most  cowardly  thing  I  ever  did  and  I 
have  suffered  deeply  for  it.  I  wrote  as  the  old  man 
dictated  and  signed  it.  Then  I  wrote  across  the  bot 
tom  of  the  letter,  "  Dictated  by  your  father."  He  de 
manded  that  I  write  the  letter  over  and  omit  that.  I 
told  him  I  would  not  and  walked  out  of  the  church. 

That  evening  he  came  to  our  house  with  a  big  pack 
age  of  letters  which  I  had  written  to  Jean.  Handing 
them  to  me,  together  with  the  engagement  ring  which  I 
had  given  Jean,  he  demanded  that  I  give  him  the  letters 
she  had  written  me.  I  told  him  to  call  in  the  morning 
for  them  and  shut  the  door  in  his  face. 

That  night  I  went  over  her  letters  and  destroyed  all 
those  wherein  she  had  written  little  things  pertaining 
to  our  relations.  I  kept  a  few  of  the  most  precious 
ones  and  when  the  old  man  came  in  the  morning  I  gave 
him  the  balance. 

That  morning  I  told  Father  and  Mother  that  Jean's 
father  had  broken  off  our  engagement,  claiming  that  I 
was  in  no  fit  condition  to  contract  a  marriage.  Father 
immediately  took  me  to  the  best  doctor  in  the  city,  who 
thoroughly  examined  me  and  gave  me  a  letter  stating 
that  I  was  in  perfect  health. 

In  the  afternoon  I  walked  past  Jean's  house  and  saw 
her  standing  in  the  window  of  her  room.  When  she 
saw  me  she  threw  me  a  kiss  and  with  her  hands  made 


178  0  N  E     M  A  N 

some  signs  which  I  could  not  understand.  That  even 
ing  a  policeman  was  stationed  at  her  home  and  I  did 
not  dare  to  try  to  communicate  with  her.  She  stood  in 
the  window  of  her  room  and,  while  I  could  see  her,  she 
could  not  see  me.  She  was  still  there  when  I  went  by 
the  house  the  last  time  at  eleven  o'clock. 

The  next  day  was  Sunday  and  about  three  o'clock 
Jean  rushed  into  our  house,  asking  me  to  hide  her  as 
she  had  run  away.  I  immediately  took  her  over  to  a 
private  park  near  our  home  and  sat  down  with  her  on 
a  bench.  She  put  her  arms  around  me  and  burst  out 
crying,  begging  me  to  take  her  away  with  me  some 
where  and  saying  over  and  over  that  she  did  not  believe 
there  was  anything  wrong  with  me  and  that  she  would 
go  with  me  to  the  ends  of  the  world.  I  let  her  read 
the  doctor's  letter  and  finally  persuaded  her  that  the 
best  thing  for  her  to  do  was  to  go  back  home  and  wait 
until  the  thing  blew  over. 

She  walked  back  to  my  home  with  me  and  into  the 
library,  where,  after  shutting  the  door,  she  drew  me 
over  to  the  window  and  put  her  arms  around  my  neck. 
Looking  into  my  eyes  for  a  moment,  she  kissed  me  full 
upon  my  lips  and,  turning,  walked  out  of  the  house. 
Her  folks  took  her  away  the  next  day  and  it  was  over 
a  year  before  she  returned. 

I  learned  afterward  that  her  father  scared  her  into 
believing  that  if  she  married  me  it  would  kill  him  and 
she  promised  finally  that  she  would  never  marry  me 
without  his  consent  and  would  not  talk  to  me  at  any 
time.  She  kept  her  promise.  Three  times  since  I  have 


O  N  E     M  A  N  179 

met  her  on  the  street  and  each  time  she  has  only  nodded 
to  me. 

The  next  few  days  I  spent  loafing  around  and  in  a 

mood  to  end  my  life.  Mr.  K sent  for  me  to  come 

to  his  office.  He  had  sold  out  his  business  and  had  an 
office  in  one  of  the  big  buildings  down  town.  I  was 
looking  very  poorly  and  he  asked  me  what  ailed  me.  I 
told  about  losing  Jean  and  he  was  so  sympathetic  that 
I  broke  down  and  told  him  all  about  my  former  life. 
He  was  greatly  shocked  at  my  story  but  told  me  to 
cheer  up.  He  asked  me  about  the  note  and  I  told  him 
I  had  loaned  the  proceeds,  coming  from  the  settlement, 
to  my  brother-in-law.  He  believed  me  and  in  every 
way  showed  his  faith  and  confidence  in  me. 

During  these  past  few  months  I  had  been  smoking 
on  an  average  of  fifteen  cigarettes  a  day. 

I  finally  decided  to  go  to  Portland,  Oregon,  and  after 
selling  Jean's  engagement  ring  for  a  hundred  dollars,  I 
again  went  West. 

During  the  trip  out  I  brooded  over  the  events  of  my 
life  and  when  the  car  ferry  was  crossing  the  Willamette 
River,  I  tried  to  jump  overboard  but  was  held  back  by 
the  other  passengers.  I  stayed  in  Portland  just  one 
day  and  then  took  the  train  for  home. 

Upon  my  arrival  Mr.  K sent  for  me  and  when 

I  called  at  his  office  he  told  me  he  had  invested  some 
money  in  a  big  instalment  store  with  the  idea  of  buying 
a  half-interest  later.  He  wanted  me  to  go  in  and  take 
care  of  the  office  and  cash,  and  I  accepted  the  position 
at  twenty  dollars  a  week. 


CHAPTER  XXVI 

THE  firm  in  which  he  had  invested  his  money  was 
in  a  bad  way  financially  and  after  a  thorough 
examination  of  the  books,  I  found  a  leak  in  the 
cashier's  department.  We  discharged  the  cashier  and 
placed  Carrie,  the  girl  who  had  formerly  worked  for 
Mr.  K ,  in  the  position. 

I  worked  hard  and  faithfully  and  earned  my  money 
the  first  three  months.  In  July  I  received  a  letter 
from  the  receiver  of  the  old  store,  stating  that  unless 
I  settled  up  for  the  shortage  in  the  accounts,  they 
would  bring  suit  against  me.  A  few  days  later,  I 

showed  this  letter  to  Mr.  K and  he,  having  a  great 

personal  dislike  for  the  receiver,  told  me  to  give  him 
the  letter  and  he  would  settle  it.  He  came  back  in  an 
hour  and  said  that  I  could  settle  the  whole  thing  for  a 
hundred  dollars  cash  and  advised  me  to  do  it.  I  told 
him  I  had  no  money,  so  he  made  me  sign  a  note  for  a 
hundred  dollars  and  advanced  me  the  money,  telling 
me  I  could  repay  him  at  the  rate  of  five  dollars  a  week. 
This  was  only  another  example  of  the  man's  great  kind 
ness  to  me  during  those  years. 

A  few  nights  before  the  five-hundred-dollar  note  fell 
due  I  went  down  to  Mr.  K 's  home  and  there  in  his 

library  told  him  I  would  be  unable  to  pay  the  note  when 

180 


0  N  E     M  A  N  181 

it  came  due.  He  seemed  a  little  put  out,  but  said  he 
would  take  care  of  it  and  I  could  give  him  a  new  note 
for  the  old  one  and  pay  the  interest  later,  which  I  did. 
It  took  me  three  years  to  pay  the  entire  note. 

Early  in  October,  I  learned  of  Maud's  disappearance 
from  C .  This  was  the  last  I  ever  heard  of  her. 

In  May  of  the  next  year  my  father  showed  that  he 
had  at  last  gained  faith  in  my  efforts.  He  put  in  my 
application  to  his  lodge  and  I  was  made  a  member. 
This  was  the  greatest  evidence  of  his  love  and  faith  that 
he  had  ever  given  me.  I  determined  to  be  worthy  of  it. 

I  had  worked  hard  during  the  Fall  and  Winter  and 
had  behaved  myself.  I  longed  for  word  from  Jean  but 
none  came,  even  though  I  wrote  twice  to  her  Southern 
address. 

I  shall  always  believe  that  she  saw  truth  in  the  mass 
of  evidence  against  me  which  her  father  laid  before  her. 
She  saw  in  time,  too,  for  I  know  now  that  a  girl  brought 
up  as  she  had  been  could  not  have  stood  the  whispers 
which  in  some  unknown  way  would  surely  circulate 
among  her  friends  regarding  my  old  record.  No  mat 
ter  how  decent  I  became  some  people  would  always  re 
member  the  old  stories  and  be  constantly  keeping  them 
alive.  And  anyway,  I  had  not  yet  learned  my  lesson. 
She  had  everything  to  lose  and,  after  all,  nothing  to 
gain. 

Her  marriage  two  years  ago  has  brought  her  a  world 
of  happiness  as  I  could  see  by  her  expression  when  I 
met  her  on  the  street  recently  in  a  far  Western  city. 
She  spoke  to  me  kindly  as  we  stood  there  talking  a  few 


182  ONE     MAN 

moments  but  she  did  not  know  how  glad  I  was  for  her 
sake  that  she  had  not  married  me. 

About  May  15th,  Mr.  K decided  not  to  buy  into 

the  store  and  went  West.  A  few  days  later  he  sent  for 
me  and  I  went  out  to  him. 

He  started  up  a  new  business  and  I  travelled  on  the 
road  all  Summer  and  Fall  for  him,  leaving  his  employ 
when  the  weather  turned  cold. 

I  came  home  to  rest  up,  but  within  a  few  days  was 
asked  to  take  charge  of  a  factory  in  the  city.  I  ac 
cepted  the  position  and  held  it  for  fifteen  months,  dur 
ing  which  time  I  quit  stealing  and  braced  up.  After 
going  for  a  year  without  getting  into  any  deviltry,  I 
began  to  see  daylight  ahead,  but  in  January  at  a  mu 
sical  I  met  a  married  woman  who  lived  in  an  apartment 
house  in  the  best  part  of  the  city.  We  took  a  liking 
to  each  other  and  as  her  husband  was  away  I  spent  a 
good  many  evenings  with  her. 

He  came  home  unexpectedly  one  evening  and  I  had 
to  get  out  the  back  way  in  a  hurry.  This  scared  me 
so  I  did  not  make  any  more  calls  there. 

Shortly  after  this  incident,  I  received  an  offer  of  a 
position  in  a  big  factory  in  Chicago  and  accepted  it. 

I  was  now  past  twenty-seven  years  of  age  and  had 
given  up  all  hope  of  ever  getting  married  and  having  a 
home,  a  wife  and  babies  of  my  own,  but  I  was  determined 
to  make  a  big  success  of  my  business  life.  The  trouble 
in  the  store  had  not  become  generally  known  and  my 
past  was  never  mentioned  by  any  one.  My  little  sis 
ter  was  being  brought  up  in  entire  ignorance  of  this 


O  N  E     M  A  N  183 

part  of  my  life  and  to  this  day  does  not  know  of  it. 
Father  had  begun  to  make  a  companion  of  me  and 
Mother  was  very  proud  of  my  progress.  For  the  past 
two  years  I  had  been  drawing  a  salary  of  fifteen  hun 
dred  dollars  a  year  and  I  had  a  host  of  acquaintances 
who  in  some  ways  made  life  very  pleasant  for  me. 

Of  course,  there  were  some  people,  particularly 
friends  of  Jean's  father,  who  talked  about  me  consider 
ably,  but  as  we  lived  in  a  community  composed  princi 
pally  of  gossips  this  was  nothing  to  worry  about.  I 
had  begun  to  realize  the  terrible  sorrow  and  suffering 
which  I  had  brought  upon  my  father  and  mother  and  I 
tried  to  atone  for  it  by  being  decent.  I  drank  very 
little  and  once  in  a  great  while  went  on  a  quiet  little 
tear  on  a  Saturday  night.  It  was  but  natural  that 
after  all  of  my  dissipation  in  the  preceding  years,  the 
beast  in  me  should  crop  out  once  in  a  while  and  I  figured 
it  was  best  to  go  among  the  other  beasts  at  such  times. 
And  to  this  day,  I  believe  my  attitude  on  this  question 
was  correct. 

The  one  thing  that  held  me  down  and  helped  make 
a  beast  of  me  had  a  more  powerful  grip  on  me  at  this 
time  than  ever  before.  I  was  smoking  and  inhaling  on 
an  average  of  twenty  cigarettes  a  day.  They  were 
gradually  sapping  up  my  health  and  vitality  and  try 
as  I  would  I  could  not  stop  using  them. 


CHAPTER  XXVII 

WHEN  I  took  up  my  work  in  Chicago,  I  went 
to  live  with  my  sister  Mary  at  her  earnest 
request.  She  had  married  one  of  these 
clean  young  men,  who  have  never  done  wrong  and  know 
nothing  of. sin  and  its  so-called  pleasures.  He  held  a 
very  good  position  which,  together  with  the  dividends 
on  his  stock,  netted  him  close  to  five  thousand  a  year. 
They  lived  in  a  flat  in  a  very  fashionable  neighborhood 
and  their  living  expenses  amounted  to  three-fourths  of 
their  income. 

Mary  still  had  her  violent  temper  and  snobbish  ways 
and  I  used  to  look  at  her  husband  and  wonder  how  he 
stood  it  all  in  silence.  It  seemed  to  me  at  times  that 
if  he  would  "  gentle  her  down  "  a  little,  she  would  have 
more  respect  for  him.  I  don't  believe  any  wife  to 
day  respects  and  admires  a  husband  she  can  order 
around  like  a  house  dog. 

Owing  to  my  work  in  the  factory  and  the  distance 
to  town,  I  had  to  get  up  every  morning  at  five-thirty. 
The  maid  served  my  breakfast  and  I  took  my  lunch  at 
a  saloon  near  the  factory.  Dinner  at  night  was  al 
ways  kept  awaiting  my  arrival.  Mary  was  very  good 

to  me  during  the  weeks  I  lived  at  her  home. 

184 


O  N  E     M  A  N  185 

Mj  work  kept  me  on  the  jump  and  after  five  weeks 
of  it  I  quit  without  giving  the  owners  any  notice.  Mr. 

D ,  the  president  of  the  company,  had  been  very 

good  to  me.  One  day  just  before  I  quit  he  called  me 
into  his  office  and  said  to  me,  "  Robert,  you  should  go 
about  your  work  more  quietly.  You  get  too  excited 
and  you  have  an  idea  that  the  whole  plant  depends  on 
you  for  existence.  You  have  an  exaggerated  idea  of 
your  own  importance  around  here.  Go  about  your 
work  in  a  sane,  quiet  way  and  I  hope  to  see  you  become 
a  very  valuable  employe  of  this  concern." 

This  talk  hurt  me,  because  I  had  worked  hard,  but 
his  words  did  me  a  lot  of  good  later.  I  also  had  occa 
sion  later  on  to  sincerely  regret  leaving  him  without 
notice.  This  was  where  I  made  my  first  serious  mis 
take  in  my  new  business  career. 

Within  the  next  few  days  I  made  application  to  the 
Chicago  branch  of  a  Cleveland  factory  for  a  position. 
The  branch  manager  took  the  matter  up  with  the  Cleve 
land  people  and  a  few  days  later  I  was  told  to  proceed 
to  Cleveland  for  an  interview  at  the  factory. 

At  this  time  I  was  nearly  broke,  having  only  about 
five  dollars  above  the  railroad  fare.  My  clothes  were 
not  very  good  and  I  was  greatly  worried  over  the  im 
pression  I  might  make  at  the  factory.  The  branch 
manager  was  very  anxious  for  me  to  get  a  position  with 
his  firm,  as  the  concern  which  had  employed  me  in  Chi 
cago  was  his  worst  competitor  and  I  suppose  he  figured 
that  I  would  be  grateful  for  his  assistance  and  give 


186  ONE     MAN 

away  to  him  the  business  secrets  of  my  former  employer. 
So  he  agreed  to  pay  my  expenses  down  to  Cleveland 
and  back  if  I  did  not  land  the  position. 

I  knew  that  I  could  handle  the  work  and  figured  that 
I  could,  with  my  knowledge  of  the  business,  overcome 
any  bad  impression  which  might  be  created  by  my 
somewhat  shabby  appearance. 

When  I  landed  in  Cleveland  I  had  just  three  dollars 
in  my  pocket,  but  I  had  made  up  my  mind  to  land  that 
position. 

After  an  hour's  talk  with  the  general  manager  and  his 
son,  who  was  his  assistant,  I  was  given  a  position  as  JL 
travelling  salesman  and  had  signed  a  year's  contract. 
They  gave  me  a  hundred  dollars  expense  money  and 
after  a  few  days  in  the  factory  I  returned  to  Chicago  on 
my  way  to  my  Western  territory. 

I  stayed  in  Chicago  two  days,  and  was  with  the  local 
manager  most  of  the  time.  He  attempted  to  pump  me 
regarding  the  inner  workings  of  my  former  employer's 
business  and  the  prices  at  which  he  sold  goods  to  the  big 
State  Street  stores.  I  claimed  ignorance  regarding 
the  price  question,  and  what  little  information  I  gave 
him  did  not  hurt  my  former  employer  in  any  way.  I 
may  not  have  had  much  sense  of  honor,  but  somehow 
I  did  not  want  to  betray  my  former  employer's  busi-< 
ness  secrets. 

I  learned  several  months  afterwards  that  after  I  left 
Chicago  on  my  first  trip,  the  local  manager  went  to 
several  of  the  large  State  Street  buyers  saying  that  I 
had  quit  my  former  employer  and  had  entered  the  em- 


O  N  E     M  A  N  187 

ploy  of  his  firm  and  that  he  had  found  out  from  me  that 
some  of  the  stores  were  getting  better  prices  than  oth 
ers  from  my  former  employer.  This  sounded  plausible 
to  some  of  the  buyers  and  caused  a  lot  of  trouble  for 

Mr.  D .  There  happened  to  be  considerable  truth 

in  the  claim  of  our  local  manager,  and  while  I  had  not 
betrayed  my  former  employer,  yet  he  took  it  for  granted 
that  I  had.  In  this  way  our  local  manager  put  another 
blot  on  my  business  reputation. 

My  work  on  the  road  was  very  interesting  and  I  made 
good  from  the  beginning.  All  my  expenses  were  paid 
and  I  received  a  salary  of  fifteen  hundred  dollars  a  year. 
The  firm  was  the  largest  of  its  kind  in  the  world  and  I 
was  very  hopeful  for  the  future. 

July  saw  me  in  Chicago  for  a  month's  work  at  the 
local  branch. 

During  the  latter  part  of  the  month,  in  company 
with  another  salesman  in  our  employ,  I  went  out  to 
Riverview  Park  one  evening.  We  had  had  several 
drinks  and  were  feeling  somewhat  elated. 

On  the  car  going  out  to  the  Park  I  noticed  a  very 
beautiful  girl  sitting  in  the  seat  across  the  aisle  and 
called  Frank's  attention  to  her.  He  made  several  re 
marks  with  the  idea  of  attracting  her  attention,  but  she 
did  not  turn  around.  When  we  reached  the  Park,  this 
girl  was  met  by  another  girl,  and  we  followed  them 
through  the  entrance  gate. 

They  stopped  near  the  big  candy  wheel  and  stood 
watching  the  crowd.  I  had  made  several  remarks  re 
garding  the  appearance  of  the  girl  whom  we  had  no- 


188  ONE     M  A  N 

ticed  on  the  car  and  Frank,  who  was  feeling  pretty 
good,  said  that  he  would  go  over  and  bring  her  over  to 
me.  Sure  enough,  he  went  over  to  them  and  after  a 
little  hesitation  on  their  part  brought  them  over  and 
introduced  them  to  me. 

We  bought  a  number  of  chances  on  the  candy  wheel, 
and  after  the  girls  had  each  won  we  walked  around, 
taking  in  the  different  attractions.  Finally  Frank  sug 
gested  a  drink,  and  we  sat  down  at  one  of  the  little 
round  tables  in  front  of  the  orchestra  shell.  The  girls 
were  willing  to  drink,  and  by  eleven  o'clock  the  bunch 
was  a  little  the  worse  for  liquor.  We  then  went  across 
the  street  from  the  Park  entrance  to  a  big  wine  room 
and  stayed  there  for  a  half  hour. 

In  here  I  had  a  chance  to  talk  to  the  pretty  girl  and 
found  out  that  her  name  was  Marie.  She  was  a  quiet 
girl  and  very  refined  and  I  could  not  understand  her 
picking  up  with  strange  men.  From  her  attitude  that 
evening  she  appeared  to  be  a  girl  who  had  had  some 
serious  trouble  and  was  trying  to  forget  it  in  a  rather 
reckless  existence. 

I  took  her  home  on  the  car  and  at  the  gate  of  the 
house  where  she  lived  with  her  mother  and  brother,  we 
stood  talking  for  a  long  time.  She  promised  to  call 
me  up  the  next  day  and  said  she  had  enjoyed  meeting 
me,  as  I  was  a  little  different  from  most  men  and  that 
there  was  nothing  "  fresh  "  about  me.  As  I  was  leav 
ing  I  asked  her  if  she  was  going  to  kiss  me  good  night. 
She  stepped  back  from  the  gate  a  little  and  said  that 
she  did  not  know  me  well  enough  yet  to  do  that.  I  re- 


O  N  E     M  A  N  189 

spected  her  for  this  and  made  up  my  mind  then  and 
there  to  see  her  again. 

I  met  Frank  on  the  corner,  as  agreed  upon,  and 
we  rode  to  the  hotel  together.  He  had  taken  a  liking 
to  the  girl  to  whom  he  had  been  paying  attention  during 
the  evening,  but  he  said  that  I  must  have  fallen 
in  love  with  Marie,  seeing  that  I  raved  so  much  about 
her. 

We  hardly  expected  the  girls  to  call  us  up  next  day, 
but  they  did,  and  we  made  an  appointment  to  meet  them 
at  a  Monroe  Street  restaurant  the  next  evening. 

We  met  them  as  a*greed  upon,  and  had  a  nice  dinner. 
In  order  to  make  an  impression,  I  ordered  two  bottles 
of  wine  with  the  dinner,  and  after  I  had  paid  the  check, 
which  amounted  to  nineteen  dollars,  we  left  the  place 
in  rather  a  wobbly  condition.  After  a  visit  to  a  few 
down-town  wine  rooms,  we  took  the  girls  home  on  the 
car.  Frank's  girl  was  sick,  so  we  all  stood  out  in  the 
front  vestibule,  where  there  was  more  air. 

Arriving  at  Marie's  home,  I  sat  out  on  the  front 
steps  with  her  in  the  moonlight  until  two  o'clock,  and 
when  I  went  home  she  seemed  more  than  willing  to  kiss 
me  good  night. 

A  few  evenings  later  I  took  her  to  dinner  with  me  and 
after  dinner  took  her  home  in  a  taxi-cab.  On  the  way 
home  I  asked  her  if  she  did  not  want  to  ride  around 
Lincoln  Park  a  little  while,  and  she  said  "  Yes." 

When  I  came  to  pay  the  driver,  after  we  reached  her 
home,  I  owed  him  eleven  dollars,  and  this  taught  me  a 
lesson  regarding  love  rides  in  a  taxi. 


190  ONE     MAN 

Marie  was  very  affectionate  with  me  that  evening 
and  when  I  finally  left  we  had  agreed  to  meet  again  the 
next  evening. 

Upon  the  following  evening  we  had  quite  a  few  drinks 
with  our  dinner  and  later  in  the  evening  we  finally  went 
to  one  of  the  hotels  on  Wabash  Avenue. 

We  had  to  take  an  elevator  to  get  to  the  hotel  office, 
and  when  the  car  stopped  and  the  door  had  been  opened, 
we  saw  a  nigger  bell  hop  standing  there.  He  motioned 
Marie  to  the  parlor,  and  I  went  to  the  desk  and  regis 
tered  under  an  assumed  name.  We  had  no  baggage, 
and  I  was  surprised  at  the  ease  with  which  we  obtained 
a  room.  The  hotel  clerk  asked  me  how  old  Marie  was, 
and  I  asked  him  how  old  she  had  to  be.  He  laughed 
and  said,  "  Eighteen,"  so  I  told  him  she  was  nineteen.' 
I  had  been  told  about  the  place  before,  but  was  afraid 
we  could  not  get  in,  as  Marie  looked  so  young. 

We  went  to  this  place  several  times  during  the  month, 
and  I  began  to  think  a  great  deal  of  Marie.  She  was 
willing  to  meet  me  any  evening  upon  short  notice,  and 
from  this  I  judged  she  was  not  running  around  with 
other  men.  She  was  employed  in  the  office  of  one  of 
the  universities  and  was  well  educated.  During  all  the 
time  I  went  with  her  I  never  heard  her  use  a  coarse  or 
vulgar  expression. 

She  had  one  bad  habit,  smoking  cigarettes,  but  at 
that  time  I  thought  it  looked  cute  to  see  her  puffing 
away  on  a  cigarette.  She  inhaled  the  smoke  and 
showed  a  familiarity  with  different  brands. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  191 

The  first  of  August  I  took  up  my  road  work,  and  on 
each  trip  back  to  Chicago  Marie  always  came  to  the 
train  to  meet  me.  I  began  to  seriously  think  of  asking 
her  to  marry  me.  While  she  had  not  been  a  good  girl, 
yet  I  felt  that  that  fact  should  not  make  any  differ 
ence. 

My  own  life  had  been  anything  but  decent,  and  I 
thought  that  I  should  not  expect  to  receive  more  than 
I  could  give.  I  had  known  of  several  cases  where  girls 
like  Marie  had  married  and  been  happy  with  their  hus 
bands,  but  never  a  case  where  a  girl  had  happily  mar 
ried  the  man  responsible  for  her  downfall. 

In  September  I  received  a  letter  from  the  Cleveland 
office  ordering  me  to  come  there  at  once.  At  first  I 
thought  I  was  to  be  discharged,  but  I  knew  I  had  done 
exceedingly  well  in  my  work  and  could  see  no  reason  for 
such  a  thing  happening  unless  my  old  history  had 
leaked  out. 

It  was  with  considerable  trepidation  that  I  entered 

Mr.  G 's  private  office  one  morning.  He  was  not 

at  his  desk,  but  his  son  sat  at  another  desk  in  the  room. 
While  waiting  for  the  manager  I  sat  sizing  up  his  son 
for  the  first  time,  and  somehow  I  did  not  like  his  ap 
pearance.  He  looked  tricky  and  deceitful.  Finally 
he  turned  from  his  desk  and  said,  "  I  suppose  you  won 
der  why  we  sent  for  you.  Do  you  expect  to  be  fired?  " 
I  told  him  I  had  no  idea  what  they  wanted  of  me,  but 
that  I  did  know  I  had  tried  hard  to  make  my  work  a 
success.  He  turned  back  to  his  desk  with  a  mut- 


192  ONE     M  A  N 

tcrcd,  "  Bet  you  have."  I  did  not  like  his  remarks  at 
all,  especially  in  view  of  the  fact  that  he  was  just  about 
my  age. 

When  his  father  came  in  he  shook  hands  with  me 
and  asked  me  to  wait  until  he  was  through  with  his 
mail,  which  had  been  opened  for  him  by  a  tall,  blonde 
girl  sitting  at  a  small  table  in  the  corner  of  the  room. 
This  girl's  big  grey  eyes  had  attracted  my  attention 
the  moment  I  came  into  the  room,  but  I  could  not  re 
member  having  noticed  her  before.  She  was  a  soft- 
spoken  girl  and  very  quiet  at  her  wrork. 

Finally  Mr.  G.  turned  to  me  and  told  me  he  was 
greatly  pleased  with  my  work.  I  had  heard  that  he 
was  a  man  who  seldom  praised  any  one's  work,  and  my 
heart  began  to  beat  high  with  hope.  He  then  told  me 
that  after  considerable  thought  he  had  decided  to  offer 
me  a  position  in  the  office  as  sales  manager  at  a  salary 
of  two  thousand  dollars  a  year.  He  went  on  to  tell 
me  the  duties  attached  to  the  position  and  that  I  would 
be  in  charge  of  all  the  salesmen  and  the  branch  houses. 
He  then  told  me  to  take  time  to  think  over  his  proposi 
tion  if  I  so  desired,  but  I  told  him  after  considerable 
stammering  that  I  would  take  the  position  immediately. 
His  son  turned  around  and  said,  "  I'll  help  you  to  make 
a  big  success  of  the  work,  old  man,"  and  so  the  matter 
was  settled.  As  I  rose  from  my  chair,  I  caught  a 
glimpse  of  the  peculiar  expression  on  the  face  of  the 
girl  sitting  at  the  little  table.  She  seemed  pleased  over 
something. 

The  next  day  I  was  initiated  into  my  new  duties, 


O  N  E     M  A  N  193 

and  Mr.  G decided  to  turn  part  of  his  work  over 

to  his  son,  whose  name  was  Harry,  and  to  have  Harry 
turn  some  of  his  work  over  to  me.  They  then  gave  me 
the  grey-eyed  girl  from  their  office  to  help  me.  This 
girl,  whose  name  was  Hattie,  was  given  a  flat-topped 
desk  immediately  back  of  mine.  Part  of  her  duties  in 
assisting  me  was  to  take  down  the  special  letters  I 
wished  to  dictate,  the  bulk  of  my  dictation  being  han 
dled  through  talking  machines.  She  also  attended  to 
,many  of  the  minor  details  of  my  work.  During  the 
next  few  days  I  was  very  busy  learning  the  ropes  and 
did  not  have  any  chance  to  notice  anything  around  me. 
I  wrote  to  Marie  telling  her  of  my  good  fortune,  and 
received  a  mournful  little  letter  in  reply,  congratulating 
me  on  my  promotion. 

On  my  twenty-eighth  birthday,  which  came  the  lat 
ter  part  of  the  month,  I  mentioned  the  fact  to  Hattie, 
and  during  our  few  moments'  conversation  she  told  me 
her  age,  but  would  not  believe  that  I  was  only  eight 
years  older  than  she.  Then,  when  I  had  said  some 
thing  about  its  being  a  lonely  city,  she  invited  me  to 
call  and  see  her  some  evening.  I  thanked  her  and  told 
her  I  would  do  so  after  I  had  settled  down  to  my  work. 

A  few  days  later  Harry  came  to  me  late  one  after 
noon  and  said  he  wanted  me  to  go  home  with  him  for 
dinner  that  night.  I  hesitated  somewhat,  but  he  told 
me  there  would  be  no  one  else  there  but  his  wife  and 
babies  and  that  I  simply  had  to  come. 

When  I  was  introduced  to  his  wife,  upon  our  arrival 
at  his  flat,  I  was  so  flustered  I  could  hardly  acknowledge 


194  0  N  E     M  A  N 

the  introduction.  She  was  of  the  blonde  type  and  one 
of  the  most  beautiful  women  I  had  ever  seen.  When 
our  eyes  met  the  strangest  feeling  came  over  me,  just  as 
if  we  had  met  somewhere  before. 

She  was  very  gracious  toward  me,  and  succeeded  in 
making  me  feel  at  home  in  a  very  few  moments.  They 
brought  the  two  baby  girls  to  me  and  I  fell  in  love  with 
them  immediately.  They  were  beautiful  children  and 
before  I  knew  it  I  was  holding  one  on  each  knee. 

At  dinner  both  Harry  and  his  wife,  whom  he  ad 
dressed  as  Nadine,  treated  me  as  if  they  had  known  me 
for  years.  Harry  called  me  Bob  and  talked  to  me  in 
the  familiar  way  common  among  boy  chums.  After 
dinner  he  played  the  pianola  and  later,  when  his  wife 
played,  he  criticised  her  playing  and  I  saw  then  that 
he  was  of  a  domineering  type  and  accustomed  to  having 
his  own  way  around  home.  She  could  not  help  but  feel 
hurt  at  his  actions,  but  succeeded  very  well  in  control 
ling  any  outward  evidence  of  feeling. 

Later  in  the  evening  she  took  me  into  the  nursery  to 
see  the  sleeping  babes  and  I  told  her  they  were  the  most 
beautiful  children  I  had  ever  seen.  As  I  stood  there  and 
looked  down  on  those  two  little  children,  somehow  a 
feeling  came  to  me  that  I  should  never  have  any  little 
ones  like  those. 

About  ten  o'clock  we  had  a  few  bottles  of  beer  and 
when  I  left  I  thanked  them  both  sincerely  for  one  of  the 
most  pleasant  evenings  in  my  life. 

The  following  Saturday  evening  I  went  to  call  upon 
Hattie,  who  lived  in  one  of  the  suburbs  of  the  city. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  195 

Her  home  was  a  little  frame  house,  very  plainly  fur 
nished.  Her  father  was  one  of  those  short,  fat,  loose- 
lipped  men  with  self-indulgence  showing  in  every  line 
in  his  face.  Her  mother  was  a  tall,  thin,  dark-eyed 
woman,  very  nervous  and  looking  as  if  she  was  com 
pletely  tired  out.  Her  brother  was  a  young  fellow, 
who  appeared  to  be  of  a  very  moody  and  morose  dispo 
sition. 

There  was  a  big  fire  burning  in  the  parlor  grate, 
and  after  the  whole  family  had  sat  around  a  half  hour 
in  stiff-backed  chairs  talking  about  the  weather,  they 
withdrew,  leaving  Hattie  and  me  alone.  She  pulled  two 
big  chairs  up  in  front  of  the  fireplace  and  we  sat  down 
to  get  acquainted. 

I  learned  much  of  her  family's  history  that  evening 
and  she  also  told  me  a  great  deal  about  herself.  She 
was  a  plain-looking  girl,  except  for  her  eyes  and  beau 
tiful  light  hair.  Her  voice  was  low  pitched  and  when 
she  talked  to  me  she  had  a  way  of  looking  square  into 
my  eyes  which  affected  me  strangely. 

When  I  said  good  night  to  her  in  a  formal  way,  she 
invited  me  to  call  again  the  following  Wednesday. 

Being  in  a  strange  city  and  having  my  evenings  to 
myself,  I  was  very  lonesome.  Instead  of  remaining  in 
my  rooms  evenings  I  walked  around  down  town  consid 
erable.  I  smoked  a  great  many  cigarettes  these  days 
and  took  a  few  drinks  occasionally. 

I  welcomed  the  opportunity  afforded  me  by  Hattie's 
invitations  and  began  to  call  upon  her  regularly  three 
times  a  week. 


196  ONE    MAN 

The  third  week  in  October,  I  again  went  to  dinner  at 
Harry's  home.  This  time  I  had  a  long  talk  with  his 
wife.  She  had  attended  school  in  Washington,  D.  C., 
with  one  of  the  girl  friends  of  my  childhood,  and  this 
fact  helped  us  to  get  acquainted.  Harry  was  playing 
the  piano  and  paying  no  attention  to  our  conversation. 
She  told  me  she  had  married  Harry  against  her  parents' 
wishes  and  had  been  practically  disowned  by  her  folks. 
I  learned  later  that  she  was  a  daughter  of  old  man 
C of  Philadelphia  and  had  been  brought  up  sur 
rounded  by  every  luxury.  When  I  left  that  evening 
somehow  I  felt  sorry  for  her. 

Several  times  during  these  days  I  noticed  that  Hattie 
and  Harry  called  each  other  by  their  first  names. 
This  seemed  a  little  unusual,  but  I  did  not  pay  much  at 
tention  to  them  until  one  day  I  came  suddenly  into  the 
private  office  and  found  her  standing  close  to  his  chair. 
They  both  started  when  I  came  in  and  Harry  flushed 
up  and  asked  me  rather  tartly  what  I  wanted. 

Somehow  this  incident  made  me  jealous  of  Hattie. 
I  had  called  on  her  several  times  and  was  beginning  to 
think  a  great  deal  of  her.  The  thought  came  to  me 
several  times  that  I  should  not  allow  myself  to  fall  in 
love  with  her  because  of  my  past,  but  I  was  so  lonesome 
evenings  that  before  I  knew  it  I  was  a  constant  visitor 
at  her  home.  This  had  gone  on  for  a  month  and  we 
had  never  said  a  word  about  love.  Once  or  twice  dur 
ing  my  visits  our  hands  had  met,  and  I  had  noticed  that 
she  acted  queerly  upon  these  occasions. 


CHAPTER  XXVIII 

AS  I  look  back  now  over  mj  courtship  of  Hat- 
tie  I  wonder  why  I  acted  as  I  did.  I  think 
that  the  fact  that  I  had  made  so  much  of  a 
success  in  my  business  life  gave  me  a  false  sense  of  se 
curity  regarding  my  past  record.  I  wanted  a  wife 
and  a  home  and  I  did  want  children  of  my  own  and  I 
did  want  to  be  a  respected  business  man.  Of  course,  I 
was  lonesome  and  in  a  strange  city  and  Hattie  had 
been  so  kind  in  the  office  that  I  naturally  turned  to 
her  for  companionship.  My  courting  her  was  not 
prompted  by  a  love  of  her  as  my  ideal  woman.  She 
came  of  a  poor  family  and  she  worked  to  earn  the 
clothes  she  wore.  She  did  not  have  any  talents  partic 
ularly  and  I  did  not  notice  that  she  had  any  ideals 
such  as  a  young  woman  should  have.  Yet  I  did  love 
her,  but  not  with  the  real  love  which  comes  to  a  man 
but  once  in  a  lifetime. 

As  to  why  she  wanted  me  to  come  and  see  her,  later 
events  brought  out  her  reason. 

One  evening,  while  we  were  sitting  in  front  of  the  big 
grate  fire  at  her  home,  I  was  debating  with  myself  as  to 
whether  or  not  I  should  go  any  further  with  our  friend 
ship.  She  sat  there  near  me  in  a  big  easy  chair  watch 
ing  the  play  of  the  little  flames  over  the  coals.  Every 

197 


198  ONE     MAN 

time  I  moved  my  hands  or  turned  my  head  she  looked 
up  quickly  at  me.  It  seemed  always  as  if  she  was  wait 
ing  for  something  that  hadn't  been  said  as  yet. 

More  in  a  spirit  of  experiment  than  anything  else  I 
told  her  that  I  had  been  a  wild  devil  and  had  raised  hell 
generally  for  several  years.  Then  I  asked  her  if  that 
would  make  any  difference  in  our  friendship.  She  came 
right  back  promptly  with  the  remark  that  it  did  not 
make  any  difference  what  I  had  done,  that  she  was  my 
friend  and  she  could  tell  I  had  seen  a  lot  of  the  world. 
The  warmth  and  apparent  sincerity  of  her  remark  drew 
me  closer  to  her  and  I  can  remember  that  my  heart  beat 
just  a  little  faster  then.  I  told  her  that  I  wanted  a 
home  and  children  of  my  own,  but  that  my  old  life  had 
been  such  that  I  did  not  think  I  would  ever  ask  any 
woman  to  marry  me.  She  flared  up  immediately  in  my 
defence,  saying  that  as  long  as  I  had  learned  to  behave 
myself  I  had  a  right  to  ask  any  woman  to  marry  me. 

Our  talk  drifted  around  for  the  first  time  to  love  and 
later  I  spoke  banteringly  of  my  having  been  there  at 
her  home  so  many  times  in  the  few  weeks  I  had  known 
her  and  she  had  never  kissed  me  good  night. 

She  blushed  and  said  she  had  long  ago  made  up  her 
mind  never  to  kiss  any  man  until  she  was  engaged  to 
him.  I  can  remember  so  well  how  a  little  later  she  got 
up  out  of  her  easy  chair  and  after  rearranging  some 
pictures  on  the  mantel  seated  herself  on  the  big  divan 
in  the  corner.  I  remained  where  I  was  and  we  talked 
across  the  room  for  a  few  minutes ;  then  I  got  up  and 
crossed  over  to  her  side. 


ONE     MAN  199 

There  were  several  pillows  piled  in  one  end  of  the 
divan,  leaving  barely  room  enough  for  the  two  of  us. 
We  sat  there  watching  the  play  of  the  flames  in  the 
grate.  There  was  no  other  light  in  the  room.  Out 
side  the  wind  was  howling  a  gale,  and  I  knew  I  had  a 
long,  cold  walk  to  the  car  line  and  then  a  tiresome  ride 
into  the  city  and  a  lonely  hour  in  my  bachelor  quarters 
before  turning  in. 

She  sat  there  so  close  to  me  and  seemed  to  care  for 
me  in  such  a  way  that  I  suddenly  seemed  to  feel  that  I 
needed  her.  I  could  feel  the  warmth  of  her  body  so 
near  mine  and  it  seemed  to  me  that  I  could  be  happy 
with  her  as  my  wife.  In  a  rather  halting  manner  I 
asked  her  what  she  thought  of  marriage.  She  told  me 
then  that  she,  too,  wanted  a  little  home  to  take  care  of 
and  a  husband,  but  she  didn't  say  anything  about  chil 
dren.  At  the  time  I  thought  this  was  due  to  natural 
modesty.  Hearing  her  views  so  plainly  expressed  I 
turned  to  her  and  told  her  I  had  grown  to  care  a  great 
deal  for  her  and  asked  her  if  she  cared  for  me.  She 
owned  up  that  she  had  cared  for  me  since  the  day 
I  had  first  entered  the  office. 

The  next  minute  I  was  asking  her  to  marry  me  and 
receiving  her  promise.  Then  she  kissed  me  with  a  pas 
sion  and  force  that  startled  me.  Right  there,  some 
thing  seemed  to  warn  me  that  I  had  made  a  mistake, 
but  this  feeling  passed  almost  as  quickly  as  it  came. 

The  next  evening  when  I  arrived  at  the  house  her 
father  opened  the  door  for  me  and  when  I  stepped  into 
the  parlor  I  noticed  that  the  folding  doors  opening 


200  ONE     M  A  N 

into  the  sitting-room  were  closed.  I  took  advantage 
of  the  opportunity  and  asked  for  Hattie's  hand.  He 
said  he  feared  this  was  coming  and  that  he  hated  to 
lose  his  only  daughter.  He  also  said  he  did  not  know 
much  about  me,  only  what  Hattie  had  said  and  he  asked 
me  to  give  him  some  references  to  whom  he  could  write 
and  inquire  as  to  my  standing.  I  gave  him  two  names 
and  he  then  said  that  if  the  answers  were  satisfactory 
he  would  give  his  consent. 

There  were  tears  in  his  eyes  as  he  called  Hattie  and 
her  mother  into  the  room  and  told  them  of  my  request. 
Hattie's  mother  kissed  me  and  said  she  knew  I  would 
be  good  to  her  little  girl. 

For  some  time  past  Harry  and  I  had  been  in  the  habit 
of  going  to  lunch  together  and  a  few  days  after  I 
had  asked  Hattie  to  marry  me,  I  was  at  lunch  with 
him. 

Looking  up  from  the  table  I  said,  "  Harry,  old  sport, 
I  am  going  to  marry  one  of  your  Cleveland  girls."  He 
was  just  lifting  his  spoon  to  his  mouth  and  holding  it 
in  mid-air  said,  "  The  hell,  you  say  —  who  is  the  dame?  " 
I  answered,  "  Hattie."  In  a  flash  his  face  became 
chalky  white  and  dropping  the  spoon  and  contents  into 
his  lap,  he  muttered,  "  God,  man ! "  He  didn't  seem 
able  to  say  anything  more  for  a  moment,  but  he  finally 
mustered  up  a  weak  smile  and  held  out  his  hand  to  me. 
I  can  remember  so  well  how  cold  and  clammy  it  felt  and 
how  it  shook.  We  both  laughed  over  his  dropping  the 
spoon  and  finished  our  lunch.  On  the  way  back  to  the 
office  he  insisted  that  I  take  a  good  big  drink  with  him 


O  N  E     M  A  N  201 

and  suggested  that  we  say  nothing  around  the  office 
about  our  engagement. 

That  night  I  wrote  to  Father  and  Mother  asking 
them  if  they  thought  I  had  done  right  in  becoming  en 
gaged. 

The  next  afternoon  Harry's  wife  'phoned,  asking  me 
to  come  out  to  dinner  with  him  that  evening.  Upon 
my  arrival  she  greeted  me  a  little  coldly,  I  thought,  but 
congratulated  me  upon  my  engagement.  After  dinner 
she  asked  me  a  few  questions  about  my  engagement  and 
how  long  I  had  known  Hattie.  She  acted  queerly  all 
the  evening  and  once,  while  Harry  was  playing  the  pi 
ano,  I  noticed  tears  in  her  eyes  and  I  thought  that  per 
haps  Harry  had  quarrelled  with  her  that  morning.  She 
held  my  hand  an  instant  longer  than  usual  in  parting 
that  evening  and  I  wondered  at  it. 

Hattie  and  I  had  decided  to  be  married  January  12th 
and  my  folks  said  in  their  letter  to  me  that  they  would 
not  be  able  to  come  to  my  wedding  if  it  were  held  in 
Cleveland.  Father  asked  me  in  his  letter  if  I  was  sure 
I  had  known  the  girl  long  enough. 

I  did  not  have  much  money  at  this  time  and  told  Hat- 
tie  so  plainly.  I  told  her  I  wanted  to  get  her  an  en 
gagement  ring  but  that  I  did  not  see  how  I  could  do  so 
and  also  afford  a  wedding  trip.  She  acted  very  nice 
about  it  and  chose  the  engagement  ring. 

In  the  first  part  of  December  it  was  decided  in  the 
office  that  I  was  to  go  to  Chicago  the  14th  and  remain 
there  until  the  21st,  meeting  and  instructing  our  sales 
men  on  the  next  season's  work. 


202  ONE     MAN 

Hattie's  father  had  received  answers  to  his  letters 
regarding  me  and  had  given  his  consent  to  our  marriage. 
Hattie  had  quit  work  at  the  office  and  was  getting 
ready  for  the  wedding.  When  I  told  her  that  night 
about  my  intended  trip  she  began  crying  and  said  that 
I  would  see  Marie  in  Chicago.  I  had  told  her  about 
knowing  Marie  and  she  knew  that  I  had  received  several 
letters  from  her. 

Hattie  acted  so  unreasonable  and  excited  over  my  in 
tended  trip  and  showed  such  a  lack  of  faith  in  me,  that 
again  something  told  me  I  had  made  a  mistake  in  ask 
ing  her  to  marry  me.  When  I  left  her  that  night  we 
had  had  our  first  little  quarrel. 

The  next  day  was  Sunday  and  I  went  to  the  house 
in  the  morning.  We  had  made  up  our  little  quarrel 
of  the  evening  before  when  suddenly  she  suggested  that 
we  be  married  before  I  went  away  so  I  could  take  her 
with  me.  I  was  a  little  surprised  at  her  suggestion,  as 
she  knew  I  could  not  very  well  afford  it.  But  I  fig 
ured  for  half  an  hour  and  finally  decided  I  could  get 
through  with  it  in  some  way.  So  I  agreed  to  it.  We 
persuaded  her  folks  to  consent  to  our  plan  and  decided 
to  have  a  very  quiet  home  wedding.  They  were  to  ask 
only  a  few  intimate  friends  and  I  intended  asking  Harrj 
and  Nadine. 

When  I  asked  him  he  said  they  would  be  delighted  to 
come. 

The  next  few  days  were  busy  ones  for  me,  as  there 
was  a  lot  of  work  to  be  finished  before  I  left  on  my  trip. 
I  was  at  that  time  occupying  a  two-room  apartment 


O  N  E     M  A  N  203 

and  Hattie  and  I  decided  to  stay  there  after  our  return 
until  we  could  find  a  flat.  I  had  only  a  hundred  and 
fifty  dollars,  but  my  December  salary  would  be  due 
January  first  and  we  had  decided  to  buy  our  furniture 
on  the  instalment  plan. 

We  were  to  be  married  December  the  twelfth  at  six- 
thirty  in  the  evening.  The  night  before,  I  sat  up  very 
late  destroying  old  love  letters  and  photographs  and 
such  stuff.  I  had  been  over  at  Hattie's  home  during 
the  evening  and  had  found  things  all  torn  up  and  every 
one  excited. 

We  sat  alone  for  a  few  moments  in  front  of  the  big 
grate  fire,  silent  and  thinking  of  the  morrow.  When  I 
left  she  gave  me  a  little  package  she  wished  me  to  put  in 
my  grip.  She  blushed  when  she  gave  it  to  me  and  I 
could  not  understand  it.  Her  trunk  was  to  be  sent  ac 
cording  to  my  directions  the  next  day  as  we  did  not 
want  any  one  to  know  which  route  we  were  going  to 
take. 

The  day  of  the  wedding  I  worked  at  the  office  until 
one  thirty,  then  I  hurried  down  town  on  different  little 
errands  and  then  to  my  room,  where  I  dressed  for  the 
wedding. 

At  five  o'clock  I  reached  Hattie's  home  and  was  or 
dered  to  stay  in  the  parlor  out  of  the  way.  At  six 
o'clock  Harry  and  his  wife  arrived.  Harry  greeted  me 
with  a  hand  shake  and  his  wife  took  both  my  hands  in 
hers  and  held  them  for  just  a  moment.  She  was  beauti 
fully  dressed.  A  few  moments  later  the  rest  of  the 
guests  arrived.  I  told  Harry  and  his  wife  that  I  felt 


204  ONE     MAN 

like  I  was  going  to  break  down.  He  spoke  up  and  said 
that  if  I  did  he  would  choke  me. 

At  a  few  moments  before  six  thirty  the  guests  seated 
themselves  in  the  parlor,  with  Harry  and  his  wife  stand 
ing  close  to  the  fireplace,  which  had  been  banked  with 
ferns. 

I  can  remember,  as  if  it  were  only  yesterday,  my  feel 
ings  as  I  looked  over  the  motley  array  of  guests. 
There  was  the  little  dressmaker,  who  had  made  the  wed 
ding  gown,  a  couple  of  railroad  brakemen  and  their 
wives,  and  a  saloonkeeper  with  his  wife.  I  did  not 
know  the  rest  of  the  crowd,  which  numbered  about  twen 
ty-five  all  told.  Nadine  stood  over  at  one  side  and 
somehow  her  presence  gave  me  comfort.  The  feeling 
of  disgust  and  lonesomeness  that  came  over  me  as  I 
watched  these  people  crowded  into  that  little  room  made 
me  feel  faint  and  I  wondered  what  my  mother  would  say 
could  she  see  them  all.  I  was  glad,  in  a  way,  she  could 
not,  and  a  feeling  of  resentment  filled  my  heart  for  a 
moment,  until  that  old  saying,  "  Beggars  cannot  be 
choosers,"  came  to  my  mind. 

A  big  smilax  bell  hung  in  the  double  doorway  between 
the  parlor  and  sitting-room,  and  suspended  from  the 
centre  of  it  was  a  bunch  of  mistletoe.  The  minister 
whispered  a  few  words  of  instruction  to  me  and  just  a 
minute  before  the  hour  set,  Hattie  came  through  the 
hallway  into  the  room,  leaning  on  her  father's  arm. 
She  was  dressed  all  in  white,  and  looked  more  beautiful 
to  me  than  ever  before. 

The  tears  came  to  my  eyes  as  I  took  my  place  beside 


O  N  E     M  A  N  205 

her  under  the  bell  and  the  minister  began  the  service. 
I  cannot  remember  the  service,  only  that  I  seemed  to  an 
swer  at  the  proper  time.  I  was  thinking  of  my  father 
and  mother  and  sister  at  home  and  their  not  caring 
enough  for  me  to  come  to  my  wedding.  As  the  minister 
finished  the  service,  I  kissed  Hattie  and  as  I  did  so  my 
eyes  met  those  of  Nadine.  The  tears  were  rolling  down 
her  cheeks. 

After  nearly  everybody  had  kissed  the  bride  and 
shaken  hands  with  me,  Nadine  came  to  me  and  holding 
out  her  hands,  said,  "  Bobbie,  I  do  wish  you  good  for 
tune." 

After  the  wedding  supper  had  been  served  in  the 
crowded  little  dining-room,  my  father-in-law  mixed  the 
punch  and  the  furniture  having  been  removed  the  guests 
began  dancing.  They  made  my  wife  play  one  dance  for 
them. 

The  punch  was  very  strong  and  it  was  not  long 
until  its  effects  were  more  than  noticeable  on  some  of 
the  assembled  guests.  My  father-in-law  asked  me  to 
call  him  by  his  first  name  and  kept  insisting  that  I 
should  have  another  drink. 

I  had  ordered  an  auto  to  call  for  us  at  nine  o'clock 
and  had  told  no  one  about  it  but  Hattie.  At  half  past 
eight  she  slipped  away  and  soon  returned  dressed  in  her 
travelling  gown.  When  the  sound  of  the  horn  an 
nounced  the  arrival  of  the  car,  we  made  a  run  for  it 
amid  a  shower  of  rice  and  old  shoes.  We  had  not  told 
them  which  road  we  were  going  to  take  and  we  managed 
to  escape  the  intended,  demonstration  at  the  depot. 


206  O  N  E     M  A  N 

Once  in  the  drawing-room  on  the  Pullman,  we  shook 
the  rice  out  of  our  wraps  until  the  floor  was  covered. 
I  can  remember  how  embarrassed  I  was  when  I  found 
my  overcoat  pocket  filled  with  little  china  dolls. 

The  berths  were  not  made  up,  so  after  taking  off  our 
wraps  I  turned  out  the  lights  and  we  sat  there  for  a 
long  time,  her  head  resting  on  my  shoulder,  while  we 
watched  the  moonlit  landscape  flying  past.  She  was 
very  quiet,  except  for  an  occasional  little  crying  spell, 
at  which  I  wondered  exceedingly. 

Once  the  porter  came  to  the  door  and  asked  if  he 
should  make  up  the  berth  and  she  jumped  up  excitedly 
and  turning  on  the  lights  said,  "  No !  No !  "  I  thought 
I  could  understand  her  actions  so  I  told  him  to  come 
back  in  half  an  hour  and  I  then  tried  to  quiet  her,  but 
she  seemed  to  grow  more  excited  and  kept  squeezing  my 
hand  convulsively. 

Finally  the  porter  came  to  make  up  the  berths  and 
asked  if  he  should  make  up  both  upper  and  lower  and  as 
she  did  not  say  anything,  I  answered  shortly,  "  Just 
the  lower." 

We  sat  on  the  lounge  until  the  berth  was  ready  and 
she  insisted  that  the  curtains  be  put  up  on  the  berth. 

After  the  porter  left  I  turned  out  the  lights,  but  she 
asked  me  to  turn  them  on  again  and  she  began  to  un 
dress.  This  surprised  and  hurt  me  and  I  could  not 
understand  it.  Earlier  in  the  evening  she  had  objected 
to  my  leaving  the  drawing-room  even  for  a  moment,  but 
I  firmly  excused  myself  at  this  moment  and  told  her  I 
would  go  into  the  smoking-room  while  she  retired. 


ONE     MAN  207 

When  I  came  back  she  was  in  the  berth  but  the  lights 
were  still  burning.  As  I  stepped  into  the  room  and 
locked  the  door  behind  me  something  seemed  to  tell  me 
that  everything  was  not  right.  The  very  air  seemed 
charged  with  impending  trouble.  I  can  remember  how 
my  heart  sank. 

I  spoke  to  her  and  she  answered  me  in  a  very  faint 
voice.  I  turned  the  lights  out  and  when  I  was  ready  to 
retire  I  parted  the  curtains  of  the  berth  and  finding  her 
hands,  took  them  in  mine  and  asked  her  to  kneel  down 
with  me  beside  the  berth  and  ask  God  to  bless  us  in  the 
life's  journey  upon  which  we  were  starting. 

She  got  up  and  we  kneeled  down  beside  the  berth  and 
with  my  arm  around  her  shoulders  I  silently  asked  God 
to  bless  and  help  us  to  be  as  He  wanted  us  to  be,  through 
the  coming  days. 

After  we  had  finished  the  prayer  she  asked  me  rather 
chokingly  to  leave  the  little  light  in  the  ceiling  burning 
and  I  did  so.  After  we  had  retired  she  asked  me  to 
close  the  berth  curtains,  which  I  did.  Then  she  raised 
the  window  shade,  letting  in  a  flood  of  pale,  silvery 
moonlight  and  asked  me  to  put  my  arms  around  her. 


CHAPTER  XXIX 

AFTER  I  had  taken  her  in  my  arms  she  looked 
up  into  my  eyes.     If  I  live  to  be  a  million 
years  old,  I  can  never  forget  how  she  looked 
with  that  unearthly  light  on  her  face,  the  tears  rolling 
down  her  cheeks  and  that  awful,  newborn  fear  in  her 
eyes ;  never  can  I  forget  those  first  words  she  uttered 
as  she  drew  me  close  to  her  body  — "  Bobbie,  I  have  not 
been  a  good  girl,  and  something  is  wrong  with  me.     I 
am  sick." 

Ah  God!  I  aged  ten  years  in  that  moment  and  my 
heart  stopped  beating,  I  know.  I  couldn't  believe  it. 
I  just  couldn't,  but  after  a  moment  the  realization 
came  to  me  that  after  all  it  might  be  true,  and  then  my 
questions  came  thick  and  fast.  To  most  of  them  she 
returned  no  answer,  but  to  my  question,  "  Hattie,  was 
there  more  than  one  man?"  she  said  "Yes."  Then, 
and  not  until  then,  did  I  feel  like  turning  from  her.  I 
got  up  and  dressed  at  once.  I  can  remember  my  being 
unable  to  find  my  clothes,  I  was  so  blinded  with  my  tears 
I  seemed  to  be  groping  around  in  a  daze.  And  while 
the  swaying  train  crashed  onward  through  the  night 
and  the  berth  curtains  swished  about  my  shoulders,  I 
sat  beside  her  and  learned  the  whole  miserable  story, 

all  except  the  names  of  the  men.     My  first  duty  on  the 

208 


O  N  E    M  A  N  209 

morning  of  the  first  day  of  my  honeymoon  would  be 
to  find  a  doctor  to  begin  the  cure  of  the  ailments  result 
ing  from  my  bride's  past  sins.  No,  I  didn't  dare  to 
think  about  it  much  then,  not  until  hours  afterward. 

Upon  our  arrival  in  Chicago,  we  went  to  the  Annex 
and  occupied  the  room  I  had  reserved.  Many  and 
many  a  time  since  have  I  passed  along  that  hall  and  a 
shudder  would  go  through  me  as  I  came  to  that  door 
through  which  my  bride  and  I  passed  that  morning. 

I  made  Hattie  go  to  bed  and  ordered  breakfast 
served  in  the  room.  After  breakfast  I  called  one  of 
the  best  physicians  in  the  city  and  left  him  with  Hattie 
while  I  wrent  for  a  walk. 

He  met  me  at  the  door  of  the  room  as  I  came  back 
and  we  went  down  into  the  lobby.  Then  he  told  me 
that  my  wife  was  in  bad  shape  and  would  need  several 
months'  treatment.  He  knew  the  whole  story,  I  could 
see,  and  his  words  of  advice  were  well  meant  as  he 
surely  did  sympathize  with  me.  But  I  had  half  de 
cided  on  what  to  do  and  wanted  to  talk  with  her  before 
I  made  up  my  mind  definitely.  All  that  day  I  sat  be 
side  her  comforting  her,  for  I  was  truly  sorry  for  her, 
and  underneath  all  my  pain  and  sorrow  I  did  love  her. 

She  told  me  that  afternoon  that  my  making  her  kneel 
down  beside  the  berth  the  night  before  was  all  that  made 
her  tell  me  she  was  sick.  She  had  not  intended  to  tell 
me  about  that  part  of  it,  but  in  her  ignorance  sup 
posed  she  could  avoid  the  blame  and  that  I  would  lay  it 
to  something  else,  seeing  I  was  so  trusting.  But  when 
my  arm  went  around  her  shoulders  while  we  kneeled  there 


210  O  N  E     M  A  N 

she  knew  that  she  must  tell  me  and  that  little  prayer  of 
mine  that  night  saved  me  from  what  might  have  been 
worse  than  death. 

That  evening,  after  dinner  in  the  room,  I  told  Hattie 
I  was  going  for  a  walk  and  that  she  must  stay  in  bed, 
as  the  doctor  was  coming  again. 

I  walked  up  and  down  Michigan  Avenue  between  Con 
gress  and  12th  Streets  in  the  cold,  icy  wind  blowing 
off  the  lake.  I  could  not  feel  the  bitter  cold,  for  my 
mind  was  busy  with  the  problem  confronting  me.  What 
should  I  do?  Should  I  take  her  back  to  her  folks  and 
tell  them  I  didn't  want  her  ?  I  knew  that  the  law  would 
uphold  me  in  getting  rid  of  her.  Yet  if  her  folks  knew 
her  condition  wouldn't  they  throw  her  out?  Where 
could  she  go  in  her  condition?  And  then  the  thought 
came  to  me,  who  am  I,  that  I  should  refuse  to  do  what 
I  can  to  make  good?  Couldn't  I,  after  all,  take  care 
of  her  and  see  that  she  got  well  and  then  wouldn't  she 
love  me  all  the  more?  Wouldn't  she  truly  appreciate 
the  home  I  would  make  for  her?  It  seemed  to  me  as  I 
plodded  along  through  the  cold  that  God  had  given  me 
this  cross  to  bear  in  order  that  I  might  earn  the  hap 
piness  of  having  a  wife  and  a  home  and  perhaps,  ba 
bies.  I  knew  she  could  be  cured,  for  the  doctor  had 
said  so  plainly  that  morning.  When  I  returned  to  the 
hotel,  I  had  fought  the  fight  and  won  it,  and  when  I 
walked  into  the  room  where  she  was,  she  looked  up  at 
me  from  the  bed  in  such  a  pitiful,  hopeless  way  that  I 
sank  down  on  my  knees  beside  her  and  putting  my  arms 
around  her  told  her  we  would  get  her  well  and  go  on  just 


0  N  E     M  A  N  211 

as  if  nothing  had  happened.  I  did  not  feel  that  I  was 
doing  anything  wonderful,  but  only  that  God  had  set 
my  task  and  it  was  up  to  me  to  do  it. 

Her  tears  of  relief  and  her  promises  to  do  her  part 
repaid  me  then  and  there  for  my  heartaches.  She  slept 
peacefully  the  whole  night  through. 

The  next  day  I  was  busy  part  of  the  time  with  the 
men.  Harry  came  to  our  hotel  upon  his  arrival  and 
when  I  shook  hands  with  him  he  acted  queerly.  I 
bought  him  a  drink  and  tried  to  cheer  him  up.  He  made 
absolutely  no  reference  to  my  marriage  outside  of  ask 
ing  how  my  wife  was. 

It  was  after  my  wife  had  retired  on  the  second  even 
ing  of  our  stay  at  the  hotel  that  I  found  a  long  switch 
of  false  hair  on  a  shelf  in  the  wardrobe.  I  can  remem 
ber  the  queer  feeling  that  came  over  me  as  I  touched  it. 
I  knew  then  how  my  wife  came  to  have  such  beautiful 
hair.  I  had  always  had  a  feeling  of  antipathy  toward 
anything  false  or  artificial  and  this  was  the  first  time 
she  had  let  me  know  that  her  hair  was  not  her 
own. 

After  my  meetings  with  the  men  were  over  my  wife 
and  I  went  out  to  my  sister's  for  a  day  or  two  and  re 
turned  to  Cleveland  on  Christmas  eve. 

We  went  immediately  to  my  old  apartments  and 
found  that  the  housekeeper  had  decorated  the  rooms 
with  holly  and  mistletoe  in  honor  of  our  homecoming. 
My  wife  called  up  her  folks  and  told  them  we  were  home 
safe  and  happy.  I  talked  with  them  a  few  moments  and 
told  them  I  was  the  happiest  man  on  earth.  The  next 


O  N  E     M  A  N 

day  we  went  out  to  Hattie's  home  for  dinner  and  spent 
the  afternoon  with  her  folks. 

Up  to  this  time  I  had  not  talked  much  with  her  folks 
and  did  not  know  them  very  well,  but  during  this  Christ 
mas  afternoon  I  had  my  eyes  opened  a  little. 

I  had  been  out  in  the  kitchen  talking  to  her  mother 
and  was  walking  through  the  hall  in  search  of  her  when 
I  heard  her  father's  voice  in  the  sitting-room  and  think 
ing  she  was  with  him  I  walked  towards  the  door.  As  I 
drew  near,  I  heard  her  father  reach  the  climax  of  a 
coarse  joke  and  then  came  a  shriek  of  laughter  from 
her.  When  I  entered  the  room,  I  saw  her  sitting  on  her 
father's  knee  and  in  one  hand  she  held  a  glass  of  hot 
toddy,  the  one  thing  the  doctor  had  forbidden  her  to 
touch.  I  was  so  overcome  for  a  moment  that  I  could 
hardly  speak  and  noting  the  look  of  surprise  on  my 
face,  she  looked  at  me  a  little  defiantly  and  took  a  sip 
out  of  the  glass.  I  couldn't  say  anything  in  front  of 
her  father  as  I  did  not  want  them  to  know  her  condi 
tion.  He  wanted  to  make  me  a  drink,  but  I  refused  it 
as  nicely  as  I  could.  It  did  not  seem  right  that  she 
should  deliberately  do  the  one  thing  that  would  keep 
her  from  getting  well. 

That  night,  as  we  went  back  to  our  apartments,  I 
made  her  promise  not  to  touch  another  drop  of  liquor, 
no  matter  who  asked  her  to. 

I  went  to  the  office  next  day  and  Mr.  G told  me 

to  take  a  few  days'  vacation. 

Early  in  the  evening  a  big  box  arrived  from  my  home. 
It  contained  our  wedding  present  from  my  folks, 


ONE     MAN 

a  big  chest  of  silver  and  also  our  Christmas  presents. 

One  thin,  flat  package  was  addressed  to  Hattie  in 
my  mother's  handwriting.  When  she  opened  it,  we 
found  it  contained  a  picture  of  myself  when  I  was  a  lit 
tle  tot  wearing  curls  and  with  the  picture  was  one  of  the 
curls  tied  with  a  pink  ribbon. 

Hattie  put  the  picture  and  curls  under  her  pillow 
that  night  and  I  woke  up  along  about  two  o'clock  to 
find  her  crying,  but  she  wouldn't  tell  me  the  reason. 

The  next  day  we  went  out  looking  for  a  flat  and 
finally  found  a  beautiful  little  five-room  apartment  in  a 
new  building  in  the  suburbs.  The  rent  was  thirty-five 
dollars  per  month,  but  I  figured  we  could  afford  that. 

I  did  not  know  what  to  do  about  money.  I  had  been 
given  my  December  salary  the  day  I  was  married  and 
only  had  about  sixty  dollars  left.  We  needed  about  a 
hundred  dollars  to  start  our  flat  and  then  we  had  to  live 
until  February  first.  Finally  I  borrowed  a  hundred 
dollars  from  a  salary  loan  company  and  gave  a  note 
for  one  hundred  twelve  fifty,  running  six  months  at  six 
per  cent. 

We  then  selected  four  hundred  dollars'  worth  of  fur 
niture  and  paid  down  fifty  dollars.  The  other  things 
we  needed  to  begin  housekeeping  with  cost  forty 
dollars  more.  And  so  we  started  out  with  sixty  dollars 
in  cash  and  a  debt  of  four  hundred  and  fifty  dollars 
hanging  over  us. 

Both  our  lives  were  wrecked  before  we  moved  into  the 
new  home,  but  I  was  fool  enough  to  think  that  we 
could  yet  be  happy. 


ONE     MAN 

I  placed  my  wife  under  the  care  of  a  specialist,  but 
he  told  me  confidentially  that  he  did  not  believe  he 
could  do  much  for  her  as  for  some  reason  she  did  not  re 
spond  to  treatment.  I  was  soon  to  find  out  the  rea 
son. 

Her  mother  was  at  our  flat  a  great  deal  of  the  time 

and  many  a  night  I  came  home  to  find  Hattie  crying 

and  she  would  tell  me  that  her  mother  had  been  there. 

We  lived  very  quietly  for  the  first  month,  not  having 

much  company. 

About  this  time  I  received  from  Marie,  who  had  evi 
dently  heard  of  my  marriage,  an  envelope  containing  a 
single  sheet  of  paper  upon  which  was  written  "  stung." 
I  was  working  very  hard  and  nearly  worn  out  with 
worry  over  Hattie.  She  did  most  of  the  work  around 
the  flat  except  the  washing.  Once  a  week  we  had  a 
woman  come  in  and  clean  the  floors  and  woodwork.  I 
gave  Hattie  five  dollars  a  week  spending  money  for  her 
self  and  we  had  accounts  at  some  of  the  stores.  I  paid 
all  the  bills  for  the  maintenance  of  the  household.  We 
wore  poor,  but  I  did  everything  I  could  to  make  her 
happy. 

About  February  first  she  began  to  change  a  little, 
becoming  reckless  in  her  talk  and  actions.  We  had  es 
tablished  one  custom  the  night  we  were  married  and 
that  was  for  both  of  us  to  kneel  down  side  by  side  and 
pray  each  night  before  retiring. 

Along  in  the  first  part  of  February  I  had  to  ask  her 
several  times  to  kneel  down  with  me  and  one  night  in 
particular  she  arose  before  I  did  and  grabbing  a  pil- 


ONE     MAN  215 

low  from  the  bed  threw  it  at  me,  while  I  was  yet  on  my 
knees.  She  laughingly  repeated  this  trick  for  several 
nights,  showing  that  she  had  little  respect  for  any 
thing  sacred. 

She  wanted  me  to  give  up  cigarettes  and  when  I  could 
not,  took  to  smoking  them  also.  Her  father  brought 
us  over  a  case  of  whiskey.  His  business  took  him  among 
the  whiskey  dealers  a  great  deal  and  he  received  many 
presents  of  liquor.  I  had  no  use  for  it,  but  served  it 
to  an  occasional  guest  in  our  home. 

One  evening  I  had  to  stay  at  the  office,  so  I  called 
Hattie  up  and  told  her  I  would  not  be  home  until  ten 
o'clock,  but  I  finished  my  work  about  eight  thirty  and 
reached  the  flat  a  little  after  nine.  I  used  my  pass  key, 
thinking  Hattie  might  be  asleep.  There  was  a  light 
burning  in  the  kitchen  and  thinking  she  had  forgotten 
to  turn  it  out  I  went  out  to  attend  to  it.  I  found  her 
there  sitting  at  the  table  reading  and  with  a  half  emp 
tied  glass  of  toddy  before  her.  Then  I  understood  why 
she  had  not  responded  to  the  doctor's  treatment.  I 
think  that  when  I  saw  her  sitting  there  that  night  and 
found  that  she  was  deliberately  deceiving  me,  most  of 
my  love  for  her  died.  I  did  not  scold  her;  I  simply 
picked  up  the  glass  and  throwing  it  in  the  sink  said  I 
guessed  we  had  better  give  the  rest  of  the  case  away. 
There  was  nothing  more  said  about  it  and  early  the 
next  morning  I  gave  the  rest  of  the  whiskey  to  the  jan 
itor.  I  just  about  lost  all  hope  when  this  happened, 
but  waited  to  see  if  she  would  try  to  get  along  without 
the  whiskey. 


216  ONE     M  A  N 

February  the  eighteenth  she  suddenly  threatened  to 
go  home  to  her  parents,  saying  that  I  was  too  quiet 
for  her.  I  quieted  her  down  the  best  I  could  and  she 
slept  with  her  head  .pn  my  shoulder  that  night,  but  I 
could  not  sleep.  I  knew  somehow  that  the  end  was  in 
sight. 

The  next  day  Harry's  wife  sent  word  that  she  wanted 
us  to  come  to  dinner  on  Saturday  evening.  When  I 
told  Hattie  about  this  she  flatly  refused  to  go,  but  along 
in  the  evening  she  awoke  me  and  said  she  would  go. 

Saturday  afternoon  we  went  out  to  the  stores  around 
the  corner  to  buy  the  things  for  our  Sunday  dinner. 
Among  them  was  a  nice  thick  steak,  which  we  put  in 
the  window  refrigerator  at  the  flat. 

Saturday  evening  we  went  early  to  Harry's  home. 
Nadine  welcomed  us  with  open  arms  and  treated  us  roy 
ally. 

During  the  dinner  Nadine  watched  Hattie  rather 
closely  and  I  noticed  it  particularly  several  times.  I 
don't  think  she  was  very  favorably  impressed  and  once 
or  twice  she  looked  at  me  rather  oddly.  I  suppose  I  did 
show  the  signs  of  the  strain  and  worry  under  which  I 
had  been  struggling. 

After  dinner  we  sat  around  the  parlor  talking  and 
laughing.  During  the  evening  Harry  and  I  went  out 
to  the  kitchen  twice  and  had  a  little  drink  of  Scotch. 
After  the  last  trip,  I  was  talking  with  Nadine  when 
Hattie  said,  "  What  have  you  got  out  there  in  the 
kitchen,  Harry  ?  "  and  he  told  her  to  come  out  and  see. 
Nadine  did  not  pay  much  attention  to  what  he  said 


ONE     MAN  217 

and  they  both  went  to  the  kitchen.  I  did  not  imagine 
for  a  moment  that  Hattie  would  take  a  drink,  but  when 
she  came  back  into  the  room  I  knew  by  her  flushed 
cheeks  that  she  had.  I  could  not  do  anything  then 
and  it  seemed  to  me,  as  I  sat  there  and  talked  to  Na- 
dine,  that  all  of  a  sudden  I  didn't  give  a  damn  any 
more  as  to  what  Hattie  did,  I  was  thoroughly  discour 
aged. 

About  midnight  Harry  brought  in  several  bottles  of 
beer  and  Hattie  said  she  was  going  to  have  one  if  she 
never  had  another  thing  as  long  as  she  lived.  Then 
Harry  brought  in  the  Scotch  and  we  all  had  a  good 
night  drink.  I  was  about  through  with  the  whole  thing. 

Going  home  on  the  car,  Hattie  was  in  an  ugly  mood 
and  upbraided  me  for  talking  so  much  with  Harry's 
wife.  She  kept  this  up  until  we  reached  the  flat. 

While  she  was  preparing  to  retire,  she  made  several 
ugly  remarks  and  insinuations  regarding  Nadine  and 
myself  and  I  spoke  to  her  rather  sharply. 

I  was  sitting  in  the  dining-room  smoking  a  cigarette 
after  she  had  retired  when  I  heard  her  laughing. 

Switching  off  the  light,  I  went  into  the  bedroom, 
asking  her  what  tickled  her  so  much.  She  was  in  bed 
and  all  the  lights  in  the  room  were  turned  on. 

In  answer  to  my  question,  she  said  she  was  just  laugh 
ing  to  think  how  sore  I  must  be  that  I  couldn't  have 
married  Nadine  instead  of  her.  I  had  never  had  any 
such  thought  and  her  question  made  me  laugh. 

My  amusement  over  her  remark  seemed  to  suddenly 
drive  her  insane  with  rage  and  sitting  up  in  the  bed  she 


218  ONE     MAN 

screamed,  "  You  damn  fool,  you  haven't  anything  on 
me.  Harry  is  the  first  man  I  ever  had  anything  to  do 
with." 

When  she  said  that,  my  world  seemed  to  stop.  I 
could  not  believe  it,  but  she  commenced  in  an  inco 
herent  way  to  tell  all  about  it  and  to  curse  me  in  a 
manner  that  would  have  done  credit  to  the  worst  old 
hag  on  earth. 

I  think  that  at  the  time  the  sound  of  those  curses 
coming  from  her  lips  shocked  me  more  than  did  the 
truth  about  Harry  and  herself. 

For  a  moment  I  thought  she  had  gone  insane,  but 
she  gave  me  detail  after  detail  concerning  their  rela 
tions,  which  had  extended  over  a  period  of  two  years 
and  I  knew  then  she  was  telling  the  truth.  Then 
she  told  me  how  he  had  kissed  her  that  evening  and 
held  her  in  his  arms  out  in  the  kitchen. 

And  not  satisfied  with  that,  she  told  me  how,  to 
gether  with  another  girl  in  the  office,  she  had  gone  out 
with  Harry  and  another  fellow  one  evening.  She  had 
drank  a  great  deal  and  had  found  herself  in  the  other 
fellow's  arms  when  she  woke  up  in  a  rooming  house  the 
next  morning.  She  explained  in  detail  that  that  was 
where  she  had  acquired  her  sickness  and  that  since  that 
night  Harry  would  not  take  her  out  again. 

When  she  had  tired  of  telling  me  the  whole  sicken 
ing  story  she  got  out  of  bed  and  clad  only  in  her  night 
gown  went  to  the  rear  of  the  flat  returning  with  a  bottle 
of  whiskey  and  a  glass.  She  got  into  bed  still  holding 
these  articles  in  her  hands  and  after  propping  herself 


0  N  E     M  A  N  219 

up  with  the  pillows  poured  out  a  big  drink  and  swal 
lowed  it.  Then  she  continued  her  talk  regarding 
Harry.  I  was  sitting  in  a  chair  looking  at  her  all  the 
time  she  was  talking  and  had  said  nothing  to  her  since 
first  hearing  her  mention  Harry's  name. 

I  got  up  out  of  the  chair,  weak  and  trembling,  and 
walked  over  to  the  chiffonier.  In  the  top  drawer  I 
kept  a  heavy  revolver.  Taking  it  out,  I  broke  it  open 
and  after  slowly  loading  every  chamber  snapped  it 
shut.  Then  walking  over  to  the  bed,  I  sat  down  on  the 
edge  of  it,  still  holding  the  gun  in  my  hand. 


CHAPTER  XXX 

I  SAID  nothing  to  Hattie  but  simply  sat  there 
looking  at  her.  When  I  had  taken  the  gun  and 
loaded  it,  she  had  sat  up  in  the  bed,  her  eyes 
following  my  every  movement.  She  seemed  paralyzed 
and  unable  to  move  her  limbs.  But  as  I  sat  down  on 
the  bed  she  seemed  to  get  sober  in  a  flash  and  her  eyes 
opened  wide  with  a  look  of  unutterable  horror  and 
fear.  Throwing  the  glass  down  on  the  bed  she  begged 
me  not  to  kill  her.  I  can  remember  so  well  watching 
the  empty  glass  roll  toward  the  edge  of  the  bed  and 
wondering  whether  it  would  fall  on  the  polished  floor 
and  break  or  on  the  rug.  I  heard  all  she  said  but  paid 
no  attention  to  it,  I  was  waiting  for  that  glass  to  reach 
the  edge  of  the  bed  and  fall.  It  fell  on  the  rug  and  I 
can  remember  feeling  relieved  that  there  wasn't  any 
crash.  She  sat  there  in  the  bed  waiting;  I  still  said 
nothing,  but  just  sat  there  watching  the  empty  glass 
roll  along  the  rug  and  waiting  for  it  to  stop. 

Then  she  began  to  moan  and  creep  across  the  bed  to 
ward  me.  She  begged  me  not  to  kill  her  and  swore 
with  an  oath  she  would  be  true  to  me,  that  she  did  love 
me. 

Still  I  said  nothing.     I  was  trying  to  decide  which 

one  of  the  two  to  kill  first.     I  can  remember  calmly 

220 


ONE     MAN  221 

figuring  on  my  chances  of  going  to  his  home,  killing 
him  and  then  returning  to  our  flat  and  after  telling  her 
how  I  had  shot  him,  finish  her.  Then  I  was  afraid  that 
if  I  left  her  alone  she  would  get  away.  I  thought  once 
of  tying  her  up  and  gagging  her  and  then  I  would  be 
sure  to  have  her  there  when  I  returned.  Then  I  grew 
afraid  that  after  I  had  killed  either  one  of  them,  the 
police  would  get  me  before  I  could  kill  the  other. 

Hattie  had  quit  crying  now  and  lay  there  looking 
up  at  me,  her  face  white  as  death. 

All  of  a  sudden  the  thought  came  to  me,  "  What  will 
become  of  his  wife  and  babies  if  I  kill  him  ?  "  The  dis 
grace  and  horror  of  the  thing  would  fall  on  them  and 
who  was  I  that  I  should  ruin  their  lives?  And  who 
was  I  that  I  should  pass  judgment  even  upon  my  own 
wife?  The  incidents  in  my  own  past  seemed  to  flash 
across  my  eyes,  scene  after  scene,  and  I  could  again 
see  myself  as  I  had  been,  guilty  of  all  manner  of  crime. 
Then  before  me  seemed  to  appear  again  the  face  of  my 
little  dead  child  and  I  knew  that  I  could  do  nothing. 

I  walked  over  to  the  chiffonier  and  put  the  gun  back 
in  the  drawer  and,  putting  on  my  hat  and  coat,  left 
the  flat. 

I  walked  the  streets  until  daylight.  During  that 
walk  the  full  horror  of  the  whole  thing  came  to  me. 
I  can  remember  stumbling  along,  sobbing  and  talking 
to  myself.  I  could  see  then  why  Harry  had  been  so 
startled  when  I  had  told  him  of  my  coming  marriage. 
Many  other  little  incidents  in  the  office  came  to  my 
mind  and  I  cursed  myself  for  having  been  so  blind. 


222  0  N  E     M  A  N 

The  one  thing  that  hurt  me  most  of  all  was  that  he, 
after  all  his  protestations  of  friendship,  could  come  to 
mj  wedding  and  stand  there  and  see  me  married  to  the 
woman  whom  he  had  worse  than  ruined.  My  own  past 
came  up  to  me  again  and  again  and  I  at  last  realized 
that  I  was  not  through  with  my  penance. 

When  I  returned  to  the  flat  I  found  the  lights  all 
burning  and  Hattie  sitting  fast  asleep  in  the  kitchen 
with  her  head  resting  on  the  kitchen  table.  She  was 
clad  only  in  her  nightgown,  and  in  the  hand  that  rested 
on  the  table  was  clasped  a  partially  filled  glass  of  whis 
key.  The  gas  stove  was  lit  and  the  tea  kettle  had 
burned  dry,  filling  the  room  with  the  odor  of  burned 
metal.  I  woke  her  and  asked  her  to  go  to  bed,  but  she 
only  cursed  me  and  laughed  at  me. 

I  went  into  another  room  and  threw  myself  on  a 
couch  and  slept.  When  I  woke  at  noon  she  was  up  and 
dressed  and  wandering  around  the  flat.  She  asked  me 
what  I  was  going  to  do  with  her  and  I  told  her  that  one 
of  us  would  have  to  get  out  right  away.  She  cursed 
me  again  and  said  that  she  at  least  would  not  be  the 
one  to  go.  We  had  neither  breakfast  nor  dinner  and  I 
cannot  remember  noticing  this  fact  at  the  time. 

About  seven  o'clock  she  asked  me  to  go  to  the  drug 
store  three  blocks  away  and  get  her  some  headache  pow 
ders.  As  I  was  nearing  the  street  crossing  on  my  re 
turn  I  saw  a  woman  signal  an  approaching  street  car. 
I  recognized  Hattie  and  ran  to  her,  catching  her  arm 
just  as  she  was  about  to  step  on  the  car.  I  told  the 
conductor  to  go  ahead  and  led  her  back  to  the  flat,  tell- 


O  N  E     M  A  N 

ing  her  that  if  she  did  go  it  would  be  in  the  day  time 
and  not  at  night. 

I  locked  the  door  of  the  flat  on  the  inside  and,  put 
ting  the  key  in  my  pocket,  went  to  the  kitchen  where  I 
made  tea  and  toast.  These  I  took  in  to  her  and  made 
her  eat.  Then  I  undressed  her  and  put  her  to  bed. 
She  demanded  whiskey  and  I  got  it  for  her.  She  was 
talking  loud  and  swearing  and  I  was  afraid  some  one 
would  hear  her. 

That  night  I  slept  on  the  floor  in  front  of  the  door 
leading  out  of  the  flat.  Twice  in  the  night  she  woke 
me  trying  to  get  out,  but  each  time  I  put  her  back  in 
bed. 

The  next  day  was  Washington's  birthday  and  I  had 
to  go  to  the  office  to  look  over  the  mail.  Hattie  got 
breakfast  and  when  I  left  I  asked  her  to  give  me  the 
usual  good-bye  kiss,  which  was  a  regular  custom  with 
us.  She  did  so  and  said  that  when  I  returned  she  would 
be  gone. 

On  my  way  to  the  car  I  stopped  to  'phone  to  her 
mother  to  come  to  the  flat  and  take  care  of  her. 

Harry  was  at  the  office  when  I  arrived  but  I  could 
not  look  at  him.  There  were  only  a  few  employes  in 
the  office  that  morning  as  it  was  a  holiday.  I  finished 
my  work  about  one  o'clock  and  went  down  town. 

At  five  o'clock  I  returned  to  the  flat  and  had  to  use 
my  pass  key  to  gain  entrance,  no  one  answering  my 
ring.  When  I  stepped  into  the  flat  it  was  dark  and  I 
could  tell  somehow  that  Hattie  was  not  there.  I  turned 
on  the  lights  and  found  the  place  deserted.  The  bed 


O  N  E     M  A  N 

had  been  made,  but  the  breakfast  dishes  had  been  left 
unwashed  and  I  could  see  that  she  had  not  had  lunch  in 
the  flat.  I  rang  for  the  janitor's  wife  and  she  told  me 
that  my  wife  had  left  early  that  morning  alone. 

I  can  remember  going  into  the  bedroom  and  sitting 
down  in  one  of  the  little  bedroom  rockers.  A  feeling  of 
utter  despair  came  over  me  and  I  cried  like  a  baby.  I 
wanted  her  to  come  back  but  still  I  could  not  forget  her 
actions  of  the  night  before  nor  could  I  forget  the  story 
she  had  told  me. 

I  had  a  feeling  that  she  would  not  come  back  and  I 
determined  that  I  would  not  go  after  her.  A  minister 
who  lived  in  our  building  called  about  seven  o'clock  and 
asked  if  my  wife  was  ill.  His  manner  somehow 
prompted  my  inviting  him  in  and  I  told  him  enough  of 
the  story  so  that  he  understood  she  had  left.  He  sym 
pathized  with  me  and  told  me  God  would  straighten 
out  the  tangle  for  us.  He  wanted  to  go  and  see 
Hattie  that  night  and  asked  me  if  I  was  sure  she  had 
gone  home.  I  told  him  I  was  not  sure  where  she  had 
gone.  He  went  to  his  own  apartment  and  'phoned  to 
her  father,  ascertaining  that  she  was  with  her  folks. 
The  minister  returned  to  me  and  remained  until  ten 
o'clock  that  evening.  After  he  had  left  I  called  the 
janitor's  wife  again  and  gave  her  all  the  perishable 
food  in  the  kitchen. 

That  night  I  slept  alone  in  the  flat,  and  in  the  morn 
ing  left  for  the  office  at  the  usual  hour.  As  soon  as  my 
mail  was  out  of  the  way,  I  called  up  her  father  and  told 
him  that  Hattie  must  either  return  to  the  flat  that  day 


O  N  E     M  A  N  225 

or  else  take  her  personal  belongings  away.  He  swore 
at  me  and  said  she  should  never  return  to  me. 

Upon  arriving  home  that  evening,  I  saw  immediately 
that  some  one  had  looted  the  place.  All  the  linen,  sil 
verware,  wedding  presents,  window  curtains ;  in  fact, 
everything  not  covered  by  the  mortgage  on  the  furni 
ture  had  been  removed.  A  copy  of  the  furniture  con 
tract  lay  open  on  a  table  and  each  item  had  been 
checked  off. 

Even  the  pillows  and  comforter  had  been  taken  off 
the  bed.  They  had  left  the  sheets  and  blankets.  My 
gun  lay  on  the  bed  broken  open  and  the  shells  had  been 
removed. 

I  slept  in  the  flat  that  night  and  when  I  reached  the 
office  in  the  morning  told  Harry  that  my  wife  had  left. 
He  would  not  believe  it  at  first,  but  when  I  asked  him 
for  permission  to  get  away  from  work  so  that  I  could 
attend  to  storing  the  furniture,  he  saw  that  I  was  in 
earnest.  He  was  very  sympathetic  and  told  me  to  re 
main  away  until  everything  was  settled  to  my  satisfac 
tion.  As  I  stood  there  by  his  desk,  I  was  tempted 
again  to  kill  him  but  something  told  me  to  wait. 

That  day  I  had  the  instalment  people  come  for  the 
furniture,  telling  them  to  put  it  in  storage,  as  I  was 
compelled  to  give  up  housekeeping.  I  sold  all  the 
kitchen  utensils  to  the  janitor  for  a  five-dollar  bill. 

That  evening  after  everything  had  been  removed 
from  the  flat,  I  locked  the  door  on  the  inside  and  went 
into  our  old  bedroom.  There  in  the  middle  of  that  de 
serted  room,  I  kneeled  down  and  asked  God  to  show 


226  ONE    MAN 

me  the  way  out  of  my  trouble  and  into  a  better  life. 

When  I  locked  the  door  for  the  last  time,  the  janitor, 
together  with  his  wife  and  one  or  two  neighbor  women, 
were  standing  in  the  hall.  I  was  crying  and  could  not 
look  at  them.  I  simply  handed  the  keys  to  the  janitor 
and  turned  and  walked  down  the  stairs  without  a 
word. 

I  moved  my  few  possessions  back  into  my  old  quar 
ters  that  night,  and  the  next  day  went  about  my  work 
at  the  office  as  usual.  Harry  was  the  only  one  in  the 
office  who  knew  of  the  trouble.  The  next  Saturday 
afternoon,  Nadine,  Harry's  wife,  called  me  up  and  in 
vited  me  to  dinner  that  evening.  I  refused  as  best  I 
could,  but  she  insisted  that  I  come.  Her  voice  sounded 
so  sweet  and  sympathetic  that  I  finally  accepted  her  in 
vitation.  Harry  told  me  they  would  have  dinner  about 
seven  that  evening  and  for  me  to  go  on  up  to  the  flat  as 
soon  as  I  was  through  at  the  office,  as  he  had  to  go 
down  town  and  might  not  return  to  the  office.  When 
I  reached  the  flat  he  had  not  arrived,  but  Nadine  met 
me  at  the  door  and,  placing  a  hand  on  each  of  my 
shoulders,  told  me  how  sorry  she  was  for  me  in  my 
trouble. 

After  Harry  came  in  we  sat  down  to  dinner.  Nadine 
had  placed  a  big  bowl  filled  with  roses  at  the  side  of 
the  table  where  my  wife  had  been  seated  just  a  week 
ago  that  evening.  Nadine  and  Harry  tried  to  cheer 
me  up  during  the  meal.  I  could  see  that  he  did  not 
know  that  I  knew  all  about  it. 

At  first  it  hurt  me  to  sit  there  and  break  bread  with 


ONE     MAN  227 

him  but  I  wanted  to  keep  up  our  relations  until  I  could 
decide  what  to  do. 

During  the  evening  he  went  out  to  get  some  whiskey 
and  while  he  was  gone  Nadine  talked  with  me  regarding 
my  troubles,  saying  among  other  things  that  at  the 
time  my  engagement  was  announced  to  her  she  had 
thought  I  was  making  a  mistake  to  marry  that  girl. 
She  had  noticed  her  at  the  office  and  had  not  been  fa 
vorably  impressed  with  her  appearance  and  actions. 
During  this  conversation  Nadine  took  one  of  my  hands 
in  hers  and  somehow  I  felt  comforted  and  cheered  by 
her  sympathy. 

After  Harry  returned  we  sat  around  for  a  long  time 
talking  over  various  matters  connected  with  our  busi 
ness.  Nadine  sat  in  a  big  wicker  chair  beside  a  little 
table  upon  which  rested  an  old  mission  lamp.  She  was 
sewing  on  some  little  garment,  and  in  the  light  shed  by 
the  old-fashioned  lamp  she  appeared  to  me  the  most 
beautiful  woman  I  had  ever  known.  She  seemed  so 
much  the  ideal  wife  and  mother.  It  made  my  heart 
ache  to  realize  how  different  my  home  had  been. 

The  work  went  on  as  usual  at  the  office  until  one  day 
in  the  middle  of  March  I  received  a  letter  from  an  at 
torney  stating  that  my  wife  had  placed  in  his  hands  a 
claim  for  separate  maintenance,  charging  that  I  had  de 
serted  her. 

The  receipt  of  his  letter  made  me  almost  insane  and 
I  called  him  up  and  told  him  that  I  would  see  him  a 
mile  deep  in  hell  before  she  should  ever  receive  one  sin 
gle  dollar  from  me.  He  told  me  not  to  get  excited  but 


ONE     MAN 

to  take  a  few  days  in  which  to  think  it  over,  as  the  law 
would  make  me  pay  anyway. 

I  hunted  up  a  lawyer  that  afternoon  and  placed  the 
matter  in  his  hands.  Unfortunately  I  did  not  choose 
wisely  in  making  my  selection. 

The  following  week  I  told  the  manager  about  my 
trouble,  that  I  was  nearly  a  nervous  wreck  and  that  I 
desired  to  go  back  to  my  road  work.  It  was  a  week  be 
fore  he  consented  to  this  and  another  two  weeks  before 
I  started  on  a  trip  over  my  old  territory.  My  attor 
ney  had  not  come  to  any  agreement  with  my  wife's  at 
torney  and  I  did  not  know  what  to  do. 

It  galled  me  to  think  that  I  would  probably  have  to 
pay  my  wife  a  certain  amount  of  money.  I  had  done, 
as  I  thought,  all  I  could  do  to  make  her  life  pleasant 
for  her.  I  had  done  far  more  than  most  men  would  do, 
yet  I  was  not  as  most  men.  I  was  under  a  handicap 
and  I  realized  it,  but  yet  I  wanted  to  make  good. 

At  last  I  wrote  to  my  father  and  told  him  the  whole 
miserable  story.  He  wrote  me  a  long  letter,  sympa 
thizing  with  me  and  saying  Mother,  was  heartbroken. 
Regarding  the  paying  of  any  money  to  my  wife,  he  said 
in  part: 

"  My  advice  to  you  is  to  pay  them  a  lump  sum  and 
keep  your  mouth  shut  entirely  and  let  the  world  think 
what  it  wants  to.  As  to  the  question  of  cowardice  in 
making  a  settlement,  I  wish  to  say  that  the  settlement 
is  not  cowardly  but  the  only  manly  thing  to  do.  If 
you  settle  and  keep  your  mouth  shut  entirely,  the  world 
may  ask  of  her  why  you  deserted  —  she  will  attempt  to 


O  N  E     M  A  N  229 

explain  —  still  they  will  say  there  must  be  some  other 
reason  for  the  desertion  which  is  unexplained.  Her  ex 
planation  does  not  explain,  so  the  conclusion  will  be 
that  there  was  a  good  reason  for  the  desertion,  but  the 
husband  is  manly  enough  to  keep  his  mouth  shut  and 
refrain  from  any  statement  that  will  reflect  on  a  woman. 
In  this  way  you  do  not  lose  but  maintain  in  every  way 
the  dignity  of  the  man  who  will  not  allow  himself  to  tar 
nish  the  name  of  a  woman,  no  matter  how  guilty  she 
may  be.  Time  is  a  great  leveller  and  in  the  years  to 
come  will  level  all  things.  This  is  not  a  question  of  your 
past  life;  it  is  a  question  of  your  future  life  based  on 
your  actions  in  the  present." 

As  soon  as  my  sister  Mary  heard  of  the  trouble,  she 
came  to  Cleveland  to  see  my  wife,  not  even  letting  me 
know  she  was  coming. 

My  wife  was  able  to  completely  fool  her  and  work 
upon  her  sympathies.  Mary  told  her  that  I  ought  to 
support  her  because  she  had  been  my  wife.  And  then 
she  betrayed  her  own  flesh  and  blood  by  telling  Hattie 
that  I  would  never  dare  to  go  on  the  witness  stand  in  a 
divorce  case  or  any  other  case,  as  there  were  some 
things  in  my  past  which  I  would  not  want  exposed. 
This  action  on  the  part  of  my  own  sister  practically 
delivered  me  into  my  wife's  hands,  and  her  attorney 
taunted  me  with  this  fact  before  I  left  the  city.  It  was 
not  until  two  years  later  that  I  would  even  speak  to 
Mary. 

I  left  for  Chicago,  having  instructed  my  attorney  to 
make  the  best  settlement  possible. 


CHAPTER  XXXI 

I    HAD  written  to  Marie's  old  address,  telling  her  I 
would  be  at  the  Auditorium  April  nineteenth,  and 
asked  her  to  call  me  up  on  that  date.     I  arrived 
there  on  time  and  late  in  the  afternoon  she  called  me  up, 
asking  very  coldly  what  I  wanted.     I  invited  her  out 
to  dinner  and  she  agreed  to  meet  me  at  six  o'clock. 

She  was  waiting  for  me  when  I  arrived  but  did  not 
even  offer  to  shake  hands  with  me.  After  we  were 
seated  at  the  little  table,  which  had  been  our  favorite, 
she  threw  back  her  thick  black  veil  and  sat  staring  at 
me  without  saying  a  word  for  what  seemed  to  be  hours. 
In  my  heart  I  was  ashamed  of  the  way  I  had  treated 
her. 

I  began  to  tell  her  how  sorry  I  was  for  having  given 
her  up  and  she  leaned  over  the  table  and  said  just  one 
little  word,  "  Liar."  This  took  me  back  considerable 
and  I  waited,  not  knowing  what  to  say  next. 

Then  she  began  to  talk,  telling  how  she  had  gone  the 
downward  path  since  hearing  of  my  marriage,  how  she 
did  not  care  a  damn  for  any  one  or  anything  and  hoped 
to  be  in  Hell  before  long. 

Our  drinks  came  about  this  time  and  after  she  had 
swallowed  hers  she  ordered  another  brought  immedi 
ately. 

230 


0  N  E     M  A  N  231 

During  our  dinner  we  drank  a  great  deal  and  I  told 
her  all  about  my  trouble  with  my  wife.  Marie  gave 
me  a  "  dressing  down "  I  have  never  forgotten.  I 
found  that  she  had  left  home  and  moved  to  a  furnished 
room  on  Lincoln  Avenue. 

I  took  her  home  in  a  taxi  and  she  insisted  that  I  come 
up  to  her  room  with  her,  saying  that  the  landlady  did 
not  care  who  she  brought  there  as  long  as  they  were 
quiet.  After  we  had  removed  our  wraps,  she  threw 
herself  into  my  arms  and  cried  as  if  her  heart  would 
break,  telling  me  she  loved  me  and  asking  me  never  to 
leave  her  again. 

When  I  left  her  that  evening  our  old  friendship  had 
been  resurrected  and  she  seemed  very  happy.  I  re 
mained  in  Chicago  several  days  with  her,  finally  leaving 
for  the  West.  She  wrote  me  very  often  and  her  letters 
were  the  only  bright  spots  in  an  otherwise  dreary  exist 
ence. 

My  work  was  successful,  and  in  June  I  was  called  to 
Cleveland  to  go  over  some  matters  with  the  firm. 
While  there  I  tried  to  settle  up  the  claims  of  my  wife. 

It  seemed  that  my  attorney  had  been  trying  to  get 
her  attorney  to  accept  four  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  in 
settlement  of  all  claims  for  maintenance  and  alimony. 
He  would  not  consent  to  this.  He  wanted  six  hundred 
and  fifty  and  a  verbal  agreement  on  our  part  that  my 
wife  be  allowed  to  file  an  uncontested  suit  for  divorce 
on  the  grounds  of  abandonment  when  the  year  of  sepa 
ration  had  expired,  the  following  February. 

I  was  growing  angrier  over  the  matter  each  day,  and 


O  N  E     M  A  N 

one  evening  as  I  was  standing  in  the  hotel  lobby,  her  at 
torney  came  to  me  and  asked  to  speak  to  me.  His  ac 
tions  and  remarks  made  me  lose  my  temper  and  finally 
J  said  I  would  sue  for  a  divorce,  naming  the  grounds 
for  action,  and  they  were  not  very  nice.  He  opened 
his  eyes  at  this  and  asked  me  to  meet  him  in  the  hotel 
at  noon  the  next  day. 

When  I  met  him  the  next  day,  he  said  that  my  wife 
claimed  that  I  had  been  responsible  for  her  downfall  be 
fore  our  marriage,  and  unless  I  settled  as  they  desired 
they  would  file  suit  against  me  at  once  and  bring  me 
into  court.  I  told  him  to  file  and  be  damned.  Just 
then  a  nigger  deputy  sheriff  stepped  up  to  me  and 
served  papers  on  me  in  the  action  for  separate  main 
tenance.  I  was  so  angry  I  could  have  killed  the  attor 
ney  right  there  but  he  slipped  away. 

I  immediately  took  the  papers  to  my  lawyer  and  he 
told  me  not  to  worry.  The  next  day  I  left  Cleveland 
for  Chicago  and  a  few  days  later  received  word  that  my 
salary  had  been  tied  up  in  Cleveland.  This  action  on 
their  part  drove  me  nearly  insane,  and  if  it  had  not  been 
for  Marie,  I  should  have  gone  back  to  Cleveland  and 
"  cleaned  out  "  the  whole  outfit.  I  had  plenty  of  money 
on  hand  and  the  fact  that  they  had  held  up  my  income 
did  not  bother  me  so  much  as  the  idea  of  her  being  able 
to  do  it. 

In  July,  during  my  absence,  the  case  was  heard  and 
the  Court  entered  an  order  allowing  my  wife  fifteen  dol 
lars  a  week  for  maintenance.  My  attorney  then  had 
my  June  and  July  salary  released  by  paying  my  wife's 


O  N  E     M  A  N  233 

attorney  seventy-five  dollars.  My  firm  had  been  very 
kind  to  me  during  all  this  trouble  and  told  me  not  to 
worry  over  the  outcome. 

Harry  came  to  Chicago  to  attend  a  meeting  during 
the  latter  part  of  July  and  one  evening  asked  me  if  I 
did  not  know  of  some  girls  who  would  like  to  go  out  for 
a  time  with  us.  I  called  up  Marie,  but  she  did  not  know 
of  any  one  she  could  get,  so  I  told  her  to  come  along. 

That  evening  we  three  had  dinner  together.  During 
the  dinner  we  drank  a  lot  of  wine  and  mixed  drinks  and 
by  the  time  we  started  for  Riverview  Park  we  were  all 
feeling  hilarious. 

On  the  car  and  at  the  entrance  to  the  park,  Harry 
accosted  several  women,  asking  them  to  come  with  us. 
Finally  at  the  dance  hall  he  picked  up  a  girl  and  a  little 
later  another  couple  joined  us.  We  roamed  around  the 
park  all  evening  and  finally  went  across  the  street  to 
the  wine  room. 

Harry  became  thoroughly  drunk  and  insisted  upon 
keeping  time  to  the  music  by  beating  on  the  table  with 
an  empty  wine  bottle,  with  the  result  that  we  were  gr- 
dered  out  of  the  place. 

In  going  to  the  car,  we  passed  a  photo  gallery  and  I 
immediately  suggested  that  we  all  go  in  and  have  our 
pictures  taken.  So  we  piled  into  an  old  automobile 
and  had  our  pictures  taken.  Marie  and  I  sat  in  the 
front  seat,  and  Harry  sat  on  a  drop  seat  in  the  back 
of  the  car,  holding  the  girl  on  his  knee.  She  had  one 
arm  around  his  neck  and  they  were  both  smoking  ciga 
rettes.  The  other  couple  were  sitting  in  the  rear  seat. 


ONE     MAN 

When  the  pictures  were  finished,  about  twenty  min 
utes  later,  they  gave  us  each  two.  Harry  handed  me 
his  with  the  remark  that  he  did  not  dare  to  have  them 
in  his  clothes.  He  was  so  drunk  that  the  girl  with  him 
left  us,  and  Marie  and  I  had  a  great  deal  of  trouble 
getting  him  back  to  the  hotel.  When  we  finally  did  get 
him  there,  we  left  him  at  the  entrance  and  spent  the 
balance  of  the  night  at  the  Wrabash  Avenue  place. 

The  next  day  he  apologized  for  making  such  an  ass 
of  himself  but  I  only  laughed.  I  was  beginning  to  see 
a  way  of  "  getting  him." 

In  August  I  went  back  to  my  road  work  and  kept  at 
this  until  the  middle  of  September,  when  I  was  again 
called  to  the  factory  in  Cleveland.  The  firm  had  re 
cently  given  me  another  advance  in  salary  and  they 
often  consulted  with  me  regarding  many  things  con 
nected  with  the  business.  While  in  Cleveland  at  this 
time  I  made  a  settlement  with  my  wife  regarding  the 
maintenance  and  alimony  claim. 

We  agreed  upon  six  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  and  at 
torney  fees,  and  I  was  to  pay  her  the  amount  at  the  rate 
of  fifty  dollars  a  month.  In  the  settlement  nothing  was 
said  about  a  divorce  but  they  understood  that  I  wanted 
one  as  soon  as  possible. 

Only  the  wishes  of  my  father  and  mother  and  the  fear 
of  my  past  being  made  public  prevented  my  filing  suit 
just  as  soon  as  the  money  settlement  was  made.  By 
this  time  I  was  in  a  mood  where  I  wanted  her  to  suffer 
for  her  deviltry.  Of  course,  my  filing  the  suit  upon  the 
proper  grounds  and  giving  proof  of  these  things,  as  I 


0  N  E     M  A  N  235 

was  in  a  position  to  do,  would  cause  her  to  leave  the 
city.  I  knew,  in  fact,  that  she  would  not  dare  to  face 
my  attorney  on  the  witness  stand.  Yet  I  feared  that 
her  attorney  would  delve  into  my  past  and  bring  out  all 
the  disgrace.  I  had  suffered  enough  over  that,  fearing 
as  I  did  to  a  certain  extent  every  day  that  some  one 
would  discover  it  and  I  would  lose  my  position  and  not 
be  able  to  get  another  one.  One  of  the  reasons  I  had 
worked  so  hard  all  these  years  was  so  that  if  my  prison 
record  should  be  exposed  my  business  record  since  leav 
ing  there  would  help  to  counteract  the  effect. 

I  returned  to  Chicago  and  had  no  more  than  arrived 
there  when  I  was  called  to  Cleveland  again  to  help  out 
line  some  new  work  at  the  factory. 

Harry  had  just  left  on  a  week's  vacation  and  as  I 
had  not  seen  Nadine  for  several  months  I  called  her  up 
from  the  hotel  that  evening.  She  was  surprised  to  hear 
that  I  was  in  the  city  and  asked  me  all  about  how  I  was 
getting  along.  We  talked  for  several  minutes  and  she 
said  she  was  so  sorry  that  Harry  was  not  at  home  so  I 
could  call.  I  told  her  I  regretted  it  also,  as  I  had  been 
looking  forward  to  seeing  her,  but  supposed  we  had  to 
obey  the  dictates  of  old  Mother  Convention. 

When  I  hung  up  my  'phone  I  was  puzzled  over  the 
new  note  I  had  noticed  in  her  voice.  She  had  asked  me 
at  the  last  moment,  in  such  a  breathless  way,  how  long 
I  was  going  to  remain  in  the  city  and  I  had  told  her 
several  days. 

The  next  afternoon  she  called  me  up  at  the  hotel  and 
asked  me  if  I  would  be  shocked  if  invited  to  come  and 


236  ONE     MAN 

see  her  that  evening.  She  said  she  had  been  fixing  up 
a  room  in  the  flat  which  she  had  intended  that  I  occupy 
on  my  next  visit  to  the  city,  and  now  that  I  was  there 
and  could  not  occupy  it  she  wanted  me  to  see  it  at 
least.  She  seemed  to  be  very  excited  and  talked  just 
like  a  little  child  planning  to  do  something  naughty. 
I  told  her  I  would  come  if  there  was  no  danger  of  get 
ting  her  into  trouble.  She  said  she  had  fixed  all  that, 
for  me  to  arrive  at  exactly  eight,  ring  the  bell  twice 
and  if  the  coast  was  clear  she  would  press  the  button 
that  opened  the  door  downstairs  and  I  could  walk  up 
stairs  to  their  flat. 

I  was  somewhat  excited  that  evening  when  I  reached 
the  apartment  building,  and  this  excitement  grew  upon 
me  as  I  stole  quietly  upstairs  after  she  had  opened  the 
door  in  response  to  my  signal. 

As  I  reached  their  landing,  the  door  of  their  flat  was 
opened  and  I  walked  in.  She  closed  the  door  and  held 
out  her  hands  to  me.  The  light  in  the  hall  was  turned 
low  but  I  could  see  how  beautiful  she  looked  dressed  all 
in  white,  and  her  hair  bound  with  a  broad,  pink  silk  rib 
bon. 

After  telling  me  how  pleased  she  was  at  my  coming, 
she  led  me  into  the  parlor.  We  sat  there  talking  for  a 
few  moments  and  then  she  took  me  into  the  room  she  had 
fixed  up  for  me.  It  was  decorated  beautifully  and  she 
had  made  pillow  covers,  spread,  table  and  dresser  pieces 
of  a  material  to  match  the  decorations ;  even  a  little  mis 
sion  lamp  was  covered  with  the  same  pink  material. 
On  one  side  of  the  room  was  a  big  divan  and,  seating 


0  N  E     M  A  N  237 

herself  there,  she  motioned  for  me  to  sit  beside  her. 

I  can  remember  how  I  was  trembling  as  I  sat  down. 
I  was  startled  at  the  events  which  followed  so  closely 
upon  each  other  since  that  'phone  call  and  could  not 
help  but  feel  worried  over  the  situation.  I  had  always 
admired  her  and  respected  her  so  much,  and  it  did  not 
seem  right  that  she  should  run  such  risks  for  my  sake. 

We  sat  there  and  talked  about  different  things  for 
an  hour.  We  went  over  again  the  troubles  connected 
with  my  marriage  and  I  could  see  the  tears  in  her  eyes 
as  she  sympathized  with  me.  Whenever  I  looked  into 
her  eyes  as  she  sat  beside  me  they  seemed  more  beauti 
ful  than  ever.  She  seemed  to  exert  some  kind  of  a  mag 
netic  influence  over  me  and  to  draw  me  nearer  to  her. 
I  was  telling  her  how  I  never  again  expected  to  have  a 
home  and  how  I  wished  God  had  given  me  a  home  like 
hers,  a  wife  like  her  and  some  little  children,  when  she 
suddenly  put  her  head  down  on  my  shoulder  and  burst 
out  crying. 


CHAPTER  XXXII 

I  HAD  been  in  a  great  many  difficult  situations  in  my 
life  but  this  was  the  most  difficult  one  of  all.  I 
took  both  her  hands  in  mine  and  told  her  not  to 
cry  but  to  tell  me  her  trouble.  We  were  sitting  in  a 
very  uncomfortable  position  and  suddenly  she  asked  me 
to  put  my  arm  around  her  and  hold  her  close  to  me 
while  she  told  me  something.  I  did  as  she  told  me  and 
then  she  poured  out  her  story  between  sobs,  how  she 
had  loved  me  for  a  long  time,  and  how  she  had  wanted 
me  for  her  own  ever  since  she  first  saw  me.  Then  she 
told  me  about  how  she  had  stood  there  at  the  wedding 
and  watched  me  married  when  it  was  almost  killing  her 
and  how  glad  she  had  been  for  her  own  sake  when  she 
heard  that  I  had  separated  from  my  wife. 

That  beautiful  girl,  for  she  was  yet  only  a  girl,  lay 
there  in  my  arms  and  bared  her  very  soul  to  me  in  that 
hour.  She  told  me  of  her  life,  how  she  had  been  brought 
up  and  the  struggle  to  exist  on  Harry's  salary;  his 
drinking  and  running  around  with  other  women,  his 
cruelty  to  her  and  his  dislike  for  the  children.  She  also 
spoke  of  his  mother  and  how  unkind  she  had  been  and 
of  how  her  own  mother  had  never  come  to  see  her  on 
account  of  her  marriage  to  Harry. 

Then  she  told  me  that  she  loved  me  better  than  all 

238 


O  N  E     M  A  N  239 

else  except  her  babes  and  that  ever  since  my  wife  and  I 
had  separated  she  had  been  waiting  for  a  chance  to  tell 
me,  even  though  she  felt  as  if  I  did  not  love  her.  She 
also  said  that  since  the  evening  before  she  had  thought 
this  would  be  her  only  chance  to  tell  me  and  for  that 
reason  she  had  asked  me  to  come  to  her. 

Up  until  this  hour  I  had  never  thought  of  loving 
Nadine.  It  had  seemed  to  me  as  if  she  was  way  above 
me  in  everything,  birth,  culture,  and  beauty.  I  could 
not  doubt  that  she  loved  me  after  I  had  listened  to  her 
story,  and  the  realization  of  this  fact  staggered  me, 
yet  I  felt  my  heart  opening  to  her  even  as  she  was  speak 
ing,  and  within  me  there  was  born  a  love  and  a  longing 
for  this  beautiful  girl. 

One  could  see  that  she  had  really  never  loved  before ; 
one  could  feel  it  in  the  very  touch  of  her  hands. 

After  finishing  her  story,  she  lay  there  in  my  arms 
for  a  few  minutes  and  then,  lifting  her  flushed  and  tear- 
stained  face  to  mine,  asked,  "  Bobby,  will  you  love  me?  " 

My  heart  was  beating  so  loudly  that  I  thought  she 
could  hear  it  and  I  could  hardly  breathe.  "  Nadine,"  I 
said,  "  do  you  think  that  I  am  worthy  of  your  love?  " 
At  this  she  dropped  her  head  to  my  knees  and  sobbed 
out,  "  You  are  all  the  world  to  me.  I  must  have  you. 
I  will  have  you.  Tell  me  you  love  me.  Tell  me, 
Bobby."  I  raised  her  up  and  said,  "  Nadine,  come  in 
here  with  me."  I  led  her  into  the  nursery  and  up  to  the 
little  cribs  where  the  babes  lay  asleep.  The  little  night 
light  shone  very  dimly  in  one  corner  of  the  room  and  we 
could  barely  see  the  faces  of  the  little  ones.  I  knew  as 


240  ONE   MAN 

I  led  Nadine  into  that  little  room  that  she  would  know 
her  own  heart  when  she  gazed  on  the  two  little  babes.  I 
did  not  think  of  the  right  and  wrong  of  our  love;  I 
simply  wanted  her  to  know  her  own  heart. 

As  we  stood  there,  looking  down  on  them,  it  seemed  as 
if  she  were  waiting  for  divine  guidance.  After  we  had 
been  there  a  moment  she  turned  to  me  and,  placing  her 
hands  in  mine,  she  lifted  her  head  and  kissed  me.  What 
must  have  been  her  thoughts  as  she  stood  there  looking 
down  on  her  two  little  children?  What  a  powerful  love 
she  must  have  had  for  me!  What  a  wonderful  faith 
and  trust  in  me  to  give  not  only  herself,  but  also  those 
little  ones  into  my  keeping!  For  while  I  did  not  know 
it  at  the  time,  that  is  what  her  kiss  meant  that  night. 

We  returned  to  the  other  room  and,  sitting  there  on 
the  divan,  I  held  her  in  my  arms  for  a  long  time  with 
not  a  word  spoken.  Then  I  told  her  I  did  love  her,  but 
that  I  had  never  before  dared  to  even  think  of  her  lov 
ing  me. 

I  took  from  my  hand  a  ring  I  had  worn  for  years  and 
placed  it  on  her  finger.  She  was  greatly  pleased  over 
this  and,  kissing  it,  said  she  would  wear  it  forever. 

As  the  evening  wore  on  we  both  grew  tense  with  the 
excitement  which  the  discoveries  of  the  evening  had  oc 
casioned  ;  I  told  her  that  I  must  leave  as  it  was  getting 
very  late.  She  clung  to  me,  begging  me  not  to  go,  but 
I  told  her  it  was  my  duty  to  her  to  go  then.  She  made 
me  promise  to  come  again  the  next  night  and,  after 
holding  her  in  my  arms  a  few  minutes  at  the  door,  I 
slipped  quietly  out  of  the  flat  and  hurried  down  the 


ONE     MAN 

stairs.  While  waiting  for  the  car  on  the  opposite  cor 
ner  I  looked  up  to  her  flat  and  saw  her  standing  by  the 
open  window,  and  as  my  car  came  along  she  raised  and 
lowered  the  little  night  light  three  times  in  front  of  her 
window.  Just  as  I  was  retiring  she  called  me  up  and 
told  me  that  the  signals  with  the  little  light  were  "  good 
night  "  from  the  babes  and  herself. 

The  next  evening  I  went  to  see  her  again.  She  was 
waiting  for  me  as  before,  only  this  time  she  kissed  me  on 
both  cheeks  before  she  allowed  me  to  remove  my  over 
coat.  That  evening  we  again  sat  on  the  divan  and 
talked  of  our  love.  I  told  her  I  was  going  away  the 
next  day  and  would  not  be  back  for  two  months.  She 
cried  and  sobbed  for  a  long  time. 

I  asked  her  to  write  to  me  every  day  and  told  her 
that  by  the  time  I  returned  she  would  know  what  she 
wished  to  do.  I  had  made  up  my  mind  to  go  away, 
leaving  her  with  nothing  serious  to  regret,  and  we  had 
a  very  plain  talk.  I  told  her  a  love  like  ours  knew  no 
laws  of  any  kind  and  that  for  the  sake  of  the  children 
we  should  know  ourselves  better  before  going  any  fur 
ther. 

I  put  the  whole  question  before  her  in  a  hard  light, 
half  hoping  for  her  sake  that  she  would  see  the  futility 
of  it  all,  knowing  in  my  own  heart  that  it  would  surely 
lead  only  to  the  inevitable  sorrow  and  misery  for  us. 
I  was  sick  of  punishment  and,  while  I  loved  her,  I  did 
not  feel  in  my  heart  somehow  that  it  would  end  well. 
By  the  time  I  left  that  night  her  demonstrations  of  love 
for  me  had  banished  most  of  these  thoughts  and  I  loved 


O  N  E     M  A  N 

her  more  than  ever  and  had  a  little  hope  that  the  future 
would  yet  bring  peace  and  happiness  to  us.  She  again 
stood  at  the  window  and  signalled  good  night  as  I 
stepped  into  the  car. 

That  night  I  asked  God  to  help  me  to  be  strong  in  my 
resolution  to  do  nothing  which  might  ruin  Nadine's  life. 
The  next  day  I  started  on  my  trip,  stopping  in  Chi 
cago  long  enough  to  buy  a  little  gold  and  enamelled 
wreath  of  forget-me-nots  in  the  form  of  a  brooch.  I 
had  it  engraved  on  the  back  "  9-29  "  and  sent  it  to 
Nadine.  She  corresponded  with  me  regularly  after  this 
and  her  letters  were  filled  with  love  and  faith. 

In  the  meantime  I  was  receiving  letters  from  Marie 
also.  Some  days  in  my  mail  there  would  be  one  of  Ma 
rie's  letters  filled  with  passionate  sentences  and  express 
ing  a  desire  to  be  in  my  arms,  and  in  the  same  mail  would 
come  one  of  Nadine's  letters,  breathing  the  other  —  the 
true  love.  Unconsciously  I  would  compare  the  two  and 
wish  to  be  with  Nadine. 

The  latter  part  of  October,  Nadine's  father  died  and 
she  wrote  me,  telling  me  about  it. 

In  November  I  wrote  Nadine  that  I  would  arrive  in 
Cleveland  the  eighteenth.  When  I  reached  Chicago  she 
called  me  on  the  long-distance  'phone  and  said  she  would 
meet  me  at  the  train  in  Cleveland.  When  I  arrived  she 
was  waiting  for  me  at  the  depot  with  a  big  limousine 
car.  She  took  me  to  my  hotel  and  waited  while  I  went 
in  and  registered.  Then  we  drove  to  one  of  the  parks 
and  after  we  had  alighted  she  told  the  chauffeur  to  re- 


ONE     MAN 

turn  to  the  same  spot  for  us  in  two  hours.  We  walked 
up  one  of  the  small  paths  and  when  we  were  alone  she 
threw  her  arms  around  me  and  kissed  my  cheeks  until 
they  hurt.  We  walked  around  for  an  hour  and  then  sat 
down  on  a  bench.  It  was  cold  that  morning  and  I  can 
remember  her  hands  seemed  warm  while  mine  were  almost 
freezing. 

While  we  were  sitting  there  on  the  bench  she  turned 
to  me  suddenly  and  said,  "  Bobby,  can  you  get  a  room 
somewhere  where  we  can  meet?  Harry  is  home  and  we 
cannot  meet  at  the  house."  I  was  stunned  for  a  mo 
ment  and  my  heart  seemed  to  jump  into  my  throat. 
Turning  to  her,  I  said,  "  Nadine,  have  you  thought  what 
that  means  ?  "  She  turned  her  head  away  and  did  not 
answer  for  a  moment.  Then,  without  looking  up,  said, 
"  Bobby,  don't  you  want  to  meet  me?  "  I  put  my  arm 
around  her  and  made  her  look  at  me.  Her  face  was 
flushed  and  in  her  eyes  there  was  a  look  I  had  never  seen 
there  before.  "  Nadine,"  I  said,  "  are  you  sure,  dear, 
you  will  never  regret  it  ?  "  For  a  moment  she  hesitated 
and  then  said,  "  Bobby,  I  would  not  do  anything  which 
I  could  regret." 

I  told  her  I  would  find  some  place  that  very  day  and 
she  explained  that  she  had  made  arrangements  to  get 
away  the  next  afternoon. 

At  this  moment  the  car  returned  for  us  and  we  rode 
into  the  city  together.  She  dropped  me  at  the  hotel 
with  a  promise  to  call  me  up  that  evening. 

At  the  hotel  the  clerk  gave  me  the  address  of  a  woman 


O  N  E     M  A  N 

who  owned  a  flat  and  occasionally  rented  rooms.  I 
called  this  woman  up  and  made  arrangements  for  the 
next  afternoon. 

When  Nadine  called  me  up  that  evening  I  told  her  I 
had  all  arrangements  made.  She  agreed  to  meet  me  at 
two  o'clock  the  next  afternoon  at  a  drug  store  about 
four  blocks  from  this  flat. 

The  next  day  I  got  away  from  the  office  for  the  after 
noon  with  the  excuse  that  I  had  to  see  a  doctor.  It  was 
raining  while  I  stood  on  the  corner  waiting  for  Nadine. 

When  she  got  off  the  car  and  came  toward  me  I 
hardly  recognized  her,  as  she  was  dressed  all  in  black 
with  a  heavy  black  veil  completely  covering  her  face. 
I  held  my  umbrella  over  her  for  a  moment  as  we  stood 
on  the  corner  and  told  her  I  would  walk  ahead  and  turn 
in  at  a  certain  number,  and  for  her  to  follow  about  a 
block  behind  me  and  turn  in  at  the  same  number  when 
she  reached  it  and  that  I  would  be  waiting  for  her  just 
inside  the  door.  She  followed  my  directions  and  soon 
we  were  safe  inside  the  flat. 


CHAPTER  XXXIII 

FOR  a  few  minutes  after  our  arrival  Nadine  was 
frightened  at  what  we  had  done  but  her  love 
finally  overcame  this  fear  and  before  long  we 
had  completely  forgotten  our  strange  surroundings. 

That  afternoon  was  one  of  the  most  memorable  of  my 
life.  The  light  in  Nadine's  eyes  was  something  such  as 
I  had  never  before  seen  in  any  woman's  eyes  and  I 
learned  for  the  first  time  that  day  how  much  a  woman 
can  love. 

And  that  dreary,  rainy  afternoon  I  took  from  the 
man  who  had  so  long  posed  as  my  friend  and  who  had 
stood  silently  by  as  I  married  the  girl  he  had  ruined, 
his  wife  and  the  honor  of  his  household. 

That  evening  I  took  Nadine  in  a  cab  to  within  a  block 
of  her  home.  She  kissed  me  good  night  and,  with  a 
promise  to  meet  me  again  the  next  evening,  I  saw  her 
walk  away  through  the  rain  to  her  babies  and  the  man 
she  had  forsaken. 

We  met  again  the  next  day,  and  that  night  I  returned 
to  Chicago.  She  wrote  to  me  every  day,  and  nearly 
every  evening  while  I  remained  in  Chicago  I  called  her 
on  the  long-distance  'phone  and  heard  her  ask,  "  Do  you 
love  me,  Bobbie?  "  Sometimes  she  would  have  to  stop 

talking  and  hang  up  the  receiver  as  Harry  would  hap- 

245 


246  0  N  E    M  A  N 

pen  to  come  into  the  room,  but  usually  we  talked  for 
two  or  three  minutes  each  evening. 

My  work  kept  me  in  Chicago  until  December  twenti 
eth,  when  I  met  Nadine  in  Toledo  by  appointment. 

She  had  managed  to  get  away  from  home  for  several 
days  with  the  excuse  that  she  was  going  to  see  friends. 
We  stayed  at  a  hotel  for  three  days  and  planned  how 
she  was  to  get  her  divorce  and  marry  me  as  soon  as  I 
obtained  mine.  Her  father  had  left  her  about  sixty 
thousand  dollars  from  his  estate  and  she  had  no  worry 
as  to  getting  along  without  her  husband's  support  in  the 
meantime.  The  next  thing  to  do  was  to  catch  him  in 
something  that  would  give  her  grounds  for  divorce.  I 
had  a  way  to  do  that. 

In  January  he  was  to  meet  me  in  Chicago  and  he  had 
already  spoken  to  me  about  the  high  old  time  we  would 
have.  I  knew  I  could  get  Marie  to  help  me  frame  up  a 
deal. 

Christmas  Eve  saw  me  in  Chicago,  where  I  went  on  a 
drunk.  The  next  few  days  I  loafed  around  the  hotel 
and  the  day  before  New  Year's  met  an  old  friend  with 
whom  I  had  often  travelled.  He  had  just  quarrelled 
with  his  wife  and  was  about  half-drunk.  Early  that 
evening  we  started  out  to  take  in  the  usual  New  Year's 
Eve  celebration.  We  each  bought  a  big  tin  horn  and 
started  down  State  Street.  At  Adams  and  State  we 
ran  into  one  of  his  lady  friends  who  worked  in  one  of 
the  State  Street  stores.  She  was  feeling  a  little  hilari 
ous  and  informed  us  she  was  on  the  way  to  her  dress 
maker's  and  didn't  care  when  she  got  there.  While  the 


0  N  E    M  A  N  247 

three  of  us  were  standing  there  along  came  a  reporter 
for  one  of  the  daily  papers.  He,  too,  was  about  half- 
loaded  and,  being  acquainted  with  the  girl,  was  soon 
talking  with  the  three  of  us. 

The  girl  suggested  that  we  get  two  more  girls  and 
make  a  night  of  it.  To  this  we  agreed,  and  my  friend, 
Jim,  and  I  began  to  keep  an  eye  out  for  a  pair  that 
looked  somewhere  near  decent.  We  had  passed  up  sev 
eral  couples  when  I  noticed  two  girls  coming  down  State 
Street.  They  appeared  to  be  very  quiet  and  respect 
able,  but  something  prompted  me  to  say  to  the  larger 
one  of  the  two,  "  Won't  you  join  our  crowd  in  a  little 
celebration? "  They  stopped  and  looked  at  us  and 
smiled,  but  seemed  to  hesitate.  We  urged  them  to  come 
along  and  finally  they  consented. 

I  bought  some  more  horns  from  the  vendor  on  the  cor 
ner  and  gave  them  to  the  girls.  Jim  stepped  in  and, 
taking  the  arm  of  the  girl  I  had  spoken  to,  headed  for 

the Inn.  The  reporter  and  the  shop,  girl  followed 

and  I  trailed  along  behind  with  the  other  strange  girl. 
Over  at  the  Inn  the  head  waiter  placed  us  at  a  big  double 
table  and  we  ordered  drinks. 

The  girl  I  had  accosted  on  the  corner  was  a  very 
pretty,  rosy-cheeked,  healthy-looking  girl.  Her  eyes 
were  very  large  and  black,  and  I  could  see  that  her 
beautiful  head  of  dark  hair  was  all  her  own.  She  was 
very  neatly  dressed  and  of  the  type  of  woman  that  men 
look  at  a  second  time. 

I  was  angry  at  Jim  for  taking  her  away  from  me  and 
giving  me  the  little  girl,  who  was  so  meek.  I  said  one 


248  ONE     MAN 

or  two  little  things  to  the  dark-eyed  girl  about  Jim's 
having  taken  her  away  from  me,  so  she  changed  places 
with  the  little  girl.  Jim  objected  to  this  but  she  told 
him  she  would  come  back  later. 

Our  crowd  had  had  a  good  many  drinks  before  eleven 
o'clock  and  Jim  became  so  noisy  the  head  waiter  asked 
us  to  leave.  We  left  the  place  and  walked  around  to 

George  's,  where  we  had  difficulty  in  obtaining  a 

table.  After  we  had  secured  a  very  small  table,  the  fun 
became  fast  and  furious  and  all  the  girls  showed  the  ef 
fects  of  the  liquor  which  they  had  imbibed.  There  was 
a  terrible  crowd  down  there  and  the  air  was  stifling.  At 
twelve  o'clock  pandemonium  broke  lose,  bells  were  rung, 
whistles  blown  and  horns  tooted  until  we  were  deaf. 

At  one  o'clock  the  reporter  took  the  saleslady  up  to 
the  street  car.  When  he  returned  he  was  cursing  a 
blue  streak.  It  seems  that  he  had  been  touched  for  his 
pocket  book  and  he  believed  the  girl  had  taken  it,  but 
what  made  him  so  mad  was  the  fact  that  she  had  bor 
rowed  five  cents  from  him  for  carfare. 

Finally  Jim  went  over  to  a  nearby  table  to  speak  to 
some  women.  The  little  girl  and  the  reporter  went  over 
to  a  crowd  of  students  to  help  them  sing  and  the  black- 
eyed  girl  was  left  with  me.  I  bought  her  another  drink 
and  suggested  we  get  out.  She  said  that  was  what  she 
had  been  wanting  to  do,  so  we  looked  around  to  see  if  we 
could  get  away  from  the  others. 

Jim  was  still  talking  to  the  women;  somebody  had 
emptied  a  small  package  of  flour  on  his  hat  and  he  was 
entirely  oblivious  of  his  surroundings.  The  little  girl 


ONE     MAN  2 19 

was  sitting  upon  the  table,  surrounded  by  students  and 
trying  to  drink  a  big  stein  of  beer.  The  reporter  was 
laboriously  telling  some  one  he  was  reporter  for 
the . 

So  Bess,  for  that  was  the  girl's  name,  slipped  into  her 
coat  and  we  skipped  out. 

We  went  over  to  a  place  on  Van  Buren  Street  where 
we  managed  to  get  in  by  the  way  of  a  side  door.  Here 
I  ordered  a  bottle  of  wine,  which  we  drank,  when  sud 
denly  Bess  complained  of  being  ill.  I  took  her  out  of 
doors  and  walked  her  around  until  she  felt  better. 

I  can  remember  her  saying  that  if  she  was  not  back  at 
her  boarding  house  by  twelve  o'clock  she  could  not  get 
in,  but  I  paid  no  attention  to  this  remark. 


CHAPTER  XXXIV 

^•T  "W"  THE  woke  up  the  next  morning  in  a  Wabash 
%  /%  /  Avenue  hotel.  Neither  of  us  could  remem- 
™  ^r  ber  how  we  reached  there.  I  was  scared 
for  a  while  because  I  did  not  know  what  manner  of  trou 
ble  I  had  brought  upon  the  girl.  She  had  looked  so 
clean  and  decent  the  night  before  that  somehow  I  did  not 
think  she  would  deliberately  go  to  a  hotel  as  we  had  done 
if  she  were  sober.  But  she  soon  set  my  mind  at  rest  by 
telling  me  that  this  was  not  the  first  time  that  she  had 
stayed  out  all  night,  although  she  had  not  been  guilty 
of  such  a  thing  very  often.  She  was  only  nineteen  years 
old  and  the  downward  journey  had  not  made  much  of 
an  inroad  as  yet  on  her  splendid  health.  That  New 
Year's  day  she  told  me  all  about  herself  and  the  life  she 
had  been  trying  to  lead,  and  that  it  sometimes  seemed  so 
hopeless  to  even  try  to  be  decent  when  one  had  some 
thing  to  always  remember.  In  this  way  began  a  friend 
ship  which  was  destined  to  mean  much  to  me  later  on. 

The  next  day  I   received  the  following  letter  from 
Nadine : 

Dearest:     I    received    your    dear    letter.     Tell    me 
what  to  do  and  whatever  you  think  best,  I'll  do. 

Of  course,  if  you  do  not  catch  Harry  in  something 
I'll  leave  him  anyway. 

250 


0  N  E     M  A  N  251 

The  nearer  I  get  to  you,  dear,  the  further  away 
you  seem  to  get  and  when  I  think  I  can  reach  out  my 
arms  to  you  there  is  always  something  which  prevents 
it.  Oh,  God!  I  hope  you  are  sure  I  will  not  fail  in  my 
divorce.  Not  for  our  sake,  Bob,  but  for  the  babes.  I 
do  not  want  to  disgrace  them,  and,  dear,  I  have  become 
so  blind  in  my  love  that  I  cannot  advise  myself.  I  want 
you,  I  need  you,  I  am  hungry  just  to  hear  your  voice. 
Oh,  Bob,  we  were  made  for  each  other  and  we  could  not 
give  up  the  struggle  now,  could  you?  Would  you?  If 
I  thought  you  could,  I  would  end  it  all  right  now.  I 
have  put  all  my  faith,  love  and  confidence  in  you  and 
have  gone  against  every  other  person  on  earth  now. 
No  one  dare  or  no  one  would  dare  to  advise  other  than 
to  go  to  you. 

Now,  dear,  I  must  leave  you ;  advise  me  quickly  if 
you  want  me  to  come  to  Chicago  when  he  is  caught. 
God  help  us. 

Yours  forever, 

NADINE. 

I  immediately  wrote  and  told  her  not  to  come  on  as 
it  would  only  complicate  matters. 

Three  days  later  Harry  came  and,  in  company  with 
Marie  and  another  girl,  we  spent  the  entire  night  in  a 
hotel.  We  had  two  connecting  rooms,  and  at  four 
o'clock  in  the  morning,  while  Harry  lay  in  a  drunken 
stupor,  I  admitted  to  the  room  two  friends  of  mine,  who 
took  a  close  look  at  him  and  his  companion  so  as  to  be 
able  to  identify  them  later  if  necessary. 


252  O  N  E     M  A  N 

Marie  had  agreed  to  help  me  out  on  the  deal,  believing 
that  I  was  after  him  for  something  he  had  done  to  me. 

The  next  day  I  called  Nadine  on  the  long-distance 
'phone  and  told  her  that  it  was  all  fixed.  She  wanted  me 
to  write  to  her,  giving  her  the  details,  but  I  told  her  the 
letter  might  get  lost. 

The  next  morning  I  had  a  narrow  escape.  Harry 
and  I  were  at  breakfast,  when  a  page  came  to  our  table 
with  a  special  delivery  letter  from  Nadine.  Her  hand 
writing  was  very  peculiar  and  for  a  moment  I  was  afraid 
Harry  would  recognize  it.  I  grabbed  the  letter  from 
the  tray  and  slipped  it  into  my  pocket,  remarking  that 
I  would  read  it  later.  He  did  not  recognize  the  letter 
so  I  escaped.  I  had  to  watch  my  mail  closely  for  the 
next  few  days  so  that  he  could  not  see  it. 

On  the  dresser  in  his  room  at  the  hotel  was  one  of 
Nadine's  pictures  which  I  had  never  before  seen.  Two 
days  after  he  returned  home  the  picture  was  on  my 
dresser.  All  the  time  he  had  been  in  Chicago  I  had  been 
carrying  in  an  inside  pocket  the  little  gold  case  belong 
ing  to  him  and  containing  the  dainty  miniature  of 
Nadine.  She  had  given  it  to  me  at  Toledo.  In  doing 
these  things  I  felt  no  qualms  of  conscience  whatever. 

About  January  twelfth  she  wrote  me  that  she  was 
coming  to  Chicago  on  the  fifteenth  to  spend  Sunday  with 
me.  I  wrote  to  her  to  come  and  on  Friday  night  she 
'phoned  me  that  she  would  reach  Chicago  late  Saturday 
afternoon. 

I  met  her  at  the  depot  and  took  her  to  one  of  the  best 
hotels. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  253 

That  evening  we  had  dinner  in  our  rooms  and  sat 
talking  and  planning  until  late.  In  the  night  she  sud 
denly  asked  me  if  I  had  been  responsible  for  my  wife's 
downfall  before  marrying  her.  This  question  of  hers 
turned  my  heart  to  ice.  When  I  asked  her  what  made 
her  think  I  had  done  such  a  thing  she  simply  said, 
"  Harry  said  so."  This  incident  was  enough  for  me. 
To  think  that  after  all  I  had  told  her  and  all  that  had 
passed  between  us,  she  could  believe  anything  he  had  told 
her  showed  that  she  did  not  have  complete  faith  in  me. 
I,  of  course,  denied  the  story  and  she  said  she  did  not 
believe  it  anyway. 

About  nine  o'clock  in  the  morning  I  told  her  I  was 
going  out  to  see  a  man  on  business  and  would  be  back 
in  an  hour. 

I  returned  to  my  hotel  and  wrote  a  note  telling  her 
I  was  being  followed  by  a  detective  and  for  her  to  pay 
her  hotel  bill  and  take  the  noon  train  for  Cleveland. 
I  also  told  her  that  she  would  find  a  paid  ticket  and 
parlor  car  seat  held  for  her  under  the  name  of  Miss  An 
drews  at  the  ticket  window  at  the  station  and  with  the 
note  I  enclosed  a  twenty-dollar  bill. 

From  a  corner  of  the  train  shed  I  watched  her  take 
the  train  and  that  night  I  called  her  up  at  Cleveland  and 
told  her  everything  was  all  right. 

I  simply  could  not  love  her  after  the  evidence  of  her 
doubting  me.  It  killed  my  love  just  as  it  had  been  born, 
in  a  flash. 

She  wrote  regularly  each  day  and  J  answered  every 
letter. 


254  ONE     M  A  N 

During  this  month  I  took  Bess  out  to  dinner  several 
times.  I  had  found  Marie  in  a  saloon  on  the  North 
Side  one  evening  sitting  on  the  saloon  keeper's  knees  and 
I  was  about  through  with  her. 

Bess  was  different  from  any  girl  I  had  met  so  far  in 
that  she  was  very  bright  and  entertaining  and  more  of 
a  good  chum  than  a  sport.  She  had  made  a  serious 
mistake  a  year  or  so  before  and  never  seemed  able  to 
forget  it.  She  was  a  stenographer  in  a  downtown  office 
and  earned  a  very  good  salary.  She  was  a  clean-minded 
girl  and  I  don't  think  she  really  wanted  to  go  on  down 
ward  but  went  out  with  me  more  to  forget  her  trouble 
than  for  any  other  reason.  I  always  treated  her  re 
spectfully  and  tried  my  best  to  make  her  happy. 

About  this  time  I  was  frantic  over  being  mixed  up 
with  three  women  at  one  time.  Marie  was  writing  me 
reproachful  letters  and  Nadine  was  continually  writing 
and  'phoning  me,  and  my  work  needed  every  bit  of  my 
attention. 

I  was  glad  when  February  came  so  I  could  go  back  on 
my  trips  West.  I  became  a  little  careless  in  answering 
Nadine's  letters  but  corresponded  regularly  with  Bess 
and  once  in  a  while  wrote  to  Marie.  February  tenth  I 
was  called  to  Cleveland  again.  Upon  the  day  of  my  ar 
rival  there  I  engaged  a  new  lawyer  and  instructed  him 
to  notify  my  wife  that  unless  she  filed  suit  for  divorce 
on  the  grounds  of  abandonment  not  later  than  February 
twenty-fifth,  we  would  file  suit  on  the  true  grounds. 

That  night  Harry  invited  me  up  to  dinner  and  I  sat 
close  to  Nadine  at  the  table.  She  had  one  knee  pressed 


0  N  E     M  A  N  255 

against  mine  all  the  time  we  sat  there  and  I  thought 
two  or  three  times  she  would  give  the  whole  thing  away 
by  her  actions. 

I  sat  there  and  broke  bread  with  him  at  his  own  table 
and  there  was  joy  in  my  heart  that  I  had  somewhere 
near  evened  up  the  score.  Yet  my  heart  ached  for  her 
because  she  loved  me  so  and  I  knew  I  could  not  love 
her  again  after  she  had  shown  her  lack  of  faith  in 
me. 

After  dinner  that  evening  she  brought  the  babies  in 
to  me  after  she  had  put  them  into  their  little 
nighties  ready  for  bed.  I  held  one  on  each  knee  and 
she  kneeled  down  in  front  of  me  and  talked  to  the  three 
of  us.  Harry  was  playing  the  piano  and  turned 
around  once  with  the  remark,  "  Oh,  see  our  happy  fam 
ily,"  and  then  went  on  with  his  playing. 

Harry  made  the  remark  that  evening  that  he  did  not 
want  any  more  children  and  that  he  had  made  up  his 
mind  to  that  long  ago.  He  said  two  were  enough, 
they  were  so  much  bother. 

After  Nadine  had  put  the  babies  to  bed  and  Harry 
had  gone  in  to  quiet  them,  she  came  to  me  and  kissed 
me,  whispering  that  she  loved  me.  God  knows  she 
was  clean  and  pure  in  her  love,  even  though  she  gave 
it  as  she  did,  and  I  think  that  He  has  forgiven  her 
long  ago,  although  she  will  never  forget  the  sin. 

I  could  not  get  away  the  next  day  to  meet  her  and 
that  evening  she  was  frantic  when  she  called  me  up.  She 
said  Harry  had  gone  to  a  dinner  and  would  not  be 
back  until  very  late  and  for  me  to  come  to  the  flat  at 


256  ONE    MAN 

once.  I  told  her  that  I  could  not  do  this  as  he  might 
catch  me  there.  She  said  that  if  I  did  not  come  at 
once  that  she  would  never  see  me  again. 

Finally  I  told  her  that  I  would  come  and  I  started. 
Twice  on  the  way  I  stopped  in  at  places  and  'phoned  her, 
telling  her  I  could  not  come,  but  each  time  she  grew 
more  frantic  and  finally  I  reached  the  flat. 

She  opened  the  door  as  I  reached  the  top  of  the  stairs 
and  I  slipped  in.  I  shall  never  forget  how  she  looked 
as  she  stood  there  in  the  hall  dressed  in  a  thin,  white 
neglige  gown.  Her  hair  was  braided  in  two  long 
braids  which  hung  nearly  to  her  knees  and  her  eyes 
were  like  twin  stars.  At  the  sight  of  her  my  heart 
almost  stopped  beating.  I  gathered  her  into  my  arms 
and  kissed  her  lips,  her  cheeks  and  her  throat  and  held 
her  close  to  me  for  a  moment. 

Then,  realizing  the  danger  we  were  in,  I  told  her  I 
could  not  stay.  She  clung  to  me  and  would  not  let 
me  go  until  I  reminded  her  of  what  it  would  mean  if 
Harry  came  in  and  found  us  there  and  the  disgrace  it 
would  bring  on  her  and  the  children.  She  held  me 
close  to  her  and  kissed  me  many  times.  Perhaps  she 
knew  in  her  heart  it  would  be  the  last. 

After  I  had  returned  to  the  hotel,  she  called  me  up 
and  I  heard  her  ask  for  the  last  time,  "  Bobbie,  do 
you  love  me?  " 

I  left  the  next  noon  for  Chicago  and  after  seeing 
Bess  went  on  with  my  road  work. 

During  the  latter  part  of  February  I  was  in  Chicago 


ONE    MAN  257 

and  found  Harry  there.  He  acted  very  queer  toward 
me  and  I  thought  at  the  time  he  had  found  out  some 
thing  concerning  Nadine  and  me. 

During  the  next  two  days  he  hung  around  me  a 
great  deal,  continually  talking  of  his  wife  and  how  much 
he  loved  her.  He  refused  my  invitation  to  join  me  at 
dinner  with  the  girls,  saying  he  had  cut  out  all  that 
sort  of  thing.  I  left  him  in  Chicago  and  went  West 
again  on  business. 

Nadine  had  told  me  in  one  of  her  letters  in  the  early 
part  of  December  that  she  had  finally  broken  off  all  re 
lations  with  him  on  ajccount  of  his  having  been  mixed 
up  with  some  woman  in  Cleveland  in  the  latter  part  of 
November. 

It  seems  that  some  drunken  woman  had  called  up 
the  flat  one  morning  and  Nadine  answering  the  'phone 
asked  her  what  she  wanted.  The  woman  replied  that 
she  wanted  her  Harry  and  wanted  him  damn  quick. 
Nadine  had  tried  to  find  out  who  she  was,  but  the  woman 
hung  up  the  receiver. 

When  Nadine  asked  Harry  regarding  this,  he  at 
first  denied  knowing  the  woman,  but  finally  said  he  had 
met  her  a  few  evenings  before.  Then  Nadine  told  him 
she  was  through  with  him,  but  that  she  would  continue 
to  live  there  in  the  flat  and  take  care  of  the  home  and 
the  babies. 

Nadine  wrote  me  daily  and  several  times  asked  me  to 
send  her  some  sort  of  an  affidavit  regarding  Harry's 
escapade  in  Chicago.  I  put  her  off  each  time,  say- 


258  0  N  E     M  A  N 

ing  I  would  soon  be  in  Cleveland.  I  was  tempted 
to  send  her  one  of  the  photos  we  had  had  taken  the  pre 
ceding  July,  but  I  did  not  do  it.  About  March  tenth  I 
received  this  letter  from  her: 

Thursday  evening. 
My  dearest: 

It  has  been  several  days  since  I  have  written  or  heard 
from  you  but  I  think  it's  on  account  of  the  severe  snow 
storms  here  and  there  also. 

My  heart,  dear,  is  ever  with  you  and  to-night  some 
how  I  turn  to  you  more  than  ever. 

By  this  time  you  must  have  my  letters  forwarded  to 
you  from  Omaha. 

The  babes  are  both  better  and  oh,  how  I  wish  I 
could  give  you  a  good  report  of  myself,  but  I  am  ill 
and  I  am  much  afraid  it  means  trouble. 

I  feel  miserable.  It  nearly  breaks  my  heart  for 
just  at  this  time,  dear,  it  must  not  be  —  that's  all. 

I  believe,  dear,  I  never  wanted  you  or  needed  you  as 
this  night  and  all  day,  Bob,  I  felt  as  though  you  must 
come  to  me  at  once.  There  has  been  nothing  in  the 
papers  as  yet  regarding  your  wife's  having  filed  suit 
though  I  look  each  morning  and  evening  regularly. 
As  the  time  passes  I  grow  more  afraid  she  will  not  ap 
ply  and,  dear,  don't  you  see  what  disgrace  it  means  if 
you  apply? 

Bobby,  think  of  me  if  what  I  fear  is  true  regarding 
this  other. 

Don't  worry,  dear,  I'll  find  a  way.     Still  my  heart 


O  N  E     M  A  N  259 

breaks  as  I  have  to  tell  you  this.     I  cannot  bear  to 
stay  here,  still  I  must  for  a  time  yet. 

To-night,  dear,  I  wonder  where  you  are?  I  wonder 
if  your  heart  aches  as  mine  to-night.  I  wonder  how 
this  will  all  come  out. 

Let  me  know,  dear,  how  you  are  feeling.  I  don't 
understand  your  silence.  Perhaps  I  will  hold  this  let 
ter  until  I  hear  from  you  again. 

Don't  you  have  to  be  here  when  you  apply  for  a  di 
vorce  and  can  they  claim  you  as  a  non-resident? 

I  can't  write  much  to-night,  dear  boy,  as  I  am  not 
well  enough  but,  dear,  my  silence  the  last  few  days 
means  that  I  had  no  way  to  reach  you,  not  knowing  your 
address. 

Never  forget  me  like  this  again,  as  it  cuts  so  deep 
although  I  know  you  never  meant  not  to  send  me  your 
addresses. 

Harry  stands  here  talking  over  the  'phone  to  a  friend 
and  I  am  writing  to  you. 

Oh,  God,  I  want  you  to  love  me  and  tell  me  over  and 
over  again  I  am  all  yours.  Those  letters  would  help 
me  so  now.  Never  forget,  dear,  these  are  bitter  days 
for  me  without  you. 

J  love  you,  dear  —  good  night  and  love  me. 

Forever, 

NADINE. 

P.  S.  I  would  give  all  for  your  dear  lips  to-night 
on  mine. 

This  letter  startled  me  and  worried  me  a  great  deal. 


260  O  N  E     M  A  N 

I  had  known  for  some  time  that  I  could  not  marry  her, 
not  only  because  my  first  love  for  her  was  dead  but 
also  because  I  saw  at  last  the  folly  of  dragging  her 
into  the  mess  I  had  made  of  my  life  and  then  I  thought 
anyway,  that  some  day  even  after  she  married  me,  she 
might  deeply  regret  our  relations  prior  to  our  mar 
riage.  I  felt  that  Nadine  would  be  better  off  with 
Harry  and  perhaps  in  time  he  would  come  to  love  her 
as  he  should  and  she  to  forgive  him  and  love  him. 

This  new  trouble,  if  that  is  what  it  turned  out  to  be, 
would  complicate  matters  a  great  deal,  but  I  reasoned 
that  she  would  be  able  to  explain  it  in  some  way. 

At  this  time  the  effects  of  smoking  cigarettes  were 
becoming  very  pronounced.  I  smoked  about  twenty- 
five  a  day  and  would  get  up  in  the  night  to  smoke. 
The  constant  use  of  the  cigarettes  seemed  to  obliterate 
any  sense  of  right  and  wrong.  I  drank  considerable 
and  began  to  forget  details  in  my  work. 

March  fifteenth  I  went  to  E for  a  rest.  Late 

in  the  afternoon  of  that  same  day,  the  Western  Union 
telephoned  the  following  message  to  me  at  the  house : 

"  Look  out.     You  are  in  danger  of  arrest." 

(Signed) 

"  HANNAH." 

Nadine's  servant  was  named  Hannah  and  I  knew  im 
mediately  that  something  was  wrong,  but  I  could  not 
wire  any  answer  for  fear  of  getting  Nadine  into  more 
trouble. 


0  N  E     M  A  N  261 

The  receipt  of  this  wire  made  me  wild.  To  think 
of  this  message  coming  over  the  wires  into  the  city 
where  my  father  was  getting  to  be  a  prominent  man 
was  more  than  I  could  stand,  but  I  was  absolutely 
without  recourse  at  the  time. 


CHAPTER  XXXy 

I   REMAINED  around  the  house  for  two  days  when 
I  received  the  following  letter,  mailed  from   a 
small  suburb   of  Cleveland.     It  was  written  in 
a   scrawling  hand  and  was  stained  with  tears. 

Robert: 

For  God's  sake  look  out.  Harry  has  a  detective 
following  you  and  has  your  last  letter  to  me.  Send 
my  mail  care  of  Hannah  Roberts,  General  Delivery, 
and  she  will  call  for  it  there.  Don't  fail  to  do  this. 

He  promised  me  that  the  minute  I  gave  you  up,  he 
would  let  the  detective  off  your  track.  He  has  your 
letter  to  me  and  oh,  God,  I  am  wild. 

Hannah  telegraphed  you.  I  don't  know  what  she 
•wired  but  she  tried  to  help  us.  I  am  insane  over  it 
all,  be  so  careful.  Will  let  you  know  all  when  it's 
safe  to  write. 

I  am  writing  this  in  the  bathroom.  He  is  watching 
me.  I  am  in  Hell  but  to  protect  you  I  denied  every 
question  he  asked  me.  I  shall  deny  all  to  save  you. 
He  intended  to  arrest  you  but  when  I  got  down  on  my 
knees  he  promised  not  to.  I  can't  say  anything.  All 
I  can  do  is  to  send  this  hoping  it  reaches  you  safely. 

Forever, 

I  love  you,  dear.  NADINE. 


ONE     MAN 

I  knew  when  I  received  this  that  there  was  deep 
trouble  ahead  for  us  and  also  that  I  would  have  to  re 
sign  my  position.  This  latter  fact  did  not  worry  me, 
as  I  had  had  several  offers  from  other  firms,  so  I  imme 
diately  wired  an  eastern  house  who  wired  back  that 
they  were  making  me  a  proposition  by  mail  and  ask 
ing  me  to  await  their  letter  before  doing  anything. 

In  the  same  mail  with  Nadine's  letter  came  a  letter 
from  my  attorney.  This  letter  had  followed  me 
around  the  country  for  two  weeks.  My  lawyer  wrote 
that  on  February  twenty-fifth  my  wife  had  filed  suit 
for  divorce  on  the  grounds  of  abandonment.  This 
was  good  news  to  me.  / 

Two  days  after  this  I  received  a  special  delivery  let-  , 
ter  from  Nadine,  reading  as  follows: 

Dearest: 

Am  taking  an  awful  risk  in  sending  this.  Hannah 
will  mail  it  at  Station  K.  Harry  has  a  government 
inspector  watching  all  incoming  and  outgoing  mail. 
They  got  your  letter  on  March  8th.  I  never  got  to 
know  what  was  in  it  but  whatever  you  do,  deny  it  as 
I  am  doing.  Otherwise  he  is  going  to  use  it  to  ac 
complish  his  aims  and  he  said  he  knew  I  was  in  Chicago 
with  you.  That  must  have  been  his  detective  that  fol 
lowed  you. 

Also  he  said  he  would  have  you  behind  the  bars  in 
twenty-four  hours  if  I  did  not  give  you  up.  We  must 
be  patient  now  and  let  matters  settle.  I  am  in  an  aw 
ful  state  of  mind  and  body  so  I'll  agree  as  far  as  he 


264  ONE     MAN 

is  concerned  not  to  write  to  you,  but,  dear,  keep  me 
posted  through  Hannah  at  the  down  town  postoffice. 

Oh,  God,  how  I  have  suffered.  Hannah  sent  the  best 
telegram  she  could  to  you  as  I  was  watched.  My 
heart  is  broken,  dear,  as  now  he  has  us  at  least  for 
awhile. 

For  God's  sake  burn  my  letters.  He  claims  he  will 
get  them.  He  also  says  I  am  wearing  your  ring  and 
if  I  must,  I'll  send  you  a  box,  empty,  to  fool  them  as 
he  has  ordered  me  to  send  it  to  you.  If  they  open  it, 
what  then? 

When  he  questioned  me  to-day  I  laughed  at  him  and 
told  him  I  would  answer  "  no  "  to  every  question  de 
signed  to  entrap  you,  that  I  loved  you  and  would  pro 
tect  you. 

Soon,  dear,  I  can  see  you,  but  when  you  do  come  for 
God's  sake  let  no  one  know  it. 

He  says  if  I  leave  here,  he  will  prove  me  unfaithful 
with  proof  he  claims  the  detective  obtained  and  that 
he  will  take  my  babes. 

I  love  you,  dear,  never  forget  this,  but  I  must  be 
patient  for  a  while.  Do  not  say  anything  they  will 
understand  when  you  write. 

Be  brave  and  let  it  comfort  you  that  I  am  ever, 

Your  NADINE. 

I  wrote  to  her  in  care  of  Hannah  telling  her  about 
the  message  I  had  received  and  how  angry  I  had  been. 
I  also  told  her  I  was  that  day  resigning  my  position 


O  N  E     M  A  N  265 

with  her  husband's  firm  and  that  I  could  not  come  to 
Cleveland. 

In  this  letter  I  also  told  her  many  other  things,  try 
ing  to  show  her  the  folly  of  our  love  for  each  other.  I 
was  a  little  harsh,  but  I  was  doing  it  for  her  own  sake. 

In  the  same  mail  I  wrote  the  firm  resigning  my  posi 
tion,  to  take  effect  immediately. 

A  few  days  later  I  received  an  answer  from  the  treas 
urer  of  the  company,  expressing  regret  at  my  action 
and  stating  that  he  hoped  that  I  would  reconsider  it 
before  accepting  any  other  position.  This,  at  least, 
showed  that  my  work  with  them  had  been  appreci 
ated. 

About  a  week  later  I  received  another  letter  from 
Nadine.  This  letter  contained  a  small  piece  of  the 
broad  pink  silk  ribbon  she  was  so  fond  of  wearing  in 
her  hairc  Following  is  the  letter. 

Dear  Robert: 

It  seems  only  fit  that  I  write  once  again  to  you  and 
tell  you  that  whatever  has  happened,  I  am  absolutely 
innocent  of  it  all.  I  have  had  so  much  to  make  me 
turn  from  you  but  listen,  Robert,  it  has  not  shaken 
me  at  all.  I  still  feel  the  same  and  God  knows  I  always 
shall  toward  you.  In  justice  to  myself  I  will  say  that 
I  have  no  hatred,  nothing  but  what  I  have  always  had 
for  you.  It  has  been  so  hard  to  bear  it  all  but  my 
tongue  has  held  back  everything.  I  told  them  nothing 
and  I  have  suffered  so  much  that  life  is  nothing  to  me. 


266  O  N  E     M  A  N 

Your  old  words  over  the  'phone,  Bob,  that  you  loved 
me,  are  always  in  my  ears. 

Surely,  Bob,  they  have  turned  you  from  me  but, 
dear,  ask  your  own  heart,  look  back  over  all  I  have 
ever  been  to  you  and  then  form  your  judgment  against 
me.  It  crushed  me  that  you  did  not  come  but  I  am 
waiting  just  as  I  was  before. 

Your  letter  stabbed  me  to  the  quick,  but  what  a  dear 
comfort  to  know  that  I  have  never  said  anything  to 
them  about  you  and,  Bob,  if  they  should  take  all  those 
dear  letters  of  mine  written  from  the  depths  of  my 
heart  to  you,  into  court,  I  can  still  face  you  and  look 
straight  into  your  eyes  and  know  I  have  never  wronged 
you. 

My  one  sin  is  that  I  loved  you.  I  was  unselfish  in  it 
for  I  knew  how  much  you  needed  a  love  like  mine. 

Yesterday,  Easter,  I  went  to  church  and,  Bob,  I 
asked  God  to  help  you  to  know  and  help  you  to  do 
right.  I  am  asking  nothing  by  writing  this  letter.  It 
is  sort  of  farewell  to  you.  I  am  so  crushed  that  I 
cannot  write  connectedly  but  listen,  dear,  I  have  for 
given  you  for  everything  and  have  made  my  own  peace 
with  God. 

When  I  sent  you  that  telegram,  'it  was  to  warn  you 
and  protect  you,  Bob.  I  was  so  afraid  he  would  arrest 
you.  He  threatened  to  so  many  times. 

I  am  sending  you  this  little  piece  of  ribbon  and  if  it 
reminds  you  of  me  and  you  still  care,  return  it  and  if 
not,  take  back  the  hope  you  gave,  I  claim  only  a  mem 
ory  of  the  same. 


0  N  E     M  A  N  267 

i 
There  is  no  need  to  tell  you,  Bob,  how  sick  I  am  and 

it  is   all  the  worse  with  no   cheering,  hopeful  letters 
from  you.     I  have  asked  God  to  help  you. 

But  what  is  left  for  me?     I  shall  never  give  you  up. 

Forever, 

NADINE. 

P.  S.     Do  you  love  me,  dear? 

You  promised  to  never  leave  me  and  said  that  I  was 
ycurs  forever.  Some  day  you  will  come  to  me,  won't 
you,  dear? 

This  letter  showed  me  what  I  had  done  and  I  felt 
again  that  there  was  no  hope  for  me.  But  I  did  place 
the  little  bit  of  ribbon  in  an  envelope  and  send  it  to 
her. 

A  few  days  later  I  received  the  following: 

The  return  of  the  piece  of  pink  ribbon,  dear,  has 
filled  my  heart  with  hope  for  —  I  know  not  what,  only 
it  came  from  you. 

My  heart  stopped  beating  to  see  your  writing. 

Never  have  I  turned  from  you  in  these  days  since  I 
have  been  making  dear  little  baby  clothes,  I  have  tried 
to  hear  always  in  my  ears,  "  I  love  you,  dear."  This 
has  kept  me  from  breaking  down.  I  have  more  courage 
than  I  ever  had  and  whatever  it  is,  dear,  that  has  caused 
this  trouble  remember  in  your  heart  I'll  always  love  you 
and  you  can  never  again  say  you  are  alone. 

Forever, 

NADINE. 


268  O  N  E     M  A  N 

After  I  read  this  letter,  I  went  up  to  my  little  room 
and  after  locking  the  door  got  down  on  my  knees  be 
side  the  bed  and  asked  God  to  forgive  me  for  what  I 
had  done.  It  had  been  all  my  fault,  after  all.  But 
somehow  when  I  arose  from  my  knees  I  did  not  feel 
that  God  had  even  heard  my  petition  for  forgiveness. 

That  afternoon  I  received  a  wire  from  an  attorney 
in  Cleveland  stating  he  was  representing  Harry's  fa 
ther  and  asking  if  I  would  consult  with  him  if  he 
came  to  B .  I  wired  back  that  I  would  see  him. 

He  arrived  two  days  later  and  I  met  him  in  his  room 
at  the  hotel.  He  handed  me  a  large  legal  document 
and  said  that  if  I  would  sign  it  and  turn  over  to  him  all 
of  Nadine's  letters  and  photographs,  he  would  return 
me  the  letters  I  had  written  her,  give  me  release  of  all 
claims  which  Harry  might  have  against  me  and  also 
would  give  me  a  draft  for  five  hundred  dollars. 

I  threw  the  papers  in  his  face  and  had  started  to 
the  door  when  he  called  me  back. 

He  asked  me  to  listen  to  him  for  only  a  few  minutes 
and  I  told  him  to  go  ahead. 

He  stated  that  on  the  evening  of  the  day  previous 
to  his  wiring  me,  Nadine,  in  the  presence  of  her  sister, 
her  brother-in-law,  her  husband  and  his  father  and 
mother  and  two  attorneys,  including  himself,  had  made 
a  clean  breast  of  the  whole  thing  and  had  asked  for 
forgiveness.  He  went  on  to  describe  the  whole  scene 
and  I  knew  his  story  was  true.  He  laid  on  the  table 
the  ring  and  the  pin  I  had  given  Nadine  and  a  lot  of 
my  letters.  He  told  me  that  he  knew  Harry  had 


O  N  E     M  A  N  269 

wronged  me  and  then  he  asked  me  to  read  over  the  pa 
pers  he  had  brought. 

I  read  them  over  and  hesitated.  There  were  two 
copies  signed  by  both  Harry  and  Nadine  and  they  con 
tained  a  release  of  all  claims  which  they  or  myself 
might  have  against  each  other. 

At  last  I  told  the  attorney  that  I  would  sign  them 
and  give  him  the  letters  upon  his  promise  to  deliver 
them  to  Nadine.  He  agreed  to  this  and  I  took  him  to 
the  safety  deposit  vaults  and  got  the  letters  and  the 
other  things  which  Nadine  had  given  me.  I  had  placed 
them  there  a  few  days  before  so  that  no  one  could  get 
them  away  from  me. 

I  had  at  home  a  few  of  her  letters  and  pictures  which 
I  did  not  surrender,  saying  nothing  to  the  attorney 
about  them. 

I  signed  the  papers  and  after  turning  over  the  let 
ters  received  a  draft  for  five  hundred  dollars.  Half 
of  this  went  later  to  pay  for  my  divorce  and  I  sent  a 
draft  for  the  other  half,  without  anything  to  tell 
who  it  came  from,  to  the  local  orphan  asylum.  I 
felt  that  it  was  no  more  than  right  that  his  money 
should  pay  the  cost  of  severing  the  knot  which  bound 
me  to  the  woman  whose  downfall  he  had  caused. 

I  have  never  seen  either  Harry  or  Nadine  since,  but 
in  the  Fall  of  that  year  and  on  my  birthday,  the  twen 
ty-first  of  September,  a  baby  boy  was  born  to  them. 

What  must  have  been  her  thought  as  she  nursed  that 
little  one?  Could  she  love  it  and  care  for  it  as  she  did 
for  the  other  babes?  What  must  he  have  thought  as 


270  ONE     MAN 

he  gazed  upon  that  little  face?  What  could  his 
thoughts  have  been  when  he  heard  that  tiny  wail  in 
the  still  hours  of  the  night? 

They  moved  to  the  south  of  France  shortly  after 
the  boy  was  born  and  many  of  their  friends  wondered 
why  they  chose  to  leave  their  old  home.  But  his  fa 
ther  had  business  interests  there  and  they  have  settled 
down  to  live  out  the  rest  of  their  lives. 

And  that  fair  haired,  blue  eyed  little  lad  growing  up 
under  foreign  skies  ^-.  will  any  of  us  three  ever  know 
the  truth? 


CHAPTER  XXXVI 

IN  the  new  position  which  I  shortly  afterward  ac 
cepted,  my  earnings  were  large  and  my  work  very 
pleasant.  My  duties  took  me  all  over  the  United 
States.  During  early  May  while  in  Chicago  I  re 
ceived  word  that  my  wife  had  obtained  a  divorce  and  I 
was  free.  Some  of  my  friends  heard  the  news  and  in 
vited  me  to  a  celebration  in  honor  of  the  event.  Marie 
accompanied  me  and  for  the  first  and  only  time  in  my 
life,  I  became  helplessly  drunk.  This  scared  me  and 
from  then  on  I  cut  down  on  my  drinking. 

I  had  not  seen  Bess  for  some  time  and  had  not  in 
vited  her  to  attend  the  celebration,  as  I  knew  it  would 
be  a  wild,  rough  time  and  I  knew  she  did  not  care  much 
for  that  sort  of  amusement.  I  had  not  written  to  her, 
anyway,  for  a  long  time. 

During  the  latter  part  of  May  I  wrote  Marie  that  I 
was  coming  to  Chicago  and  asked  her  to  meet  me  at 
the  train.  She  did  so  and  we  went  to  one  of  the  big  ho 
tels.  She  had  been  going  down  hill  rapidly  and  the 
next  morning  when  I  saw  that  her  clothes  were  shabby 
and  that  she  had  not  been  taking  good  care  of  herself, 
I,  low  down  and  unprincipled  as  I  was,  decided  to  pass 
her  up  for  good.  After  breakfast  we  parted,  agree 
ing  to  meet  again  that  evening,  but  I  did  not  keep  the 

271 


272  O  N  E     M  A  N 

appointment.     I  never  saw  her  again,  but  received  the 
following  from  her  in  August: 

Dear  Bob: 

I  really  have  no  excuse  for  bothering  you  with  this 
letter,  but  some  way  I  have  been  feeling  blue  and  rather 
lonesome  to-day.  I  know  you  do  not  care  if  I  write 
you  and  it  will  undoubtedly  make  me  feel  better  to 
write  this  little  letter  to  you. 

I  have  been  wondering  so  much  to-day  where  you  are 
and  what  you  are  doing.  Can  you  not  find  time  in 
your  busy  life  to  write  me  just  a  little  note  and  cheer 
me  up  a  bit?  For  the  sake  of  the  many  good  times 
we  have  had  together,  please  write  and  tell  me  some 
thing  about  yourself. 

As  ever, 

MARIE. 

I  did  not  reply  to  this  letter  and  later  in  the  Fall 
heard  that  she  had  entered  a  resort  in  St.  Louis. 

In  June  I  went  to  a  certain  big  city  in  Indiana  to 
figure  on  a  large  contract.  I  waited  for  two  days  to 
see  the  man  who  had  the  placing  of  the  contract  and 
finally,  when  I  stood  face  to  face  with  him,  saw  that  it 
was  the  old  warden  of  the  penitentiary  where  I  had 
spent  so  many  dreary  days.  For  a  moment,  I  could 
not  speak,  feeling  sure  he  would  recognize  me,  but  he 
did  not.  I  talked  as  little  as  possible  and  I  guess  this 
helped  me,  for  I  went  away  that  day  with  a  signed 
contract  in  my  pocket. 


ONE     MAN  273 

During  July  I  was  in  Chicago  most  of  the  time  and 
was  soon  going  around  with  Bess  again. 

She  did  not  care  much  for  drinking  and  dinners  and 
we  spent  some  of  our  evenings  wandering  around  the 
parks.  She  roomed  on  Michigan  Avenue  and  many 
an  evening  we  have  walked  over  to  the  lake  front  and 
sat  there  talking  until  a  late  hour.  I  often  told  her  of 
little  incidents  of  my  boyhood  days  and  one  evening 
after  telling  her  of  a  particularly  vicious  piece  of  dev 
iltry,  she  said  laughingly,  "  Bobbie,  you're  a  bum," 
and  I  replied  in  the  same  bantering  tone,  "  So  are  you, 
Bess."  She  said  very  quietly  that  she  knew  it  and  God 
only  knew  how  sorry  she  was.  I  do  not  believe  to  this 
day  that  Bess  in  those  days  ever  really  gave  up  hope  of 
yet  becoming  decent. 

She  seemed  to  care  far  more  for  me  when  we  were 
sitting  on  the  retaining  wall  on  the  lake  front  watching 
the  play  of  the  moonlight  on  the  water  than  *when  we 
sat  at  a  table  in  a  cafe.  She  took  very  good  care  of 
herself  and  always  looked  neat  and  clean.  She  worked 
hard  and  saved  her  money  and  I  always  felt  somehow 
that  she  was  trying  to  stand  still  on  the  downward  road. 
I  used  to  tell  her  that  our  present  life  could  only  have 
one  ending  and  she  used  to  say,  "  Bobbie,  why  don't 
you  turn  around?  "  and  I  would  answer  that  it  was  too 
late  for  me  to  turn. 

We  became  good  friends  during  this  time  and  I  used 
to  wonder  how  our  friendship  would  end. 

The  first  of  August  I  took  another  position  at  a 
larger  salary,  leaving  my  former  employer  without  any 


274  O  N  E     M  A  N 

notice.  During  August  and  September  I  travelled  con 
siderably,  taking  in  only  the  larger  cities.  I  saw  Bess 
two  or  three  times  a  month  and  was  beginning  to  wish 
that  I  could  settle  down  in  Chicago. 

September  twenty-sixth  I  was  offered  a  position  that 
paid  a  salary  of  five  thousand  dollars  a  year  and  ex 
penses  with  another  Cleveland  firm  and  I  accepted  it 
immediately,  again  leaving  my  former  employer  with 
out  any  notice.  On  the  night  of  September  twenty- 
eighth,  after  having  been  with  Bess  all  evening,  I  left 
for  Cleveland  to  take  up  my  new  work. 

I  was  not  afraid  to  go  back  there  as  I  knew  Harry 
was  too  big  a  coward  to  say  anything  to  me  and  I 
knew  his  folks  had  no  desire  for  any  publicity. 

My  new  employers  were  very  nice  people  and  I  con 
gratulated  myself  on  having  made  the  change.  My 
work  necessitated  a  great  deal  of  travelling  and  I  did 
not  have  much  time  to  brood  over  my  troubles. 

Bess  and  I  corresponded  regularly  and  her  letters 
gave  me  a  great  deal  of  pleasure. 

But  early  in  December  there  came  one  which  caused 
me  many  heart  aches.  It  was  as  follows: 

Bobbie  dear: 

You  will  certainly  think  there  is  something  wrong 
or  you  wouldn't  be  getting  another  letter  from  me  be 
fore  you  have  had  time  to  answer  the  last  one. 

I  hardly  know  how  to  write  what  I  want  to  tell  you. 
It  would  be  much  easier  to  tell  you  about  it  if  I  could 


0  N  E     M  A  N  275 

only  see  you.  I  suppose  I  may  as  well  commence  at 
the  beginning  and  tell  you  all. 

The  first  week  I  was  home  on  my  vacation,  I  met  a 
young  fellow  and  I  guess  it  was  simply  a  case  of  love  at 
first  sight.  There  have  been  a  couple  of  other  times 
in  my  life  when  I  thought  I  was  in  love,  but  when  com 
pared  with  this  I  see  how  insignificant  they  were. 

We  are  not  going  to  be  married  until  some  time  next 
summer. 

He  is  a  little  taller  than  I  am  and  is  very  light.  He 

is  a  graduate  of  University  and  has  worked  in 

Chicago  for  two  years.  He  is  going  into  business 
with  his  father  next  month  and  I  don't  see  any  reason 
why  we  shouldn't  be  happy  and  contented. 

He  is  only  twenty-four  and  it  seems  as  though  we 
are  pretty  young  but  we  have  both  seen  enough  of  the 
world  to  know  what  we  are  doing. 

We  won't  get  to  see  each  other  very  often  in  the 
next  few  months,  but  he  is  going  to  spend  every  other 
Sunday  in  Chicago  with  me. 

I  am  done  with  the  old  life;  you  know  Bobbie  what 
I  mean,  and  hereafter  I  am  going  to  do  what  is  right. 
I  am  going  to  be  true  blue,  for,  after  all,  what  is  there 
in  life,  except  the  love  of  one  man  and  one  woman  for 
each  other? 

You  are  the  first  and  only  person  who  knows  about 
this,  but  I  think  that  under  the  circumstances  it  is 
only  fair  that  I  tell  you  all  about  it. 

I  will  always  be  glad  to  hear  from  you,  Bob,  and 


276  ONE     M  A  N 

when  I  am  married  no  one  will  ever  be  more  welcome  in 
my  home  than  you. 

If  you  care  to  answer  this  letter,  address  me  at  the 
old  address  and  when  you  get  in  town  you  might  call 
me  up. 

I  consider  you  one  of  the  best  friends  I  ever  had  and 
will  certainly  never  forget  the  good  times  we  have  had 
together.  I  hope  we  will  always  continue  to  be  the 
very  best  of  friends. 

I  hope  to  hear  from  you  soon. 

As  ever, 

BESS. 

I  was  glad  to  hear  this  news,  and  yet  was  sorry  to 
lose  Bess. 

That  night  I  wrote  her  a  long  letter  and  the  last  page 
of  it  was  blurred  with  many  tears,  as  I  closed  with  a 
"  God  bless  you  "  and  wished  her  luck. 

Several  days  later  I  received  another  letter  from  her 
thanking  me  for  my  letter  and  telling  me  to  be  sure  to 
let  her  know  when  I  was  coming  to  Chicago. 


CHAPTER  XXXVII 

THE   day  before  Christmas  I  was  in  Toronto 
and  in  the  mail  that  morning  received  a  letter 
from  Mother  saying  that  my  girl  relative  with 
whom   I    had    gone    slumming   many    years   before    in 

B had  written  saying  she  was  in  Cleveland  with 

her  husband  and  would  like  to  have  my  address.  The 
letter  was  two  weeks  old,  having  been  forwarded  to  me 
via  Cleveland  and  New  York. 

So  when  I  returned  to  Cleveland  the  twenty-sixth, 
I  hardly  expected  to  see  her,  but  upon  inquiry  found 
that  her  husband  was  working  at  one  of  the  local  the 
atres.  I  called  him  up  and  he  immediately  asked  me  to 
come  down  and  he  would  take  me  over  to  his  wife. 

I  had  nothing  to  do  that  day,  so  walked  over  to  the 
theatre  and  introduced  myself  to  him.  He  said  that 
he  had  often  heard  his  wife  speak  of  me  and  that  he 
would  take  me  over  to  the  house  as  soon  as  he  was 
through  with  rehearsal.  They  were  staying  with  some 
friends  and  had  been  in  the  city  three  weeks.  On  the 
way  home  he  told  me  about  himself  and  I  learned  that 
he  was  getting  up  new  music  for  some  production. 

When  we  reached  the  house  his  wife  was  not  up,  so 
we  had  to  wait  a  short  time.  When  she  did  come  into 
the  room,  she  surprised  me,  for  she  had  grown  into  a 
beautiful  woman. 

277 


278  O  N  E     M  A  N 

She  walked  up  to  me  and  kissed  me  square  on  the  lips 
and  then  smiled  at  her  husband  and  said,  "  He's  my  re 
lation."  He  did  not  seem  to  object  to  it. 

He  had  to  go  back  to  the  theatre  and  invited  me 
to  make  myself  at  home  until  his  return  when  we  could 
all  have  lunch  together. 

After  he  had  gone,  Tulips,  for  that  is  what  I  called 
my  cousin  on  account  of  her  pretty  lips,  made  me  come 
into  her  bedroom,  where  she  had  her  coffee  and  toast 
served.  She  told  me  all  that  had  happened  since  we 
last  met  and  how  she  had  come  to  marry  her  husband. 
She  showed  me  some  of  the  songs  she  had  composed 
and  on  the  walls  of  her  room  were  many  autographed 
photos  of  prominent  stage  folk. 

Their  home  was  in  New  York  and  they  had  been  do 
ing  theatrical  work  for  some  time.  Her  husband  was 
twenty-eight  and  she  was  twenty-six.  They  had  come 
to  Cleveland,  where  he  had  about  four  weeks'  work  to 
attend  to. 

In  a  joking  way  she  asked  me  if  I  loved  her  yet  as 
I  had  vowed  I  did  years  before  and  I  laughingly  told 
her  yes  and  that  each  time  I  had  been  in  New  York 
I  had  tried  to  find  her. 

She  certainly  did  look  sweet  that  morning.  I  could 
not  help  noticing  the  tiny  little  gold-beaded  slippers 
she  was  wearing  and  she  took  one  off  and  tossed  it  to 
me.  This  incident  started  us  talking  of  her  visit  to 
our  house  years  before  and  she  wanted  to  know  if  I 
was  as  pious  now  as  then.  I  smiled  and  told  her  if  she 
only  could  read  faces,  she  would  not  ask  that  question. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  279 

Remarking  that  I  did  look  a  little  "  battered,"  she 
made  me  promise  to  spend  the  evening  with  her.  Sho 
smoked  a  cigarette  with  me  and  also  sang  a  couple  of 
her  songs. 

Her  husband  returned  about  this  time  and  pleading 
a  previous  engagement  I  got  out  of  going  to  lunch 
with  them  and  went  back  to  the  hotel. 

That  evening  I  went  to  the  house  again,  taking  along 
a  hundred  of  my  favorite  cigarettes  as  a  little  gift. 
She  was  waiting  for  me  and  after  thanking  me  for  the 
gift,  she  asked  me  to  take  her  some  place  where  we 
could  get  a  drink. 

We  went  to  a  cafe  and  after  we  had  had  about  a 
dozen  drinks  I  was  making  love  to  her  again.  She  be 
came  confidential  and  told  me  how  sick  she  was  of  strug 
gling  along  on  fifty  dollars  a  week.  It  seems  her  fa 
ther  and  mother  had  lost  their  money  and  were  living 
with  her 'in  New  York.  Her  father  had  a  poorly  paid 
position  and  just  managed  to  keep  up  his  part  of  the 
household  expense. 

Tulips  became  very  tearful  and  also  very  drunk 
and  demanded  that  I  take  her  out  of  the  cafe.  When 
I  got  her  out  on  to  the  street,  the  cold  air  seemed  to 
make  her  feel  worse  instead  of  bracing  her  up.  She 
was  a  dead  weight  in  my  arms  and  I  was  getting  scared 
as  it  was  already  eleven  o'clock. 

I  put  her  into  a  cab  and  told  the  cabby  to  drive  us 
to  a  certain  hotel,  where  I  carried  her  to  a  room  and 
laid  her  on  the  bed.  Then  I  sent  for  a  doctor  who 
was  a  friend  of  mine  and  we  got  her  sobered  up.  I 


280  O  N  E     M  A  N 

took  her  home,  reaching  there  at  one  o'clock.  Luckily 
her  husband  was  out  somewhere  playing  poker  and  did 
not  see  us. 

The  next  evening  I  took  her  to  dinner  with  me.  Her 
husband  had  to  be  at  the  theatre  and  seemed  contented 
to  have  her  go  out  with  me.  That  evening  we  drank 
considerable,  but  I  watched  her  this  time  and  when 
she  had  had  enough  I  suggested  we  get  out. 

She  demanded  to  be  taken  to  the  same  room  in  the 
hotel  where  we  had  been  the  night  before.  I  tried  to 
persuade  her  to  forget  that,  but  she  insisted,  so  we 
went. 

She  had  a  crying  spell  as  soon  as  we  entered  the 
room  and  began  telling  me  all  her  troubles  and  said 
she  wished  she  had  married  me.  I  took  her  in  my  arms 
and  comforted  her  and  before  I  knew  it  we  had  both 
forgotten  her  husband  and  even  the  fact  that  we  were 
distant  relatives. 

Late  in  the  evening  she  began  to  demand  a  drink 
about  every  fifteen  minutes  and  smoked  innumerable 
cigarettes,  which  helped  to  make  matters  worse.  When 
I  took  her  home  at  two  thirty  we  were  both  drunk. 

As  we  stepped  out  of  the  cab  at  the  house,  we  saw 
her  husband  walking  up  and  down  the  sidewalk  waiting 
for  her.  He  began  to  scold  her  and  she  slapped  him 
across  the  face  and  told  me  to  take  her  in  the  house, 
which  I  did.  I  did  not  know  at  what  minute  he  would 
jump  me,  but  he  seemed  very  meek  about  that  part  of 
it,  simply  saying  he  had  told  her  to  be  in  by  eleven 
o'clock.  I  apologized  for  our  condition  and  Tulips 


ONE     MAN  281 

immediately  slapped  my  face.  This  seemed  to  please 
the  husband. 

The  next  morning  when  I  called  up  the  house  and 
asked  for  Tulips,  some  woman  answered  that  she  and 
her  husband  had  gone  out  of  town,  but  I  knew  from  the 
way  the  woman  spoke  that  she  was  acting  under  the  in 
structions  of  some  one. 

During  the  day  I  wrote  her  husband  a  letter,  apolo 
gizing  for  our  condition  of  the  night  before  and  told 
him  I  would  be  more  careful  next  time. 

The  next  evening  at  seven  I  called  up  and  asked  for 
Tulips  and  she  came  to  the  'phone.  I  told  her  I  was 
going  away  that  night  and  she  said  she  must  see  me 
and  for  me  to  meet  her  at  a  certain  drug  store.  I  sent 
my  baggage  to  the  station  and  went  to  meet  her. 

She  looked  ill  when  I  met  her  and  told  me  to  take  her 
some  place  where  we  could  talk.  I  took  her  to  a  cafe 
and  she  ordered  a  dish  of  ice  cream  for  each  of  us. 

When  it  arrived  she  looked  at  it  a  little  ruefully  and 
then  told  me  what  had  happened.  It  seems  that  after 
the  morning  of  our  return  to  the  house  she  had  quar 
relled  with  her  husband  and  he  had  locked  her  in  her 
bedroom.  In  the  afternoon  she  secured  a  pint  bottle 
of  whiskey  and  drank  most  of  it,  so  that  by  the  time  I 
called  up,  her  husband  was  fighting  mad  and  told  her 
friend,  Mrs.  N ,  to  say  that  they  were  out  of  town. 

She  had  sent  a  note  to  the  Hollenden  for  me  and  I 
had  not  received  it.  Until  I  called  her  that  evening 
she  had  been  in  bed  all  day. 

She  wanted  me  to  take  her  away  for  a  couple  of  days, 


282  O  N  E     M  A  N 

saying  she  could  arrange  to  meet  a  friend  in  Chicago, 
but  I  told  her  I  could  not,  as  I  had  to  go  to  Chicago 
on  important  business.  I  promised  her  to  be  back  on 
Sunday  and  would  then  see  what  we  could  do. 

She  rode  in  a  taxi  with  me  to  the  station  and  waited 
with  me  until  nearly  train  time,  when  I  put  her  into  a 
cab  and  kissing  her  good  night,  sent  her  home.  She 
was  crying  when  we  parted. 

She  had  had  a  hard  life,  having  been  brought  up  in 
luxury  and  suddenly  losing  everything,  and  then 
having  to  give  music  lessons  until  she  married  the 
man  who  could  not  earn  enough  to  keep  her  in  com 
fort. 

I  thought  a  lot  of  her,  and  in  fact  had  fallen  in  love 
with  her,  but'  that  love  was  founded  on  passion. 

I  reached  Chicago  the  next  morning  and  found  there 
at  the  hotel  a  note  from  Bess,  saying  that  she  had 
moved  and  would  call  me  up  at  seven  o'clock  that  even 
ing.  I  had  written  her  several  days  before  that  I 
would  be  there  Friday  and  asked  her  to  call  me  up  at 
the  hotel.  We  had  not  met  since  September  twenty- 
ninth  and  although  I  knew  she  was  engaged  yet  I  did 
want  to  see  her  again. 

At  seven  she  called  me  and  we  talked  a  long  time. 
At  last  I  mustered  up  courage  enough  to  ask  if  she 
did  not  want  to  come  down  town  and  meet  me.  She 
said  she  would  come  right  down  and  told  me  where  to 
meet  her. 

When  I  saw  her  coming  across  the  street  I  was  sur 
prised  at  her  appearance.  She  had  always  looked  nice, 


O  N  E     M  A  N  283 

but  that  night  she  looked  sweeter  and  prettier  than 
ever.  She  was  the  perfect  picture  of  health  and  right 
then  and  there  I  made  up  my  mind  to  send  her  back 
home  as  soon  as  I  could,  for  I  knew  that  my  being  with 
her  would  not  help  her  any. 

After  she  had  greeted  me  I  asked  her  if  she  wanted  to 
go  to  a  certain  cafe  and  to  my  surprise  she  said  I  could 
not  take  her  there  fast  enough  as  she  was  half  dead  of 
thirst  and  that  she  had  not  been  out  on  a  time  for 
weeks. 

Then  I  told  her  that  since  she  'phoned  I  had  re 
ceived  a  wire  asking  me  to  meet  my  sister  at  a  late 
train  and  that  I  had  only  an  hour  or  two  to  spare. 
Bess  was  greatly  disappointed  over  this  and  said  that 
all  the  way  in  on  the  train,  she  had  been  thinking  about 
the  good  time  we  were  going  to  have. 

We  went  to  a  cafe  and  securing  a  table  in  an  out-of- 
the-way  corner  sat  down  to  talk  of  the  old  times  and 
her  engagement. 

When  it  came  to  this  latter  subject,  she  did  not  seem 
so  enthusiastic  over  it.  I  could  see  something  was 
wrong,  but  knowing  engaged  people  sometimes  quarrel 
I  thought  that  the  trouble  would  right  itself.  She  told 
me  that  she  had  not  taken  a  drink  or  been  out  on  a 
time  for  weeks  and  that  she  never  felt  so  well  in  all  her 
life.  She  said  she  had  arranged  to  stay  out  that  night 
as  late  as  she  wanted  and  felt  like  crying  because  I 
had  to  go  to  the  train. 

I  stood  by  my  good  resolutions,  however,  and  after 
we  had  had  a  few  drinks,  I  put  her  on  the  train  and  sent 


284  O  N  E     M  A  N 

her  home,  promising  to  call  her  up  the  next  day.  That 
night  I  went  back  to  the  hotel  and  wrote  a  long  letter 
to  Tulips  telling  her  how  much  I  loved  her. 

The  next  day  I  received  the  following  letter  from 
her: 

Dearest: 

A  lovely  drunken  cabby  brought  me  home.  He 
smelled  so  of  whiskey  I  was  really  shocked  and  me 
without  a  chaperon!  I  am  ashamed  to  death  when  I 
realize  that  I  am  worse  than  any  old  washerwoman  who 
breathes  gin  into  a  shirt  front. 

Oh,  the  calm  of  the  languorous  hour  which  results 
in  a  dish  of  cold  ice  cream.  You  are  the  dearest  boy 
to  me  and  perhaps  —  I  love  you. 

Don't  get  in  the  dumps.  You  always  used  to  mope 
around  me.  Don't  do  it  any  more  because  I  am  not 
basking  in  the  virgin  light  which  a  pure  and  unsullied 
reputation  reflects  —  just  now  —  at  home  and  blue  dev 
ils  would  mean  sure  death.  I  haven't  stopped  to  think 
ahead  yet  —  I  am  afraid  to. 

This  will  be  a  short  note,  dearie,  because  it  is  late, 
but  what  I  am  not  writing  —  I  am  thinking.  Be  a 
good  child  and  think  of  me  rubbing  cold  cream  into 
the  wrinkles  in  my  face  —  caused  from  two  days' 
worry. 

I  will  see  that  the  porter  over  at  the  Hollenden  turns 
the  hose  on  the  Welcome  mat  there  to  freshen  it  up  a 
bit  for  your  arrival  Sunday.  You  will  find  a  note 
there. 


0  N  E     M  A  N  285 

Now  good  night,  dear  boy;  fate  is  the  devil's  own 
trick,  isn't  it? 

Good  night  again, 

All  sunshine  for  you 
and  God  bless  you. 

TULIPS. 

New  Year's  Eve  I  did  not  go  out  of  the  hotel  but 
went  to  bed  early  instead. 

Sunday  afternoon,  while  sitting  in  the  lobby  of  the 
hotel,  one  of  the  old  prison  guards  walked  past  me. 


CHAPTER  XXXVIII 

I  WAS  afraid  he  had  recognized  me,  but  again  I 
was  fortunate.  If  he  had  recognized  me  and 
said  anything  about  it  to  the  room  clerk  on 
duty  it  would  only  be  a  few  days  until  the  story  would 
be  all  over  and  all  the  work  of  the  past  years  undone. 

It  seemed  to  me  that  Sunday  afternoon  as  I  sat  in 
my  room  staring  out  into  the  twilight,  that  after  all, 
my  fight  had  been  a  losing  one.  Even  after  eight  long 
years  I  was  liable  to  recognition  at  any  time  and  the 
truth  would  become  known.  Always  this  thought  had 
been  with  me  and  I  had  simply  gritted  my  teeth  and 
fought  on,  yet  never  before  had  it  been  brought  home 
to  me  so  forcibly  as  when  I  recognized  the  ex-guard. 

I  sat  there  until  late  in  the  evening,  again  going  back 
over  all  the  past  and  I  began  to  see  at  last  that  the  life 
I  had  led  would  bring  me  nothing  and  that  a  success  in 
making  money  did  not  necessarily  mean  a  successful 
life.  I  saw,  for  the  first  time  plainly,  that  men  worked 
for  other  things  besides  money  and  that  honor  and  the 
respect  of  other  men  made  up  the  greater  share  of 
life's  success. 

When  I  at  last  roused  from  my  reveries  it  was  ten 
o'clock  and  I  had  begun  to  think  of  a  cleaner  life. 

I  think  that  the  sight  of  Bess  two  nights  before  and 

286 


0  N  E     M  A  N  287 

the  realization  of  what  an  improvement  a  few  weeks  of 
clean  living  had  made  in  even  her  usually  healthy  ap 
pearance  had  set  me  thinking. 

Then  the  sight  of  that  old  guard  had  taken  me  back 
to  that  bright  spring  day  when  with  a  heart  full  of 
good  resolutions  I  had  stepped  forth  from  that  dreary 
house  of  sorrow  into  God's  sunshine.  Looking  back 
over  it  all  had  shown  me  how  I  had  failed. 

I  was  yet  far  from  even  making  any  good  resolutions 
but  I  had  begun  to  question  myself  and,  thank  God, 
when  a  man  begins  to  do  that,  there  is  some  hope  for 
him. 

The  next  morning  I  went  North  on  business.  I  had 
promised  Tulips  to  return  to  Cleveland  the  day  before, 
but  I  knew  when  I  promised  her  that  I  could  not  return 
so  soon,  but  I  thought  to  make  it  easier  for  her  by 
promising  to  do  so. 

Monday  night  I  wrote  her  and  told  her  I  had  been 
delayed  in  my  return,  but  I  knew  she  would  think 
that  I  had  been  out  on  a  big  spree  New  Year's  Eve  so 
I  was  not  surprised  to  receive  the  following  from  her 
on  Thursday  at  Chicago: 

Dear  boy: 

You  didn't  think  of  it,  but  our  lovely  spitty  post- 
office  closed  here  most  inopportunely  both  Sunday  and 
Monday.  So  I  only  received  your  three  letters  this 
morning. 

I  have  read  each  letter  four  times  and  now  must  con 
sign  them  to  the  kitchen  stove.  They  are  splendid  read- 


288  ONE     MAN 

ing,  believe  me,  and  as  sceptical  as  I  am,  as  bumping 
about  has  made  me  —  I  am  inclined  to  believe  you,  at 
least  I  am  going  to  accept  all  you  say  because  you 
have  jollied  me  up. 

I  have  certainly  had  a  bunch  of  ups  and  downs  and 
right  here  I  will  smear  a  dash  of  blue  across  the  picture 
and  then  cut  it  out.  I  have  never  been  quite  so  up 
against  it.  I  can't  write  all  —  but  —  and  I  am  not 
meaning  any  injustice  toward  any  one  else  —  but  hub 
by's  health  simply  won't  permit  him  to  work  any  harder 
than  to  just  about  take  care  of  himself  and  it  isn't 
right  for  me  to  drag  the  life  out  of  him  to  make  a  liv 
ing  for  me,  too.  It  is  simply  a  situation  that  has  to 
be  looked  squarely  in  the  face  and  it  means  for  me  to 
do  something. 

He  is  very  sad  over  it  and  the  whole  thing  is  mad 
dening  to  me.  I  never  dreamed  of  anything  like  this 
happening  to  me.  But  when  he  came  from  the  doc 
tor's  to-day,  he  said  I  was  right  and  he  couldn't  say 
no.  This  sort  of  thing  casts  a  gloom  over  one's  gen 
eral  life  and  the  pity  I  have  for  people  has  been  my 
own  ruination. 

I  can  sit  down  and  cry  for  hours  over  something  that 
doesn't  even  worry  the  person  I  am  weeping  for  — 
but  that's  my  nature.  I  don't  believe  any  one  can 
ever  be  happy  with  that  in  their  system.  Mamma  is 
the  same  way.  She  will  dissolve  in  tears  at  the  mere 
mention  of  the  days  when  she  wouldn't  let  me  have  the 
cake  when  I  wanted  it  but  only  when  I  didn't  want  it  — • 
at  meal  times. 


0  N  E     M  A  N  289 

I  don't  see  anything  ahead  of  me  but  the  stage  • —  I 
shall  have  to  try  this  small  circuit  first  to  get  accus 
tomed  to  the  work  and  to  throw  presentable  stuff  to 
gether.  I  know  what  vaudeville  wants  but  I  want  to 
get  used  to  doing  things  gradually. 

I  know  what  you  perhaps  are  tempted  to  say,  "  Let 
me  help  you  " ;  but  please  don't,  for  I  have  everything 
planned  and  I  would  hate  myself  if  I  didn't  do  it  in  my 
own  way -. —  I  wouldn't  be  any  kind  of  a  sport  or  a 
woman  —  if  I  didn't. 

Do  you  know  I  am  just  enough  of  a  fatalist  to  be 
lieve  there  was  something  meant  by  our  meeting  again. 
You  tried  to  see  me  in  New  York  and  I  tried  to  find 
you  here  at  the  same  time  and  you  finally  found  me 
here.  We  should  have  met  in  New  York  sooner  or 
later  so  it  was  inevitable  —  why,  dear? 

There  is  a  Destiny  — !  Believe  it?  Fate  is  gener 
ous  but  indiscriminate  in  picking  out  our  relatives  but 
still  I  am  glad  there  is  a  little  of  the  same  blood  in  our 
veins  —  somehow  it  brings  you  nearer  and  I  seem  to 
have  more  claim  on  you  than  other  —  hussies.  I  can 
stand  up  and  say :  "  Get  to  hell  out  of  here,  will  you  — 
he's  my  —  relative."  (Get  to  hell  is  my  favorite  ex 
pression  anyway). 

Every  day  since  I've  been  here  you've  been  in  my 
mind  — "  slush  "  I  hear  you  say.  The  explanation 
simply  reeks  of  simplicity,  one  of  the  musicians  at  the 
theatre  resembles  you.  I  am  offering  this  as  a  part  of 
Fate's  game.  I  can't  explain  how  I  feel  toward  you, 
but  I  can  talk  to  you  and  you  will  understand. 


290  0  N  E     M  A  N 

Many  a  girl  has  gone  out  on  the  stage  with  a  smile 
on  her  lips  and  tears  in  her  heart.  I  know  some  of 
them  who  do  it.  It  simply  represents  work. 

It  isn't  in  me  to  make  anybody  else  suffer  if  I  know 
it  because  it  reflects  such  venom  on  me  —  mentally, 
that  I  feel  as  if  I  would  die. 

So  you  must  see  that  I  have  to  be  as  square  as  I  am 
capable  of  being  —  you  know  I  don't  pose  —  God  for 
give  me  —  if  I  even  had  any  "  creed,"  but  I  simply  toss 
about  and  do  that  which  seems  the  kindest  to  those  de 
pendent  on  me  for  happiness,  but  oh,  God,  I  wonder  if 
I'll  ever  have  any  myself.  Selfish,  isn't  it  — 

Do  you  know  I  am  too  damned  impressionable  —  I 
ache  so  hard  for  others  —  and  I  never  could  smell  a 
rose  hard  enough  —  I  have  to  let  them  absolutely  alone 
and  I  can't  enjoy  pretty  scenery  half  as  hard  as  I 
want  to  —  always  overdo  everything  —  simply  burst 
at  a  dramatic  scene  (like  Way  Down  East  offers).  If 
they  would  only  leave  off  the  trembly,  heartrend 
ing  music  in  ZaZa  I  could  sit  through  it  —  a  woman 
saved  my  life  at  the  Lyric  last  year.  In  the  most 
touching  scene,  she  said  to  her  friends  behind  me,  "  I 
guess  I'll  have  fish  cakes  for  supper." 

Listen,  dear,  I  am  not  going  to  throw  discretion  to 
the  four  vagrant  winds  of  heaven  —  because  it  don't 
get  you  anything.  I  don't  know  what  your  idea  is  — 
and  neither  do  you  for  that  matter  —  but  I  think  you 
will  make  an  effort  to  please  me  and  I  have  several  lit 
tle  plans  to  disclose  to  you.  I  was  obliged  to  trust 
Mrs.  N who  was  willing  to  help  me.  She  will  get 


O  N  E     M  A  N  291 

me  to  Toledo  for  the  day  and  night  but  it  would  be 
wiser  to  come  back  the  same  night  —  even  if  I  go  back 
the  next  day,  for  I  hate  to  have  people  so  dead  on  to 
me.  She  will  help  me  to  Indianapolis  but  it  is  a  risk. 
I  must  see  you  before  I  make  any  move  if  it  is  possible. 
Of  course,  later  she  will  go  with  me  to  Chicago  for  a 
week  and  keep  out  of  the  way  most  of  the  time.  But 
she  can't  go  yet  a  while  and  perhaps  I  can't  then.  I 
can  get  to  Toledo  by  nine  in  the  morning  and  you  can 
arrange  your  train  accordingly.  You  probably  know 
how  to  make  arrangements  in  that  town,  damn  you! 

Will  you  do  that,  dear?  Say  Monday  or  Tuesday 
—  that  will  give  you  plenty  of  time  and  then  you  can 
come  on  over  here  for  a  while,  can't  you?  At  least, 
help  your  relative  plan  her  future. 

Oh,  dearie,  what  a  mess  I  have  made  of  everything. 
Do  you  know  I  am  sorry  if  you  gave  up  a  good  time 
New  Year's  Eve  on  account  of  love  for  me.  I  want 
you  to  have  a  good  time  —  it's  all  we  have  left.  It 
would  be  my  way  —  if  I  had  any. 

All  I  see,  dear,  is  a  black  cloud  —  and  I  am  afraid  — 
that's  all.  I  am  not  mopey  about  it  —  only  philosoph 
ical  —  another  sweet  trait  of  mine. 

Go  ahead  and  enjoy  yourself  —  only  don't  lose  your 
head.  There  is  only  one  thing  I  would  ask  of  you, 
only  it's  not  my  privilege  —  it  would  only  be  my  wish 
at  best  under  the  circumstances. 

You  have  a  much  too  exalted  opinion  of  me.  There 
is  nothing  to  justify  your  worshipful  moods.  Do  you 
know  I  believe  Omar  Khayyam  is  right  —  literally 


ONE     MAN 

you  may  put  fantastic  interpretations  forth  on  the 
Rubaiyat,  but  the  eye  he  had  to  the  grape  solved 
many  a  rainy  day  puzzle  for  Omar.  "  I  wonder  what 
it  is  the  vintners  buy  —  one  half  so  precious  as  the 
goods  they  sell." 

Didn't  I  see  hate  sticking  out  of  every  line  you  wrote 
to  hubby.  You  mustn't  feel  that  way  —  you  won't 
when  you  have  talked  "  unstewed  "  to  me. 

I  was  disappointed  Sunday  but  knew  intuitively  you 
wouldn't  show  up  —  felt  that  you  would  carry  out  your 
usual  New  Year's  plans. 

Do  you  remember  that  trip  you  took  up  the  lakes 
with  that  girl?  Ah,  son,  and  all  those  things  have 
changed!!!  You  see  I  am,  maybe,  jealous. 

The  world  looks  like  another  place  to  me  —  I  feel  as 
though  I  had  been  asleep  and  had  just  come  to  and  am 
still  stunned  to  find  such  a  situation  before  me.  I 
firmly  believe  everything  is  for  the  best  though. 

You  are  wondering  how  much  I  care  —  please  come 
over  Monday  and  find  out.  I  simply  can't  give  you 
up  now  —  and  seem  to  be  tied  —  till  I  can  have  a  talk 
with  you. 

I  know  Toledo  doesn't  offer  much  of  an  attraction 
but  it's  the  best  I  can  do  now  and  will  serve  if  you  can 
then  come  on  over  to  Cleveland.  You  will  let  me  know 
of  course. 

Perhaps  you  see  possibilities  in  my  vaudeville  ven 
ture  by  myself  but  I'm  too  modest  to  hint  at  them. 
It  only  makes  me  thoughtful.  You  may  always  send 
me  a  wire  or  special  here  at  the  house  addressed  to 


O  N  E     M  A  N  £93 

Mrs.  N and  it  will  be  handed  to  me  unopened. 

Well,  dearest,  you  understand  me  now  —  I  am  sure 
as  well  as  I  understand  myself.  I  am  mixed  up  where 
I  don't  dare  think. 

I  hope  you  turn  down  the  Chicago  girl.  I'll  bet  she 
isn't  in  our  "  class  "  anyway  —  I  have  a  perfect  con 
tempt  for  a  "  tart." 

A  woman  has  got  to  be  pretty  classy  to  put  it  over 
right.  My  idea  would  be  —  a  woman  possessed  of  all 
the  component  parts  of  a  "  peach  "  to  begin  with,  be 
sides  which  I  should  want  her  well  dressed  —  with  a 
diamond  or  two,  entertaining  —  well  raised  —  brainy 
—  witty —  (I  should  say  talented)  and  above  all  good 
humored,  but  then  I  am  dealing  with  "  kept "  women, 
I  am  afraid.  They  are  always  trying  to  cover  up 
"  papa's  money  "  and  "  mamma's  reception  gowns  "  in 
a  loud  voice  —  while  the  good  pal  — "  tart  "  (I  hope  I 
don't  offend)  is  inclined  to  tell  you  what  she  "  seen  " 
and  what  she  "  done  "  at  "  Rector's  "  last  night  and 
advances  enough  small  chatter  to  shame  Reed  &  Kel- 
log's  First  Reader  out  of  the  public  schools. 

Thank  God  I  can  discriminate  if  I  do  have  to  work 
out  my  own  salvation.  It's  something  to  be  able  to  ap 
preciate  the  general  mechanism  of  everything.  I'm  a 
good  observer  and  I  find  "  where  ignorance  is  bliss  it's 
foolish  to  be  a  fox."  In  a  minute  I'll  be  lecturing  on 
the  threadbare  East  Side. 

I  am  just  writing  at  random  as  you  can  see  —  I  hope 
to  be  my  natural  self  soon  —  poke  your  finger  at 
me  and  I'll  cry. 


294  O  N  E     M  A  N 

Oh,  Bobby,  it  will  be  all  right  when  I  see  you  I  am 
sure.  Do  you  care  enough  to  make  the  trip  over? 
It's  nice  to  feel  that  you  really  care  —  but  all  I  offer 
is  such  a  wreck  of  principles  —  still  a  new  love  is  yours 
—  new  to  me  —  I  still  believe  it  was  meant  to  be. 

Let  me  hear  from  you  "  Special "  or  wire  as  soon  as 
you  get  this. 

With  all  my  love,  good  night,  dear. 

TULIPS. 

After  reading  this  long  letter  over  several  times  I 
wrote  her  that  I  could  not  come  until  the  following 
week,  when  I  would  have  to  be  in  Cleveland  for  a  day 
and  night  only.  Right  down  in  my  heart  I  felt  that  I 
ought  not  to  see  her  again,  but  her  letter  fascinated 
me  and  I  determined  to  go  and  see  her  again. 

A  day  or  so  later  I  received  this  letter  from  her : 

My  dearest: 

Your  dear  letter  just  came.  Be  flattered  when  I  tell 
you  I  made  three  trips  over  to  the  postoffice  for  it  but 
I  knew  it  would  be  there  which  is  proof  of  my  trust  in 
you.  As  a  rule  I  am  dubious  —  but  I  believe  you  when 
you  say  business  detained  you  because  what  the  hell  is 
the  use  in  "  spinning  them  "  to  me  ? 

I  have  only  a  few  minutes  to  write  to  you.  Unfor 
tunately  hubby's  hours  have  been  changed  —  works 

from  twelve  till  two  and  five  till  seven.  Mrs.  N 

and  I  will  fix  it  for  the  day  and  evening  by  sending  her 
and  a  friend  to  the  theatre  —  meeting  them  afterwards. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  295 

I  owe  Mrs.  N a  treat  anyway  for  she  would  go 

through  hell  for  me,  cooks  my  breakfast  herself  every 
morning  —  she  is  one  good  friend.  If  I  have  to  live 
cheaply  it's  good  to  be  with  her.  Always  my  luck  to 
have  some  one  dumbly  worship  me  and  I  never  can  repay 
them. 

Dear  boy,  I'm  at  my  wits'  end  to  know  just  what  to 
do.  It's  easy  to  say  it,  but  following  the  dictates  of 
one's  heart  sometimes  ends  in  misery  —  but  I  am  doing 
what  I  think  is  best.  I'm  "  breaking  away  "  and  le 
gitimately.  Mr.  E is  going  to  give  me  four  weeks- 
over  the time  and  then  put  me  over  the  Western 

time  which  is  two  shows  a  day  and  takes  me  to  the 
Coast.  I  won't  go  into  detail  but  you  can  guess  why 
I  am  pushing  the  vaudeville  through.  It  will  take  me 
away.  Of  course,  I  could  sit  and  play  pictures  for 
six  hours  at  a  stretch  but  that  isn't  my  ideal  of  happi 
ness.  If  I  must  take  care  of  myself,  I  am  going  to  do 
it  without  drudgery. 

Damn  a  man  that  wants  his  wife  to  earn  half. 

Never  mind,  dear  heart,  I  know  what  you  want  to 
say  but  we  can  only  talk  it  over.  You  will  listen  to 
my  method  of  reasoning  for  I  am  not  looking  for 
trouble  but  the  contrary  —  and  it  doesn't  come  in  a 
minute. 

If  you  knew  that  every  thought  of  mine  belongs  to 
you,  "  cousin  mine  " —  and  that  my  real  love  goes  out 
to  you  only  —  you  will  be  satisfied  to  let  me  go  on  with 
what  I  have  planned  —  it  gets  me  away  and  may  mean 
a  certain  amount  of  success. 


296  ONE     M  A  N 

This  idea  of  the  stage  being  corrupt  is  all  damned 
rot,  it's  just  as  one  makes  it.  Personally  I  am  just  as 
safe  there  as  anywhere  else.  I  have  lots  of  friends  in 
the  business  and  should  attend  strictly  to  my  own  af 
fairs.  It  doesn't  all  glitter  and  the  odor  of  the  Swans 
Down  powder  and  No.  18  rouge  together  with  hair  oil 
whiskey  and  "  seen  "  it  and  "  done  "  it  and  snatches  of 
how  "  they  kicked  'em  off  the  chairs  in  Oshkosh,"  etc., 
don't  turn  my  head.  When  your  eyes  have  been  opened 
and  your  own  heart  is  gone  there  is  no  need  to  worry. 
I  flatter  myself  I  am  on  to  the  world,  which  is  round  like 
an  orange  and  flat  at  the  poles. 

I  love  you,  dear  boy,  remember  it  always. 

I  find  myself  drinking  hot  whiskies  for  my  cold  (?). 
They  don't  banish  memory,  however.  They  say  heaven 
and  hell  are  right  here  with  us  somewhere  between  the 
gullet  and  the  pit  of  the  stomach.  The  heaven  of  it  is 
in  imbibing  the  hair  oil  cocktail  to  the  "  forgetful 
stage  "  and  the  hell  of  it  is  the  penalty  we  pay  for  the 
heaven  indulged  in. 

I  hope  you  show  up  soon  and  come  to  Cleveland. 
Toledo  is  out  of  the  question  now  under  the  changed 
conditions. 

Must  stop  now  and  post  this.  Hoping  to  see  your 
dear  self  by  Wednesday,  believe  me, 

Always, 

Your  TULIPS. 

During  the  next  few  days  I  was  very  busy  on  con 
tracts  and  did  not  go  near  Bess  or  even  let  her  know 


O  N  E     M  A  N  297 

I  was  back  in  the  city.  I  wrote  Tulips  saying  I  could 
not  get  away  for  two  weeks  and  that  I  was  laid  up  with 
a  cold.  On  the  eighteenth  I  received  this  letter  from 
her,  written  in  pencil: 

Dear  Robbie: 

Am  waiting  for  a  taxi  to  take  me  to  the  train,  going 
into  New  York.  Hubby  is  playing  vaudeville  again. 
They  wired  for  him  and  he  went  Thursday.  He  is 
booked  for  the  season. 

Will  be  there  Saturday.  Terribly  sorry  not  to  have 
seen  you  again.  Understand  you  couldn't  pull  away 
from  your  business. 

Sorry  you  were  laid  up.  If  I  were  not  your  own' 
adorable  relative,  I  might  ask  —  who  is  she.  But  I 
am  the  relative. 

Besides  didn't  I  get  touched  for  all  I  had  over  at 

the  H last  night.  Threw  whiskey  at  the  waiter, 

then  slapped  his  face. 

I  do  hope  you  will  come  on  East.  Please  write  to 
me  for  you  know,  dear,  how  fond  I  am  of  you  and  it 
hurts  me  to  feel  you  don't  take  the  same  interest  in  me 
—  perhaps.  Write  me,  New  York,  Gen'l  Del.,  till  I 
make  other  arrangements. 

Tell  me  were  you  legitimately  ill?  If  you  were  —  I 
am  sorry v  of  course  —  please  don't  forget  me  so  ut 
terly  —  I  can't  you.  Didn't  I  write  you  a  letter  over 
at  the  H last  night  and  mail  it  under  the  table  ? 

I  do  such  dippy  things.  Do  you  really  want  to  see 
me  again? 


ONE     MAN 

I  hope  your  business  is  a  success  and  I  also  hope 
to  do  well  enough  with  my  songs  to  get  over  the  star 
vation  stage.  Will  have  to  have  some  pictures  made 
and  will  send  one  —  if  you  care  for  it. 

Is  there  some  other  woman,  Bobbie? 

Must  stop  now  —  you  might  drop  me  a  line  so  I 
will  get  it  Monday. 

Bye,  bye  and  "  God  will  take  care  of  you,  Bill." 

Pardon  pencil,  I  am  all  packed  up.  Just  a  line  to 
Gen'l  Del.,  dear. 

Always, 

TUIJPS. 

With  this  letter  she  enclosed  a  wire  from  her  husband 
telling  her  to  come  East  at  once. 

I  wrote  to  her  care  of  General  Delivery,  New  York, 
and  received  a  short  little  note  in  reply  promising  to 
write  again  in  a  few  days  and  asking  me  to  write  to  her 
and  to  enclose  my  letters  in  an  envelope  addressed  to 
one  of  her  married  friends.  A  few  days  later  I  wrote 
as  she  requested  telling  her  I  would  be  at  the  Waldorf 
about  the  tenth. 

A  few  days  later  while  I  was  at  the  factory  in  Cleve 
land  the  secretary  called  me  into  his  private  office. 
"  Robert,"  he  said,  "  have  you  any  enemies  here  in  the 
city  ?  "  I  was  greatly  surprised  at  his  question,  but 
told  him  that  I  had  several  that  I  knew  of.  Then  he 
went  on  to  tell  me  that  some  one  had  been  bringing 
stories  to  him  and  he  also  said  that  one  person  in  par 
ticular  claimed  that  I  had  done  things  in  Cleveland 


ONE     MAN  299 

which  should  cause  me  to  hang  my  head  in  shame  for 
the  rest  of  my  life.  I  told  the  secretary  that  my 
trouble  with  my  wife  was  probably  back  of  these  re 
marks,  which  were  no  doubt  made  by  some  of  her  friends. 
I  also  said  that  I  had  acted  as  I  thought  right  in  that 
matter  and  did  not  believe  that  any  one  could  truth 
fully  say  anything  detrimental  to  me.  This  pleased 
him  and  he  told  me  that  he,  of  course,  had  not  believed 
the  stories,  but  in  my  own  heart  I  knew  that  some 
one  had  said  something  about  my  relations  with 
Nadine. 

While  in  Cleveland  I  received  this  letter  from  Tulips : 

My  dear  boy: 

Do  you  really  believe  you  are  coming  over  soon.  I 
have  been  out  of  town  and  had  planned  to  go  up  to  the 
mountains  with  a  lady  after  hubby  leaves  the  city  but 
won't  now  as  long  as  there  are  prospects  of  seeing  you 
soon.  I  don't  seem  able  to  write  a  real  letter  any  more 
because  I  never  know  where  you  are  and  have  been 
thinking  I'd  have  a  talk  all  this  time. 

This  old  world  is  such  a  weary  place  and  perplexing 
to  live  in.  Everything  is  up  hill  —  so  what's  the  use? 
I'd  simply  love  to  have  a  farm  and  raise  chickens. 
That  quiet  life  by  the  sea  —  with  a  grand  piano  and  a 
bathing  suit!  A  hill  goes  up  and  a  pill  goes  down; 
likewise  the  barometer  of  ambitious  geniuses. 

Oh,  well,  I  am  cheerful  and  my  new  song  is  in  all  the 
Broadway  windows.  Besides  don't  I  get  enough  to 
eat  —  if  I  do  have  to  cook  it  myself  —  and  there  is 


300  O  N  E     M  A  N 

still  a  lot  of  pure,  fresh  air  —  outside  of  theatrical 
managers'  offices  and  didn't  a  cab  driver  yell,  "  Hello, 
kiddo,"  at  me  the  other  day ! 

I  am  getting  my  summer  clothes  at  cost  —  providing 
I  come  across  with  the  cost  at  least  —  so  you  see  I 
won't  have  many  troubles  to  tell  you  after  all. 

Far  be  it  from  me  to  ask  you  any  more  to  move 
along.  It  cheapens  a  woman  to  appear  to  be  running 
after  a  man  —  they  say. 

Well,  twilight  sneaks  up  yonder  hill  and  incidentally 
through  Central  Park  West  so  I'll  stop  while  there  is 
still  purple  light  enough  to  sign  my  name.  Are  you 
true  and  still  hopeful? 

TULIPS. 

Early  in  February,  I  wrote  a  note  to  Bess  asking  her 
how  she  was  getting  along.  I  received  a  nice  letter 
from  her  saying  that  she  had  broken  her  engagement 
and  was  engaged  to  another  young  man  whom  I  had 
met.  It  seems  that  the  first  one  had  turned  out  to  be 
a  rascal  after  all  and  personally  I  knew  the  second  one 
to  be  no  better.  I  felt  sorry  for  her,  but  wrote  her  a 
letter  wishing  her  luck. 

I  was  delayed  in  starting  on  my  Eastern  trip  and  re 
ceived  the  following  from  Tulips : 

My  dear: 

Just  returned  from  Trenton.  Called  up  the  Wal 
dorf  and  learned  you  were  to  be  here  this  coming  week. 

Will  'phone  down  Monday  and  Tuesday  if  I  don't 


ONE     MAN  301 

hear  from  you  that  your  plans  have  changed.     Hubby 
is  playing  here  for  one  more  week. 

No  vaudeville  for  mine  alone.     I  tried  it! 
Hoping  to  see  you  soon, 

Always, 

TULIPS. 


CHAPTER  XXXIX 

I  ARRIVED  in  New  York  the  following  Friday 
morning  and  was  so  busy  all  day  that  I  neg 
lected  to  let  Tulips  know  of  my  arrival. 

About  seven  thirty  in  the  evening  I  sent  a  messenger 
boy  with  a  note  to  her,  but  he  returned  with  the  infor 
mation  that  she  had  gone  out  for  the  evening,  so  I 
wrote  her  a  note  that  night  and  mailed  it,  knowing 
she  would  receive  Jt  the  following  morning. 

At  four  o'clock  the  next  day  she  called  me  up  and 
after  telling  me  how  glad  she  was  to  hear  my  voice  she 
made  an  engagement  to  meet  me  at  six  thirty  at  Times 
Square.  She  was  there  on  time  and  after  our  greet 
ings  were  over  we  went  to  the  Cafe  de  1'Opera  for 
dinner. 

During  the  meal  we  both  drank  considerable  and 
when  we  came  out  on  the  street,  decided  to  walk  around 
a  little.  After  an  hour  spent  in  walking  up  and  down 
Broadway,  we  went  to  Murray's,  where  we  sat  and 
visited  until  eleven  o'clock. 

From  there  we  went  to  a  flat  owned  by  a  woman 
friend  of  mine  on  West  Fifty-fifth  Street.  She  had  a 
beautifully  furnished  little  apartment  and  Tulips 
played  over  several  of  her  songs  for  me  on  the  baby 

grand  piano. 

SOi 


0  N  E     M  A  N  303 

We  did  not  go  home  until  one  o'clock  and  when  I 
helped  her  out  of  the  taxi  at  One  Hundred  and  Eighth 
Street  she  was  anything  but  sober.  After  watching 
her  until  she  arrived  safely  at  her  door,  I  jumped  into 
the  taxi  and  went  back  down  town. 

The  next  morning  I  received  instructions  to  go  to 
Boston  that  day  and  just  as  I  was  packing,  Tulips 
called  me  up.  I  told  her  I  was  going  to  Boston  at 
noon  and  would  return  on  the  Knickerbocker  the  next 
afternoon  and  asked  her  to  meet  me  at  the  Waldorf  at 
seven.  She  agreed  to  this,  saying  hubby  was  going  to 
Washington  that  night  and  she  would  be  free  to  stay 
out  as  late  ,as  she  wanted  to  on  my  return. 

She  was  waiting  for  me  the  next  evening  and  after 
dinner  we  again  went  to  the  flat,  where  Tulips  played 
and  sang  for  me  until  nearly  eleven. 

We  had  several  bottles  of  wine  during  the  evening 
and  about  one  o'clock  Tulips  suddenly  dropped  to  the 
floor.  I  was  considerably  frightened,  believing  she 
was  dead.  I  called  my  friend  and  after  we  had  lifted 
Tulips  into  a  chair  she  said  that  there  was  nothing  seri 
ous  wrong  with  her;  she  was  simply  drunk. 

I  carried  her  into  a  bedroom  and  laid  her  on  the  bed. 
The  woman  then  undressed  her  and  after  wrapping  her 
in  blankets,  opened  the  windows  and  turned  out  the 
lights,  saying  the  fresh  air  would  soon  sober  her.  It 
was  a  bitter  cold  night  and  I  can  remember  going  into 
the  room  several  times  during  the  next  hour  to  see  how 
she  was  getting  along.  She  lay  there  so  white  and 
still  that  it  took  a  great  deal  of  persuasion  on  the  part 


304  O  N  E     M  A  N 


of  my  friend  to  convince  me  that  there  was  not  some 
thing  seriously  wrong  with  her.  About  two  thirty, 
she  woke  up  and  called  me.  I  found  her  much 
better. 

We  did  not  leave  until  four  in  the  morning  and  she 
was  a  pale,  sick-looking  girl  when  I  took  her  home. 

But  that  evening  we  went  out  again,  although  this 
time  I  was  careful  not  to  allow  her  to  drink  so  much. 

The  next  evening  I  was  tired  out  from  the  loss  of 
sleep  and  left  word  at  the  desk  not  to  call  me  on  the 
'phone.  Tulips  could  sleep  all  day,  while  I  had  busi 
ness  to  attend  to  and  anyway  I  was  getting  ashamed  of 
myself. 

Through  some  error  in  the  office  they  rang  my  'phone 
about  eleven  o'clock  and,  answering,  I  recognized  Tu 
lips'  voice.  She  wanted  me  to  come  up  to  a  friend's 
house  on  Eighty-sixth  Street,  where  they  were  having 
a  party.  From  the  way  she  talked  I  knew  she  had  had 
several  drinks.  She  informed  me  that  she  was  at  that 
moment  in  a  saloon  where  she  had  just  purchased  a  bot 
tle  of  vermouth  for  the  party. 

I  told  her  it  was  too  late  for  me  to  come  up  as  I  had 
already  retired.  I  asked  her  why  she  had  not  called 
me  earlier  and  she  answered  that  she  had  called  me 
several  times  and  had  been  told  upon  each  occasion 
that  I  was  out.  I  told  her  that  business  had  detained 
me  all  evening  and  that  I  was  too  tired  to  come  out 
again  that  night.  I  offered  to  send  a  taxi  to  take  her 
home,  but  she  was  angry  and  told  me  that  if  I  did  not 
come  after  her,  I  would  never  see  her  again.  We 


ONE    MAN  305 

talked  a  few  minutes  longer  and  finally  she  slammed  up 
the  receiver. 

That  night,  even  though  I  was  dead  tired,  I  could 
not  sleep.  I  smoked  innumerable  cigarettes  and  at 
about  three  o'clock  I  got  up  to  get  a  drink.  As  I 
walked  across  the  room,  I  staggered  and  would  have 
fallen  had  I  not  caught  hold  of  the  chair.  I  felt  dizzy 
and  my  head  ached  terribly.  The  cigarettes  I  had 
smoked  during  the  evening  had  not  given  me  the  satis 
faction  they  usually  did  and  somehow  I  realized  tnat 
at  last  they  were  "  getting  me."  For  several  months. 
I  had  been  smoking  on  an  average  of  thirty  a  day,  but 
was  not  getting  the  pleasure  out  of  them  that  I  had 
formerly  experienced.  Worrying  over  this  kept  me 
awake  until  daylight. 

My  work  in  New  York  being  completed,  I  decided  to 
return  that  afternoon  to  Cleveland. 

I  stopped  in  at  a  florist's  and  ordered  a  big  basket 
of  tulips  sent  to  my  cousin's  address. 

When  my  train  pulled  out  I  sat  in  my  section  in  any 
thing  but  a  happy  frame  of  mind.  I  had  called  up  the 
hotel  before  getting  on  the  train  and  had  been  told  that 
no  one  had  called  me  up  since  I  had  left.  Somehow  I 
had  expected  Tulips  to  call  up  and  say  she  was  sorry 
for  her  actions  of  the  night  before. 

It  was  a  bleak,  gloomy  afternoon,  with  alternating 
flurries  of  rain  and  snow,  which  at  times  almost  hid  the 
view  of  the  Palisades  across  the  river.  Somehow  T 
knew  intuitively  that  some  change  was  taking  place  in 
my  life. 


306  0  N  E     M  A  N 

I  wrote  a  short  note  to  Tulips  and  mailed  it  at  Al 
bany. 

At  the  factory  in  Cleveland  the  next  afternoon,  the 
secretary  again  called  me  into  his  office.  He  invited 
me  to  be  seated  and  then  suggested  that  I  hand  in  my 
resignation.  Before  I  could  say  anything,  he  went  on 
to  state  that  unpleasant  stories  concerning  me  had 
been  circulating  through  the  office  and  around  in  cer 
tain  business  circles  and  he  thought  the  best  thing  I 
could  do  would  be  to  resign  quietly. 

Then  I  knew  that  further  retribution  had  overtaken 
me.  I  made  no  denials  to  him  and  said  not  a  word, 
but  stepping  to  the  door  I  called  in  a  stenographer 
and  dictated  my  resignation.  After  signing  this  I  took 
it  in  to  the  old  white-haired  president  and  laid  it  on  his 
desk.  After  looking  it  over  he  said,  "  My  boy,  I  am 
sorry  to  have  you  do  this,  but  I  suppose  it  can't  be 
helped."  He  shook  hands  with  me  and  then  told  me  to 
go  to  the  cashier,  who  would  give  me  my  settlement. 

The  cashier  gave  me  a  settlement  receipt  to  sign 
and  after  looking  it  over  and  signing  it,  I  shoved  it 
through  the  window  to  him.  He  pushed  out  two  checks, 
one  for  the  amount  due  and  another  one  for  a  thou 
sand  dollars.  To  this  latter  one  was  pinned  a  slip  of 
paper  upon  which  was  written  in  the  shaky  handwrit 
ing  of  the  old  president,  "  In  appreciation  of  your 
faithful  work,"  and  signed  with  only  his  initials. 

My  eyes  filled  with  tears  as  I  stumbled  out  of  the  of 
fice  without  saying  good-bye  to  any  one. 

Up  in  my  room  at  the  hotel  that  afternoon,  I  su£- 


0  N  E     M  A  N  307 

fered  the  tortures  of  the  damned.  This  was  the  first 
and  only  time  in  my  life  when  I  had  been  discharged 
from  a  position.  It  hurt  me  terribly  when  I  realized 
how  hard  I  had  worked  for  nothing  after  all. 

I  did  not  worry  so  much  regarding  a  new  position, 
as  I  had  had  many  offers  from  other  concerns. 

That  night  I  left  for  Chicago,  having  decided  to  rest 
a  few  days  before  taking  up  any  new  work. 

The  following  was  forwarded  to  me  from  the  Waldorf 
a  few  days  later  and  had  been  written  the  day  I  left 
New  York: 

My  dear  Robbie: 

I  am  certainly  a  rotter  and  so  are  you.  Sorry  I 
was  so  ugly  over  the  'phone  —  booze. 

Don't  blame  you  for  not  wanting  to  see  me.  Did 
not  get  in  till  four  this  morning  and  have  been  in  bed 
all  day  —  am  simply  all  in. 

The  flowers  were  lovely,  both  as  flowers  and  a  peace 
offering  —  my  rotten  life  needs  a  dash  or  two  of  fresh 
ness  in  it  now  and  then.  They  sort  of  make  me  feel 
that  there  may  be  a  God  after  all.  He  has  certainly 
turned  me  over  to  the  Devil's  care  lately. 

I'll  call  you  up  in  the  morning  —  if  you  are  not 
there,  I  can  call  again. 

Thanks  again  for  the  flowers. 

Always, 

TULIPS. 

After  I  had  been  in  Chicago  a  few  days  I  wrote  Tu- 


308  O  N  E     M  A  N 

lips  telling  Her  I  was  going  West  for  a  month  and 
would  let  her  know  when  I  returned. 

And  thus  another  love  went  smash.  I  was  about 
through,  but  did  not  know  it  then. 

When  I  began  to  inquire  regarding  openings  with 
different  firms  in  my  line,  I  was  surprised  to  find  there 
were  none.  My  first  Chicago  employer  even  came  to 
the  hotel  to  see  me  and  though  I  had  long  ago  satisfied 
him  that  I  had  not  betrayed  his  interests  at  the  time 
I  left  him  so  suddenly,  yet  he  finally  decided  that  he 
could  not  use  me.  I  wrote  to  a  few  Eastern  firms  and 
while  they  replied  promptly,  they  all  stated  that  they 
had  no  opening  for  me  at  that  time  but  would  place 
my  application  on  file. 

At  last  a  friend  of  mine  told  me  that  my  old  com 
petitors  among  the  trade  had  passed  around  some 
story  about  me  and  I  knew  then  that  I  would  have  to 
change  my  line  of  work  if  I  ever  expected  to  earn  a  big 
income  again.  I  was  offered  several  positions,  but 
they  did  not  pay  as  much  as  my  last  one  had  and  I  re 
fused  them. 

I  had  plenty  of  money  and  a  lot  of  faith  that  I 
would  yet  land  something. 

My  evenings  were  very  lonely  and  I  suddenly  made 
up  my  mind  to  see  Bess.  I  called  her  up  and  she  ac 
cepted  an  invitation  to  take  dinner  with  me  that  even 
ing. 


CHAPTER  XL 

AT  dinner  she  forgave  me  for  not  writing  to 
her  and  said  something  about  not  being  able 
to  help  caring  for  me  no  matter  what  I  did. 

She  showed  me  the  solitaire  which  her  fiance  had 
given  her  and  when  I  spoke  about  him,  she  said  she  did 
not  think  she  cared  as  much  for  him  as  she  had  when 
he  asked  her  to  marry  him,  and  that  he  did  not  treat 
her  with  entire  respect.  I  said  nothing  more  to  her 
about  him. 

We  had  several  drinks  with  our  dinner  and  spent  the 
evening  in  our  old  room  at  the  Wabash  Avenue  hotel. 

I  could  only  see  her  three  times  a  week  as  her  fiance 
called  the  other  four  nights.  We  had  to  be  careful  in 
getting  away  from  her  boarding  house,  as  he  lived 
only  a  block  away.  I  would  call  for  her  at  a  certain 
hour,  in  a  taxi,  she  would  be  waiting  inside  the  house, 
watching  for  me,  and  as  soon  as  I  arrived  she  would 
run  out  and  jump  into  the  car  and  away  we  would  go. 

One  Wednesday  evening  I  took  her  to  the  theatre 
and  when  I  left  her  at  her  door,  she  promised  to  call  me 
up  at  seven  the  next  evening.  I  waited  until  eight 
o'clock  and  not  having  heard  from  her,  called  her  up. 
When  she  came  to  the  'phone  I  asked  her  what  was 
wrong.  She  said  that  her  fiance  had  learned  of  our 
being  at  the  theatre  and  had  just  been  up  to  see  her. 


310  ONE    MAN 

He  was  almost  wild  with  anger  and  jealousy  and  had 
shown  her  a  big  revolver  and  threatened  to  kill  me. 

I  laughed  when  she  told  me  this  and  advised  her 
not  to  be  afraid  of  what  he  might  do  to  me  as  I  was 
more  than  able  to  take  care  of  myself,  but  she  was 
afraid  and  told  me  that  I  must  not  come  over  that 
night,  that  he  might  be  watching  for  me.  I  did  not 
want  to  worry  her  so  I  asked  her  to  call  me  up  the  next 
evening  early  and  she  promised  to  do  so. 

The  next  evening  I  waited  until  eight  thirty  before 
calling  her  up  and  when  she  answered  the  'phone  I 
could  tell  by  the  sound  of  her  voice  that  she  had  been 
crying  and  when  I  asked  why  she  had  not  called  me 
she  simply  said  that  she  could  not.  I  asked  her  why 
she  had  been  crying  and  she  answered,  "  On  account  of 
you,  Bobbie."  She  would  give  me  no  further  explana 
tion  and  when  I  said  I  was  coming  right  over,  replied 
that  she  could  not  see  me.  Then  I  asked  her  about 
seeing  her  the  next  evening  and  she  said  that  she  could 
not  see  me  then. 

Upon  hearing  her  say  this,  my  heart  began  to  sink. 
I  stood  there  holding  the  receiver  to  my  ear  and  I  could 
hear  her  sobbing.  Then  I  said,  "  Bess,  does  that  mean 
you  never  expect  to  see  me  again  ?  "  and  she  replied 
with  a  sob,  "  Bobbie,  I  guess  that's  what  it  means. 
We  can't  go  on  this  way,  we  are  only  sinking  deeper 
each  day." 

Never  since  I  had  met  her  had  I  ever  loved  her  so 
much  as  I  did  at  that  moment.  The  realization  that 
she  too  had  found  me  out  for  what  I  was,  stunned  me. 


ONE     MAN  311 

I  could  still  hear  her  sobbing,  but  I  was  so  dazed  and 
heartbroken  that  I  could  not  talk  and  I  softly  hung 
up  the  receiver. 

Throwing  myself  face  downward  across  my  bed,  I 
cried  as  I  had  not  cried  since  my  childhood  days. 
Within  the  next  few  minutes  it  seemed  as  if  every  sin 
ful  act  that  I  had  ever  committed,  flashed  before  me  as 
if  upon  a  screen  and  I  saw  myself  at  last  just  as  I  was, 
a  rotten,  miserable  failure  as  a  man,  absolutely  worth 
less  to  God,  to  my  folks,  to  the  world  and  to  myself. 

Getting  down  on  my  knees  beside  the  bed,  I  told  God 
I  was  through  with  the  old  life  and  would  be  a  man  and 
when  I  arose  I  knew  He  had  heard  me. 

I  went  to  the  'phone  and  called  up  Bess.  When  she 
answered  she  was  still  crying  and  could  hardly  speak 
distinctly.  I  told  her  I  was  sorry  for  having  hung  up 
the  receiver  as  I  had  done,  but  that  I  had  been  so 
stunned  at  what  she  had  said  I  could  not  speak.  Then 
she  told  me  that  she  was  just  going  to  call  me  up  as 
her  'phone  rang  and  that  she  was  glad  I  had  called  her 
as  it  proved  that  I  really  cared  after  all.  Then  I  told 
her  that  what  she  had  said  about  our  relations  was  true 
and  that  I  saw  it  in  its  true  light  at  last  and  then,  after 
telling  her  I  would  write  to  her  that  evening,  I  said 
good-bye. 

In  my  letter  to  her  I  thanked  her  for  opening  my 
eyes  and  told  her  she  had  accomplished  far  more  than 
she  knew  when  she  had  decided  to  give  me  up.  I  closed 
my  letter  to  her  with  a  "  God  bless  you,  Bess,"  that 
came  straight  from  my  heart. 


CHAPTER  XLI 

THE  next  morning  I  was  sitting  in  the  Hotel 
lobby  and  the  feeling  of  utter  loneliness  that 
came  over  me  was  such  that  I  was  afraid  the 
other  guests  sitting  near  me  would  notice  it  and  I  went 
upstairs  to  my  room.  There  I  sat  down  and  tried  to 
figure  out  what  I  should  do.  It  seemed  that  morning 
as  if  I  were  a  stranger  in  Chicago  without  a  friend  or 
even  an  acquaintance. 

At  last  my  thoughts  turned  toward  home  and  I  de 
cided  to  wire  my  father,  asking  him  if  I  could  come  home 
for  a  few  days'  rest.  I  received  his  answer  promptly, 
telling  me  to  come  on  home  immediately.  That  night 
I  took  the  train  in  response  to  his  invitation. 

For  a  week  after  my  homecoming  I  did  nothing  but 
rest.  A  great  deal  of  my  time  was  spent  with  my  lit 
tle  sister.  I  told  Father  that  I  had  had  a  dispute  with 
my  employer  and  was  going  to  wait  and  see  what  they 
would  do.  After  a  week's  rest  I  began  to  write  letters 
to  different  manufacturers  and  jobbers  in  my  old  line 
of  work  and  during  the  following  two  weeks  the  answers 
drifted  in  slowly,  but  all  contained  the  same  informa 
tion,  "  No  opening."  One  letter  only  held  out  any 
hope  at  all  and  I  laid  that  aside,  figuring  on  returning 

to  Chicago  a  little  later. 

312 


O  N  E     M  A  N  313 

During  the  latter  part  of  my  stay  at  home  I  invested 
a  thousand  dollars  in  a  "  get-rich-quick  "  concern  and 
saw  it  wiped  out  completely  in  two  weeks.  This  left 
me  with  just  a  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  to  my  name 
and  for  the  first  time  in  years  real  fear  for  my  business 
future  entered  my  mind.  I  shall  never  forget  that  ter 
rible  feeling  that  came  over  me  when  I  began  to  won 
der  what  I  should  do  to  even  earn  a  living.  I  was  pay 
ing  ten  dollars  a  week  board  at  home  and  the  folks 
were  always  glad  to  take  it.  I  was  too  proud  to  let 
them  know  that  I  was  running  short  of  money. 

I  think  the  lesson  that  was  driven  into  me  so  quietly 
and  severely  those  beautiful  spring  days  was  one  of  the 
best  things  that  ever  happened  to  me.  To  have  it 
brought  home  to  me  so  clearly  that  my  very  existence 
hung  on  such  slender  threads  made  me  realize  that  I 
had  wasted  a  thousand  opportunities  which  might 
never  come  to  me  again.  And  I  felt  that  finding  a  new 
position  was  going  to  mean  a  long  search  and  in  all 
probability  I  would  have  to  begin  again  at  the  very 
bottom  of  the  ladder.  I  could  not  refer  to  any  of  my 
last  employers  for  references.  My  recent  associates  in 
business  evidently  were  fighting  shy  of  me  and  where 
was  I  to  turn?  It  was  at  this  time  in  my  life  that  I 
learned  finally  the  real  value  of  a  good  reputation  and 
I  slowly  made  up  my  mind  to  go  out  into  the  world 
again  and  get  one  and  keep  it.  Somehow  when  I  made 
up  my  mind  to  do  this  my  courage  came  back  to  me. 
Thank  God,  I  had  faith  in  my  ability  to  do  good  work 
at  least,  and  I  determined  to  make  good. 


314  O  N  E     M  A  N 

Leaving  home  with  just  an  even  hundred  dollars  1 
came  to  Chicago  and  started  on  a  quiet  hunt  for  em 
ployment.  I  had  with  me  the  one  letter  that  had  of 
fered  any  hope  and  I  went  to  see  the  people. 

They  had  lost  several  good  contracts  to  me  during 
the  preceding  year  and  from  the  way  they  welcomed 
me,  they  evidently  respected  my  ability,  but  I  could  see 
that  they  had  also  heard  some  story  regarding  me. 

I  was  anxious  to  get  employment  and  I  guess  they 
caught  on,  because  they  would  not  make  me  any  offer 
immediately.  I  looked  over  the  institution  and  saw  a 
hundred  places  where  improvements  could  be  made.  I 
decided  to  get  a  position  there  if  I  had  to  work  for 
fifty  dollars  a  month.  I  knew  I  could  take  my  coat 
off,  pitch  in  and  work  hard  and  the  results  would  come. 
I  did  not  worry  as  to  what  the  future  with  them  would 
be.  I  have  always  found  that  when  a  man  delivers  the 
goods  he  is  paid  accordingly. 

So  I  finally  went  to  the  head  of  the  firm  and  told  him 
frankly  that  I  would  like  to  work  for  them  and  was 
willing  to  start  in  for  anything  reasonable.  He  asked 
me  what  I  considered  reasonable  and  I  hesitated  over 
naming  the  amount.  I  was  going  to  say  a  hundred  and 
fifty  a  month  for  three  months  or  until  they  could  see 
results,  but  once  more  and  for  the  last  time  in  my  life 
that  terrible  fear  for  my  future  entered  my  mind  and 
I  finally  offered  to  work  for  eighty-five  dollars  a  month 
until  I  could  show  them  what  I  was  capable  of  doing. 

I  remember  to  this  day  the  flood  of  shame  and  regret 
that  seemed  to  surge  over  me  the  moment  I  had  named 


ONE     MAN  315 

my  price.  There  I  stood,  past  thirty  years  of  age  and 
begging  for  an  eighty-five-dollar  job.  I  think  that  in 
that  moment  a  new  kind  of  pride  was  born  within  me, 
for  I  swore  to  myself  then  and  there  in  that  instant 
that  never  again  would  I  get  myself  into  such  a  posi 
tion. 

The  firm's  head  looked  at  me  a  few  moments  and  I 
think  to  this  day  that  I  dropped  about  a  mile  in  his 
estimation,  but  he  only  smiled  rather  faintly  and  said, 
"  You  can  start  in  as  soon  as  you  wish."  I  went  out 
to  the  department  where  I  was  to  work  and  told  the 
manager  that  I  had  been  engaged.  He  seemed  pleased 
over  it  and  wanted  me  to  start  in  at  once.  But  it  be 
ing  a  Wednesday,  I  suggested  that  I  begin  work  on  the 
Monday  following  and  he  agreed.  I  wanted  a  little 
rest,  now  that  I  had  found  a  position. 

On  the  way  back  to  the  hotel,  I  bought  a  morning 
paper  and  up  in  my  room,  following  an  old  established 
habit,  I  looked  over  the  Help  Wanted  Ads.  One  ad 
caught  my  attention  at  once  and  I  read  it  over  and 
over.  To  this  day  I  don't  know  what  made  me  answer 
it,  but  something  just  seemed  to  tell  me  to  do  it  and 
I  did.  It  was  cleverly  worded  and  called  for  men  capa 
ble  of  earning  at  least  a  hundred  dollars  a  week. 

My  shame  over  that  eighty-five-dollar  position  was 
still  with  me  and  I  realized  only  too  well  that  I  would 
have  to  take  a  cheap  room  somewhere  and  live  on  thirty- 
cent  meals  for  a  long  time  before  I  could  get  on  my  feet 
again.  And  oh !  how  I  hated  to  give  up  a  good  income 
and  go  back  among  the  plodders.  To  have  to  give  up 


316  ONE     M  A  N 

my  only  source  of  pride,  that  of  being  able  to  earn  a 
big  income,  took  away  a  lot  of  my  grit  and  courage  and 
brought  the  old  skeleton  out  of  the  closet. 

And  into  my  answer  to  that  ad  I  put  the  best  there 
was  in  me.  On  Friday  morning  came  a  reply  giving  me 
an  appointment  with  the  president  of  the  concern  at 
two  o'clock  on  Saturday.  Their  letterhead  showed  me 
that  it  was  a  business  concerning  which  I  knew  abso 
lutely  nothing.  I  did  not  feel  very  much  encouraged 
over  the  outlook  and  finally  decided  to  keep  the  position 
I  already  had,  so  that  afternoon  and  Saturday  morning 
I  went  searching  for  a  room  without  finding  one.  My 
money  was  running  out  and  I  was  greatly  worried. 

Saturday  afternoon  I  was  just  leaving  the  hotel  to 
look  up  some  advertised  rooms  when  I  happened  to 
think  of  my  appointment.  At  first  I  decided  to  pass  it 
up,  but  when  I  had  walked  over  to  Wabash  Avenue  I 
decided  to  go  and  see  him  anyway.  I  think  that  God 
guided  my  footsteps  in  that  moment. 

When  I  reached  their  offices  I  had  to  wait  quite  a 
while  before  the  president  could  see  me.  My  curiosity 
was  slowly  aroused  at  the  many  signs  of  prosperity 
which  surrounded  me  and  at  the  sight  of  the  prosperous- 
looking  men  who  passed  my  seat.  Everybody  seemed 
to  be  a  live  wire  and  when  it  came  time  for  my  inter 
view  I  was  keyed  up  to  my  old-time  energy. 

After  a  short  interview  with  the  president,  upon  whom 
I  evidently  had  made  a  favorable  impression,  he  took 
me  to  the  manager  and  asked  him  to  talk  with  me. 

This  manager  was  a  big,  fleshy  man  and  a  live  wire 


ONE     MAN  317 

if  there  ever  was  one.  The  only  things  I  did  not  like 
about  him  were  his  eyes,  which  were  small,  and  his 
mouth,  which  was  sensual  looking.  But  there 
was  something  sincere  and  winning  about  him  and  I 
listened  closely  to  his  explanation  of  the  work.  As  he 
progressed  with  this  explanation,  I  became  more  and 
more  interested,  and  when  he  had  asked  me  several 
questions  about  myself,  I  looked  him  square  in  the  eyes 
and  asked,  "  Do  you  believe  that  I,  with  my  entire  lack 
of  experience  in  this  line,  can  make  good  at  it?  "  He 

came  right  back  at  me  with,  "  Mr.  ,  if  I  did  not 

know  right  now  that  you  can  and  will  make  more  money 
at  this  work  than  you  ever  made  before  in  your  whole 
life,  I  wouldn't  waste  a  damn  minute  with  you."  That 
remark  of  his  gave  me  more  courage  and  I  told  him 
that  if  he  would  give  me  a  couple  of  their  booklets  I 
would  study  the  proposition  over  that  afternoon  and  let 
him  know.  He  was  standing  in  front  of  me  holding  a 
contract  in  his  hand  as  I  said  this  and  I  can  remember 
the  expression  of  disappointment  that  came  over  his 
face  as  I  made  the  remark.  He  hesitated  just  a  mo 
ment  and  then  said,  "  All  right.  Do  that,  and  just 
remember  that  I  have  faith  enough  in  you  to  spend 
good  money  in  training  you  and  what  is  more,  I'll  guar 
antee  you  fifty  dollars  a  week  and  expenses  for  your 
first  month ;  let  me  know  this  afternoon." 

So  I  went  straight  to  the  hotel  and  taking  the  two 
booklets  I  read  them  over  and  over  and  then  I  walked 
the  floor  back  and  forth  from  the  windows  to  the  door, 
time  and  time  again,  analyzing  the  proposition,  turn- 


318  ONE     MAN 

ing  it  over  and  over  in  my  mind  and  finally  I  got  down 
on  my  knees  beside  the  bed  and  asked  God  to  help  me 
decide.  Then  I  sat  in  a  chair  at  my  window  going 
over  all  my  past  life  again  and  at  last  I  decided  to 
make  the  venture.  It  took  nerve  to  make  the  decision 
as  there  was  only  one  other  place  open  to  me  and  if  I 
did  not  show  up  there  Monday  morning,  I  would  lose 
that  opening.  I  chose  the  harder  way  but  my  mind 
was  clear,  it  was  not  filled  with  any  sensual,  vicious 
thought  that  could  weaken  my  judgment. 

When  I  looked  at  my  watch  I  found  it  was  seven 
o'clock  and  then  I  realized  that  I  had  not  kept  my  word 
with  the  manager.  I  was  nearly  frantic.  I  wanted 
that  position  now  and  what  if  he  was  disgusted  with  me 
and  wouldn't  have  me?  Right  then  and  there  I  learned 
another  lesson,  to  always  keep  my  appointments 
promptly.  It  has  made  me  money  since  that  day  and 
helped  rebuild  the  lost  reputation. 

I  was  half  an  hour  trying  to  decide  what  to  do.  I 
could  not  find  the  manager's  name  in  the  telephone 
book.  I  even  went  back  over  my  conversation  with  the 
manager  to  see  if  he  had  at  any  point  therein  said  any 
thing  about  where  he  lived.  Finally  I  decided  to  risk 
the  anger  of  the  president  by  calling  him  up  at  his 
home  to  ask  where  I  could  find  the  manager.  I  did  so 
and  he  was  very  pleasant  about  it  and  after  saying  with 
a  laugh  that  he  did  not  want  to  lose  a  man  of  my  type, 
he  gave  me  the  manager's  'phone  number.  I  immedi 
ately  called  him  up  and  while  he  was  rather  cool  at 
first,  when  I  told  him  in  an  offhand  way  that  I  would 


ONE     MAN  319 

be  at  the  office  Monday  to  sign  that  contract,  he  warmed 
up  at  once  and  told  me  he  would  be  waiting  for  me.  I 
slept  that  night  as  I  had  not  slept  for  weeks. 

Sunday  I  went  over  those  booklets  again  and  again 
until  I  knew  the  proposition  by  heart  and  again  Sun 
day  night  I  slept  soundly. 

You  may  wonder  that  I  did  not  call  up  Bess,  but  my 
lesson  of  the  preceding  few  weeks  had  been  such  that  it 
had  driven  all  such  thoughts  out  of  my  mind.  I  did  not 
touch  a  cigarette  or  a  drop  of  liquor  for  I  knew  some 
how  that  to  do  so  would  affect  my  mental  condition 
and  I  needed  every  bit  of  ability  that  I  had  to  carry 
me  through  my  present  undertaking. 

The  possible  disaster  which  threatened  my  pocket- 
book,  my  future  and  even  my  very  existence,  loomed  up 
so  plainly  before  me  that  I  was  sick  of  the  things  which 
had  brought  me  to  my  present  condition.  For  the  time 
being  the  Beast  within  me  was  quiet.  I  had  come  at 
last  to  look  upon  my  sensuality  as  the  Beast. 


CHAPTER  XLII 

ON  Monday  morning  I  was  at  the  office  bright 
and  early.  The  contract  was  signed  and  I 
was  given  my  first  instructions.  That  day 
and  all  the  rest  of  that  week  I  worked  harder  than  I 
had  ever  worked  in  my  whole  life.  And  as  my  knowl 
edge  of  the  new  work  increased,  my  enthusiasm  grew 
and  at  the  end  of  the  week  I  was  pronounced  fit  for 
duty  and  sent  West  via  my  old  home. 

When  Father  heard  of  my  new  work,  he  just  grunted. 
Mother  was  enthusiastic,  for  she  thought  I  was  going 
to  make  some  money. 

I  shall  never  forget  that  first  week's  work  out  in  Da 
kota,  nor  shall  I  ever  forget  the  first  order  and  the  joy 
that  was  mine  when  I  knew  I  had  made  good. 

The  check  for  the  first  week's  work  read  just  $233.50 
and  months  afterward  I  obtained  the  cancelled  check 
and  had  it  framed. 

The  letters  of  praise  and  encouragement  which  I  re 
ceived  from  the  office  helped  me  a  lot  and  I  did  my  best. 

Day  after  day  I  drove  through  the  fields  of  growing 
grain,  back  and  forth  across  the  State,  working  each 
day  as  long  as  the  daylight  lasted.  And  I  made  money 
and  a  lot  of  it  and  I  saved  it. 

The  last  of  June,  I  received  a  letter  from  Bess.     It 

320 


ONE     MAN  321 

came  like  a  bolt  out  of  a  clear  sky.  She  asked  me  why 
I  did  not  write  to  her  and  reminded  me  that  July  3 
was  one  of  our  "  anniversaries."  She  asked  me  if  I 
was  going  to  be  in  Chicago  on  that  day  so  I  could  be 
\vith  her. 

This  letter  had  a  queer  effect  upon  me.  For  weeks  I 
had  not  touched  cigarettes  or  liquor  nor  had  I  given 
any  woman  a  thought.  My  mind  was  entirely  wrapped 
up  in  my  work.  So  bitter  had  been  my  lesson  and  so 
enthusiastic  was  I  over  my  successful  venture  that  there 
didn't  seem  to  be  any  question  of  a  choice  for  me  as  to 
whether  I  should  attend  to  business  or  raise  hell. 

But  her  letter  acted  as  a  drag  on  me.  I  couldn't  do 
good  work  the  day  I  received  it  and  that  night  I  lay 
awake  for  hours.  I  had  saved  several  hundred  dollars 
and  knew  that  I  could  afford  to  go  to  Chicago  and  see 
her.  For  two  days  and  nights  I  fought  off  the  call  of 
that  little  letter,  but  finally  I  gave  in  and  took  the 
train  for  home,  where  I  remained  a  night  and  a  day. 
I  took  my  little  sister  down  town  and  bought  her  a  lot 
of  things,  but  when  I  came  to  kiss  her  good-bye  that 
night,  I  suddenly  felt  guilty  and  ashamed  of  my  real 
reason  for  going  to  Chicago.  I  could  not  sleep  that 
night  on  the  train  and  when  I  reached  Chicago,  I  was 
tired  out.  I  had  written  Bess  that  I  was  coming  and 
that  morning  I  went  to  the  hotel  and  registered  myself 
and  wife.  This  was  at  one  of  the  best  hotels,  some 
thing  I  had  not  been  able  to  do  for  a  good  many  weeks, 
but  now  I  had  plenty  of  money  with  me, 

Bess  knew  where  I  was  going  to  stop  and  called  me 


0  N  E     M  A  N 

up  about  ten  o'clock,  saying  she  was  down  town.  I 
told  her  to  meet  me  on  a  certain  corner  and  she  did  so. 
We  came  back  to  the  hotel  together  and  went  to  my 
room.  Somehow  I  did  not  feel  right,  I  felt  as  if  I  was 
breaking  some  unwritten  or  unspoken  obligation  from 
the  moment  I  had  left  my  work  to  come  to  that  room 
with  her.  I  did  not  kiss  her  very  passionately  and  I 
guess  she  noticed  it. 

Somehow  I  felt  uncomfortable  and  wished  I  was  back 
at  my  work.  She  didn't  look  good  to  me  that  morning 
and  while  I  still  liked  her  and  all  that,  yet  I  did  not 
want  to  put  my  arms  around  her.  She  had  a  long  story 
to  tell  me  about  her  "  fiance,"  and  I  listened  patiently. 
Somehow  she  was  changed  or  I  thought  she  was  then, 
but  to-day  I  know  it  was  I  who  had  changed. 

Coming  over  to  where  I  was,  she  sat  down  on  my  knee 
and  told  me  she  had  been  a  fool  when  she  turned  me 
down  a  few  weeks  previous  —  that  she  had  regretted  it 
many  times  since  and  was  anxious  to  make  up  for  it  now 
but  something  kept  holding  me  back,  I  don't  know  what 
it  was,  and  I  was  blindly  seeking  some  way  to  avoid 
going  back  to  the  old  life. 

She  put  her  arms  around  my  neck  and  kissed  me  a 
good  many  times  and  ruffled  my  hair  all  up  as  she  used 
to.  As  we  sat  there  I  suddenly  thought  of  a  way  out 
of  the  trouble.  I  told  her  I  was  going  over  to  the  drug 
store  for  a  moment  and  handed  her  the  morning  paper 
with  the  suggestion  that  she  read  until  I  return.  I 
was  so  afraid  she  would  undress  while  I  was  gone.  I 
hurried  over  to  the  drug  store  and  told  one  of  the 


ONE     MAN  323 

clerks,  who  was  a  friend  of  mine,  to  call  me  up  in  ten 
minutes  at  the  room,  saying  he  was  the  manager  at 
the  office  and  asking  me  to  come  out  there  immediately. 
I  had  notified  the  office  that  I  would  be  in  Chicago,  July 
5th  and,  of  course,  had  not  told  Bess  that  I  was  in  with 
out  their  knowledge.  I  didn't  even  want  her  to  know 
where  I  worked. 

I  hadn't  any  more  than  returned  to  the  room  when  the 
telephone  rang  and  after  answering  it,  I  told  Bess  I 
had  to  meet  the  manager  right  away.  She  acted  as  if 
very  badly  disappointed  but  I  promised  to  call  her  up 
at  noon  and  by  hurrying  her  up,  I  got  her  out  of  the 
room  and  on  the  street  in  a  few  moments.  Then  I 
took  a  car  and  hurried  to  the  office,  knowing  they  would 
keep  me  there  all  day.  They  gave  me  a  royal  welcome 
and  I  went  to  lunch  that  noon  with  the  president  and 
the  manager. 

That  evening  the  manager  came  to  my  room  at  the 
hotel  and  I  left  word  at  the  switch  board  to  tell  any 
one  who  might  call,  that  I  was  out.  The  next  morning 
I  took  the  train  for  home,  riding  all  day  that  hot 
Fourth  of  July,  but  I  was  so  glad  and  happy  that  I 
had  kept  away  from  the  old  life. 

After  remaining  at  home  two  days,  I  went  out  to  my 
work.  During  the  next  few  weeks,  there  fell  into  my 
hands  a  little  book,  the  reading  of  which  was  to  be  of 
inestimable  value  to  me  during  the  rest  of  my  life.  It 
was  James  Allen's  "As  a  Man  Thinketh."  This 
little  book  gave  me  a  world  of  courage  and  moral 
strength  and  taught  me  that  after  all  I  could  make  of 


0  N  E     M  A  N 

my  life  yet  nearly  as  great  a  success  as  I  had  once 
hoped  for. 

Early  in  August,  I  came  home  to  get  some  new  clothes 
made.  After  I  had  made  my  purchases,  I  changed  my 
savings  into  a  thousand-dollar  bill  and  a  few  of  small 
denomination  and  that  night  as  I  sat  at  the  supper 
table  at  home,  I  took  the  big  bill  out  of  my  pocket 
and  laying  it  on  the  table  in  front  of  Father  said,  "  Do 
you  remember,  Father,  that  grunt  with  which  you  fa 
vored  me  when  I  started  in  with  this  new  work?  Well, 
I  have  managed  to  save  this  and  a  little  more  out  of  it 
so  far.  Do  you  feel  like  favoring  me  with  a  little  more 
encouragement  now?"  He  laughed  and  said,  "Yes,  I 
guess  you  have  come  back  at  last,  son." 

I  put  the  thousand  dollars  in  the  bank  and  went 
back  to  work.  In  September  the  manager  asked  me  to 
come  to  Chicago  and  I  did  so.  My  commissions  were 
increased  and  I  was  given  a  contract  to  train  other 
men,  in  addition  to  my  regular  work.  Up  to  this  time, 
I  had  saved  over  eighteen  hundred  dollars  and  I  had 
not  taken  a  drink  or  touched  a  cigarette  for  months. 

And  then  I  met  Bess  face  to  face  on  the  street  one 
morning.  There  was  no  premeditation  in  the  meeting; 
we  just  simply  happened  to  run  into  each  other  and  be 
fore  I  knew  what  I  was  saying  I  was  asking  her  over  to 
the  hotel. 

She  seemed  glad  to  come  and  we  went  together  to 
my  room.  She  kissed  me  after  we  had  shut  the  door 
and  putting  a  hand  on  each  of  my  shoulders  said,  "  Bob 
bie,  I  married  him,  the  week  after  you  were  here  last." 


O  N  E     M  A  N  325 

And  I  knew  from  the  way  she  said  it,  that  she  was  his 
wife  in  every  sense  of  the  word,  so  we  did  not  even  talk 
as  in  the  old  days. 

I  took  her  out  to  lunch  and  then  calling  a  taxicab  I 
took  her  to  within  a  couple  of  blocks  of  her  home.  On 
the  way  out  I  stopped  the  car  at  a  florist's  and  bought 
her  a  big  bunch  of  American  Beauties. 

She  passed  out  of  my  life  forever  that  afternoon. 
I  can  remember  so  well  the  way  she  looked,  standing 
there  on  the  corner  holding  that  big  cluster  of  roses  and 
waving  good-bye, 


CHAPTER  XLIII 

DURING  my  trips  to  Chicago,  I  had  often 
been  asked  by  the  manager  and  others  with 
whom  I  dined,  to  take  a  drink.  I  had  al 
ways  passed  up  the  invitation  with  a  laugh,  saying  I 
was  "  on  the  wagon." 

On  this  trip  to  Chicago  I  remained  about  a  week 
working  at  the  offices  part  of  the  day  and  loafing  around 
the  balance  of  the  time.  The  rich  food  I  was  eating 
while  in  the  city  and  the  heavy,  expensive  cigars  I 
smoked  made  me  a  little  lazy  and  I  grew  a  little  care 
less  in  my  thoughts. 

There  were  about  a  hundred  girls  employed  in  the 
office  and  one  noon  as  I  was  sitting  in  one  of  the  recep 
tion  rooms,  one  of  the  men  who  held  a  very  responsible 
position  with  the  concern,  came  and  sat  down  beside 
me.  He  asked  me  what  I  thought  of  his  array  of 
"  dolls."  I  laughed  at  his  remark  and  he  went  on  to 
tell  me  about  some  of  them.  This  man,  it  seems,  was 
in  the  habit  of  going  out  on  little  "  tears  "  in  the  even 
ings  with  some  of  the  girls,  and  while  we  sat  there  he 
said  that  when  I  came  to  Chicago  next  time,  he  would 
fix  up  a  little  party  for  me.  Then  he  asked  me  which 
one  of  the  bunch  looked  good  to  me  and  before  I  knew 

it,  I  had  named  a  certain  girl  in  one  of  the  offices.     He 

326 


ONE     MAN  327 

laughed  and  said  that  he  would  get  her  for  me  on  my 
next  trip  and  they  would  show  me  a  real  time. 

After  he  left  me  I  realized  what  I  had  been  thinking 
and  then  I  knew  that  my  loafing  around  and  eating  the 
rich  food  had  awakened  the  Beast  again  and  it  was  time 
for  me  to  go  back  to  work. 

The  next  day  I  left  for  the  West  and  went  to  work 
with  renewed  determination.  I  was  heartily  ashamed 
of  my  thoughts  in  Chicago. 

During  that  month  and  on  up  to  the  middle  of  Octo 
ber,  I  trained  men  in  addition  to  my  regular  work  and 
made  a  great  deal  of  money.  Finally  it  became  so  cold 
that  I  asked  to  be  transferred  to  a  Southern  district. 
October  17,  I  received  word  to  come  to  Chicago  again. 

The  morning  I  arrived,  I  was  very  busy  with  the  man 
ager,  deciding  upon  my  future  territory.  In  the  after 
noon  I  went  down  town  on  some  other  business  and  re 
turned  to  the  office  about  four  thirty. 

As  I  was  passing  through  one  of  the  reception  rooms 
an  office  boy  handed  me  a  note  from  the  man  who  had 
spoken  of  the  "  dolls  "  on  my  previous  trip.  In  his 
note  he  asked  me  to  step  into  his  office  as  soon  as  pos 
sible.  I  was  not  thinking  about  the  "  dolls  "  and  when 
I  stepped  into  his  office,  he  pushed  a  button  under  his 
desk  as  he  greeted  me.  He  told  the  office  boy  who  an 
swered  to  ask  Miss  N to  step  into  his  office.  She 

was  the  girl  I  had  mentioned  as  having  looked  good  to 
me.  It  all  happened  so  suddenly  I  did  not  have  time 

to  protest  and  before  I  could  say  anything,  Miss  N 

stepped  into  the  office  and  closed  the  door.  He  intro- 


328  O  N  E     M  A  N 

duced  us  and  said  he  wanted  us  to  be  his  guests  at  din 
ner  that  evening.  She  turned  to  me  as  if  for  an  an 
swer.  She  was  a  pretty  girl  and  did  not  look  as  if 
there  was  anything  wrong  about  her.  I  was  in  a  posi 
tion  where  I  could  not  very  well  hesitate  so  I  told  him 
we  would  be  glad  to  accept  his  invitation.  She  smiled 
at  me,  saying  she  guessed  we  would  have  a  good  time, 
and  with  a  parting  "  Bye,  bye,"  she  left  the  room. 

Then  the  host-to-be  told  me  that  he  had  spoken  to 
her  about  me  and  she  had  said  she  would  be  glad  to  go 
with  me.  He  was  taking  another  girl  from  the  office. 
We  were  to  meet  them  at  a  drug  store  about  five  blocks 
from  the  offices  at  five  thirty  so  as  to  get  an  early 
"  start,"  as  he  informed  me  with  a  wink. 

To  this  day  I  cannot  understand  why  I  went  that 
night.  Why,  after  all  those  months  of  clean  living 
and  hard  work,  I  should  deliberately  walk  into  temp 
tation,  is  beyond  my  understanding.  I  just  simply 
went,  not  with  any  intention  of  raising  hell  myself,  but 
half  expecting  to  see  some  one  else  raise  it.  The 
change  from  the  cold  little  rooms  and  the  poor  food  in 
the  country  hotels  up  in  Dakota,  to  the  comforts  of 
the  city  life,  together  with  the  fact  that  I  had  a  great 
deal  of  money  with  me  and  that  I  was  on  the  following 
evening  leaving  for  a  comfortable  Southern  territory, 
made  me  feel  just  a  little  lenient  toward  myself  and 
that  was  where  I  erred. 

At  five  thirty  we  met  the  girls  and  took  them  out  to 
a  South  Side  cafe  for  dinner.  Ben,  as  the  girls  called 
him,  after  ordering  a  very  good  dinner,  asked  us  what 


0  N  E    M  A  N  329 

we  would  have  to  drink.  I  knew  this  was  coming  and 
feared  it,  but  I  said  "  Nothing  for  me,  just  now."  Miss 

N looked  up  at  me  and  said,  "  Mr.  Bob,  you  are 

not  going  to  be  a  kill-joy,  are  you?  I  can't  get  out 
very  often,  aren't  you  going  to  do  as  I  do  this  one 
evening?  "  I  hesitated  a  moment  only  and  the  thought 
came  to  me,  "  Well,  I'll  take  something,  but  I  won't 
drink  it."  So  I  told  Ben  to  go  ahead  and  he  ordered 
Cliquot. 

When  the  wine  came  and  the  glasses  had  been  filled, 

Miss  N proposed  a  toast  to  me  and  I  took  a  sip 

from  my  glass.  It  wasn't  much,  but  it  was  enough  to 
start  the  trouble.  The  one  little  taste  brought  back 
an  overwhelming  flood  of  desire  for  the  old  hell  raising. 
After  my  months  of  abstinence  it  seemed  impossible 
that  I  could  drop  so  far  in  a  moment,  but  drop  I  did 
and  when  Ben  offered  me  a  cigarette,  I  took  it. 

The  rest  of  the  evening  in  the  cafe  is  a  blur  to  me, 
with  only  a  few  little  incidents  plain  in  my  memory. 
I  can  remember  going  up  into  the  balcony  to  lead  the 
orchestra  through  a  certain  popular  piece  and  then  I 
can  remember  climbing  into  a  taxi  with  Ben  and  the  two 
girls  and  his  giving  the  chauffeur  a  certain  number  on 
Indiana.  That  was  a  queer  thing  about  that  number, 
I  remembered  it  distinctly  the  next  morning. 

The  cold  night  air  during  that  ride  sobered  me  up 
considerable  and  when  I  asked  Ben  where  we  were  go 
ing  he  said  we  were  on  our  way  up  to  a  flat.  Miss 
N and  the  other  girl  were  certainly  feeling  hilari 
ous  and  somehow  I  was  glad  we  were  going  to  the  flat. 


330  ONE     MAN 

When  we  reached  the  place  I  paid  the  chauffeur  and 
we  went  upstairs  into  the  flat  where  we  were  given  two 
adjoining  rooms  and  served  with  cold  bottled  beer.  We 
sat  around  in  one  of  the  rooms  laughing,  talking  and 
drinking  until  Ben  picked  his  girl  up  in  his  arms 
and  carried  her  into  the  other  room  and  shut  the  door. 


CHAPTER  XLIV 

I  BELIEVE  that  when  a  man  reaches  the  age  of 
thirty  his  outlook  naturally  changes,  especially 
a  man  who  has  indulged  himself  as  I  had  done. 
My  six  months'  self-denial  had  made  a  change  in  me. 
My  reading  during  that  time  had  been  of  a  higher  or 
der.  My  repentance  and  my  thoughts  regarding  the 
old  life  had  built  up  in  addition  to  this  natural  steady 
ing  down,  something  of  a  new  character  and  with  it  had 
come  a  realization  that  my  body  was  of  value,  that 
after  all  it  was  a  wonderful  thing  and  should  be  given 
some  thought  and  care.  To  me,  at  least,  had  come,  un 
acknowledged  until  this  hour,  certain  definite  changes 

in  my  attitude  toward  women.     And  when  Miss  N 

came  to  me  and  said,  "  Unfasten  my  collar,  Bob,"  I 
suddenly  thought  to  myself,  "  I  don't  love  this  woman ; 
why  should  I  want  her?  I  may  never  see  her  again 
after  to-night.  If  I  take  her  now,  it's  nothing  but 
stepping  squarely  back  into  the  old  road  and  that  leads 
only  to  one  place.  I've  been  almost  there  and  God ! 
what  a  place  it  was." 

These  thoughts  and  others  flashed  through  my  mind 
in  a  moment's  time.  Then  came  the  awakening.  It 
was  as  if  suddenly  I  saw  two  beings  in  myself;  my  flesh 

cried  out  for  the  girl  and  my  mind  and  soul  repelled 

331 


O  N  E     M  A  N 

her.  It  seemed  as  if  I  stood  in  judgment  over  them. 
At  the  end  of  a  moment,  odd  though  it  may  seem,  I  gave 
the  flesh,  the  Beast,  his  way  in  order  to  prove  to  the 
mind  and  the  soul,  my  better  self,  once  and  for  all  that 
there  was  no  joy  or  happiness  for  me  any  more  in  the 
flesh  alone.  I  unfastened  the  collar. 

Thank  God,  I  did  it ;  for  in  that  next  hour  I  proved 
to  my  better  self  that  I  could  never  take  another  woman 
into  my  arms  unless  I  loved  her  for  her  mind  and  her 
soul  as  well  as  her  body. 

My  lesson  had  been  a  long  one  but  it  was  nearly 
learned.  You  may  smile  at  my  method  of  proving  the 
mastery  of  my  soul  over  my  body,  but,  please  God,  it 
came  out  as  I  thought  it  would  and  it  killed  forever 
within  me  the  Beast. 


CHAPTER  XLV 

THE  next  morning  Ben  asked  me  how  I  came  out, 
but  I  only  smiled  at  him. 
That  afternoon  as  I  sat  on  a  long  wooden 
seat  in  one  of  the  halls,  a  girl  whom  I  had  never  seen 
before  came  to  a  cabinet  near  me  and  commenced  look 
ing  for  some  papers.  I  was  smoking  a  cigar  and  it  did 
not  taste  good  somehow  so,  with  a  muttered  curse,  I 
slammed  it  across  the  hall,  not  thinking  about  the  girl 
at  the  cabinet.  She  looked  up  and  square  into  my 
eyes.  In  an  instant  I  felt  ashamed  of  my  action  and  I 
said,  "  Pardon  me,  I  don't  feel  very  good  this  after 
noon."  She  went  on  with  her  search  but  I  heard  her 
say  very  faintly,  "  Evidently  not." 

Just  then  Ben  came  out  into  the  hall  and  saw  me 
looking  at  the  girl.  He  sat  down  beside  me  and  after 
she  had  gone  back  into  one  of  the  offices  I  asked  him 
who  she  was.  He  told  me  that  she  was  a  new  girl  and 
asked  me  if  I  "  wanted  her."  It  hurt  me  a  little  when 
he  said  this;  I  couldn't  understand  just  why  at  the 
time.  I  answered  him  that  he  would  have  a  sad,  sweet 
time  trying  to  get  her  and  he  laughingly  said,  "  Don't 
you  believe  it;  a  little  money  properly  spent  will  get 
most  any  of  these  *  dolls.'  They  all  want  a  good  time. 

Why  say,  Bob,  I've  got  sixteen-year-old  girls  working 

333 


334  0  N  E     M  A  N 

here  who  are  only  drawing  down  six  dollars  a  week,  yet 
they  wear  four-dollar  silk  socks." 

This  wasn't  a  new  story  to  me,  so  I  let  him  ramble 
on  with  this  talk.  I  was  thinking  of  the  grey-eyed  girl 
who  had  said,  "  Evidently  not."  Something  about  her 
had  made  me  uncomfortable  and  restless.  She  had 
looked  at  me  in  rather  a  scornful  way  and  I  didn't  like 
that.  Somehow  I  wanted  her  to  like  me. 

That  night  I  left  for  the  South  and  went  at  my  work 
with  a  vim.  I  was  stronger  in  my  work  now  that  I 
knew  myself  better  and  I  felt  more  hopeful  about  my 
future.  To  know  that  I  had  practically  killed  the 
worst  part  of  me  was  an  immense  help  to  me.  I  did  not 
need  any  further  test  or  proof.  I  just  knew  it  intui 
tively. 

About  two  weeks  after  I  left  Chicago  I  received  a 
letter  from  the  manager,  asking  me  to  return  at  once 
in  order  to  meet  a  couple  of  new  men.  That  same  day 
I  received  a  letter  from  Ben  and  in  the  postscript  he 
said,  "  Remember  the  girl  in  the  hall?  Well,  I  got 
her." 

I  was  standing  in  the  lobby  of  the  Carroll  Hotel  at 
Vicksburg  when  I  read  that  letter  and  I  can  remember 
to  this  day  how  I  walked  out  of  the  lobby  and  down  to 
the  river  to  get  away  from  everybody.  His  words 
seemed  to  have  brought  a  flush  of  shame  to  my  cheeks 
and  I  felt  as  if  I  had  done  something  terrible.  His 
words  hurt  me,  the  new  Me.  My  mind  was  just  filled 
with  a  murderous  rage  against  that  big,  fat  brute.  Still 
I  asked  myself  why  I  should  give  a  damn  what  he  did 


0  N  E     M  A  N  335 

to  her  —  she  wasn't  anything  to  me  —  she  didn't  even 
like  me. 

During  that  night's  ride  in  the  Pullman  I  couldn't 
sleep.  I  kept  seeing  that  sweet,  girlish  face  as  I  had 
seen  it  that  day  in  the  hall.  I  damned  myself  up  one 
side  and  down  the  other  and  kept  asking  myself  why  I 
should  care  what  happened  to  her. 

The  next  evening  in  Chicago  I  called  Ben  up  and  told 
him  of  my  arrival.  He  came  down  to  the  hotel  and 
spent  the  evening  with  me.  I  don't  know  why,  or  didn't 
then,  but  I  was  cautious  about  leading  up  to  an  ex 
planation  regarding  the  girl  in  the  hall.  He  saved  me 
the  trouble  by  suddenly  saying  with  a  laugh,  "  Bob, 
do  you  remember  the  little  dream  you  fell  in  love  with 
out  there  in  the  hall?  Well,  I  landed  her  last  Friday 
night,  and,  believe  me,  she  is  some  kid.  And  say,  old 
man,  I  think  I  can  fix  it  for  you." 

His  words  and  expressions  made  me  actually  heart 
sick  and  even  yet  I  could  not  understand  why  I  should 
care. 

Then  he  gave  me  the  details  of  how  he  had  coaxed  her 
out  to  dinner  and  persuaded  her  to  drink  a  lot  of  wine. 
While  she  was  drunk,  he  had  taken  her  up  to  that 
same  flat.  Then  he  told  me  she  had  promised  to  go  out 
with  him  again.  He  had  put  her  on  a  street  car  and 
sent  her  home  alone. 

After  his  story  was  finished  he  looked  to  me  for  some 
words  of  commendation  but  I  could  only  muster  up  a 
faint  smile  and  suggest  we  go  out  for  a  walk. 

The  next   noon   I   came   into   the  hall   where   some 


336  O  N  E     M  A  N 

of  the  girls  were  eating  their  lunches.  She  was  there 
and  when  she  saw  me  she  looked  down  at  the  little  sand 
wich  she  was  eating.  I  guess  she  must  have  known 
that  I  was  looking  at  her,  but  I  don't  think  she  had  any 
idea  that  I  knew  about  her  having  been  out  with  Ben. 

That  afternoon  I  was  sitting  in  the  hall  reading 
some  letters  when  she  came  to  the  cabinet  again.  This 
time  I  noticed  her  more  closely  and  her  beauty  startled 
me.  I  had  not  noticed  her  features  very  closely  the 
first  few  times  I  had  seen  her  but,  having  thought  about 
her  a  great  deal  since,  I  was  naturally  more  keen  this 
time. 

The  big  grey  eyes  with  their  long  lashes  and  clearly 
defined  brows  were  beautiful.  The  rest  of  her  features 
were  just  about  perfect,  and  the  two  dimples  which 
showed  one  in  each  cheek  when  she  smiled  made  my 
heart  give  a  little  jump. 

She  was  dressed  neatly  but  inexpensively.  I  noticed 
particularly  her  small  hands  with  their  tapering  fingers 
and  well-kept  nails,  and  also  the  small,  neatly  shod  feet. 
She  was  the  neatest,  cleanest-appearing  girl  I  had  ever 
seen.  Her  hair,  light  in  color,  was  dressed  high  on 
her  head  and  not  in  the  then  prevailing  style.  I  liked 
this  one  thing  about  her  particularly,  for  it  showed 
that  she  believed  in  dressing  as  best  suited  her  own 
style  of  beauty.  What  I  liked  most  of  all  about  her 
was  her  quiet,  unassuming  manner. 

She  did  not  pay  much  attention  to  me  and  when  I 
summoned  up  courage  enough  to  address  her  with  some 
trivial  remark,  she  answered  quietly  and  as  if  she  was 


ONE    MAN  337 

thinking  about  something  else.  There  was  a  look  in 
her  eyes  that  I  did  not  like  to  see  there.  I  knew  she 
was  very  unhappy  over  something.  Somehow  my  heart 
went  out  to  her  then  and  there  and  I  just  felt  as  if  I 
wanted  to  take  her  in  my  arms  and  comfort  her,  to 
draw  that  look  of  pain  and  weariness  from  out  her  eyes. 

When  she  finished  her  work  there  she  looked  up  at 
me  and  caught  my  glance,  and  I  guess  she  must  have 
read  something  of  my  thoughts  for  she  looked  startled 
and,  turning  abruptly,  she  went  into  one  of  the  offices. 

That  night  I  made  up  my  mind  to  meet  that  girl  in 
some  way  and  get  acquainted  with  her.  I  felt  simply 
as  if  I  must  know  her. 

The  next  morning  I  had  my  plan  all  worked  out  and 
I  went  to  Ben  and  asked  him  if  he  couldn't  fix  it  for  me 
so  that  I  could  get  her  out  to  dinner  with  me.  He 
agreed  to  do  all  he  could  and  said  he  would  let  me  know, 
but  it  was  the  following  Tuesday  night  before  he  told 
me  his  plan. 

It  seems  she  had  agreed  to  go  out  to  dinner  with  him 
again  and  he  was  to  bring  along  another  girl  for  me. 
Ben  had  it  all  framed  up  that  he  was  to  bring  her  down 
town  to  meet  me  and  then  go  after  the  other  girl  and 
not  return.  This  would  leave  me  with  her  and  then  it 
was  up  to  me  to  get  acquainted  with  her. 

Our  plan  worked  out  all  right  and  at  six  o'clock  the 
next  evening  I  went  downstairs  from  my  room  in  the 
hotel  and  found  her  and  Ben  waiting  for  me. 

She  looked  so  sweet  and  innocent  standing  there  be 
side  that  big,  coarse-looking  brute  that  my  heart  went 


338  0  N  E     M  A  N 

out  to  her  and  I  wanted  to  kill  him.  We  started  over 
to  a  certain  restaurant  when  he  left  us,  as  she  sup 
posed,  to  get  the  other  girl  for  me.  It  was  agreed  that 
we  were  to  take  a  table  up  in  the  balcony  and  wait  for 
them. 

I  know  that  I  was  trembling  as  I  helped  her  off  with 
her  coat  and  handed  it  to  the  waiter.  We  sat  down  at 
the  table  and  commenced  talking  about  affairs  at  the 
office.  I  was  worrying  about  how  I  would  explain  Ben's 
non-arrival,  and  as  the  moments  passed  she  began  to 
look  troubled.  In  desperation  I  finally  asked  her  if  she 
wouldn't  have  a  drink  of  some  kind  but  she  refused 
rather  coldly.  At  this  point  she  excused  herself  from 
the  table  and  I  seized  the  opportunity  to  grab  a  hand 
'phone  from  the  balcony  rail  and  call  up  Ben  at  the 
club.  I  got  him  on  the  wire  and  asked  him  to  call  us 
up  a  little  later  and  tell  her  that  he  could  not  get  back 
to  us  that  evening.  Just  as  I  finished  asking  him  this 
she  returned  and  I  said,  "  Here,  talk  to  Ben  and  he 
will  explain  this  thing  to  you."  She  took  the  'phone 
and  I  could  see  from  her  expression  as  she  listened  to 
his  remarks  that  she  was  disappointed,  but  she  acted 
nice  and  I  heard  her  say,  "  Yes,  I'll  stay  and  take  din 
ner  with  him."  Then  she  said,  "  Good-bye,"  and  hung 
up  the  receiver. 

I  can  remember  to  this  day  how  the  perspiration  had 
broken  out  on  my  forehead  as  I  waited  to  see  if  I  was 
to  have  her  with  me  that  evening.  When  she  turned  to 
me,  after  her  conversation  with  Ben,  I  could  see  she 
was  not  feeling  very  pleasant,  and  in  that  next  ten  min- 


0  N  E     M  A  N  339 

utes  I  did  my  level  best  to  make  a  good  impression. 
In  my  desire  to  please  her,  I  again  asked  her  to  take  a 
drink  of  some  kind  and  to  my  surprise  she  asked  me 
calmly  what  I  was  going  to  drink  and  I  told  her  real 
prompt,  "  Cliquot,"  and  she  said  "  All  right." 

Then  I  ordered  our  dinner  and  had  the  wine  brought 
to  us  immediately.  To  sort  of  smooth  over  the  rough 
place  in  the  evening,  I  offered  a  toast  to  Ben  but  she 
said,  "  No,  it  must  be  to  you,  seeing  this  is  our  first 
evening  together."  I  drank  the  full  glass  to  the  toast 
and  she  did  the  same. 

Then  a  little  color  came  into  her  cheeks  and  she  said 

to  me,  "  Mr.  ,  I  think  Ben  did  not  intend  to  come 

back  at  all  this  evening,  and  perhaps  you  knew  it,  too." 
I  looked  her  square  in  the  eyes  and  told  her  I  was  glad 
he  had  not  come  back  and  asked  her  point  blank  if  she 
was  sorry.  She  replied  rather  quietly,  "  Indeed  not." 

After  her  second  glass  of  wine,  she  thawed  out  a  lit 
tle  and  I  had  a  chance  to  become  better  acquainted  with 
her.  We  talked  on  all  manner  of  subjects  until  our 
dinner  was  served,  but  I  was  not  hungry  and  she  did 
not  seem  to  be.  So  we  had  more  wine  and  I  brought 
the  conversation  around  to  ourselves.  She  asked  me  if 

I  hadn't  been  out  with  Miss  N and  I  told  her  that 

was  a  funny  question  and  that  if  I  had  been  out  with 
her  I  was  in  duty  bound  to  deny  it.  That  seemed  to 
please  her  and  she  laughed  over  my  reply,  saying  that 
very  few  men  were  that  way.  This  was  what  I  was 
waiting  for  and  I  said  in  an  off-hand  way  that  Ben  at 
least  did  not  believe  as  I  did  about  such  things. 


340  O  N  E     M  A  N 

At  this  her  face  colored  up  and,  looking  crossly  at 
me,  she  remarked,  "  So  he  told  you,  did  he?  "  and  I  did 
not  answer. 

I  wanted  her  to  know  that  I  knew.  I  wanted  her  to 
know  that  her  trust  in  him  had  been  misplaced.  I 
wanted  her  to  hate  him  and  give  him  up. 

It  seemed  that  after  I  had  made  the  remark  about 
Ben  she  grew  a  little  reckless  about  her  drinking  and 
was  willing  to  have  her  glass  filled  each  time  I  offered 
her  more. 

I  was  gradually  getting  under  the  influence  of  the 
wine  but  it  did  not  seem  to  create  within  me  any  feel 
ing  such  as  it  had  formerly  done.  It  was  slowly  giv 
ing  me  courage  to  test  her  out  and  finally  I  said,  "  Do 
you  know  what  I  would  like  to  do  ?  "  And  she  an 
swered,  "  No.  What  would  you  like  to  do?  "  I  came 
right  back  at  her  with,  "  I  would  like  to  take  you  up 
to  Milwaukee  Saturday  afternoon  and  come  back  Sun 
day  night."  My  hands  were  trembling  so  that  I  could 
not  lift  my  glass  and  I  can  remember  sitting  there  at 
that  disordered  dinner  table  waiting  for  her  answer 
and  after  just  a  moment's  hesitation  it  came,  "  I'll  go 
with  you,  Saturday." 

Ah,  God !  But  I'll  remember  that  remark  long  after 
most  other  things  are  gone  from  my  memory.  Some 
thing  within  me  flared  up  into  a  flame.  Never  before 
had  such  a  sensation  come  over  me.  I  could  not  speak 
for  a  moment  and  somehow  I  did  not  dare  to.  Some 
thing  told  me  she  was  mine  then,  that  very  evening.  I 
knew  it  was  the  wine  that  spoke,  but  I  did  not  care  them. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  341 

After  a  moment  I  looked  up  at  her  and  said  quietly, 
"  Do  you  mean  that  ?  "  and  she  answered  slowly,  "  Yes, 

I'll  go  with  you,  Mr. ."  Oh,  but  that  "  Mr. " 

hurt ;  a  moment  before  she  had  called  Ben  by  his  first 
name.  Why  it  should  hurt  me  to  have  her  call  me  Mr. 
I  did  not  know  then ;  all  I  knew  was  that  it  hurt. 

After  drinking  a  little  more  wine,  I  suggested  that  I 
call  a  car  and  we  leave  the  cafe.  She  said  with  a  little 
laugh  that  she  didn't  know  whether  or  not  she  could 
walk  straight  as  she  had  had  so  much  to  drink.  But  I 
told  her  I  would  help  her  all  right.  I  called  up  a  taxi- 
cab  company  and  told  them  to  send  a  limousine  car  to 
the  cafe  for  me.  When  the  head  waiter  told  us  that  the 
car  was  at  the  door  she  was  somewhat  under  the  influ 
ence  of  the  wine  but  I  had  no  difficulty  in  reaching  the 
car  with  her. 

After  we  were  seated  in  the  car  I  turned  to  her  and 
asked  her  where  we  should  go.  Putting  her  hand  into 
mine,  she  looked  up  at  me  and  said,  "  I  don't  care  where 
you  take  me,  Mr.  Bob."  I  hesitated  a  moment  and 
then,  picking  up  the  tube,  gave  the  driver  the  number 
of  the  flat  on  Indiana. 

She  spoke  only  once  to  me  on  the  way  out  and  that 
was  to  say  as  she  gave  my  hand  a  little  squeeze,  "  I  did 
not  like  you,  Bobbie,  when  I  first  saw  you  around  the 
office."  All  I  answered  was,  "  Is  that  so?  "  She  was 
leaning  close  against  me  all  during  that  long  ride,  and 
somehow  I  was  oddly  happy. 

I  stopped  the  car  once  at  a  drug  store  and  went  in 
to  'phone  out  to  the  flat  to  see  if  we  could  get  in.  I 


ONE     MAN 

had  taken  the  precaution  to  obtain  the  telephone  num 
ber  earlier  in  the  day.  The  woman  said  to  come  on  out, 
that  she  had  plenty  of  room  for  us. 

It  was  ten  o'clock  when  we  arrived  at  the  flat  and  we 
hurried  up  the  steps  out  of  the  cold. 

The  woman  showed  us  into  the  very  room  where  I 
had  been  once  before.  The  little  girl  turned  to  the 
woman  and  told  her  that  she  did  not  want  that  room 
but  some  other  one.  I  knew  then  that  it  was  the  same 
room  to  which  Ben  had  brought  her.  The  woman  gave 
us  another  one  and  I  helped  my  companion  off  with  her 
wraps. 

Then  I  sat  down  in  a  big,  leather  chair  and  took  her 
in  my  arms.  And  as  she  nestled  there  a  content  came 
into  my  heart  such  as  it  had  never  known.  I  knew  in 
that  moment  I  loved  that  girl.  I  was  as  sober  as  I  am 
at  this  moment. 

Love  her  ?  God !  I  had  never  known  what  love  was 
before.  I  knew  she  had  sinned,  knew  it  beyond  all 
doubt  before  my  lips  ever  met  hers,  but  in  that  first  kiss 
that  night  I  gave  her  all  that  was  good  in  me. 

She  did  not  speak  as  I  sat  there  holding  her;  she 
seemed  content  to  just  lie  there  in  my  arms.  I  had 
one  of  her  hands  in  mine  and  once  in  a  while  she  would 
give  it  a  little  squeeze. 

Passion?  Yes,  passion  flared  within  me  but  not  as  it 
had  done  so  often  before.  It  was  different,  so  differ 
ent  that  I  could  not  understand  it ;  there  seemed  to  be 
a  fulness  and  a  completeness  about  it;  it  awed  me. 
And  as  I  sat  there  holding  her,  I  asked  myself  again 


0  N  E     M  A  N  343 

and  again,  "  How  can  I  obtain  her  and  her  love  for  my 
own  ?  "  And  then  came  the  thought  of  Ben  and  were 
there  any  others?  Yes,  surely  there  must  have  been. 
How  many  —  Ah,  God!  But  that  question  hurt. 
What  should  I  do?  I  knew  human  nature  so  well.  I 
knew  what  it  meant  to  go  through  self-denial.  How 
strong  was  this  girl?  How  much  had  she  really  fought 
to  save  herself  from  that  sure  and  certain  downward 
road?  She  was  only  a  child  in  so  many  things  and  as 
I  lifted  her  face  to  look  into  her  eyes  I  could  not  see 
my  answer  there.  She  kissed  me  full  on  the  lips.  If 
she  had  been  going  with  other  men,  wouldn't  she  keep  it 
up  even  though  I  passed  her  by  that  night.  I  wanted 
her,  God  knows  —  wanted  her  for  my  own  and  I  was 
going  to  have  her.  And  it  seemed  to  me  as  I  sat  there 
moment  after  moment  looking  into  her  eyes,  that  I  could 
understand  why  I  wanted  her;  it  was  as  if  I  could  see 
the  woman  —  the  real  woman  —  which  was  to  be  some 
day.  And  I  saw,  too,  that  she  was  far  from  knowing 
life  and  its  shadows  and  that  to  have  her  I  must  takfi 
her  even  that  night  in  order  to  keep  her  from  others  and 
perhaps  in  time  all  would  be  well. 

As  I  lifted  her  from  the  chair  in  my  arms  she  kissed 
me  and  said,  "  Oh,  Bobbie,  I  was  afraid  you  wouldn't." 


CHAPTER  XL VI 

WE  were, both  quiet  in  the  big  car  on  the 
homeward  ride  that  night.  She  leaned 
her  head  on  my  shoulder  and  one  of  her 
hands  was  ungloved  and  clasped  in  mine. 

During  the  two  hours  in  that  darkened  room  that 
night  I  had  learned  her  history.  She  had  tried  to  tell 
me  the  story  of  her  downfall,  but  when  she  told  me  that 
she  had  been  persuaded  by  her  escort; — a  big,  full- 
grown  man  —  to  drink  one  night  at  a  Wabash  Avenue 
cafe  and  then  had  been  taken  to  one  of  the  cheap  hotels 
nearby  I  made  her  stop.  I  did  not  want  to  hear  the 
sickening  details. 

She  lived  at  home  with  her  sister,  mother  and  her 
step-father.  Her  own  father  had  been  dead  for  years 
and  her  mother,  after  many  years'  struggle  as  a  board 
ing-house  keeper,  had  married  a  young  man.  I  could 
see  from  the  girl's  story  that  life  at  home  had  been 
anything  but  pleasant.  She  and  the  step-father  did 
not  get  along. 

She  was  only  nineteen  years  old  and  her  first  three 
initials  were  the  same  identically  as  the  three  initials 
in  Harry's  name.  It  seemed  as  if  God  in  some  way 
was  connecting  up  each  part  of  my  present  life  with  the 

past. 

344 


ONE     MAN  315 

Just  before  we  reached  her  home,  she  told  me  that 
she  never  would  have  gone  to  the  flat  with  me  that  night 
unless  she  had  been  drunk.  When  I  asked  her  if  she 
was  sorry  she  said,  "  No,  Bobbie,  but  what  will  you 
think  of  me  ?  "  I  told  her  not  to  have  any  fear  on  that 
score ;  time  would  tell  what  I  thought  of  her. 

I  little  knew  that  evening  as  the  car  whirled  me  back 
to  the  hotel  what  I  had  undertaken,  the  heartaches,  the 
jealousy,  the  doubts  and  the  disgust  which  I  was  yet 
to  suffer. 

Somehow  the  sinful  side  of  it  did  not  appear  to  me 
at  all  and  to  this  day,  1^  believe,  yes,  more  than  believe, 
I  know,  that  I  did  right. 

I  had  made  up  my  mind  during  those  two  hours  in 
that  room  that  I  would  possess  her  for  my  own  and  that 
no  other  man  could  have  her.  I  did  not  actually  think 
of  marriage  then.  No,  the  evening  had  been  too  won 
derful  to  give  me  an  opportunity  to  think  so  far  ahead. 

When  I  look  back  to  that  evening  even  now  I  know  it 
was  the  first  real  happy  evening  of  my  life.  That  hap 
piness  was  not  inspired  by  the  gratification  of  any 
beastly  passion.  It  was  just  simply  the  feeling  that 
she  was  there  in  my  arms  content  and  happy  to  stay 
there,  that  she  wanted  me  to  hold  her.  Of  course,  she 
was  under  the  influence  of  liquor  when  we  went  to  the 
flat,  but  she  was  perfectly  sober  in  the  last  hour  we 
were  there  and  I  could  never  forget  what  that  hour 
keld  for  us  both. 


CHAPTER  XLVII 

THE  following  day  Ben  came  at  me  for  the  story 
of  the  previous  evening,  but  I  only  winked  at 
him  and  told  him  I  would  tell  him  about  it 
later. 

As  I  went  out  of  his  office,  he  told  me  he  was  going 
to  take  her  out  again  the  next  Saturday  night.  I 
could  have  walked  back  to  his  desk  and  killed  him  then 
with  my  bare  hands  and  I  guess  he  saw  the  expression 
on  my  face  as  I  hesitated  at  the  door,  for  he  laughed  and 
said,  "  Bob,  did  she  get  your  goat  ?  "  I  went  out  of 
that  office  quick  before  I  should  forget  myself  and  start 
some  trouble. 

I  was  to  remain  at  the  offices  for  a  week  longer  as 
the  president  was  considering  sending  me  to  Central 
America  on  business. 

At  noon  I  had  a  chance  to  speak  to  Dot,  for  that  was 
her  name,  and  I  asked  her  to  meet  me  Saturday  even 
ing  and  she  promptly  said  she  would.  She  told  me  then 
that  she  was  going  to  keep  out  of  Ben's  sight  as  she 
wanted  nothing  more  to  do  with  him.  I  hated  to  hear 
her  call  him  Ben,  but  that  hate  was  as  nothing  com 
pared  to  what  I  was  yet  to  suffer. 

I  met  Ben  during  the  afternoon  and  he  said,  "  Well, 
I've  changed  my  mind;  I'm  not  going  to  take  your 

346 


ONE     MAN  347 

*  doll '  away  from  you."  Then  I  knew  he  had  spoken 
to  her  since  noon.  She  told  me  that  he  had,  but  never 
told  me  what  passed  between  them  during  the  conversa 
tion  and  I  did  not  ask. 

In  the  afternoon  I  ordered  a  big  bunch  of  American 
Beauties  sent  out  to  her  home  with  a  card  bearing  just 
one  word,  "  Bobbie." 

What  is  there  in  man  that  prompts  him  to  send 
roses,  red  roses,  to  the  woman  the  day  after  he  has 
conquered  her?  I  was  sorry  an  hour  after  I  had  sent 
them  because  I  had  done  that  same  thing  before  where 
I  had  not  cared  for  the  woman  as  I  knew  I  cared  for 
Dot.  But  from  my  heart  there  went  with  the  flowers 
a  message  unwritten. 

Saturday  I  changed  hotels  and  registered  with  my 
"  wife  "  at  one  of  the  best  hotels,  and  that  evening  I 
met  Dot  on  the  corner  and  took  her  up  to  the  room. 

The  rate  of  that  room  was  seven  dollars  a  day  and  I 
was  glad  I  could  take  her  to  a  place  as  nice  as  that. 
It  was  certainly  a  beautiful  room  and  I  don't  think  she 
had  ever  been  in  a  place  like  it  before  because  I  could 
see  her  look  of  wonder  and  pleased  surprise  as  she  took 
in  her  surroundings.  It  was  my  favorite  room  and  I 
had  taken  the  trouble  to  get  that  particular  one  be 
cause  I  wanted  to  know  if  she  liked  the  things  I  liked. 

She  wore  a  light-colored  dress  and  she  had  evidently 
changed  at  the  office,  leaving  her  other  dress  there. 
She  looked  like  a  child  sitting  there  on  a  Louis  XV 
chair  and  she  fitted  in  with  her  surroundings  perfectly. 
I  was  greatly  pleased  to  see  that  because  no  man  wants 


348  O  N  E     M  A  N 

to  love  a  woman  of  whom  he  will  be  ashamed  under  any 
conditions.  I  had  not  had  a  thought  of  actually  mar 
rying  her  as  yet.  It  seemed  as  if  I  was  being  carried 
up  and  up  on  a  big  wave  and  I  had  not  yet  begun  the 
downward  slide. 

Like  a  fool,  I  had  told  Ben  that  afternoon  that  I  was 
going  to  change  hotels  that  day  and  we  had  not  been 
there  in  the  room  more  than  half  an  hour  when  there 
was  a  rap  at  the  door.  I  answered  it  and  there  stood 
Ben.  He  walked  in  and  I  shut  the  door  after  him. 
Looking  around  the  place  which  was  evidently  a  little 
better  than  even  he  was  accustomed  to,  he  remarked, 
"  Oh,  see  what  a  long  tail  our  cat's  got."  We  all 
laughed  at  this  and  he  walked  over  to  Dot,  saying, 
"  How's  my  little  girl  to-night  ?  "  and  kissed  her.  She 
had  put  up  her  hands  to  keep  him  away  but  he  had 
taken  them  down.  When  I  saw  the  flush  of  shame  that 
came  over  her  face  and  the  look  in  her  eyes,  I  could 
have  killed  him.  Instead  I  told  him  to  cut  it  out  and 
have  something  to  drink.  I  guess  something  in  my 
tone  of  voice  warned  him,  for  he  stepped  over  to  the 
'phone,  asking  us  what  we  would  have. 

After  the  drinks  were  served  he  took  up  his  hat  and 
Trent  to  the  door,  saying,  "  Guess  I'll  beat  it  and  leave 
the  two  little  birdies  in  their  nest."  Dot  and  I  were 
both  relieved  to  see  him  go. 

For  a  half-hour  she  sat  in  that  same  chair  talking 
with  me  and  did  not  look  very  comfortable  or  happy 
and  finally  I  could  stand  it  no  longer.  Pulling  one  of 
the  big  easy  chairs  up  to  the  window  and  turning  out 


O  N  E     M  A  N  349 

all  the  lights  except  the  ones  on  the  dresser,  I  made 
her  come  and  sit  on  my  knees. 

With  my  arms  around  her  we  sat  there  looking  out 
on  Michigan  Avenue  for  an  hour.  And  in  that  hour  I 
think  she  learned  to  care  more  for  me.  I  wanted  her 
to  love  me,  not  to  just  like  me  or  to  be  intimate  with 
me, 'but  I  wanted  her  to  respect  me,  to  want  to  be  with 
me,  to  truly  love  me.  That  hour  will  always  be  re 
membered  for  it  was  filled  with  absolute  peace  and  con 
tent.  I  lost  all  track  of  the  time  and  I  wished  we  could 
stay  there  forever.  There  were  not  any  passionate 
desires  burning  within  me.  I  did  not  think  of  that  at 
all. 

I  know  to-day  that  it  was  during  that  hour  that  my 
first  thought  of  marrying  her  came  to  me,  but  I  put  it 
away  from  me  then,  little  knowing  the  road  I  was  yet 
to  travel. 

When  I  found  it  was  getting  late  I  had  our  dinner, 
together  with  a  bottle  of  wine,  served  in  the  room.  I 
can  remember  so  well  her  modest  wishes  as  regards  what 
we  should  have  for  dinner.  And  when  I  spoke  of  wine 
she  said,  "  Bobbie,  do  we  want  any  more?  "  I  ordered 
it  just  the  same  and  we  drank  it  with  the  dinner.  She 
did  not  talk  very  much  and  I  wondered  at  her  quiet 
demeanor.  After  the  dinner  things  had  been  removed 
I  asked  her  what  time  she  had  to  be  at  home  and  she 
said,  "  By  one  o'clock." 


CHAPTER  XL VIII 

AT  twelve  o'clock  I  said  to  her,  "  Dot,  I  wish 
you  didn't  have  to  go  home."  Putting  her 
arm  around  my  neck,  she  asked,  "  Bobbie,  how 
much  do  you  wish  it  ?  "  I  told  her  in  very  emphatic 
terms  and  with  a  roguish  smile  that  brought  out  the 
dimples  she  said,  "  Perhaps  I  won't." 

A  little  later  she  slipped  away  from  me  and  I  switched 
on  the  little  reading  lamp  which  stood  on  the  little 
table  at  the  head  of  the  bed.  Ten  minutes  later  she  tip 
toed  up  to  me.  My  eyes  were  closed  and  I  did  not  see 
her  until  she  kneeled  down  beside  the  bed  and,  putting 
her  arms  around  my  neck,  she  kissed  my  forehead,  my 
eyes  and  my  lips. 

She  had  on  one  of  my  silk  night  shirts  which  was 
way  too  big  for  her  and  she  had  pinned  it  together  at 
the  throat  with  a  tiny  silver  brooch.  Her  hair  hung  in 
a  long  braid  over  her  shoulder  and  I  knew  then  that 
she  was  not  going  home  that  night.  I  could  see  in  her 
eyes  the  first  signs  of  real  love  for  me. 

My  first  thought  as  I  awoke  in  the  morning  was  that 
it  had  all  been  a  dream  but  somebody's  little  head  snug 
gled  up  against  my  cheek  made  me  realize  that  it  was 
all  true. 

For  all  the  gold  in  the  world  I  would  not  part  with 

the  memory  of  that  Sunday.     It  has  strengthened  me 

350 


O  N  E     M  A  N  351 

in  my  hours  of  agony  and  indecision.  It  gave  me  the 
knowledge  and  the  love  which  enabled  me  to  do  as  I  did 
afterward. 

Never  will  I  forget  what  she  said  that  afternoon  as 
she  lay  in  my  arms  and  looked  up  at  me,  "  Bobbie,  I 
can  never  marry  any  one.  Who  would  have  me  if  they 
knew?  "  God!  But  it  brought  a  rush  of  tears  to  my 
eyes.  That  was  just  it.  There  lay  the  reason  for  her 
doing  as  she  had  been  doing. 

Sixteen  years  old  when  her  trouble  came,  she  was 
nothing  but  a  child.  Then  she  went  with  a  young  fel 
low  for  two  years  and  cared  quite  a  little  for  him  until 
he  told  her  one  evening  that  he  did  not  see  how  a  man 
could  respect  a  woman  who  had  not  been  good.  All 
during  these  two  years  she  had  been  decent  and  good. 
But  after  this  young  man  expressed  his  views  in  such  a 
way  she  quit  going  with  him.  Then  another  young  man 
had  come  into  her  life  and  for  six  months  she  had  gone 
with  him  in  a  decent  way  when  one  night  he  got  her 
drunk  and  took  her  to  a  hotel.  For  six  months  longer 
she  had  gone  out  with  him  occasionally  and  then  they 
had  quarrelled.  Then  came  her  change  in  employment 
to  our  offices  and  Ben's  invitation  to  dinner. 

Through  no  real  fault  of  hers,  she  was  condemned  to 
live  alone  all  her  life.  Society  had  no  place  for  her  and 
who  can  blame  her  for  getting  reckless?  The  mother 
had  been  careless  in  bringing  her  up  and  selfish  in  her 
love  for  her  second  husband.  Dot  felt  that  in  her  own 
home  there  wasn't  any  real  place  for  her.  Once  her 
step-father  had  locked  her  out  at  night  and  she  had  had 


352  O  N  E     M  A  N 

to  go  to  a  relative's  for  the  remainder  of  the  night. 

That  Sunday  she  told  me  what  she  could  remembei 
of  her  own  father.  How  good  and  kind  he  had  been  to 
her  and  to  everybody  else,  how  he  had  loved  to  read  and 
had  appreciated  the  beautiful  things  in  life.  And  as 
she  told  me  these  things  that  afternoon  there  came  back 
to  me  my  own  father's  saying  that  "  the  son  is  like  the 
mother  and  the  daughter  like  the  father."  I  guess  it's 
true  after  all. 

That  night  as  we  rode  home  in  the  big  car  she  told 
me  that  she  would  tell  her  folks  she  had  been  out  at  a 
girl  friend's  home  over  night. 

Just  before  we  reached  her  home,  I  told  her  that  I 
loved  her  and  that  what  had  happened  in  her  life  made 
no  difference  to  me.  She  only  looked  at  me  with  a 
quaint  little  smile,  saying,  "  Bobbie,  I  wish  it  could  be." 
I  knew  then  that  she  did  not  have  any  hope  but  I  also 
knew  that  she  had  learned  to  love  me,  at  least  a  little, 
in  those  few  days. 

Tuesday  night  I  took  her  to  the  same  room  again 
and  we  remained  until  twelve  o'clock. 

The  next  day  the  president  informed  me  he  was  go 
ing  to  send  me  to  New  York  the  first  part  of  Decem 
ber  and  then  to  Central  America.  He  suggested  that 
I  go  home  for  Thanksgiving  and  a  rest,  so  after  telling 
Dot  good-bye  at  the  office,  I  took  an  early  train  home 
that  evening.  She  had  promised  to  be  faithful  to  me 
and  had  exacted  a  similar  promise  from  me.  She  asked 
in  addition  that  I  promise  not  to  take  a  drink  while  I 
was  gone  and  I  agreed  gladly. 


CHAPTER  XLIX 

AFTER  I  had  reached  home,  the  wave  receded 
and  I  began  to  think.  For  the  next  few  days 
I  did  nothing  else  but  think  about  Dot  and 
to  go  over  and  over  every  hour  we  had  spent  together. 
I  wanted  to  marry  her,  but  could  I  ?  And  here  stepped 
in  for  the  first  time  that  awful  thought,  "  Some  one  else 
has  had  her."  The  agony  that  came  to  me  as  I  realized 
plainly  what  I  was  up  against  drove  me  nearly  frantic. 
Like  all  men  I  was  selfish  in  my  desires  as  to  what 
qualities  my  wife  should  possess.  For  the  time  being 
I  considered  myself  as  having  been  as  good  as  the  aver 
age  man.  My  recent  business  success  made  me  again 
forget  the  skeleton  in  the  closet.  Something  within  me 
rebelled  against  taking  as  a  wife  a  woman  who  had 
sinned.  I  did  not  stop  to  think  that  I  had  sinned  with 
her.  I  was  yet  far  from  what  I  now  believe  even  God 
in  His  infinite  goodness  would  call  a  man  and  He  is 
more  charitable  than  any  of  us  ever  can  be. 

Two  days  after  Thanksgiving  I  received  this  letter 
and  I  noted  the  poor  writing  and  the  misspelled  words 
which  she  had  corrected,  in  a  way  that  brings  a  flush  of 
shame  to  my  cheeks  now: 

Dear  Bobbie:  —  I  certainly  have  been  lonesome  to- 

353 


354  O  N  E     M  A  N 

day  and  will  be  until  you  get  back.  I  really  did  not 
know  it  would  affect  me  this  way.  I  hope  it  affected 
you  the  same  way  but  probably  it  has  not.  It's  all 
right  anyway,  Bobbie. 

Probably  you  will  see  that  party  again  when  you 
come  back  and  listen  to  some  more  of  his  smooth  talk. 
I  will  surely  be  glad  when  I  know  you  have  given  him 
up  entirely  and  I  wish  I  could  never  see  him  again. 
No  doubt,  we  should  forgive  and  forget  such  things, 
but  I  can't  yet. 

I  am  sorry  there  is  no  cat  to  look  at  me,  as  you 
said  the  cat  was  looking  at  you  when  you  wrote  your 
letter. 

Bobbie,  dear,  I  wish  you  would  come  back,  for  I  do 
miss  you.  Perhaps  I  shouldn't  tell  you,  but  I  do. 

Will  you  be  here  by  next  Saturday?  Write  and 
tell  me.  Your  own  true, 

DOT. 

This  was  my  first  letter  from  her  and  somehow  it 
brought  back  so  plainly  our  hours  together.  I  was 
truly  ashamed  of  my  thoughts  of  the  preceding  few 
days.  I  wrote  to  her  several  times  before  the  fifth  of 
December  but  she  was  not  very  prompt  about  her  re 
plies.  I  could  not  understand  this  at  the  time  and  had 
an  idea  that  perhaps  she  was  out  chasing  around  with 
some  one  else  during  the  evenings.  On  the  fifth  I  re 
ceived  a  wire  asking  me  to  come  to  Chicago  at  once  and 
I  left  that  night. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  355 

At  the  office  the  president  told  me  he  wanted  me  to 
go  to  New  York  on  the  following  Sunday  and  from 
there  to  Washington  and  on  to  New  Orleans  where  I 
was  to  take  the  boat  for  Port  Au  Barrios.  The  pros 
pects  of  the  trip  pleased  me  greatly  and  that  evening 
I  told  Dot  about  it  after  we  had  reached  my  room  at 
the  hotel.  She  did  not  say  much  about  it  but  I  thought 
then  she  seemed  disappointed  over  something. 

During  the  evening  she  cried  a  little  and  said  she 
didn't  want  me  to  go  away.  It  pleased  me  to  think  she 
felt  that  way  about  it. 

On  Saturday  she  came  with  me  again  to  the  hotel  and 
remained  until  the  next  afternoon.  I  can  remember  sit 
ting  there  on  the  edge  of  the  bed  that  morning  and 
looking  down  at  her  as  she  lay  there.  I  was  not  happy 
for  some  reason.  I  wanted  her  and  yet  the  thoughts 
of  Ben  and  the  other  two  made  me  feel  that  somehow 
I  could  never  marry  her.  I  would  always  be  thinking 
of  their  having  had  her.  And  would  she  remain  true 
to  me  after  her  marriage  with  me?  Was  she  nothing 
but  a  shallow-minded  girl  after  all?  What  would  my 
folks  say?  Thoughts  like  these  in  legion  passed 
through  my  mind  that  morning  as  I  sat  there.  When 
I  reached  down  and  picked  her  up  in  my  arms  to  kiss 
her,  the  kiss  hurt  me  somehow  and  for  just  an  instant 
she  turned  her  little  head  away  from  me. 

Several  times  that  morning  I  caught  her  looking  at 
me  with  a  queer,  unfathomable  gaze.  Her  eyes  did 
not  flinch;  she  seemed  to  be  trying  to  read  my  soul. 


356  O  N  E     M  A  N 

Somehow  I  could  not  meet  her  look  squarely  and  in  my 
heart  I  felt  ashamed. 

About  noon,  just  before  she  dressed,  she  put  her 
arms  around  me  and  said,  "  Bobbie,  I  guess  you've 
taught  me  to  love  you,  dear,  for  I  do."  And  in  that 
moment  my  real  love  for  her  came  forth  and  drawing 
her  close  to  me  I  said,  "  Dot,  when  I  come  back,  I'm  go 
ing  to  ask  you  to  marry  me."  Cry?  I  never  saw  a 
girl  cry  as  she  did  then.  I  did  all  I  could  to  comfort 
her,  but  she  would  not  eat  any  lunch  and  I  knew  then 
she  was  all  broken  up  over  something.  We  had  to 
hurry  to  the  station  so  that  I  could  catch  the  eighteen- 
hour  train.  At  the  station,  I  paid  the  chauffeur  for 
our  trip  down  and  also  for  taking  her  out  home.  The 
last  I  saw  of  her  was  as  the  car  swung  around,  she 
leaned  out  of  the  window,  the  tears  rolling  down  her 
cheeks,  and  threw  me  a  kiss. 

I  was  in  New  York  several  days  and  while  there  met 
Tulips'  father  on  the  street.  I  took  him  to  lunch  at 
the  hotel  and  that  afternoon  about  four,  Tulips  called 
up  and  said  she  was  coming  down  town  at  once  to 
take  dinner  with  me  and  her  husband  would  join  us 
later. 

I  met  her  at  Times  Square  and  took  her  over  to  Mur 
ray's.  We  sat  there  and  I  broke  my  promise  to  Dot 
about  drinking.  Tulips  and  I  were  feeling  rather  hi 
larious  when  her  husband  arrived.  He  was  pleasant  to 
me  and  I  could  not  help  wondering  what  he  would  say 
could  he  know  all  the  past. 

During  dinner,  Tulips  became  tearfully  drunk  and 


ONE     MAN  357 

he  called  her  down  terribly,  but  she  only  told  him  to 
"  go  to  Hell."  I  sat  there  watching  their  squabble  and 
wondering  what  there  was  in  life  for  either  of  them. 
Each  knew  positively  that  the  other  had  broken  .the 
marriage  vow,  knew  it  absolutely,  as  she  had  told  me 
that  afternoon  about  his  having  caught  her  with  an 
other  man. 

We  sat  there  at  the  table  and  after  the  third  bottle 
of  wine  had  been  opened,  he  became  somewhat  hilarious 
and  I  decided  it  was  time  for  me  to  go.  They  insisted 
on  accompanying  me  back  to  the  hotel  and  on  the  way 
over  in  the  taxi  Tulips  suggested  that  we  go  down  to 
Little  Hungary  for  the  balance  of  the  evening.  I 
did  not  want  to  go,  as  I  did  not  feel  right  somehow. 
When  we  stopped  at  the  hotel,  I  got  out  and  said  I 
would  be  back  in  a  moment,  as  I  wanted  to  see  if  there 
were  any  telegrams  for  me.  It  just  happened  that 
there  was  a  message  awaiting  me  and  as  I  came  back 
to  the  taxi,  I  heard  Tulips  and  her  husband  quarrelling. 
I  opened  the  door  and  holding  the  wire  so  that  they 
could  see  it,  told  them  I  would  have  to  pass  up  the  rest 
of  the  evening  as  I  had  received  a  wire  which  demanded 
my  immediate  attention.  They  were  both  pretty  well 
under  the  influence  of  liquor  and  after  a  little  further 
urging,  they  saw  it  was  useless  to  expect  me,  so  they  left 
me,  with  a  promise  to  call  me  up  on  the  morrow. 

That  was  the  last  I  ever  saw  of  either  of  them.  A 
few  weeks  later  they  separated  and  drifted  on  down  the 
road  that  leads  to  oblivion.  The  last  I  heard  of  Tulips 
she  had  almost  reached  the  end  of  her  journey. 


358  QNE     MAN 

After  reaching  my  room  that  evening  I  sat  down  and 
cursed  myself  for  having  broken  my  promise  to  Dot  re 
garding  the  drinking.  My  regret  was  sincere  and  even 
though  I  did  not  know  whether  I  would  ever  marry  her 
or  not,  still  I  wanted  to  keep  faith  with  her.  I  felt  as 
if  she  were  mine  and  that  she  wanted  me  to  keep  my 
promise. 

As  for  the  Beast  that  made  my  life  such  a  hell,  that 
didn't  bother  me  any  more.  That  afternoon  I  had  felt 
no  temptation  in  Tulips'  presence,  hadn't  even  thought 
of  it.  I  hadn't  been  bothered  or  troubled  by  it  since 
that  evening  with  Miss  N . 

While  in  New  York  I  received  a  letter  from  Dot. 

Dear  Bobbie: 

I  had  such  a  long,  lonesome  ride  home,  was  thinking 
of  you  all  the  way.  The  folks  had  gone  to  the  theatre 
and  I  was  so  glad,  for  my  eyes  were  all  red.  I  am 
ashamed  to  remind  you  what  from  but  I  really  could  not 
help  it,  Bobbie. 

We  have  had  such  a  lovely  time  and  I  have  been  so 
mean,  but  that  is  just  my  way.  I  hope  you  will  over 
look  it,  dear,  because  I  would  not  hurt  you  for  the 
world. 

It  will  be  so  lonesome  for  me  while  you  are  gone  and 
I  am  going  to  hurry  to  bed  every  night  and  dream 
about  you.  I  hope  you  will  be  lonesome  for  me,  too. 

When  I  think  of  the  long  journey  you  have  taken,  it 
makes  my  heart  ache,  for  when  I  think  of  it,  I  know 
you  are  everything  in  the  world  for  me.  I  live  for 


O  N  E     M  A  N  359 

you,  Bobbie,  and  you  only,  but  you  don't  think  so. 
You  will  know  some  day,  dear,  just  what  I  mean. 
Now,  dear,  be  sure  and  keep  your  promises,  because  it 
means  a  lot  to  me.  It's  getting  late  and  mother  is  go 
ing  to  the  mail  box  with  me.  I  suppose  you  are  in 
slumber  land  by  now.  I'll  certainly  dream  of  you,  Bob 
bie,  to-night. 

Your  own  true, 

DOT. 

The  next  day  I  left  for  Washington  and  found  an 
other  letter  from  Dot  awaiting  me  at  the  Raleigh. 

While  in  Washington  I  wrote  to  her  and  told  her  just 
what  day  I  was  going  to  sail  from  New  Orleans  and  . 
asked  her  to  write  care  of  the  Grunewald. 

When  I  arrived  there,  I  found  a  little  short  letter 
from  her  in  which  she  said  she  loved  me  and  did  not  want 
me  to  go  away  and  she  also  said  she  would  write  a  long 
letter  the  next  day,  so  I  could  have  it  to  read  on  the 
steamer,  but  the  letter  had  not  arrived  the  afternoon 
of  the  day  before  I  was  to  sail  so  I  wired  her  at  her  home 
asking  her  to  wire  me  word  in  care  of  the  steamship 
company  before  eleven  o'clock  the  next  morning. 

Down  at  the  docks  in  the  morning  I  waited  for  the 
message,  but  it  did  not  come.  I  went  into  the  com 
pany's  little  office  and  telephoned  to  the  telegraph  of 
fice  and  the  uptown  offices  of  the  steamship  company, 
but  there  wasn't  any  word  for  me. 

So  I  sailed  without  a  single  parting  message  from  her. 
That  afternoon  I  was  miserable.  I  thought  to  myself 


360  O  N  E     M  A  N 

that,  now  I  was  away,  she  had  probably  been  out  with 
some  other  fellow  the  night  before,  perhaps  with  Ben. 
All  kinds  of  suspicious  thoughts  poisoned  my  mind  dur 
ing  that  trip  down  the  river  to  the  Gulf.  At  last  I 
went  into  the  saloon  and  wrote  her  a  mean,  stinging  let 
ter  accusing  her  of  breaking  her  promise  to  me  and 
saying  a  great  many  unkind  things.  I  gave  the  letter 
to  the  pilot  to  take  back  and  knew  she  would  receive  it 
in  a  day  or  so. 

I  became  very  sick  when  we  crossed  the  bar  that  night 
and  for  two  days  I  did  not  come  on  deck. 

Christmas  morning  I  sent  my  folks  a  wireless  message 
wishing  them  a  Merry  Christmas,  but  I  did  not  send 
any  word  to  Dot,  nor  had  I  sent  her  any  Christmas 
present.  My  heart  was  sore.  This  trip  to  Port  Au 
Barrios  was  not  a  pleasant  one  for  me.  My  mind  was 
on  Dot  most  of  the  time  and  I  cursed  her  and  myself 
time  after  time  during  those  hours.  I  was  bitter  to 
ward  her  and  all  my  old  suspicions,  doubts  and  fears 
came  up  to  torment  me  and  finally  I  was  glad  that  I  was 
not  married  to  her. 

All  through  the  trip  across  Guatemala  and  down 
into  Costa  Rica  that  little  girl's  face  was  before  me. 
Somehow  I  could  not  forget  it.  The  many  interesting 
things  around  me  gave  me  little  pleasure.  My  business 
was  successfully  concluded  in  each  city  where  I  stopped. 

At  San  Jose  I  got  up  early  in  the  morning  and  went 
to  the  big  cathedral  and  when  I  came  out  of  that  grand 
old  place  my  heart  was  not  so  heavy. 


rONE     MAN  361 

The  night's  trip' from  Port  Limon  to  Colon  was  a 
miserable  experience  for  me.  There  was  every  reason 
in  the  world  for  me  to  be  happy,  yet  the  world  of  mean 
ness  and  selfishness  within  me  was  making  me  unhappy. 
I  could  not  sleep  that  night,  but  lay  in  a  deck  chair  up 
where  I  could  watch  the  stars. 

At  the  Tivoli  at  Ancon  I  found  a  room  reserved  for 
me  and  as  I  started  to  follow  the  boy  upstairs  the  clerk 
called  me  back  and  handed  me  a  special  delivery  letter. 
It  was  from  Dot  and  mailed  three  days  before  Christ 
mas: 

My  own  Bobbie: 

I  was  sick,  Bobbie,  too  sick  to  even  write  and  I  can 
never  tell  you  how  bad  I  felt  to  have  you  go  away  with 
out  word  from  me.  Your  telegram  did  not  come  until 
in  the  afternoon.  We  had  a  big  storm  and  everything 
was  delayed. 

Oh,  I  just  know  I'll  get  a  terrible  letter  from  you.  I 
just  feel  it  in  my  bones. 

Dear  Bobbie,  you  don't  know  how  bad  I  feel  to  have 
you  away  from  me.  I  wish  I  could  just  die  until  you 
come  back.  This  may  sound  awful  to  you,  but  it's  true. 
Bobbie,  this  is  the  first  time  I  ever  loved,  I  never  realized 
what  it  was  really  like.  You  know  that  I  love  only  you, 
if  you  don't  know  now,  you  will  some  day. 

Please  be  careful  and  take  good  care  of  yourself  be 
cause  that  is  an  awful  climate,  I  hear.  I  would  not 
want  anything  to  happen  to  you,  for  I  love  you  and  al- 


362  O  N  E     M  A  N 

ways  will.  I  have  given  you  everything,  even  my  heart. 
You  are  the  only  one.  Bobbie,  I  pray  for  you  each 
night  and  then  I  lie  awake  thinking  of  you. 

Try  to  write  every  day,  Bobbie,  and  remember  your 
promises. 

Your  own  true, 

DOT. 

I  wrote  her  a  long  letter  that  night  asking  her  for 
giveness  for  what  I  had  written  on  the  boat  and  among 
other  things  I  told  her  that  if  I  had  not  loved  her,  I 
wouldn't  have  written  that  way  to  her. 

My  work  in  Panama  kept  me  busy  for  a  week  and 
just  before  I  sailed  for  New  Orleans  I  received  a  heart 
broken  little  letter  from  Dot.  She  asked  for  forgive 
ness  for  not  having  been  able  to  write  and  her  letter 
made  me  feel  very  uncomfortable. 

All  through  that  long  trip  back  to  New  Orleans  I 
thought  over  the  situation.  What  should  I  do?  I 
wanted  to  marry  her  and  yet  I  was  afraid  to.  She 
knew  I  was  making  a  big  income.  Then  this  little  devil 
of  a  thought  crept  in,  "  Does  she  pretend  to  love  me, 
just  so  I'll  marry  her  and  give  her  a  home?"  And 
there  were  many  more  like  this  one.  They  tormented 
me  day  and  night.  I  asked  myself  again  and  again 
why  I  should  want  to  marry  her,  anyway.  That  was 
what  I  couldn't  understand.  And  a  doubt  crept  into 
my  mind  that  perhaps  after  all  the  Beast  was  not  dead 
—  maybe  it  was  only  the  flesh  that  I  loved  and  I  had 
been  fooling  myself  all  along. 


O  N  E     M  A  N  363 

I  mentally  arranged  side  by  side  the  reasons  both  for 
and  against  my  marrying  her.  I  looked  them  over  and 
over  and  analyzed  them,  looking  for  the  Beast  to  crop 
out.  Of  course,  I  loved  her  dear  little  body ;  any  sane, 
normal  man  with  good,  red  blood  in  his  veins  would  ad 
mire  her  just  for  her  splendid  health  and  physique. 
But  after  all  I  had  learned  the  one  great  lesson,  that 
love  cannot  live  on  the  flesh  alone  and  the  man  who 
marries  only  the  body  marries  disaster. 

And  then  there  came  to  me  the  memory  of  her  eyes 
and  their  unfathomable  depths.  What  thoughts  lay 
therein?  Wasn't  she,  after  all,  nothing  but  a  child? 
Supposing  she  would  marry  me?  Couldn't  I  teach  her 
some  of  life's  lessons  and  couldn't  I  make  her  love  me 
as  a  woman  should  love?  Couldn't  I  bring  out  all  that 
was  good  in  her  and  make  her  a  happy,  contented 
woman?  Not  a  mother,  no,  that  could  not  come  to  us. 

When  the  steamer  docked  at  New  Orleans  I  knew  that 
if  I  married  Dot  it  would  mean  that  I  had  found  her 
possessed  of  a  real  woman's  soul  and  mind,  but  would 
I  find  them? 


CHAPTER  L 

I  HURRIED  on  to  Chicago,  having  wired  Dot 
that  I  would  arrive  there  in  the  morning  of  the 
following  day  and  would  stop  at  the  usual  place. 

It  was  bitter  cold  when  I  got  off  the  train  and  I  hur 
ried  to  the  hotel  and  went  to  bed.  The  sudden  change 
in  climate  had  been  too  much  for  me. 

Dot  called  up  right  after  lunch  and  said  she  had  re 
mained  away  from  work,  so  as  to  be  with  me.  I  told 
her  I  was  in  bed  and  she  said  she  would  come  down  to  the 
hotel. 

When  she  came  into  the  room  an  hour  later,  she 
kneeled  down  beside  the  bed  and  put  her  arms  around 
me  and  with  mine  about  her,  we  both  cried  like  two  chil 
dren  for  a  few  moments. 

That  afternoon  and  evening  we  talked  long  and  seri 
ously  about  many  things  and  that  night  she  remained 
with  me. 

At  dinner  we  had  one  bottle  of  wine  and  when  the  last 
two  glasses  were  filled  she  sat  on  the  edge  of  the  bed 
and  handed  me  one  while  she  took  the  other.  Looking 
at  me  in  a  rather  hesitating  way  she  said,  "  Bobbie,  I 
have  never  asked  a  favor  of  you,  but  I  am  going  to  now. 
Will  you  drink  this  last  glass  of  wine  with  me  and  we 
will  make  a  silent  promise  that  neither  of  us  will  ever 

touch  a  drop  of  liquor  again." 

364 


0  N  E     M  A  N  365 

Something  in  her  eyes,  as  she  made  this  request,  went 
straight  to  my  heart  and  I  was  glad  —  so  glad,  that 
she  had  asked  me.  I  answered,  "  Yes,  Dot,"  and  we 
made  the  promise  as  we  drank  the  wine. 

During  the  evening,  she  said  she  had  some  more  news 
for  me.  It  seems  that  Ben  had  taken  some  girl  from 
the  office  out  on  a  drunk  and  they  had  been  arrested. 
This  cost  Ben  his  position  and  he  had  left  the  city,  but 
the  trouble  did  not  cease  there.  It  caused  a  general 
investigation  at  the  office,  with  the  result  that  many  of 
the  girls  had  been  discharged  and  several  had  been 
called  into  the  office  and  questioned.  When  Dot 
reached  this  point  in  her  story  she  stopped,  and  I  told 
her  to  go  on.  She  hesitated  a  moment  before  saying, 
"  I  was  called  in  also,  Bobbie."  I  can  remember  how 
she  buried  her  head  in  the  pillows  and  began  to  cry. 

It  took  me  some  time  to  get  her  quieted  down  and 
when  I  asked  her  what  she  had  said  when  they  asked 
her  if  she  had  been  out  with  any  one,  she  refused  to  an 
swer  me  for  a  long  time.  Finally  she  asked  me  to  turn 
on  the  little  night  light  beside  the  bed.  I  did  so  and  she 
made  me  lie  back  on  the  pillow  and  she  sat  up  where 
she  could  see  my  face.  I  wondered  at  her  actions,  but 
when  she  said  quietly,  "  I  told  them,  Bobbie,  that  I  had 
been  out  to  dinner  with  you,  but  that  I  had  a  right  to 
go,  as  we  were  engaged,"  I  knew  why  the  poor  child 
wanted  the  light  turned  on.  She  wanted  to  see  how  I 
would  take  it.  For  a  moment  I  was  dazed  and  then, 
underneath  all  my  other  feelings,  I  was  disappointed, 
but  I  did  not  let  her  see  it. 


366  O  N  E     M  A  N 

She  threw  herself  into  my  arms  and  cried  and  cried, 
but  I  kept  assuring  her  that  she  had  done  the  right 
thing  and  before  long  she  was  quiet.  I  did  not  think 
much  more  of  the  matter  then,  as  I  was  very  tired  and 
needed  sleep. 

Once  during  the  night  I  woke  to  find  the  night  light 
burning  and  Dot  leaning  over  me.  When  I  asked  her 
what  was  the  matter,  she  told  me  she  wanted  to  ask  me 
something.  When  I  told  her  that  I  would  tell  her  any 
thing,  she  wanted  to  know  how  many  women  I  had  been 
intimate  with.  For  a  moment  I  hesitated  about  tell 
ing  her,  then  this  thought  came  to  me :  "  Perhaps  if  I 
tell  her  a  little  about  some  of  them,  she  will  not  feel  so 
ashamed  of  her  own  past."  So  I  told  her  of  a  few  of 
them  and  I  could  see  by  her  eyes  that  I  had  hurt  her. 
I  wished  then  that  I  had  not  told  her.  She  did  not  go 
to  sleep  for  a  long  time  afterwards. 

The  next  afternoon  I  took  her  out  to  her  home.  I 
was  afraid  we  would  have  some  trouble  explaining  her 
absence  of  the  night  before,  but  at  the  last  moment  we 
patched  up  a  story  that  evidently  passed  muster. 

Her  mother  was  very  pleasant  to  me  and  I  remained 
there  for  dinner.  Her  step-father  was  a  young 
man  and  did  not  impress  me  very  favorably.  I  could 
see  in  a  glance  why  Dot  and  he  could  not  get 
along. 

After  dinner  that  evening  I  told  Dot  something  about 
my  former  marriage  and  divorce  —  just  enough  to  let 
her  know  that  I  had  not  been  to  blame.  She  took  it 
bravely  and  said  she  had  thought  that  I  must  have  had 


O  N  E     M  A  N  367 

some  trouble  during  my  life.  I  had  made  up  my  mind 
not  to  tell  her  anything  else  out  of  my  life. 

During  the  evening  as  I  was  sitting  alone  in  the  par 
lor  for  a  few  moments,  her  mother  came  in  and  sitting 

down  said,  "  Mr.  ,  I  suppose  you  are  going  to 

take  my  little  girl  away  from  me  soon.  Well,  you  can 
have  her.  I  think  you  will  be  good  to  her.  She  is  such 
a  good  girl." 

This  took  my  breath  away  and  I  could  only  stammer 
out,  "  Yes,  ma'am,"  when  Dot  came  into  the  room. 

So  she  had  told  her  mother  after  I  left  for  New  York 
that  I  had  asked  her  to  marry  me !  That  was  too  much 
for  me  and  a  little  later,  excusing  myself  as  best  I 
could  on  the  plea  of  being  tired  out,  I  went  into  the  hall 
after  my  coat.  I  kissed  Dot  good-night  rather  hur 
riedly  and  left  the  house  without  looking  back.  I 
wanted  to  get  to  my  room  as  quickly  as  possible  so  that 
I  could  think  alone  and  undisturbed. 

When  I  reached  the  room  I  threw  my  coat  and  hat 
on  the  bed  and  turning  out  the  light  I  drew  a  chair  up 
to  the  window  and  sat  there  looking  out  at  the  lights 
on  the  Avenue. 

"  Snared,"  "  fooled,"  "  roped  in,"  and  a  dozen  other 
such  expressions  flitted  through  my  mind  at  first. 
What  a  damn  fool  I  had  been  after  all.  Couldn't  I  see 
now  how  that  innocent  appearing  child  had  trapped  me? 
Did  they  think  for  a  minute  that  they  could  get  me  in 
that  way?  Well,  they  wouldn't. 

Hour  after  hour  through  that  long  night,  there  in 
that  room  where  we  had  spent  so  many  happy  hours  to- 


368  O  N  E     M  A  N 

gether,  I  fought  and  fought  against  the  love  in  my 
heart,  trying  my  best  to  put  her  out  of  my  life  entirely. 
Time  after  time  I  took  her  picture  —  the  one  I  loved 
so  much  after  all  —  the  one  showing  both  her  dimples 
—  and  looked  at  her  face,  trying  to  see  something  of 
shallowness  and  craftiness  therein.  But  somehow  I 
could  not  see  it,  try  as  I  would. 

When  the  grey  dawn  broke  out  over  the  lake,  I  was 
still  fighting,  and  completely  exhausted  I  threw  myself 
dressed  as  I  was  upon  the  bed  and  slept  until  noon. 

That  afternoon  I  went  to  the  offices  and  turned  in  my 
report  and  business.  The  officers  were  greatly  pleased 
with  my  work  and  the  president  said  that  he  wanted 
me  to  take  dinner  with  him  that  night. 

As  I  came  out  of  his  office,  I  met  Dot  and  her  eyes 
looked  swollen,  as  if  she  had  been  crying.  She  asked 
me  if  she  could  speak  to  me,  and  I  said,  "  Certainly, 
Dot."  We  went  into  one  of  the  little  offices  and  I  shut 
the  door.  Then  she  put  her  arms  around  my  neck  and 
burst  out  crying,  saying,  "  Oh,  Bobbie,  Bobbie,  what 
will  you  think  of  me  after  what  my  mother  said  last 
night?"  Then  I  knew  that  I  had  judged  her  too 
quickly  the  night  before  and  I  told  her  to  never  mind, 
that  I  understood  it  all.  She  made  me  promise  to  come 
and  see  her  the  next  night  and  said  she  would  tell  me  the 
whole  story.  I  kissed  her  and  dried  her  tears  for  her 
before  I  let  her  go  back  to  her  work. 

That  evening  the  president  took  me  to  dinner  at  my 
hotel  and  later  in  the  evening  we  went  up  to  my  room. 
There  he  saw  a  picture  of  Dot  and  turning  to  me  he 


ONE     MAN  369 

held  out  his  hand  saying,  "  I  want  to  congratulate  you, 
Robert;  you've  got  the  sweetest  girl  in  the  offices." 
Then  he  told  me  all  about  the  trouble  over  Ben  and  said 
he  had  called  Dot  in,  so  that  he  might  protect  her  by 
warning  her  to  let  the  suspected  girls  strictly  alone. 
He  said  he  had  also  thought  that  she  might  be  tempted 
to  go  out  to  dinner  with  some  of  the  men  and  he  wanted 
to  warn  her,  as  he  thought  a  lot  of  her. 

The  next  evening,  when  I  was  seated  in  the  parlor 
with  Dot,  she  told  me  her  mother  was  anxious  that  she 
get  married  and  that  evidently  she  had  spoken  that  way 
the  evening  before  so  as  to  hurry  things  up. 

I  comforted  Dot  all  I  could,  but  she  was  all  broken  up 
and  that  evening  she  told  me  many  things  about  her 
home  life.  I  wondered  why  she  hadn't  gone  to  hell 
long  ago.  She  seemed  sorry  afterwards  that  she  had 
told  me  these  things,  for  as  I  was  putting  on  my  coat 
she  said,  "  Bobbie,  I  don't  want  you  to  pity  me.  I've 
got  along  all  right  so  far  and,  please  God,  I'll  come  out 
all  right  yet." 

I  sat  up  late  that  night  again  trying  to  decide  what 
to  do.  I  knew  that  Dot  would  marry  me,  even  though 
I  had  not  asked  her  to  as  yet.  But  there  was  that  ter 
rible  fear  in  my  heart.  Was  she  willing  to  marry  me 
only  to  have  some  one  give  her  a  home?  Would  she  be 
true  to  me  after  she  did  marry  me?  Had  she  been 
brought  up  with  any  idea  of  life's  seriousness?  Did 
she  have  any  ideals?  And  then  crept  in  a  new  question 
—  would  I  get  tired  of  her  after  I  had  married  her  ? 
What  would  she  look  like  in  ten  years?  Would  she  be 


370  ONE     MAN 


one  of  these  semi-respectable  married  women  who  run 
around  wearing  loud  clothes,  drinking  highballs  and 
trying  to  reach  into  the  pitch  pot  without  soiling  their 
dainty  hands?  It  made  me  sick,  the  whole  mess,  and 
I  decided  to  go  home  and  rest. 

The  next  day  I  obtained  permission  to  go  home  for 
a  week,  but  I  did  not  say  anything  to  Dot  about  it  at 
the  office.  Instead  I  went  back  to  the  hotel  about  four 
thirty  and  called  her  up  from  there.  I  told  her  I  was 
going  home  that  evening  for  a  few  days  and  would  write 
to  her.  She  did  not  take  the  news  very  pleasantly,  but 
I  could  not  help  it.  I  was  just  about  frantic  with  the 
worry  of  it  all. 

I  received  a  letter  from  her  a  couple  of  days  later, 
and  in  it  she  said  she  was  deeply  hurt  at  my  going  away 
as  I  did  without  saying  good-bye  and  she  closed  by  ask 
ing  what  she  had  done  to  hurt  me  and  in  a  pitiful  way 
asked  for  forgiveness. 

While  at  home  this  time,  I  told  my  folks  about  her 
and  showed  them  her  photo.  Father  looked  at  it  rather 
carefully  and  though  he  did  not  say  anything,  he  looked 
at  me  rather  queerly. 

Mother  became  greatly  excited  and  asked  me  if  I  was 
going  to  be  fool  enough  to  get  married  on  practically 
nothing. 

I  had  felt  somehow  as  if  they  wouldn't  like  it  and  I 
was  not  surprised  at  Mother's  outbreak. 

My  little  sister  was  sitting  there  at  the  table  and  tip 
toeing  around  behind  me,  she  looked  over  my  shoulder 
at  the  picture.  I  handed  it  to  her  and  calling  her  by 


ONE     MAN  371 

her  pet  name  said,  "  What  do  you  think  of  her,  Bill?  " 
She  looked  at  it  a  moment  and  then,  leaning  over,  she 
whispered  in  her  quaint  slang,  "  Go  to  it,  Bob.  She 
is  all  right.  I'll  love  her  even  if  the  rest  of  them  don't." 
That  evening  after  I  was  in  bed,  Mother  came  in 
and  kneeling  down  beside  my  bed  said,  "  Son,  if  you 
marry  that  girl,  who  is  going  to  take  care  of  us  when 
we  get  old?  "  And  so  there  came  another  question  to 
be  answered. 


CHAPTER  LI 

I  COULD  not  reach  a  decision  and  it  was  getting 
along  toward  the  middle  of  February  when  I 
went  back  to  Chicago.  Dot's  letters  had  been 
growing  more  pitiful.  Evidently  she  thought  she  had 
mortally  offended  me.  My  letters  to  her  had  been  a 
strange  mixture;  one  would  be  warm  and  full  of  love 
and  the  next  short  and  cold.  I  really  went  back  to 
Chicago  to  see  her  again,  as  I  could  have  gone  straight 
to  my  new  Western  territory  from  home.  But  I  wanted 
to  see  her.  Somehow  I  thought  the  sight  of  her  would 
help  me  decide. 

I  slipped  into  Chicago  on  Saturday  morning,  think 
ing  I  could  have  her  until  Sunday  evening. 

She  got  away  from  work  and  came  to  meet  me  at 
noon.  We  went  to  the  same  old  room  at  the  hoteh 

When  I  had  taken  off  her  wraps  and  hung  them  up, 
I  led  her  to  the  window,  where  I  could  look  deep  into 
her  eyes.  Yes,  she  had  changed.  Unconsciously  her 
letters  had  led  me  to  believe  I  would  find  her  changed. 
She  looked  a  little  older,  but  sweeter  than  ever.  I 
asked  her  if  she  loved  me  and  she  said,  "  Yes,  Bob." 
But  there  was  something  different  about  the  way  she 
said  it. 

Several  times,  during  that  afternoon  and  evening,  I 

372 


ONE     MAN  373 

caught  her  looking  at  me  with  that  disconcerting,  steady 
glance  of  hers.  It  made  me  uncomfortable  and  ashamed 
in  some  way.  She  had  changed  in  more  ways  than  one ; 
she  seemed  to  love  me  more  than  ever,  but  there  was  an 
undercurrent  of  something  like  hopelessness  about  it 
all. 

It  seemed  to  me  as  if  she  wanted  to  give  me  every 
thing,  but  that  she  did  not  expect  anything  in  return. 
Later  in  the  evening  she  changed  a  little  and  became 
more  like  her  old  self. 

When  I  asked  her,  about  eleven  o'clock,  if  she  wasn't 
going  to  remain  until  the  next  afternoon,  she  said, 
"  Bobbie,  do  you  think  I  ought  to  ?  Do  you  think  I 
am  treating  Mother  right  by  staying  away  all  night  and 
saying  nothing  about  it  ?  " 

Something  in  the  way  she  said  it  made  me  realize  she 
had  been  thinking  a  great  deal  since  I  had  last  seen 
her. 

I  acted  decently  about  her  not  staying,  and  when  I 
helped  her  out  of  the  car  at  her  door,  she  said,  "  Bobbie, 
aren't  you  glad  we  don't  have  to  lie  to  Mother  about 
being  away  over  night?  "  and  somehow  I  was  glad  and 
underneath  it  all  I  respected  my  little  girl  a  lot  more. 

Yet  when  I  rode  back  to  the  hotel  alone  that  night, 
I  was  disappointed.  I  had  lost  something,  my  com 
plete  control  over  her.  She  had  decided  that  it  was 
wrong  for  her  to  stay  away  all  night.  What  would  be 
the  next  step? 

Sunday  I  went  out  to  her  home  for  dinner  and 
remained  until  late  in  the  evening.  That  day  I 


374  O  N  E     M  A  N 

found  out  that  she  was  passionately  fond  of  good  music. 

Late  in  the  afternoon  she  took  me  up  to  her  own 
room.  It  was  a  pretty  little  place  and  neat  as  a  pin. 
On  the  walls  were  the  little  cards  and  mottoes  that  I 
had  sent  her  from  time  to  time.  A  queer  feeling  came 
over  me  even  as  I  entered  that  little  room.  It  was  hers, 
and  as  I  looked  at  the  plain  little  white  bed  I  somehow 
suddenly  wondered  how  many  hours  she  had  lain  there 
awake  thinking  of  me.  And  somehow  I  thought  less  of 
myself  as  a  man.  There  seemed  to  be  something  sort 
of  sacred  about  the  cozy  little  place. 

She  evidently  felt  something  strange,  too,  about  our 
both  being  there  and  when  I  put  my  arms  around  her 
and  kissed  her,  two  big  tears  rolled  down  her  cheeks. 
But  she  dabbed  at  them  with  her  little  handkerchief  and 
asked  me  in  a  very  faint  voice  how  I  liked  her  room. 
When  I  had  finished  telling  her,  she  was  smiling  again. 

I  have  never  forgotten  this  incident  and  I  think  her 
taking  me  up  there  that  day  was  a  blessed  thing  for 
both  of  us.  Two  days  later,  after  a  tearful  good-bye 
from  Dot  at  the  station,  I  went  West  on  a  long  trip. 

Here  I  began  sounding  the  depths  of  her  soul.  I 
wrote  her  long  letters  and  in  them  I  tried  to  bring  up 
questions  which  she  would  ask  herself  as  she  read  the  let 
ters.  I  planned  my  letters  so  as  to  gradually  get  her  to 
questioning  herself  as  to  her  ideals.  I  tried  to  indi 
rectly  teach  her  some  of  the  lessons  my  bitter  experience 
had  taught  me. 

Her  answers  were  pitiful  at  times.  She  did  not  un 
derstand  many  of  the  things  I  said.  She  would  think 


0  N  E     M  A  N  375 

that  I  had  intended  to  hurt  her  when  I  was  only  trying 
to  help  her  to  know  herself. 

For  several  weeks  I  worked  hard  and  made  money 
hand  over  fist.  Dot  was  writing  to  me  right  along  and 
I  could  see  the  gradual  change  for  the  better  in  her  let 
ters.  It  was  taking  all  my  strength  to  keep  up  with 
my  work  and  at  the  same  time  try  to  decide  what  to  do. 

Along  toward  the  latter  part  of  my  trip  Dot's  letters 
became  more  pitiful  again  and  she  said  she  needed  me. 
And  then  one  morning  came  a  letter  which  contained  a 
little  lock  of  her  hair  tied  with  a  tiny  pink  ribbon.  In 
the  letter  she  asked  me  to  please  come  to  her. 

That  night  I  took  the  train  for  Chicago  and  the  next 
morning  she  was  with  me  in  the  old  room  at  the  hotel. 
Again  she  had  changed  a  great  deal. 

She  had  grown  more  womanly  and  I  missed  some  of 
the  girlish  signs  that  I  had  learned  to  love.  Her  eyes 
were  even  more  beautiful  than  ever. 

That  was  an  evening  which  will  never  be  forgotten. 
She  was  sweeter  and  more  dear  to  me  than  ever  before. 
I  can  remember  her  sitting  up  in  bed  while  I  was  writing 
a  letter  home  telling  the  folks  I  was  in  Chicago. 

I  turned  around  to  her  and  said,  "  I  wish,  Dot,  you 
didn't  have  to  go  home  to-night,"  and  she  replied 
quickly,  "  So  do  I,  Bobbie."  I  came  so  near  saying, 
"  Stay  here,  Dot,  and  we  will  go  and  get  married  in  the 
morning."  But  something  held  me  back.  Sitting  there 
in  the  bed  she  seemed  just  as  if  she  ought  to  be  my  wife, 
she  seemed  to  be  a  part  of  me.  Her  hair  was  in  one  long 
braid  over  her  shoulder  and  she  had  on  one  of  my  night 


376  0  N  E     M  A  N 

shirts  which  was  so  much  too  big  for  her  that  the  mono 
gram  on  the  pocket  came  clear  over  on  the  right  side. 
Her  cheeks  were  flushed  and  she  looked  so  tired  and 
sleepy,  yet  happy. 

But  I  took  her  home  at  midnight  and  her  mother  un 
locked  the  door  for  us. 

For  two  days  I  remained  in  Chicago,  going  out  to 
Dot's  home  in  the  evenings  and  remaining  at  the  office 
during  the  working  hours  of  the  day.  Then  I  left  again 
for  the  West,  after  telling  Dot  that  I  thought  it  would 
be  my  last  trip. 

On  my  way  out  to  my  territory,  I  stopped  at  home 
for  a  few  days.  The  second  afternoon  I  was  there,  I 
met  an  old  friend  on  the  street  —  a  man  many  years 
my  senior.  Years  ago  he  had  been  a  good  friend  and 
I  had  always  admired  him  for  his  wonderful  knowledge 
of  life  and  its  problems.  He  invited  me  to  come  up  to 
his  office  for  a  chat  and  I  gladly  accepted  the  invitation. 
Taking  me  into  his  private  office,  he  gave  me  a  good  ci 
gar  and  we  sat  down. 

He  had  greatly  increased  his  wonderful  store  of  wis 
dom  in  the  years  I  had  been  out  of  touch  with  him  and  I 
gradually  led  him  around  to  the  question  that  was 
troubling  me.  "  Judge,"  I  said,  "  tell  me  something, 
why  is  it  that  a  man  who  loves  a  woman  hesitates  over 
marrying  her,  if  he  knows  she  has  sinned  with  some 
other  man?  "  Back  came  his  answer  without  the  least 
hesitation.  "  Bob,  the  man  loves  himself  more  than  he 
loves  the  woman.  The  average  man  of  to-day  is  the 
most  selfish  thing  that  walks  God's  green  earth." 


ONE    MAN  377 

His  answer  took  me  by  surprise  and  I  could  not  see 
where  he  was  right.  Take  my  own  self  for  instance, 
was  I  selfish?  No,  I  couldn't  see  that  I  was.  I  had 
always  prided  myself  over  being  generous.  The  old 
Judge  went  on  to  quote  several  cases  that  had  come 
to  .his  attention  and  when  I  left  him  that  afternoon,  I 
had  food  for  reflection. 

A  few  days  later  I  left  for  my  territory  and  remained 
there  just  four  weeks.  Something  was  wrong  with  me 
during  all  this  time.  Continually  I  caught  myself  think 
ing  about  myself.  The  words  of  the  old  Judge  rankled 
in  my  mind.  Could  it  be  that  I  had  been  selfish  all  my 
life?  Could  it  be  that  I  had  thought  only  of  self  when 
it  came  down  to  actual  spending  of  money,  giving  of 
time  and  effort,  and  in  my  loving?  Somehow  as  these 
four  weeks  passed  I  began  to  think  less  of  myself.  When 
I  looked  real  deep  for  faults  within  me,  I  was  ap 
palled  at  what  I  found.  The  Beast  within  me  was  dead, 
without  doubt,  but  weren't  there  other  things  almost 
as  bad?  And  the  more  I  thought,  the  more  I  wanted 
to  see  Dot  again.  I  had  quit  questioning  her  love.  I 
did  not  think  about  that.  I  was  busy  questioning 
self. 

During  these  four  weeks  her  letters  had  shown  an  im 
provement  almost  unbelievable  and  mine  to  her  had 
grown  more  serious.  In  one  of  her  letters  she  told  me 
she  had  left  the  office  and  taken  a  position  with  another 
firm  at  a  better  salary. 

I  was  rather  glad  to  hear  this,  and  I  wrote  to  her  and 
told  her  I  was  coming  in  to  see  her  the  following  week. 


378  O  N  E     M  A  N 

Her  answer  did  my  heart  good.  She  seemed  to  be  so 
glad  that  I  was  coming  back. 

When  I  reached  Chicago  I  went  again  to  the  same  ho 
tel  and  she  called  me  up  in  the  morning  asking  me  to 
come  out  to  the  house  that  evening  and  at  the  same  time 
saying  she  would  arrange  to  get  away  from  work  the 
following  day  and  spend  it  with  me. 

I  reached  the  house  before  she  did  that  evening  and  I 
was  talking  with  her  mother  when  she  came  in.  I  took 
just  one  look  at  her  and  then  gathered  her  up  into  my 
arms.  She  had  improved  wonderfully.  That  childish 
look  was  gone  and  with  it  that  little  expression  of  hope 
lessness  which  I  had  learned  to  see  in  her  eyes.  She 
looked  the  picture  of  happiness  as  she  stood  there  hold 
ing  my  two  hands. 

After  dinner  we  sat  in  the  parlor  and  talked  until  ten 
o'clock.  During  the  evening  she  told  me  that  my  let 
ters  had  helped  her  so  much  and  that  she  was  happier 
than  she  had  been  for  a  long  time. 

The  next  morning  she  came  down  town  and  we  spent 
the  day  in  my  room  at  the  hotel.  This  time  we  had  a 
different  room.  Somehow  I  did  not  want  to  take  the 
old  room  again.  Just  why  I  felt  that  way,  I  did  not 
know  then. 

She  seemed  to  love  me  more  than  ever  on  this  occa 
sion,  but  in  a  different  way  than  ever  before.  I  seemed 
to  appreciate  her  love  and  what  it  meant. 

Once  during  the  evening  I  said  that  I  wished  I  had  a 
position  in  Chicago  and  we  were  married  and  in  a  little* 
home  of  our  own.  Then  she  told  me  the  kind  of  a  lit- 


ONE     MAN  379 

tie  place  she  would  like  to  have.  After  describing  it 
down  to  the  minutest  little  detail  she  colored  up  and 
added  shyly,  "  And  Bobbie,  a  baby."  She  loved  chil 
dren  and  flowers.  Her  description  pleased  me  im 
mensely,  for  it  showed  she  had  at  least  been  thinking 
about  it. 

When  I  told  her  that  I  liked  to  hear  her  talk  that  way, 
she  said  that  was  the  first  time  I  had  ever  seemed  to 
care  what  she  thought  of  such  things.  She  also  said 
she  would  rather  have  me  with  her  all  the  time  if  I  was 
only  earning  a  hundred  dollars  a  month  than  to  have 
me  away  from  her  most  of  the  time  even  if  I  was  earning 
two  hundred  a  week.  Then  she  scolded  me  for  paying 
six  dollars  for  a  taxi  to  take  her  home  on  each  of  the 
many  different  occasions  in  the  past  and  said  that  here 
after  we  would  take  the  Elevated.  It  had  been  her  fault, 
she  said,  as  much  as  mine  after  all,  for  she  should  not 
have  allowed  me  to  do  it. 

A  little  later  she  put  her  arms  around  my  neck  and 
asked  forgiveness  for  talking  to  me  so. 

All  during  the  evening  something  had  been  bothering 
me  and  puzzling  me.  The  feeling  that  I  had  not  treated 
Dot  right  in  some  way  kept  growing  upon  me.  I  tried 
to  figure  out  what  it  was  that  I  had  failed  to  do,  but  I 
could  not.  At  last  I  said  to  her,  "  Dot,  I  want  to  'ask 
you  something."  The  little  night  light  was  the  only 
one  burning  and  I  put  my  arm  around  her  shoulder  and 
raised  her  up  so  I  could  see  her  eyes.  "  Have  I  always 
treated  you  right,  Dot,  or  have  I  been  selfish  in  my  ac 
tions?  "  I  asked.  Her  face  paled  for  just  a  moment 


380  O  N  E     M  A  N 

and  her  eyes  closed,  but  when  she  opened  them  again  she 
seemed  to  look  me  through  and  through  as  if  to  discover 
what  had  come  over  me.  "  Bobbie,  you  have  always 
been  good  to  me  and  I  know  you  love  me,"  was  her  an 
swer. 

Oh,  but  I  knew  then,  I  knew  it  even  when  I  had  asked 
the  question,  and  God,  how  ashamed  I  was  in  that  mo 
ment,  how  small  and  insignificant  I  seemed. 

Then  she  asked  me  to  turn  the  light  out  and  when  I 
had  done  so,  she  took  both  my  hands  in  hers  and  said 
very  slowly,  "  Bobbie,  I  want  to  tell  you  something  you 
never  knew;  until  you  took  me  I  never  wanted  to  do 
wrong.  You  have  taught  me  to  love  you  and  to  want 
only  you  and  I'd  give  my  life  to  you  to-night,  I  love  you 
so."  Putting  her  arms  around  me,  she  drew  me  close 
to  her  and  at  last  I  knew  she  loved  me. 

I  was  ashamed  to  receive  her  caresses  in  that  last  half 
hour,  for  I  was  just  beginning  to  see  what  a  selfish,  un 
clean  mind  had  been  mine. 

On  the  way  home  with  her  on  the  Elevated  I  made  up 
my  mind  to  do  a  strange  thing.  I  decided  to  go  away 
somewhere  and  purge  my  mind  of  its  uncleanliness  and 
so  I  told  her  at  the  door  that  night  that  I  was  going 
away  on  the  morrow  to  be  gone  a  week  or  ten  days  and 
that  I  would  come  back  to  her  at  the  end  of  that  time. 
She  looked  surprised,  but  I  asked  her  not  to  question 
me,  as  it  was  for  our  good  that  I  was  going.  I  asked 
her  not  to  write  to  me  and  told  her  I  would  explain  all 
when  I  came  back. 

Something  in  my  manner  of  telling  her  seemed  to  sat- 


O  N  E     M  A  N  381 

isfy  her  that  it  was  best  for  her  to  let  me  go  unques 
tioned  and  as  I  kissed  her  good-bye,  I  said,  "  Dot,  dear, 
to-day  was  our  last  day  of  its  kind  for  us."  She  looked 
up  into  my  eyes  and  I  think  she  understood. 

Early  the  next  morning  I  took  a  train  for  home  and 
the  next  day,  after  a  little  inquiry,  I  found  the  place  I 
sought.  That  night  I  left  home  and  came  up  here  into 
the  pines  to  build  my  new  creed  of  life. 


CHAPTER  LII 

IT  was  the  twilight  hour  when  I  arrived  here  at  the 
little  log  cabin  among  the  pines.  Not  a  ripple 
marred  the  still  surface  of  the  lake,  which 
stretched  away  from  the  very  door.  The  smoke  from 
my  little  chimney  curled  lazily  upward  among  the  big 
trees  and  as  I  stood  there  and  watched  the  light  slowly 
fading  away  out  across  the  lake,  I  took  off  my  hat  and 
silently  thanked  God  that  I  had  come.  Surely  I  would 
find  here  that  which  I  sought. 

After  supper  I  took  a  rocker  out  on  to  the  little 
screened-in  porch  and  there  in  the  stillness  of  the  night 
I  began  the  fight. 

In  the  beginning,  I  went  back  to  the  first  things  I 
could  remember  in  my  childhood  and  then  I  followed 
again  and  slowly  the  crooked  road  of  my  life  up  to  the 
present  hour. 

Why  had  I  done  this  or  that?  Why  had  I  craved 
this  or  that?  What  had  I  striven  for  all  these  years 
and  after  all  what  had  I  gained?  And  from  the  whis 
pering  pines  above  me  seemed  to  come  the  answer, 
"  Nothing." 

It  seemed  that  night  that  my  mind  stood  before  me 
as  a  dwelling  house  and  as  I  walked  through  the  dim 

halls  and  peered  into  the  quiet  rooms,  what  I  found  was 

382 


O  N  E     M  A  N  383 

not  good  to  know.  And  scrawled  as  if  by  an  unseen 
hand  in  the  dust  of  the  halls  and  those  silent  rooms  of 
my  unkempt  house  was  one  word,  "  Self." 

Oh,  the  things  that  I  found  in  that  place  during  the 
quiet  hours  of  the  night,  the  things  I  had  never  known 
were  mine !  And  as  the  first  light  of  the  coming  dawn 
stole  out  of  the  East,  with  it  came  back  to  me  again  the 
memory  of  that  old,  old  promise  of  His,  "  Seek  and  ye 
shall  find." 

I  have  tried  to  forget  the  struggle  of  those  next  few 
days  and  nights.  The  shame  of  finding  out  that  I  had 
grown  into  such  a  man  was  almost  more  than  I  could 
bear. 

Fight,  ah,  God,  yes,  but  I  had  to  fight.  I  began  at 
the  beginning  and  came  first  to  a  realization  of  what  I 
had  done,  then  there  came  the  realization  of  what  I 
should  have  done  and  after  that  came  the  question, 
"  Could  I  be  the  man  God  had  wanted  me  to  be,  and 
then  would  I  be  that  man?  "  Yes,  that  was  it,  could  I 
and  would  I  be  that  man  ? 

The  second  night  was  the  most  terrible  of  all,  for  ia 
those  hours  I  had  to  make  up  my  mind  that  I  would  at 
least  try.  I  knew  it  would  be  a  hard  fight,  but  after 
hours  of  pacing  the  floor  and  then  hours  on  my  knees 
beside  that  rough  little  bunk,  I  looked  up  to  see  the 
dawn  —  such  a  glorious  dawn  —  stealing  in  through  my 
little  east  window  and  I  knew  then  that  I  would  try. 

It  was  hard,  and  I  liken  it  again  to  the  rehabilitating 
of  a  dwelling,  for  it  was  the  dwelling  place  of  my  soul. 

It  seemed  as  if  I  took  each  room  by  itself  and  from 


384*  O  N  E     M  A  N 

it  I  had  to  take  the  accumulation  of  years  of  wrong 
thinking.  Envy,  Hate,  Ignorance,  Suspicion,  Distrust, 
Greed,  Hopelessness  and  many  others  I  found,  each  in 
their  own  room  and  Selfishness  in  all  of  them.  Hidden 
away  in  one  room  I  found  a  Dead  Child  and  in  another 
a  Suit  of  Prison  Clothes  and  in  yet  another  a  Faithless 
Wife.  And  it  seemed  sometimes  as  I  passed  through 
the  hall  I  would  see  again  in  a  room  that  I  had  already 
cleaned  and  swept,  some  of  the  things  that  I  had  taken 
out.  It  was  as  if  somebody  had  put  them  back  again 
and  I  would  have  to  carry  them  out  —  some  of  them  — 
again  and  again. 

In  some  of  the  rooms,  I  found  lessons  learned  long 
ago  and  put  away  forgotten.  I  ptolished  them  up  and 
put  them  back,  each  in  its  own  place. 

So  I  fought  self  and  fought  for  and  against  self  and 
her,  my  little  girl  at  the  same  time,  and  for  our  future 
life. 

What  of  the  men  who  had  possessed  her?  Yes,  but 
what  might  have  been  her  thoughts  as  she  lay  at  night 
in  that  little  white  bed  up  in  her  room  and  remembered 
the  women  who  had  possessed  me?  Had  she  not  suf 
fered,  perhaps  even  more  than  I  was  capable  of  suffer 
ing?  What  of  the  promise  I  had  not  kept?  What  of 
the  days  when  I  had  come  back  to  her  again  and  again 
and  taken  her  in  my  arms  without  even  asking  her  to 
marry  me?  Yet  again  and  again  she  had  risked  every 
thing  to  give  me  her  love. 

What  were  her  sins  as  compared  with  mine?  They 
were  as  nothing.  Who  was  I,  that  I  should  judge  this 


O  N  E     M  A  N  385 

girl,  who  after  all  was  only  a  child  in  so  many  things? 

That  night  when  I  had  first  taken  her  in  my  arms, 
what  had  been  my  reason  —  had  I  led  her  up  or  had  I 
dragged  her  down?  Had  I  kept  my  promise  to  my 
self? 

Would  she  be  faithful?  Ah,  that  was  hard  at  first. 
Yet,  if  I  always  did  my  duty  by  her,  if  I  was  always 
patient  and  kind,  if  I  always  gave  to  her  all  that  should 
be  hers,  wouldn't  she  give  me  that  faith  —  a  woman's 
faith,  which,  honored  by  a  man,  is  almost  imperishable. 
If  she  could  love  me  as  a  selfish  brute,  would  she  love  me 
as  a  man? 

High  above  all  was  this  —  had  I  not  put  hope  into 
her  life?  Having  led  her  up  out  of  the  depths  of  her 
hopelessness  to  view  a  new  life,  to  give  her  hope  of  that 
existence  which  every  woman  craves,  was  I  now  to  de 
stroy  that  faith  and  hope  —  to  plunge  her  into  the 
depths  far  lower  than  from  whence  I  had  taken  her? 
If  I  did  she  would  never  again  have  faith  in  any  man. 

Before  my  coming,  her  sin  was  prompted  by  hopeless 
ness,  but  after  I  came  into  her  life  it  was  nourished  by 
hope  and  love.  If  I  gave  her  my  love  and  my  name, 
wasn't  she  giving  me  as  much,  and,  yes  —  far  more  in 
return  ?  Why  did  I  want  her,  anyway  —  was  it  because 
I  wanted  a  woman,  a  companion,  a  servant,  a  possession 
that  I  could  play  with,  could  exhibit  to  the  world  with 
pride,  some  one  who  would  amuse  me?  Or  did  I  want 
some  one  to  whom  I  could  give  a  pure,  unselfish  love, 
some  one  who  would  be  happy  with  me,  some  one  to 
whom  I  could  give  a  new  life,  new  faith,  new  hope  and  a 


386  O  N  E     M  A  N 

blessed  existence?  Ah,  was  that  it  after  all,  did  I  want 
to  give  her  that  new  life,  the  real  life,  that  something 
which  she  had  not  expected  to  ever  have?  Wouldn't  it 
be  wonderful,  after  all,  to  see  her  grow  in  wisdom, 
strength,  faith  and  hope,  to  see  her  develop  into  that 
wonderful  woman  God  had  intended  her  to  be? 

What  if  she  did  grow  old,  wouldn't  I  also?  And  in 
those  last  days  of  life  wouldn't  she  need  some  one  to 
protect  and  care  for  her?  And  long  before  then 
wouldn't  she  have  realized  where  the  old  life  would  have 
led  her,  down  into  those  terrible  depths,  and  wouldn't 
she  thank  God,  not  me,  that  I  had  come  into  her  life? 
When  that  realization  came  to  her,  wouldn't  she  do  all 
she  could  to  help  others?  She  had  given  me  of  the  best 
of  her  youth  and  was  willing  and  anxious  to  give  me 
more  and  in  her  giving  didn't  she  show  her  deep  love  for 
me?  Didn't  I  owe  her  something  and  after  all,  wouldn't 
I  be  glad  to  pay?  Could  it  be  called  payment? 

Suppose  we  did  marry,  how  would  we  start  life  —  as 
two  unforgiven  sinners  who  had  taken  licensed  refuge  in 
each  other's  arms,  or  as  God's  children  with  a  joy  in 
living  the  clean  life? 

What  was  I  born  for,  anyway?  Wasn't  it  my  heri 
tage  as  a  man  to  care  for  and  protect  some  woman 
through  life?  Wasn't  it  the  duty  of  every  man  to  leave 
the  earth  the  richer  for  his  having  been  here?  And 
children  ?  —  Oh,  but  there  was  a  way  to  do  that,  too. 
They  might  not  be  of  our  flesh  and  blood,  but  they  could 
be  ours.  Were  there  not  so  many  things  my  little  girl 
and  I  could  do? 


O  N  E     M  A  N  387 

And  as  I  swept  and  cleaned  the  rooms  and  halls  and 
washed  the  windows  of  my  house,  it  gradually  took  on 
a  different  air.  The  bright  sunshine  flooded  through 
the  windows  into  many  of  the  rooms  and  the  sight  of  it 
there  gave  me  strength  to  go  on  with  my  task.  And  as 
I  worked  I  grew  happier,  and  I  realized  at  last  that  my 
little  girl  had  a  soul  and  mind.  I  had  been  blind. 

At  last,  on  a  bright  June  morning,  I  knew  my  work 
was  done  and  through  my  house,  into  every  nook  and 
cranny,  spread  the  sunshine  of  the  New  Life.  I  knew 
then,  as  I  have  known  ever  since,  that  the  only  way  to 
always  keep  my  house  just  so  would  be  to  sweep  and 
clean  each  day. 

And  so  my  soul  moved  into  its  home. 


CHAPTER  LIII 

THAT     night     I     went    home.     When     Mother 
opened  the  door  for  me  the  next  morning,  she 
exclaimed,  "  Why,  son,  your  vacation  did  you 
a  world  of  good."     Yes,  my  vacation.     But  she  never 
knew. 

I  telegraphed  Dot  to  meet  me  at  the  depot  the  next 
morning  without  fail. 

She  was  waiting  for  me  as  the  train  pulled  in  and 
I  saw  her  anxious  little  face  in  the  crowd  long  before 
she  saw  me.  I  did  not  kiss  her,  but  took  both  the  hands 
she  held  out  to  me  and  told  her  how  glad  I  was  to  see 
her.  She  squeezed  my  hands  and  said  she  had  waited 
so  long  for  me.  She  acted  timid  and  a  little  bashful 
that  morning  and  in  her  eyes  was  a  worried  little  ex 
pression.  I  did  not  give  her  a  chance  to  ask  me  any 
questions,  but  asked  her  a  great  many  about  her  life  at 
home.  At  the  cab  stand  I  ordered  a  taxi  to  take  us 
to  the  hotel  and  after  we  were  on  our  way  she  looked 
at  me  so  strangely  that  I  said  with  a  smile,  "  Never 
mind,  dear,  that  is  the  only  place  where  we  can  talk  un 
disturbed." 

I  helped  her  out  at  the  drug  store  and  told  her  I 
would  come  back  and  get  her  in  a  few  moments.  After 
I  had  registered  and  sent  my  baggage  up  to  the  room 

388 


O  N  E     M  A  N  389 

I  went  back  after  her.  When  we  opened  the  door  of  the 
room,  she  said,  "  Oh,  Bobbie,  we've  got  the  old  room 
again,  haven't  we?  " 

After  my  breakfast,  I  ordered  a  car  and  we  rode 
through  the  parks  until  noon,  when  we  came  back  to 
the  hotel.  When  the  lunch  things  had  been  removed,  I 
locked  the  door  and  pulling  up  to  the  open  windows  the 
same  chair  we  had  occupied  on  our  first  evening  up 
there,  I  took  her  in  my  arms  and  held  her  there  for  a 
long,  long  time.  I  did  not  know  but  what  it  was  to  be 
the  last  time. 

Finally  I  told  her  that  I  had  a  great  many  things  to 
tell  her  that  afternoon  and  that  I  wanted  her  to  listen 
to  me  without  a  single  interruption  until  I  had  finished. 
Then  I  lifted  her  up  and  put  her  back  into  that  same 
chair  alone,  while  I  took  another  one  opposite  her. 

Sitting  there  wjth  her  that  afternoon,  I  began  at  the 
very  beginning  of  my  life  and  told  her  the  story  in  all 
its  miserable  details.  I  took  the  blame  upon  myself  for 
all  I  had  done  and  I  told  the  whole  truth  throughout. 
I  did  not  spare  myself  in  any  way. 

Several  times  she  started  forward  to  interrupt  and  I 
shut  her  up  harshly.  I  can  remember  how  she  shrank 
back  at  my  harsh  speech,  but  I  had  to  do  it  for  her  sake. 
Only  once  did  she  say  anything  and  that  was  when  I 
told  her  about  the  prison  sentence  and  then  I  heard  her 
say  something  about  "  Glad." 

It  was  nine  o'clock  when  I  had  finished  my  story,  end 
ing  with  the  fight  up  here  in  the  cabin.  Then  I  asked 
her  to  marry  me  the  next  day. 


390  O  N  E     M  A  N 

As  I  finished,  the  tears  were  rolling  down  her  cheeks 
and  her  little  hands  were  convulsively  twitching  the 
fringe  on  the  arms  of  the  big  easy  chair  in  which  she  sat. 
I  knew  she  was  suffering,  but  I  could  not  help  it.  It 
had  been  my  duty  to  tell  her  all. 

I  sat  still,  waiting  for  her  to  say  something,  but  hop 
ing  she  would  not  for  a  few  moments.  From  the  Ave 
nue  came  the  sound  of  the  passing  automobiles,  but  in 
the  room  the  silence  was  broken  only  by  her  choking 
sobs. 

Suddenly  she  got  up  out  of  her  chair  and  walking  to 
the  wardrobe,  she  took  out  her  coat  and  hat,  while  I  sat 
perfectly  still  in  my  chair.  After  she  had  put  them  on 
she  came  over  to  me  and  standing  there  in  front  of  me, 
she  held  out  both  her  hands.  I  stood  up  and  put  my 
hands  in  hers.  She  held  them  tightly  just  a  moment 
and  then,  releasing  them,  she  put  her  arms  around  my 
neck  and  said,  "  Bobbie,  kiss  me  just  once."  In  that 
kiss  she  seemed  to  give  me  something  such  as  I  had 
never  received  before.  The  light  in  the  room  was  very 
dim  and  I  could  not  see  into  her  eyes,  anyway  my  own 
were  blinded  with  tears. 

Holding  me  close  to  her  for  just  a  moment  she  turned 
and  walked  to  the  door.  Unlocking  and  opening  it,  she 
turned  just  for  a  moment  toward  me  and  then  without  a 
word  she  stepped  out  into  the  hall  and  closed  the  door 
softly.  I  could  hear  the  sound  of  her  footsteps  grow 
ing  fainter  and  fainter  as  she  went  down  the  hall. 


CHAPTER  LIV 

FROM  my  seat  here  by  the  window  in  the  little 
log  cabin,  I  can  follow  with  my  eyes  for  a  lit 
tle  ways,  the  road  which  winds  away  among 
the  pines. 

And  as  I  watch  some  one  comes  into  view  at  the  big 
bend  in  the  road.  She  is  not  alone,  for,  clinging  to 
each  one  of  her  hands  is  a  little  child  and  all  three  are 
laughingj  happily  over  something.  She  is  my  wife  and  I 
call  her  my  "  Dot." 

It  is  not  a  long  story  as  to  how  we  came  here. 
Strange  as  it  may  seem,  after  she  left  me  that  night 
without  a  word,  I  did  not  worry.  I  was  sure  that  she 
would  return.  Where  she  had  gone  I  did  not  know  and 
I  did  not  follow  her.  I  went  to  sleep  in  that  chair  she 
had  occupied  while  I  had  told  my  story.  I  had  done 
all  I  could. 

At  three  thirty  in  the  morning  my  'phone  rang  and 
a  voice  told  me  that  a  lady  wished  to  speak  to  me  and  a 
moment  later  Dot's  voice  came  over  the  wire,  "  Bob 
bie,  I  am  out  here  at  the  drug  store  at  the  entrance  to 
Park.  Please  come  and  get  me." 

Hastily  'phoning  for  one  of  the  big  cars  to  meet  me 
over  on  Wabash  Avenue  I  hurried  from  the  room.  An 

hour  later,  she  was  in  my  arms  in  the  car  and  I  held 

391 


392  O  N  E     M  A  N 

her  there  as  the  man  drove  the  car  slowly  through  the 
parks  until  seven  o'clock.  My  little  girl  lay  there  in 
my  arms  with  her  tear-stained  cheeks  and  little  swollen 
mouth,  showing  the  agony  she  had  suffered  in  those 
hours  as  she  had  wandered  alone  through  that  big  park, 
fighting  her  fight. 

Up  in  my  room  after  I  had  removed  her  hat  and  coat, 
I  bathed  her  face  and  hands  and  made  her  eat  a  little 
breakfast.  A  little  later,  thinking  she  had  gone  to 
sleep,  I  went  over  and  sat  down  in  the  big  chair. 

In  a  few  moments  she  came  and  kneeled  down  beside 
me  and,  taking  my  hands  in  hers,  said,  "  Bobbie,  I'll  do 
the  best  I  can." 

We  were  married  at  a  little  parsonage  out  on  the 
South  Side  that  morning,  and  that  night  I  brought  her 
straight  up  here. 

The  children?  Well,  it  took  three  months'  time  and 
a  great  deal  of  money  to  find  them  but  they  mean  so 
much  to  us  now.  We  searched  far  and  wide  for  the 
right  ones  and  finally  found  them.  At  the  Home  where 
they  were  we  had  looked  over  a  dozen  little  boys  and 
girls  before  we  decided  on  these  two.  After  that  we  had 
to  find  the  fathers  and  mothers  in  order  that  we  could 
be  sure  the  children  were  all  right.  It  took  time,  pa 
tience  and  money  but  we  have  never  regretted  it.  They 
have  been  a  blessing  to  us. 

When  it  was  about  decided  which  ones  we  were  to 
take  and  the  children  had  been  brought  to  us  in  the 
little  office  for  a  last  examination,  Dot  said,  "  Bobbie, 
let's  take  them."  The  little  girl  looked  up  at  her  and 


O  N  E     M  A  N  393 

asked,  "  To-day  ?  "  Dot  picked  the  little  one  up  and 
told  her,  "  Maybe."  Just  then  the  little  lad  spoke  up, 
"  If  you  take  her  to-day,  you  will  take  me  to-morrow, 
won't  you?  "  He  evidently  didn't  see  how  we  could 
take  two  children  in  one  day.  A  few  days  later  they 
were  ours  and  when  Dot  and  I  are  alone  we  call 
them,  "  To-day  and  To-morrow." 

Why  did  we  take  them?  There  were  many  reasons 
for  our  doing  so,  but  the  real  reason  was  that  we  wanted 
to  do  something  as  a  thank  offering  to  God  for  His 
infinite  goodness  to  us  and  for  the  wonderful  peace  and 
happiness  that  our  marriage  brought  to  each  of  us. 
We  know  of  no  happiness  in  this  world  that  equals  ours 
and  the  pleasure  we  take  in  bringing  up  these  two  little 
ones  is  not  to  be  measured.  In  one  sense  it  is  an  atone 
ment  for  our  sins  but  yet  it  is  all  pleasure  to  do  it. 

We  both  know  of  some  things  which  the  average  chil 
dren  do  not  receive  —  some  of  the  things  we  did  not 
have,  but  these  children  will  receive  them.  Please  God, 
they  won't  be  missing  in  our  home. 

There  are  no  cross  words  in  our  little  household, 
either  in  the  city  or  out  here,  no  blows,  no  ugly  looks. 
There  is  boundless  love,  faith,  hope  and  charity  for  each 
other  and  for  the  rest  of  the  world.  There  is  no  Past 
for  us,  no  Yesterdays. 

I  gave  up  the  travelling  so  that  we  could  have  a  home. 
My  income  did  not  suffer  by  the  change.  We  have  our 
little  home  in  the  city  and  in  Summer  we  come  up  here. 
Dot  wanted  to. 

These  beautiful  evenings  after  the  kiddies  are  tucked 


394  O  N  E     M  A  N 

away  snugly  in  their  little  beds,  friend  Wife  and  I  sit 
out  on  the  little  screened-in  porch  in  the  gathering  twi 
light.  As  the  light  fades  slowly  away  across  the  lake 
and  the  bird  chorus  ceases,  her  little  hand  steals  into 
mine  and  with  the  whispering  voices  of  the  pines  comes 
to  us  both  the  knowledge  that  God,  in  His  infinite 
mercy,  has  put  into  our  hearts  the  "  peace  that  passeth 
all  understanding."  We  have  found  Life. 

Just  one  thing  more.  Sunday  evening  we  had  been 
talking  about  the  future  of  the  kiddies  and  I  noticed  she 
was  rather  quiet.  In  the  night  I  was  awakened  by  the 
sudden  tightening  of  the  little  arm  around  me.  I  asked 
her  if  she  couldn't  sleep  and  she  surprised  me  by  say 
ing,  "  I  don't  want  to  sleep*  I'm  thinking."  To  my 
question  as  to  what  she  was  thinking  about  she  sat  up 
in  the  bed  and  after  a  moment  said,  "  Bobbie,  if  we 
should  have  a  little  baby  of  our  own,  could  I  name  it?  " 
When  I  told  her  she  certainly  could,  she  asked  me  if  I 
could  guess  what  she  would  call  it.  I  thought  for  a  mo 
ment  and  told  her  I  could  not  guess.  At  that,  she 
laughed  the  queerest,  broken  little  laugh  and,  thumping 
me  ecstatically  on  the  chest  with  her  little  doubled-up 
fist,  she  said,  "  Bobbie,  we'll  call  it  Forever.  Then 
we'll  have  To-day,  To-morrow  and  Forever." 


FINIS 


THIS  BOOK  IS  DUE  ON  THE  LAST  DATE 
STAMPED  BELOW 


AN  INITIAL  FINE  OF  25  CENTS 

WILL  BE  ASSESSED  FOR  FAILURE  TO  RETURN 
THIS  BOOK  ON  THE  DATE  DUE.  THE  PENALTY 
WILL  INCREASE  TO  5O  CENTS  ON  THE  FOURTH 
DAY  AND  TO  $1.OO  ON  THE  SEVENTH  DAY 
OVERDUE. 


FE8  21   1934 


4*rt- 


1935 


-t=3- 


at  IMS 


:  196? 


± 


LD 


.IAN19'65-1?M 


4Ct 


•3SN- 


131960 


T  ,r»  O  1      1  nil  „, 


ID    077U7 


856447 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


